CHAPTER 50

Reawakening Princeton, 199597 Princeton, 199597

Mathematics is a young man s game. Yet it is not bearable to contemplate a brief distinction and burgeoning of activity... followed by a lifetime of boredom. followed by a lifetime of boredom.

- NORBERT W WIENER

ON THE AFTERNOON of the n.o.bel announcement, after the press conference, a small champagne party was in progress in Fine Hall. Nash made a short speech. of the n.o.bel announcement, after the press conference, a small champagne party was in progress in Fine Hall. Nash made a short speech.1 He was not inclined to give speeches, he said, but he had three things to say. First, he hoped that getting the n.o.bel would improve his credit rating because he really wanted a credit card. Second, he said that one is supposed to say that one is really glad he is sharing the prize, but he wished he had won the whole thing because he really needed the money badly. Third, Nash said that he had won for game theory and that he felt that game theory was like string theory, a subject of great intrinsic intellectual interest that the world wishes to imagine can be of some utility. He said it with enough skepticism in his voice to make it funny. He was not inclined to give speeches, he said, but he had three things to say. First, he hoped that getting the n.o.bel would improve his credit rating because he really wanted a credit card. Second, he said that one is supposed to say that one is really glad he is sharing the prize, but he wished he had won the whole thing because he really needed the money badly. Third, Nash said that he had won for game theory and that he felt that game theory was like string theory, a subject of great intrinsic intellectual interest that the world wishes to imagine can be of some utility. He said it with enough skepticism in his voice to make it funny.

All the Swedes" fears - not to mention Harold Kuhn"s own private worries - about how Nash would cope with the pomp in Stockholm proved groundless. Everything went swimmingly. The receptions. The press briefings. The n.o.bel award ceremony itself. The lecture in Uppsala afterward. Indeed, in the weeks between the announcement of the prize and the ceremony, Nash did and felt things that had lain beyond his grasp for decades. When he first arrived in Stockholm, Jorgen Weibull recalled, he behaved pretty much as Weibull had remembered from Princeton a few years before: "He didn"t look you in the eye. He mumbled. Socially he was very tentative, very uncertain. But his mood went up from day to day. He got less and less unhappy."2 Harold Kuhn, who was to lead a n.o.bel seminar honoring Nash"s work, and his wife Estelle accompanied Nash and Alicia to Stockholm.3 It was exhilarating. The nicest moment of the week, so full of grand scenes and ceremonies, came when Nash had his much-dreaded private audience with the King. By tradition, the King spends It was exhilarating. The nicest moment of the week, so full of grand scenes and ceremonies, came when Nash had his much-dreaded private audience with the King. By tradition, the King spends a couple of minutes alone with each Laureate. When Nash"s turn came, he grimaced and frowned so much that Harold was afraid he might refuse to go into the King"s chambers at the last minute, but finally he followed the aide inside. a couple of minutes alone with each Laureate. When Nash"s turn came, he grimaced and frowned so much that Harold was afraid he might refuse to go into the King"s chambers at the last minute, but finally he followed the aide inside.

Five minutes pa.s.sed, then seven. Finally, after a full ten minutes, Nash emerged, looking relaxed, even amused. "What did you talk about?" everybody asked at once. Quite a bit, it turned out. In 1958, John told Harold and Estelle, he and Alicia had taken a grand tour of Europe and had driven up into the south of Sweden in their new Mercedes 180. The King had been a student in Uppsala then, addicted to fast sports cars. Around that time, the Swedes were shifting from driving on the left to driving on the right. Nash and the King had spent ten minutes chatting about the pitfalls of driving fast on the lefthand side of the road.

At dusk, Nash and Weibull were riding in a limousine through the countryside north of Stockholm. The farmhouses were lighting up one at a time, the sky was beginning to glimmer. Nash reached over to Weibull and said, "Look, Jorgen. It"s so beautiful."4 They were on their way back from Uppsala where Nash had given a talk - his first in three decades.5 Nash hadn"t been asked to give the customary hour-long n.o.bel lecture in Stockholm. The lecture at the University of Uppsala was arranged by Christer Kiselman. Nash hadn"t been asked to give the customary hour-long n.o.bel lecture in Stockholm. The lecture at the University of Uppsala was arranged by Christer Kiselman.6 Nash"s chosen topic was a problem that had interested him before his illness and that he had taken up again since his remission: developing a mathematically correct theory of a non-expanding universe that is consistent with known physical observations. The conventional view, of course, is that the universe is expanding, and attempting to overturn the consensus is exactly the kind of contrarian intellectual bet that Nash has always enjoyed. Nash"s chosen topic was a problem that had interested him before his illness and that he had taken up again since his remission: developing a mathematically correct theory of a non-expanding universe that is consistent with known physical observations. The conventional view, of course, is that the universe is expanding, and attempting to overturn the consensus is exactly the kind of contrarian intellectual bet that Nash has always enjoyed.

Nash"s talk on "the possibility that the universe isn"t expanding" began with tensor calculus and general relativity - stuff so difficult that Einstein used to say he understood it only in moments of exceptional mental clarity. Though he later confessed to nervousness, he spoke without notes, clearly and convincingly, according to Weibull, who has a doctorate in physics7 Physicists and mathematicians in the audience said afterward that Nash"s ideas were interesting, made sense, and were expressed with the appropriate degree of skepticism. Physicists and mathematicians in the audience said afterward that Nash"s ideas were interesting, made sense, and were expressed with the appropriate degree of skepticism.

