“Most burning memories that pierce through can melt a freezing heart.”

-x-

Unfortunately, Jhing didn’t end up dead on the spot.

There was no ten wheeler truck that can save her from this situation. No que horror or even just a fade to black and fade into the scene and discover that everything was just a dream.

Seriously, what the h.e.l.l.

It"s not a dream ah.

Miko really was hard to forget. The broken pieces were still deep inside, but Jhing couldn’t feel any pain anymore. Did the feelings go numb? Not at all. The reason is just that Jhing got filled with embarra.s.sment to the brim, no s.p.a.ce for pain, especially when she got drowned by questions when she got home from emails, to texts, and even in chat on her new Facebook account.

Jhing was bombarded with intense reactions from her co-editors like, “WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT” or “YOU KNOW EACH OTHER?” some “YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TOLD HIM NOT TO SPEAK?”, “I WAS SHOCKED s.h.i.t MIKO AND YOU? IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON?” and “MELKI? YOU? HUH?”

Jhing was thankful that she was not close to some of them so they didn"t push any further. However, Miss Vams’ and Miss Stels’ stares made her nervous. Even Miss Zue and Sir Franz looked at her with questions in their eyes.

The worst part?

July’s smile when she whispered, “I knew it.”

This is what Jhing wanted to avoid the most: the people prying, asking, and telling her what to do, telling her the despicable action she had done, and telling her to get her s.h.i.t right.

“It"s nothing,” was Jhing’s reply. She couldn"t help but act defensive for the past days. Fortunately, Miko was absent after that day which lessens the embarra.s.sment.

Kind of.

It was still there, burying itself in the deepest part of her bones.

“How was that nothing?” July accused before spinning Jhing on her chair to face her. “Only an idiot would believe you ah! It"s obvious that there"s something.”

Jhing turned her chair back to face at her computer before saying “It"s nothing.”

“Nothing…. “

“None.”

“Fine!” July laughed, hands held up as if surrendering. “Fine. Good luck convincing everyone. Sooner or later, the truth will come to light."

One of the things she didn’t want to happen.

Not that there’s a truth about anything because there was none.

When Miko entered his shift a few days after, everyone already forgot about the whiteboard-permission-to-talk incident- or… maybe they just didn’t talk about it anymore.

Jhing was thankful.

But not too much because a milkshake greeted her on the table.

“Hmm,” July hummed from the side. “What flavor?”

Jhing held the cup and offered it to her. “You can have it.”

“Girl, no. He gave it to you and not me ah,” July laughingly said.

s.h.i.t.

“I don"t like milkshake.”

“Don"t waste the man’s efforts.”

Jhing shot July a look, making her co-worker know she wasn’t in the mood for this. “He doesn"t need to do these things. If you don"t want it, I"ll just throw it."

“You"re just going to throw it?” July asked with a taunting voice.

Jhing stood up, almost ready to walk when July held her arm.

“Uy! Seriously?”

“I don"t like it so who"s going to drink it? I don"t want my cubicle crawling with ants.”

Jhing wasn"t planning to be b.i.t.c.hy, but what was done was done. Did she regret it? Sure, why not? But she already said it and all she needed to do was to own it.

Fortunately, July has a bigger heart than hers. While drinking the milkshake, she shot her a question, “What"s up with you two?”

Jhing didn"t want to be rude either but she couldn"t help but ignore her and put her earphones in instead to shut the world out. She knew she needed to say sorry afterward, or she should just forget about it.

Whatever.

Jhing was doing her work in a bad mood. The new ma.n.u.script she was editing even added oil to the fire.  

Bae and I ran away from the ugly people. You know what happened next, my readers? Of course not because you"re just reading our love story that is so exciting! Well anyway, we escaped from the goons! I blushed because when I got tired of running, he held me! Bae the ice cold gangster held me like a princess! You"re jealous huh!? My love life is so sweet!

This is a story, a novel. First POV! So why the f.u.c.k are you speaking to the reader? You’re breaking the fourth wall! Stay on the story and their world. Don"t talk to me, bwisit!

And who the h.e.l.l name a gangster Bae?!

Apparently, you.

The fourth wall is the imaginary wall between the fiction and reality. Do not break it if it isn’t the story’s style. p.i.s.s OFF.

PS: I"M NOT JEALOUS OF YOU AND THAT ICE COLD GANGSTER SO STOP TALKING TO ME!

It was a good thing she stopped herself before a single click can ruin her again.

