A Book of Burlesques

Chapter 18

THE BRIDEGROOM

(_Virtuously_) Never!

THE CLERGYMAN

What! Never?

THE BRIDEGROOM

Well, never again!

THE CLERGYMAN

So they _all_ say. The answer is almost part of the liturgy. But have a care, my dear fellow! The true eugenist eschews the wine cup. In every hundred children of a man who ingests one fluid ounce of alcohol a day, six will be left-handed, twelve will be epileptics and nineteen will suffer from adolescent alb.u.minuria, with delusions of persecution....

Have you ever had anthrax?

THE BRIDEGROOM

Not yet.

THE CLERGYMAN

Eczema?

THE BRIDEGROOM

No.

THE CLERGYMAN

Pott"s disease?

THE BRIDEGROOM

No.

THE CLERGYMAN

Cholelithiasis?

THE BRIDEGROOM

No.

THE CLERGYMAN

Do you have a feeling of distention after meals?

THE BRIDEGROOM

No.

THE CLERGYMAN

Have you a dry, hacking cough?

THE BRIDEGROOM

Not at present.

THE CLERGYMAN

Are you troubled with insomnia?

THE BRIDEGROOM

No.

THE CLERGYMAN

Dyspepsia?

THE BRIDEGROOM

No.

THE CLERGYMAN

Agoraphobia?