It is a quiet life, despite the fairytale of Stockholm and the lofty status of Laureate. The Nashes still live in the Insulbrick house with the hydrangeas out front, next to the alley and across from the Princeton train station. There is a new boiler, a new roof, a few new items of furniture, but that"s about it. (Nash was also able to pay down his half of the mortgage.) The few friends they see regularly, among them Jim Manganaro, Felix and Eva Browder, and of course Armand and Gaby Borel, are pretty much the people they have been seeing for some years. Their daily routines have changed less than one might think, dominated as they are by the twin needs of earning a living and caring for Johnny. Alicia takes the train to Newark every day. Nash, who no longer drives, rides the "d.i.n.ky" into town, eats lunch at the Inst.i.tute, and spends the afternoons in the library or, on rare occasions, in his new office. Very often, when Johnny is not in the hospital or on the road, he takes Johnny with him. Newark every day. Nash, who no longer drives, rides the "d.i.n.ky" into town, eats lunch at the Inst.i.tute, and spends the afternoons in the library or, on rare occasions, in his new office. Very often, when Johnny is not in the hospital or on the road, he takes Johnny with him.

It is a life resumed, but time did not stand still while Nash was dreaming. Like Rip Van Winkle, Odysseus, and countless fictional s.p.a.ce travelers, he wakes to find that the world he left behind has moved on in his absence. The brilliant young men that were are retiring or dying. The children are middle-aged. The slender beauty, his wife, is now a mature woman in her sixties. And there is his own seventieth birthday fast approaching.

There are days when he feels that he has escaped the ravages of time, when he believes he can pick up where he left off, when he feels "like a person who wants to do the research he might have done in his 30s and 40s at the delayed time of his 60s and 70s!" In his n.o.bel autobiography, he writes: Statistically, it would seem improbable that any mathematician or scientist, at the age of 66, would be able through continued research efforts to add to his or her previous achievements. However, I am still making the effort, and it is conceivable that with the gap period of 25 years of partially deluded thinking providing a sort of vacation, my situation may be atypical. Thus I have hopes of being able to achieve something of value through my current studies or with any new ideas that come in the future.8

But many days he is not able to work. As Nash once told Harold Kuhn, "The Phantom was not in until very late, after 6:00 P.M P.M. because even a Phantom can have ordinary human problems and need to go to a doctor."9 And there are other days when he discovers an error in his calculations or learns that a promising idea has already been mined by someone else, or when he hears of new experimental data that seem to make certain speculations of his seem less interesting. And there are other days when he discovers an error in his calculations or learns that a promising idea has already been mined by someone else, or when he hears of new experimental data that seem to make certain speculations of his seem less interesting.

On such days, he is full of regrets. The n.o.bel cannot restore what has been lost. For Nash, the primary pleasure in life had always come from creative work rather than from emotional closeness to other people. Thus, recognition for his past achievements, while a balm, has also cast a harsh light on the vexing issue of what he is capable of doing now. As Nash put it in 1995, getting a n.o.bel after a long period of mental illness was not impressive; what would be impressive is "persons who AFTER a time of mental illness achieve a high level of mental functioning (and not just a high level of social respectability.)"10 Nash gave the starkest a.s.sessment of his own situation in front of an audience of psychiatrists to whom he had been introduced as "a symbol of hope." In answer to a question at the end of his 1996 Madrid lecture, he said, "To recover rationality after being irrational, to recover a normal life, is a great thing!" But then he paused, stepped back, and said in a far stronger, more a.s.sertive voice: "But maybe it is not such a great thing. Suppose you have an artist. He"s rational. But suppose he cannot paint. He can function normally. Is it really a cure? Is it really a salvation? ... I feel I am not a good example of a person who recovered unless I can do some good work," adding in a wistful, barely audible whisper, "although I am rather old." such a great thing. Suppose you have an artist. He"s rational. But suppose he cannot paint. He can function normally. Is it really a cure? Is it really a salvation? ... I feel I am not a good example of a person who recovered unless I can do some good work," adding in a wistful, barely audible whisper, "although I am rather old."11 These thoughts were much in Nash"s mind when he turned down an offer of thirty thousand dollars from the Princeton University Press in 1995 to publish his collected works. "Psychologically I have a problem since I have been, unfortunately, a long time without any publications," he said to Harold Kuhn. He was saying, in short, that he doesn"t want to close the door on future work by acknowledging that his lifetime oeuvre is complete.

As Nash says, "I did not want to publish a collected works simply because I wanted to think of myself as, and a.s.sume the posture of, a mathematician, still actively engaged in research and not just resting on his laurels (as they say). And of course I knew that if a collected works was not published at this time, then it could be published later when, hopefully, I would have nice new things to add to it."12 In these feelings, however, he is not so different from his brilliant contemporaries. They, too, are having to face, or have already faced, the prospect that they are likely never to match their past achievements. Some have remained more active than others. But aging is a fact of life, and an especially stringent one for a mathematician. It is, for most of them, a young man"s game. In these feelings, however, he is not so different from his brilliant contemporaries. They, too, are having to face, or have already faced, the prospect that they are likely never to match their past achievements. Some have remained more active than others. But aging is a fact of life, and an especially stringent one for a mathematician. It is, for most of them, a young man"s game.

It takes extraordinary courage to return to research after a hiatus of nearly thirty years. But this is exactly what Nash did. As he told the Madrid audience, "I am again engaged in scientific study. I am avoiding routine problems and instead I am dabbling." "

Nash had been thinking about a mathematical theory of the universe since before his meeting with Einstein. Since the lecture in Uppsala, he has suffered various setbacks. In August 1995, he said, "I got results that indicated I had made a fundamental error a long time ago and that I must reformulate ... [the] theory." Apparently "there was stuff being lost in a singular integration and when I considered distributed matter instead of a point particle, I found the lost stuff which had been erroneously ignored" - adding, with characteristic objectivity, that "this is good since I have avoided publishing a version based on errors."

He went on to describe the specific error: There was a discrepancy in the field ... which spoiled things. Recalculation revealed ... there had been errors in the calculation. Now I must finish up the calculation for a distributed ma.s.s of gravitating matter, at least to the first order level of approximation. This level itself could bring an interesting (distinctive result).13

This evaluation of the difficulties encountered in his research gives a good idea that the problems Nash is working on are ambitious, that he has lost none of his taste for making high-risk bets (whether on ideas or stocks!), and that his thinking is still sharp. And even if his chances of achieving a new breakthrough are statistically small, as he says, the pleasures of thinking about problems are once again his.