Jhing seriously needed a timeout so she went out of the office, not minding anyone who looked at her with curious eyes. She walked outside the building and went inside 711 across the road.

She almost s.p.a.ced out on staring at the published books displayed on their rack until a staff said "Excuse me," because Jhing was in the way.

For a moment, she wanted to try smoking just so she could reduce stress, according to her workmates- but she couldn"t do it. Jhing wants to be healthy and more importantly, smoking also comes with hospital bills!

In the end, Jhing ended up sitting on one of the empty chairs and frowned when she saw what was written on the table.

Smile, share a seat & meet a friend.

Well, f.u.c.k you, seat.

Jhing won’t smile instead, she actually wanted to cry. Why? She doesn"t know either! Maybe it"s because of that f.u.c.king Miko. Or those f.u.c.king ma.n.u.scripts. Jhing also deserves a "f.u.c.k you" for being a b.i.t.c.h.

What the f.u.c.k.

“Milo¹?"

Oh s.h.i.t.

It was obvious who was the owner of the voice that came from behind her. A can of milo was placed on the table before that guy sat on the empty chair beside her. Jhing almost frowned in anger while Miko innocently offered the Milo to her.

With a straight face, and eyes staring blankly at the road outside, Jhing said, “I don"t like Milo.”

“Ah, that"s good,” said Miko. Jhing thought that he"ll finally give up but- Miko offered a bottled water that he was holding in his other hand. “Water?”

Instead of pushing the guy out of her personal s.p.a.ce, she stood up. Before exiting the store, she said, “I"ll get one myself if I"m thirsty.”

Ahh, the b.i.t.c.h inside her reigned.

She didn"t give Miko"s expression a glance. The only thing Jhing remembers is the fast and loud beating of her heart when she went to their office again.

The next few days, the drinks stopped from getting their way to her table.

Finally.

Jhing’s favorite day is the last Friday of every month ever since she worked in the publishing company. After all, that particular Friday means movie marathon day. They don"t want the book team to have any mental breakdowns, okay?

But when October’s last Friday came, Jhing didn’t want to stay up too late in the office. Actually, she wanted to not go to work at all. Unfortunately, Jhing needs to go whether she liked it or not.

‘Throwback Friday’ is what Miss Zue declared to the book team. They all ended up cramped in one of the meeting rooms, munching foods, and started watching Pinoy movies from a few years ago.

One More Chance, anyone?

“Sometimes you have to break up to grow up, It takes two grown-ups to make a relationship work….."

Aah! Jhing didn’t know her wrist.w.a.tch was this interesting.

“I want to stop wondering ‘what if,’ I want to know ‘what is’.”

Oh, her watch stopped ticking. s.h.i.t. She needs to change the batteries.

“I hope it"s still me. I hope it"s only me. I hope it"ll be me who you choose once again.”

She asked her co-workers if they have any batteries for her wrist.w.a.tch….They shushed her!

“She loved me at my worst, you had me at my best… but you just threw all of it away. “

But what about her wrist.w.a.tch! She wouldn"t be able to tell the time without her wrist.w.a.tch!

“That"s what you really think? I just made a choice.”

Oh, f.u.c.k it.

“And you chose to break my heart.”

Jhing was about to stand up, she can"t handle her wrist.w.a.tch not ticking…. But at that moment, Facio said something that made her movements freeze.

“Are you crying?”

Almost all the people inside the meeting room looked in a certain direction.

From the darkness of the room, Miko’s eyes twinkled like stars.

“No bro, it"s just dust,” Miko said.

“Dust? But we—”

“Just leave me alone, dammit.”

The members who also had tears in their eyes laughed at Miko. Even he himself laughed, but Jhing didn’t even smile. She just stared at Miko, her heart drummed inside her chest like it was calling her for something.

And the freezing heart inside was hurting.

Jhing felt her skin burned when Miko looked at her.

From the darkness, she was wishing he couldn’t see the twinkling of her eyes too.

Jhing came home with a headache and ended up sick the next morning. It was a good thing because she didn"t want to attend the Halloween Party. Jhing can now use her sickness as an ‘excuse’.

WHAT? YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE, RIGHT! Was July"s text when she said she was too sick to leave her apartment. YOU"RE JUST HIDING YOURSELF FROM THE EMBARa.s.sMENT AH! Another text.

Sorry, promise, I"ll attend next party.

Tsk tsk tsk. Fine. Get well soon.

Opo.

Jhing only watched some series the whole day. When the night came, her Mom texted her: by, when r u coming home?