The truth, however, is that the research has not been the main thing in his present life. The important theme has been reconnecting to family, friends, and community. This has become the urgent undertaking. The old fear that he depended on others and that they depended on him has faded. The wish to reconcile, to care for those who need him, is uppermost. He and his sister Martha, estranged for nearly twenty-five years, now talk on the telephone once a week. Johnny, of course, is the main thing, the constant.

It was Nash who had told the women to call the police.14 Johnny had been living at home. He had been all right for a while, but then he began to wear a paper crown. One afternoon, he wanted some money. Because he believed he was a sovereign, he thought that he should be able to get money from Sovereign Bank. But the ATM in front of the bank would not spit out any cash. In fact, it would not return his bank card. Agitated and unhappy, Johnny called his mother, who has an account at Sovereign, and demanded she meet him at the ATM and get his card out of the machine. Alicia told John, who insisted on going with her. The couple tried, vainly, to extract Johnny"s card. They also tried, unsuccessfully, to soothe Johnny. At that point, their son became enraged, picked up a big stick, and started to poke first his mother, then his father. Some bystanders across the street stopped when they saw the young man threatening the two elderly people. Nash shouted for one of them to call the police. A squad car pulled up. The police took Johnny, whom they knew well, back to Trenton State. Johnny had been living at home. He had been all right for a while, but then he began to wear a paper crown. One afternoon, he wanted some money. Because he believed he was a sovereign, he thought that he should be able to get money from Sovereign Bank. But the ATM in front of the bank would not spit out any cash. In fact, it would not return his bank card. Agitated and unhappy, Johnny called his mother, who has an account at Sovereign, and demanded she meet him at the ATM and get his card out of the machine. Alicia told John, who insisted on going with her. The couple tried, vainly, to extract Johnny"s card. They also tried, unsuccessfully, to soothe Johnny. At that point, their son became enraged, picked up a big stick, and started to poke first his mother, then his father. Some bystanders across the street stopped when they saw the young man threatening the two elderly people. Nash shouted for one of them to call the police. A squad car pulled up. The police took Johnny, whom they knew well, back to Trenton State.

Johnny was in the hospital when his parents got the news from Stockholm informing them of Nash"s n.o.bel. Nash and Alicia called him first. He thought that they were pulling his leg, that it was a joke, and hung up on them. Later he saw his father"s face on CNN.15 The subject of Johnny"s future is extremely painful. Nash had spoken matter-offactly about it. Alicia, looking miserable, said nothing and instead sank deep into her seat and closed her eyes. She finally interjected, "He just wants to get on with his life."16 The hopeful path that Johnny seemed to be on in his early twenties had long ago petered out. Whether because of the stress of teaching, the social isolation, or because the remission had simply run its course, the year at Marshall University was a disaster. He had come home and has not worked since. "Of course I"ve been a bad example," Nash admits. because the remission had simply run its course, the year at Marshall University was a disaster. He had come home and has not worked since. "Of course I"ve been a bad example," Nash admits.17 Johnny wanted to get a job, Nash said, but he seemed to think he would be able to get one in a college mathematics department. He had been writing letters introducing himself as the son of a n.o.bel Laureate and asking for a position. Now Nash was telling the Kuhns that Johnny would not take his medicine when he was not in the hospital. Alicia adds, "He goes to the hospital, he gets better, but when he gets home he doesn"t like to take his medication." Then he would get sick again, hearing voices and having delusions. He would be hospitalized again and get better. Then it would start all over again. Watching over Johnny is now Nash"s main task in life. Except when Johnny is "on the road" wandering around the country on Greyhound buses, Nash is his caretaker. Nash takes it for granted that his son is his responsibility. As Nash said on one occasion, "My time of delusional thinking is, presumably, in the past, but my son"s time of it is right now."18 They get up in the morning together after Alicia has gone to work. They eat breakfast together. Nash takes him to the library, to the inst.i.tute, to Fine Hall. On Monday evenings they all attend family therapy together. Nash has tried to get his son interested in the computer and plays computer chess with him. He has said: "Ultimately computers could be a good sort of occupational therapy (as perhaps I was benefited in an OT [occupational therapy] fashion by [Hale] Trotter"s help in letting me get familiar with computer use.) They get up in the morning together after Alicia has gone to work. They eat breakfast together. Nash takes him to the library, to the inst.i.tute, to Fine Hall. On Monday evenings they all attend family therapy together. Nash has tried to get his son interested in the computer and plays computer chess with him. He has said: "Ultimately computers could be a good sort of occupational therapy (as perhaps I was benefited in an OT [occupational therapy] fashion by [Hale] Trotter"s help in letting me get familiar with computer use.)19 Johnny is thirty-eight years old. He is tall and handsome like his father, and he and his father share an interest in mathematics and chess. But Johnny"s illness has dragged on for more than half his life, a quarter of a century. He has been treated with the newest generation of drugs, including Clozaril, Risperadol, and, most recently, Zyprexa. These drugs, which have enabled him, for the most part, to stay out of the hospital, have not given him a life. Time hardly pa.s.ses for him. He no longer competes in chess tournaments - once his greatest joy. He no longer reads, saying that he has not been able to for a long time. He is often angry and occasionally violent.20 Life with Johnny is a tremendous strain on Nash and Alicia. Nash calls it being "perturbed," "tyrannized," and he is often preoccupied with the "drift and danger of degradation."21 It is a constant disruption even when, as is often the case, Johnny is roaming around the country on Greyhound buses. For instance, Alicia and John go to the Olive Garden to celebrate Nash"s birthday, and Johnny calls to say that he has lost his ATM card and has no money. The evening is spent wiring him funds. "We"re at our wits" end," Alicia said recently. "You work so hard ... and then he"s out of it. The n.o.bel hasn"t helped Johnny at all." It is a constant disruption even when, as is often the case, Johnny is roaming around the country on Greyhound buses. For instance, Alicia and John go to the Olive Garden to celebrate Nash"s birthday, and Johnny calls to say that he has lost his ATM card and has no money. The evening is spent wiring him funds. "We"re at our wits" end," Alicia said recently. "You work so hard ... and then he"s out of it. The n.o.bel hasn"t helped Johnny at all."22 Johnny draws Nash and Alicia together and tears them apart. There are deep conflicts. They blame each other for Johnny"s misbehavior - when he destroys things in the house, attacks them, acts inappropriately in public. Nash feels that Alicia expects him to be the bad cop, a role he"s not happy with, while she is the soft one. But they rely on each other. They agree every day on what one or the other should do. They also agree when it is time to hospitalize him. Nash is more judgmental and apt to hold Johnny responsible for his illness. He"s sometimes quite cruel, telling Harold Kuhn and others at times that people like Johnny ought to be jailed or that he has chosen to be as he is: "I don"t think of my son ... as entirely a sufferer. In part, he is simply other should do. They also agree when it is time to hospitalize him. Nash is more judgmental and apt to hold Johnny responsible for his illness. He"s sometimes quite cruel, telling Harold Kuhn and others at times that people like Johnny ought to be jailed or that he has chosen to be as he is: "I don"t think of my son ... as entirely a sufferer. In part, he is simply choosing to choosing to escape from "the world." " escape from "the world." "23 Despite such moments of insensitivity, the truth is that Nash expresses hope and pleasure when there is the prospect of a new medication, a new therapy, or when he gets an idea - like teaching Johnny how to play chess on the computer - that he thinks will help him. When his friend Avinash Dixit invites him for dinner, he immediately asks if he might bring Johnny along.24 At Dixifs, Johnny takes out a chess set, and father and son sit down to play. Nash is "less than mediocre." At one point, he says he wants to take back a bad move. Johnny lets him. Then Nash wants to take back another.

"Dad, if you keep doing that, you"ll win," says Johnny.

"But when I play against the computer, I"m allowed to take back moves," Nash says.

"But, Dad," protests Johnny, "I"m not a computer! I"m a human being!" human being!"

When it is time to go to the pharmacy for Johnny"s "meds," Nash accompanies Alicia.25 When it is time to attend an open house at the outpatient program where Johnny is sometimes enrolled, Nash is there and on time. When it is time to attend an open house at the outpatient program where Johnny is sometimes enrolled, Nash is there and on time.26 Alicia sees this and feels supported by him. She feels that she couldn"t do without him. Alicia sees this and feels supported by him. She feels that she couldn"t do without him.

Marriage is easily the most mysterious of human relationships. Attachments that seem superficial can become surprisingly deep and lasting. Such is the bond between Nash and Alicia. In retrospect, one feels that this is not an accidental pairing, that these two people needed each other. Strong-minded, pragmatic, and independent as she is, Alicia"s girlish infatuation has survived the disillusionments, hardships, and disappointments. She takes Nash clothes shopping. She frets, when he travels, that he"ll be kidnaped by terrorists or killed in a plane crash or merely worn out. When his ankle swells from a sprain, she leaves a dinner party and sits with him for four hours in the emergency room. More telling, she looks at an old photograph of him in bathing trunks at a poolside in California and says with a giggle, "Aren"t his legs beautiful?"27 He, meanwhile, sets his clock by her. Stubborn, reserved, self-centered, and jealous of his time (and money) as he is, Nash does nothing without consulting Alicia first, defers to her wishes, and tries to help her, whether it is by washing the dishes, straightening out a problem at the bank, or going with her to family therapy every Monday night. She is the one to whom he faithfully reports the day"s events, whom he ran into, what the lecture was about, what he ate for lunch. They argue about money, the housework, Johnny, social engagements, but he has committed himself to making her life easier and more joyful.

Nash is trying to be more sensitive and accommodating. He said, self-criticallv, "I know I have my social faults and I make Alicia very angry when she is saying something that I can antic.i.p.ate before she"s finished and then I start saying something as if what she"s saying is not of an importance." something that I can antic.i.p.ate before she"s finished and then I start saying something as if what she"s saying is not of an importance."28 He accepts, with some humor, that his genius does not make him the authority on all matters. When it comes to refinancing their mortgage or choosing between gas and oil heat, he complains humorously that Alicia does not take him seriously as an "economics sage ... notwithstanding the n.o.bel." He accepts, with some humor, that his genius does not make him the authority on all matters. When it comes to refinancing their mortgage or choosing between gas and oil heat, he complains humorously that Alicia does not take him seriously as an "economics sage ... notwithstanding the n.o.bel."29 He does, of course, often wound her. But he catches himself, too, and makes amends. A typical exchange: at Gaby and Armand Borel"s dinner party,30 Alicia announces to the a.s.sembled company that their son has received a tentative offer to teach mathematics at a small college in Mexico. Nash engages in an act of cruelty. "Yes," he says, "my son is in a mental hospital in Arkansas but he got a job offer!" He is laughing at the absurdity of this juxtaposition. This is too much for Alicia. "You have to be fair to Johnny," she returns. Nash says nothing. But later in the evening he goes to some lengths to make amends. He brings an offering, maps of Mexico, that he found in books on the Borels" shelves, to Alicia. He takes the opportunity - during a conversation about Andrew Wiles"s successful proof of Fermat"s Last Theorem - to point out that Johnny had done some "cla.s.sical" number theory in graduate school. Johnny had published "one correct result, one incorrect, but the correct one was a breakthrough of sorts," he tells the other guests. Alicia responds by paying attention, by taking in what he means. Alicia announces to the a.s.sembled company that their son has received a tentative offer to teach mathematics at a small college in Mexico. Nash engages in an act of cruelty. "Yes," he says, "my son is in a mental hospital in Arkansas but he got a job offer!" He is laughing at the absurdity of this juxtaposition. This is too much for Alicia. "You have to be fair to Johnny," she returns. Nash says nothing. But later in the evening he goes to some lengths to make amends. He brings an offering, maps of Mexico, that he found in books on the Borels" shelves, to Alicia. He takes the opportunity - during a conversation about Andrew Wiles"s successful proof of Fermat"s Last Theorem - to point out that Johnny had done some "cla.s.sical" number theory in graduate school. Johnny had published "one correct result, one incorrect, but the correct one was a breakthrough of sorts," he tells the other guests. Alicia responds by paying attention, by taking in what he means.