She replied I"m not sure yet. Did you need something, Nay?

ah nothing. just asking if my oldest daughter is ok. visit us when ur not busy and take care of urself.

Opo, Nay. I"ll come home soon. I just need more money.

ok sleep now and dont be too late and get sick

Opo. Good night.

Too late, Jhing got too sick. Her head throbbed as if it would crack while her whole body was burning like h.e.l.l. It"s hurting so bad that she couldn"t concentrate on the film anymore. In the end, Jhing ended up lying in her bed.

The whole world was f.u.c.king spinning.

She was too sick to think. Too sick to enjoy not joining the Halloween Party. Too sick to buy her medicine. And just like the other days she got too f.u.c.king sick, Jhing cried herself to sleep, wishing she was being taken care of by someone who cared.

Another day of sickness pa.s.sed, Jhing was bored in the apartment. She even cleaned every corner of her room but ended up bored to sickness until death.

All soul"s and saint’s day has pa.s.sed where Jhing"s sickness turned into a rollercoaster because she was restless in bed and kept doing anything and everything.

Even though she still has a slight fever, Jhing went back to work.

“Jhing, you’re back!”

Jhing tried to smile at July’s greeting, but she only looked like a walking corpse. She was going to reply to July when Miss Vams called her to join the meeting for the Novella project. Jhing was thankful that even though she was in the same room with Miko, he was sitting far away from her seat.

“I was hoping we can finish this project by December,” Miss Vams started. “Jhing, how"s your novella?”

Jhing wanted to walk away. “But the ending—”

“It"s fine,” Miss Stels said. “Just leave it be. You’re still the writer, after all. You"re the one who makes the final decision. But it"s almost deadline, Miko really needs to read the story so he will know what to express on the ill.u.s.trations.”

Jhing wanted to talk but she was so dizzy and felt like her head is splitting. If not the fever, it"s probably because of stress- f.u.c.k everything. She closed her eyes and start ma.s.saging her temples.

“Uh…” Miko raised his hand while Jhing stared at Miss Vams neck, not that it was interesting or something. “May I talk?”

“Yes. Go.”

“I don"t want to read it anymore,” said Miko which made Jhing glanced at the guy whose eyegla.s.ses made him look professional. “It"s a ha.s.sle to read countless of words,” he continued while laughing. “That"s why I"m an ill.u.s.trator ah. I prefer pictures.”

That ended the meeting pretty quick.

Jhing went to the washroom and contemplated whether to thank Miko or what, but the idea that he will ill.u.s.trate the novel despite not reading it sucks.

She didn’t thank him.

When she came back to her cubicle, Jhing noticed her new screensaver on her computer. The background was just simply back with a message on the center.

TYLENOL?

Jhing"s heart thumped when she saw the mug of water and the medicine on her table.

She heaved a sigh.

She decided to ignore the medicine. The end of her shift came so she turned off her computer. While doing so, Jhing almost jumped in shock when something familiar dropped on her table.

A remote-controlled helicopter.

Her eyes automatically looked at Miko’s cubicle….. He wasn"t there. Even the co-editors already went home while Miss Stels just came back from who-knows-where.

Jhing sets her eyes on the small paper strung on the helicopter’s tail.

Her heart skipped a bit when she read:

You look really sick. Drink your medicine, okay?

Get well soon.

Here, have some flowers.

✿ ✿ ✿

That"s three.

It means "I care for you."

She wanted to laugh or even smile but she couldn"t do so because Jhing also felt a knife cutting her deep inside which she tried to ignore. Medicine in her bag, she bid goodbye to the busy Miss Stels before returning the helicopter on top of the shelf.

While waiting for the elevator, Jhing heard a voice. She turned around and almost had a heart attack when she saw Miko talking to the security guard.

Good thing the elevator door opened where Jhing hurriedly entered with two other co-workers.

She felt relieved until….

A thump was heard on the floor.

It was followed by the thumping of Jhing"s heart as if it will explode. Even the two co-workers were shocked about what suddenly appeared before the elevator door closed….

A remote-controlled helicopter flew inside and dropped right in front of Jhing.

With cold and trembling hands, Jhing picked up the toy.

There was a new message strung on the helicopter which made Jhing bit her lower lip.

Oh, s.h.i.t.

That was four words!!

The message was not the only thing that made Jhing"s heart burn because on the back of the paper………. A colored origami rose greeted her.

The last flower got caught up in traffic jam…

Jhing was hurting. Laughing. Crying.

f.u.c.k. She didn’t know anymore.