Much of the renewal of their marriage has taken place since the n.o.bel. There is now a sense of reciprocity. It is as if regaining the respect of his peers has made Nash feel that he has more to offer the people in his life, and has made those close to him, especially Alicia, feel that he has more to give. This has become self-reinforcing. At one time, before the n.o.bel, Alicia referred to Nash as her "boarder" and they lived essentially like two distantly related individuals under the same roof. Now there is even some discussion of remarrying, although in what was perhaps an a.s.sertion of Nash"s old insistence on "rationality," they gave the idea up as impractical, as so many older couples have in light of the attendant tax and Social Security penalties. However, a certificate is not of real importance. They are a real couple again.

John Stier took the first step in ending his twenty-year estrangement from his father, mailing him a copy of the June 1993 Boston Globe Boston Globe column that speculated on Nash"s chances of winning a n.o.bel. column that speculated on Nash"s chances of winning a n.o.bel.31 He sent the clipping anonymously, but Nash immediately guessed its source. He was unsure whether to interpret John Stier"s gesture as a taunt or a friendly overture. He told Harold Kuhn that something in the way the letter was addressed to him hinted at mockery. But the following February, two months after his triumph in Stockholm, Nash boarded a shuttle bound for Boston to spend a weekend getting reacquainted with his older son. He sent the clipping anonymously, but Nash immediately guessed its source. He was unsure whether to interpret John Stier"s gesture as a taunt or a friendly overture. He told Harold Kuhn that something in the way the letter was addressed to him hinted at mockery. But the following February, two months after his triumph in Stockholm, Nash boarded a shuttle bound for Boston to spend a weekend getting reacquainted with his older son.

Such an encounter, inspired by hopes of putting their sad history behind them, was bound to be bittersweet, an occasion that revived as many painful memories, disappointments, and misunderstandings as it unlocked happier feelings.32When the two men finally met face to face, John Stier was no longer the nineteen-year-old Amherst College history major Nash remembered from their last encounter, but a man of forty-four - nearly as old as Nash had been in 1972, when they had last seen each other. Physically, he resembled his father to a striking degree. The impressive stature, broad shoulders, luminous eyes, English complexion, and finely modeled nose were all Nash"s. But in his life"s choices - and in his ability to derive great satisfaction from helping others - he was his mother"s son. John Stier had stayed in Boston, remaining single and pursuing a career as a registered nurse. At the time, he was thinking of returning to graduate school to obtain an advanced degree in nursing.

In the two days they spent in each other"s company - the most time they had ever been together at one stretch - they touched on personal topics only occasionally. Indeed, they were mostly with other people; it was important for Nash to have others confirm the reconciliation. They sat looking at old photographs with Eleanor, had a meal with Arthur Mattuck, the closest friend of Nash"s "first family," and visited Marvin Minsky in his artificial intelligence laboratory at MIT. At one point, Nash telephoned Martha from John Stier"s apartment and put his son on the phone.33 When father and son did venture into personal territory, Nash was, as usual, full of the best intentions. He wished to show his son how vitally important he was to him, he wanted to share with him some of his own recent good fortune, he wanted to give him the benefit of paternal advice. He was motivated by love and by a sense of responsibility. He told John that he would divide his estate equally between him and his brother and he invited him to accompany him to a conference in Berlin. All this was to the good. But, as in so many other relationships in his life, Nash"s intentions weren"t always matched by the emotional means to carry them out satisfactorily. Even as he tried to draw his son closer, he said and did things that could only be called insensitive and alienating.34 He did not try to hide his own feelings of disappointment. He criticized his son"s appearance, calling him fat (which he is not). He criticized his son"s choice of profession, suggesting that nursing was beneath a son of his and urging him to go to medical school instead of pursuing a master"s in nursing. He hinted strongly that he hoped John would help care for his younger brother, but then angered him by saying it would do Johnny good to be around a "less intelligent older brother." He did not try to hide his own feelings of disappointment. He criticized his son"s appearance, calling him fat (which he is not). He criticized his son"s choice of profession, suggesting that nursing was beneath a son of his and urging him to go to medical school instead of pursuing a master"s in nursing. He hinted strongly that he hoped John would help care for his younger brother, but then angered him by saying it would do Johnny good to be around a "less intelligent older brother."35 Finally, he said he wanted John to change his name to Nash, a suggestion meant to be magnanimous, but which actually proved hurtful since it implied that he meant for John to renounce all that he was and had been. Eleanor, of course, felt injured. Finally, he said he wanted John to change his name to Nash, a suggestion meant to be magnanimous, but which actually proved hurtful since it implied that he meant for John to renounce all that he was and had been. Eleanor, of course, felt injured.

A few months later, Nash did take John Stier to Berlin with him. The tensions of their first reunion surfaced again."36 Nash remorselessly needled his son about trifles, making him turn out the light when he wanted to read, not letting him order dessert, telling him not to eat b.u.t.ter or bread. Yet even so, John Stier felt great pride when Nash gave his lectures. Nash remorselessly needled his son about trifles, making him turn out the light when he wanted to read, not letting him order dessert, telling him not to eat b.u.t.ter or bread. Yet even so, John Stier felt great pride when Nash gave his lectures.37 And Nash was able to write to Harold Kuhn, "Berlin was a great experience ... my son enjoyed the trip." And Nash was able to write to Harold Kuhn, "Berlin was a great experience ... my son enjoyed the trip."38

A n.o.bel award has a finality about it. Yet despite the unique honor, life continues beyond the fairytale celebration in Stockholm. More so than for other Laureates, Nash"s immediate future is uncertain. n.o.body knows whether his remission is permanent. People have relapsed after many years of being symptom-free. The present is precious.

Unlike a game of Hex, outcomes in real life aren"t predetermined by the first or even the fiftieth move. The extraordinary journey of this American genius, this man who surprises people, continues. The self-deprecating humor suggests greater self-awareness. The straight-from-the-heart talk with friends about sadness, pleasure, and attachment suggests a wider range of emotional experiences. The daily effort to give others their due, and to recognize their right to ask this of him, bespeaks a very different man from the often cold and arrogant youth. And the disjunction of thought and emotion that characterized Nash"s personality, not just when he was ill, but even before are much less evident today. In deed, if not always in word, Nash has come to a life in which thought and emotion are more closely entwined, where getting and giving are central, and relationships are more symmetrical. He may be less than he was intellectually, he may never achieve another breakthrough, but he has become a great deal more than he ever was - "a very fine person," as Alicia put it once.

As we leave him now he is perhaps just hurrying under the Eisenhart gate on his way to Fine Hall ... or sitting next to Alicia on the living-room sofa watching Dr. Who Dr. Who on the big television ... or losing a game of chess to Johnny ... or spending 105 minutes on the telephone comforting Lloyd Shapley after his wife"s death ... or giving Harold Kuhn a look like a naughty boy"s when Harold asks whether the lecture notes for Pisa are ready ... or sitting at the inst.i.tute math table with his lunch tray, nodding while Enrico Bombieri, who has just read the love letters of Carrington, bemoans the lost art of letter writing ... or, after listening to an astronomy lecture, gazing through a telescope at some distant star glimmering in the night sky... . on the big television ... or losing a game of chess to Johnny ... or spending 105 minutes on the telephone comforting Lloyd Shapley after his wife"s death ... or giving Harold Kuhn a look like a naughty boy"s when Harold asks whether the lecture notes for Pisa are ready ... or sitting at the inst.i.tute math table with his lunch tray, nodding while Enrico Bombieri, who has just read the love letters of Carrington, bemoans the lost art of letter writing ... or, after listening to an astronomy lecture, gazing through a telescope at some distant star glimmering in the night sky... .

Epilogue

THE FESTIVE SCENE at the turn-of-the-century frame house opposite the train station might have been that of a golden wedding anniversary: the handsome older couple posing for pictures with family and friends, the basket of pale yellow roses, the 1950s photo of the bride and groom on display for the occasion. at the turn-of-the-century frame house opposite the train station might have been that of a golden wedding anniversary: the handsome older couple posing for pictures with family and friends, the basket of pale yellow roses, the 1950s photo of the bride and groom on display for the occasion.

In fact, John and Alicia Nash were about to say "I do" for the second time, after a nearly forty-year gap in their marriage. For them it was yet another step - "a big step," according to John - in piecing together lives cruelly shattered by schizophrenia. "The divorce shouldn"t have happened," he told me. "We saw this as a kind of retraction of that." Alicia said simply, "We thought it would be a good idea. After all, we"ve been together most of our lives."

After Mayor Carole Carson p.r.o.nounced them man and wife, John was asked to kiss his bride again for the camera. "A second take?" he quipped. "Just like a movie."

A few moments before the ceremony Alicia"s cousin spoke to me about "the amazing metamorphosis" he had witnessed in John"s life since the n.o.bel. It"s not just the many other honors and speaking invitations from around the world that have followed, or the much wider audience that now appreciates the full range of exciting intellectual contributions made during his brief but brilliant career, or even the glamour of having his remarkable story told by Hollywood.

At seventy-three, John looks and sounds wonderfully well. He feels increasingly certain that he won"t suffer a relapse. "It"s like a continous process rather than just waking up from a dream," he told a New York Times New York Times reporter recently. "When I dream ... it sometimes happens that I go back to the system of delusions that"s typical of how I was... and then I wake and then I"m rational again." Growing self-confidence may be one reason that he is less embarra.s.sed by talking about his past, and now speaks to groups that see his experience as "something that helps to reduce the stigma against people with mental illness." reporter recently. "When I dream ... it sometimes happens that I go back to the system of delusions that"s typical of how I was... and then I wake and then I"m rational again." Growing self-confidence may be one reason that he is less embarra.s.sed by talking about his past, and now speaks to groups that see his experience as "something that helps to reduce the stigma against people with mental illness."

For the first time since resigning from MIT in 1959, he now enjoys a modic.u.m of personal security for himself and his family. Little things that the rest of us take for granted - having a driver"s license again, or getting a credit card - mean a lot. "I feel I can go into a coffee place and spend a few dollars," Nash told me last year when I was working on a story about how economics Laureates spend their prize checks. "Lots of other academics do that," he said. "If I was really poor, I couldn"t do that. I was like that."

Once threatened by homelessness, John values his home and personal belongings as few of us can. Back at the house after the ceremony, he was looking at a 1950 Parker Brothers version of Hex, the game he"d invented as a Princeton graduate student. He once owned a copy, he said. "I lost so many of my possessions due to my mental illness."

He has been able to return to mathematics. "I am working," he told the Times Times reporter. He no longer dreams of picking up where he left off, but is glad to be able to do serious work and make a contribution. John is once more a fixture at the math table at the Inst.i.tute for Advanced Study and at tea in the Fine Hall common room. He now has a grant from the National Science Foundation. The other day he gave a seminar at the Inst.i.tute about his new research on the theory of bargaining. "It actually wouldn"t have been possible in those earlier days because I"m using computational facilities that didn"t exist in the "50s and "60s," he said. "I"m ready to do a publication now." reporter. He no longer dreams of picking up where he left off, but is glad to be able to do serious work and make a contribution. John is once more a fixture at the math table at the Inst.i.tute for Advanced Study and at tea in the Fine Hall common room. He now has a grant from the National Science Foundation. The other day he gave a seminar at the Inst.i.tute about his new research on the theory of bargaining. "It actually wouldn"t have been possible in those earlier days because I"m using computational facilities that didn"t exist in the "50s and "60s," he said. "I"m ready to do a publication now."

Even more important, his remission and the n.o.bel have enabled him to renew broken ties. He has reconnected with old acquaintances from Bluefield, Carnegie, Princeton, and MIT. After today"s ceremony, he gossiped happily with a mathematician and an engineer he first met in his twenties. He and Alicia were going to spend their second honeymoon among friends in Switzerland, where John will be giving a talk at a memorial celebration for Jurgen Moser, who died last year.

John has been able to share his good fortune with those closest to him. He"s been in touch with John David, the older son who was once lost to him. He spends much of his time with his younger son, John Charles. On his wedding day, he proudly described a mathematical result that Johnny has lately been trying to publish. He and his sister, Martha, still talk on the phone every week. And, as today"s scene suggests, he has come to acknowledge Alicia"s central role in his life.

As for his biographer, John"s att.i.tude has changed dramatically. While this book was being written, he said to a New York Times New York Times reporter, "I adopted a position of Swiss neutrality." Since its publication, however, "A lot of my friends, family, and relations persuaded me it was a good thing." Besides, there is so much in the book that he had forgotten or never even knew. At this point in life, he made it clear, retrieving some of the past has been something of a solace. reporter, "I adopted a position of Swiss neutrality." Since its publication, however, "A lot of my friends, family, and relations persuaded me it was a good thing." Besides, there is so much in the book that he had forgotten or never even knew. At this point in life, he made it clear, retrieving some of the past has been something of a solace.

When John met Russell Crowe, who plays him in the movie inspired by his life, he told me that his first words to the Australian actor were, "You"re going to have to go through all these transformations!" Even in the three years since the publication of this book, the transformations in Nash"s life have been as remarkable as any that will be portrayed on screen.

Princeton Junction, New Jersey, June 1, 2001

Notes

Prologue

1. George W. Mackey, professor of mathematics, Harvard University, interview, Cambridge, Ma.s.s., 12.14.95.

2. See, for example, David Halberstam, The Fifties The Fifties (New York: Favycett Columbine, 1993). (New York: Favycett Columbine, 1993).

3. Mikhail Gromov, professor of mathematics, Inst.i.tut des Hautes-Etudes, Bures-sur-Yvette, France, and Courant Inst.i.tute, interview, 12.16.97. The claim that Nash ranks among the greatest mathematicians of the postwar era is based on judgment of fellow mathematicians. The topologist John Milnor expressed a nearly universal opinion among mathematicians when he wrote: "To some, the brief paper, written at age 21, for which he has won a n.o.bel prize in economics, may seem like the least of his achievements." In "A Celebration of John F. Nash, Jr.," a special volume, Duke Mathematical Journal, Duke Mathematical Journal, vol. 81, no. 1 (Durham, N.C.: Duke University Press, 1995), the game theorist Harold W. Kuhn calls Nash "one of the most original mathematical minds of this century." vol. 81, no. 1 (Durham, N.C.: Duke University Press, 1995), the game theorist Harold W. Kuhn calls Nash "one of the most original mathematical minds of this century."

4. Paul R. Halmos, "The Legend of John von Neumann," American Mathematical Monthly, American Mathematical Monthly, vol. 80 (1973), pp. 38294. vol. 80 (1973), pp. 38294.

5. Donald J. Newman, professor of mathematics, Temple University, interview, Philadelphia, 3.2.96.

6. Harold W. Kuhn, professor of mathematics, Princeton University, interview, 7.26.95.

7. John Forbes Nash, Jr., remarks at the American Economics a.s.sociation n.o.bel luncheon, San Francisco, 1.5.96; plenary lecture, World Congress of Psychiatry, Madrid, 8.26.96.

8. John Nash, "Parallel Control," RAND Memorandum no. 1361, 8.7.54; plenary lecture, Madrid, 8.26.96, op. cit.

9. Interviews with Newman, 3.2.96; Eleanor Stier, 3.13.96.

10. John Nash, plenary lecture, Madrid, 8.26.96, op. cit.

11. Jurgen Moser, professor of mathematics, ETH, Zurich, interview, New York City, 3.21.96.

12. Interviews with Paul Zweifel, professor of physics, Virginia Polytechnic Inst.i.tute, 10.94; Solomon Leader, professor of mathematics, Rutgers University, 7.9.95; David Gale, professor of mathematics. University of California at Berkeley, 9.20.95; Martin Shubik, professor of economics, Yale University, 9.27.95; Felix Browder, president, American Mathematical Society, 11.2.95; Melvin Hausner, professor of mathematics, Courant Inst.i.tute, 1.26.96; Hartley Rogers, professor of mathematics, MIT, Cambridge, 2.16.96; Martin Davis, professor of mathematics, Courant Inst.i.tute, 2.20.96; Eugenio Calabi, 3.2.96.

13. Atle Selberg, professor of mathematics, Inst.i.tute of Advanced Study, interview, Princeton, 8.16.95.

14. George W. Boehm, "The New Uses of the Abstract," Fortune Fortune (July 1958), p. 127: "Just turned thirty, Nash has already made a reputation as a brilliant mathematician who is eager to tackle the most difficult problems." Boehm goes on to say that Nash is working on quantum theory and that he invests in the stock market as a hobby. (July 1958), p. 127: "Just turned thirty, Nash has already made a reputation as a brilliant mathematician who is eager to tackle the most difficult problems." Boehm goes on to say that Nash is working on quantum theory and that he invests in the stock market as a hobby.

15. John von Neumann, "Zur Theorie der Gesellschaftsspiele," Math. Ann., Math. Ann., vol. 100 (1928), pp. 295320. See also Robert J. Leonard, "From Parlor Games to Social Science: Von Neumann, Morgenstern and the Creation of Game Theory, 19281944," vol. 100 (1928), pp. 295320. See also Robert J. Leonard, "From Parlor Games to Social Science: Von Neumann, Morgenstern and the Creation of Game Theory, 19281944," Journal of Economic Literature Journal of Economic Literature (1995). (1995).

16. See, for example, Harold Kuhn, ed., Cla.s.sics in Game Theory Cla.s.sics in Game Theory (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1997); John Eatwell, Murray Milgate, and Peter Newman, (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1997); John Eatwell, Murray Milgate, and Peter Newman, The New Palgrave: Game Theory The New Palgrave: Game Theory (New York: Norton, 1987); Avinash K. Dixit and Bam J. Nalebuff, (New York: Norton, 1987); Avinash K. Dixit and Bam J. Nalebuff, Thinking Strategically Thinking Strategically (New York: Norton, 1991). (New York: Norton, 1991).

17. Robert J. Leonard, "Reading Cournot, Reading Nash: The Creation and Stabilization of the Nash Equilibrium," The Economic Journal The Economic Journal (May 1994), pp. 492511; Martin Shubik, "Antoine Augustin Cournot," in Eatwell, Milgate, and Newman, op. cit., pp. 11728. (May 1994), pp. 492511; Martin Shubik, "Antoine Augustin Cournot," in Eatwell, Milgate, and Newman, op. cit., pp. 11728.

18. Joseph Baratta, historian, interview, 6.12.97.

19. John Nash, "Non-Cooperative Games," Ph.D. thesis, Princeton University Press (May 1950). Nash"s thesis results were first published as "Equilibrium Points in N-Person Games," Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, USA Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, USA (1950), pp. 4849, and later as "Non-Cooperative Games," (1950), pp. 4849, and later as "Non-Cooperative Games," Annals of Mathematics Annals of Mathematics (1951), pp. 28695. See also "n.o.bel Seminar: The Work of John Nash in Game Theory," in (1951), pp. 28695. See also "n.o.bel Seminar: The Work of John Nash in Game Theory," in Les Prix n.o.bel 1994 Les Prix n.o.bel 1994 (Stockholm: Norstedts Tryckeri, 1995). For a reader-friendly exposition of the Nash equilibrium, see Avinash Dixit and Susan Skeath, (Stockholm: Norstedts Tryckeri, 1995). For a reader-friendly exposition of the Nash equilibrium, see Avinash Dixit and Susan Skeath, Games of Strategy Games of Strategy (New York: Norton, 1997). (New York: Norton, 1997).

20. See, for example, Anthony Storr, Solitude: A Return to the Self (New Solitude: A Return to the Self (New York: Ballantine Books, 1988); Robert Heilbroner, York: Ballantine Books, 1988); Robert Heilbroner, The Worldly Philosophers The Worldly Philosophers (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1992); E. T. Bell, (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1992); E. T. Bell, Men of Mathematics Men of Mathematics (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1986); Stuart Hollingdale, (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1986); Stuart Hollingdale, Makers of Mathematics Makers of Mathematics (New York: Penguin, 1989); Ray Monk, (New York: Penguin, 1989); Ray Monk, Ludwig Wittgenstein: The Duty of Genius Ludwig Wittgenstein: The Duty of Genius (New York: Penguin, 1990); John Dawson, (New York: Penguin, 1990); John Dawson, Logical Dilemmas: The Life and Work of Kurt G.o.del Logical Dilemmas: The Life and Work of Kurt G.o.del (Wellesley, Ma.s.s.: A. K. Peters, 1997); Roger Highfield and Paul Carter, (Wellesley, Ma.s.s.: A. K. Peters, 1997); Roger Highfield and Paul Carter, The Private Lives of Albert Einstein The Private Lives of Albert Einstein (New York: St. Martin"s Press, 1994); Andrew Hodges, (New York: St. Martin"s Press, 1994); Andrew Hodges, Alan Turing: The Enigma Alan Turing: The Enigma (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1983). (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1983).

21. Anthony Storr, The Dynamics of Creation The Dynamics of Creation (New York: Atheneum, 1972). (New York: Atheneum, 1972).

22. Ibid.

23. John G. Gunderson, "Personality Disorders," The New Hanard Guide to Psychiatn The New Hanard Guide to Psychiatn (Cambridge: The Belknap Press of Harvard University, 1988), pp. 34344. (Cambridge: The Belknap Press of Harvard University, 1988), pp. 34344.

24. Ibid.

25. Ibid.

26. Havelock Ellis, A Study of British Genius A Study of British Genius (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1926). (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1926).

27. Rogers, interview, 2.16.96.

28. Zipporah Levinson, interview, Cambridge, 9.11.95.

29. Irving I. Gottesman, Schizophrenia Genesis: The Origins of Madness Schizophrenia Genesis: The Origins of Madness (New York: W. H. Freeman, 1991). For a contrary view, which states that cases of schizophrenia have been doc.u.mented as long as 3,400 years ago, see Ming T. Tsuang, Stephen V. Faraone, and Max Day, "Schizophrenic Disorders," (New York: W. H. Freeman, 1991). For a contrary view, which states that cases of schizophrenia have been doc.u.mented as long as 3,400 years ago, see Ming T. Tsuang, Stephen V. Faraone, and Max Day, "Schizophrenic Disorders," New Harvard Guide to Psychiatry; New Harvard Guide to Psychiatry; op. cit. op. cit.

30. Tsuang, Faraone, and Day, op. cit., p. 259.

31. Gottesman, op. cit.; Tsuang, Faraone, and Day, op. cit.; Richard S. E. Keefe and Philip D. Harvey, Understanding Schizophrenia: A Guide to the New Research on Causes and Treatment Understanding Schizophrenia: A Guide to the New Research on Causes and Treatment (New York: Free Press, 1994); (New York: Free Press, 1994); E. E. Fuller Torrey, Fuller Torrey, Sunning Schizophrenia: A Family Manual Sunning Schizophrenia: A Family Manual (New York: Harper & Row, 1988). (New York: Harper & Row, 1988).