Excerpt from the diary of Lieutenant Alexander Mackintosh.
It was early morning, and I was trying to eat a kava nut (one of those dome looking spherical piece of fruit that tastes like c.r.a.p and rotten meat and I was going through a lot of trouble trying to carefully open it, since it had a hard sh.e.l.l with no weak points, and if you’re not careful your own strength and tools can hurt or eve cripple yourself) when we received the transmission from Captain Hannibal’s extended patrol group about an imminent enemy attack from our Southern Flank.
And since I was the staff officer on duty, it was my job to deliver the message to the commanders of both the Volunian Army and the Republican task force, General Al Hambra and General Pompei.
“I have an urgent message for the commanders, open the doors!” I said to the guards who were stationed outside the high officer’s quarters.
“I’m afraid I cannot do that, Lieutenant.” one of the guards said to me.
“What! Why not?”
“The generals are having a poker game and have given strict orders to not let anyone disturb them until 12 o clock which is many hours from now.” the second guard answered.
“This is more important than a b.l.o.o.d.y poker game, the enemy is attacking our most vulnerable positions and our army needs orders!” I almost shouted back to the guards, outside you could hear the roar of thunder coming from the sky, echoing across the plains as I waved the message in their faces.
“Let me see that message.” the second guard said, and Alexander complied.
Both guards read it and they started debating on whether to disturb them or not, I grew impatient with them, so I took a few steps towards a metal trash can and asked.
“You’re orders are that n.o.body is to intentionally disturb them right?”
“Yes.” one of them replied.
And as soon as he said that I started hitting the metal trash can repeatedly and as hard as I could.
“W-What are you doing!?” one of the guards shouted in a panicked voice.
“Why, I am ‘unintentionally’ creating noise to ‘unintentionally’ disturb the generals of course!” I said and continued to hit the trash can, which made the occupants of the room open the door to see what was going on.
“Soldier, I better hope you like digging latrines, cause if you don’t have a good reason for what you’ve done, that’s what you will be you’re duty for the next six months.” General Al Hambra the commander of the Volunian infantry said to me.
I immediately s.n.a.t.c.hed the message from the guards and gave it to General Pompeii.
As soon as he finished reading it he ripped the note to pieces.
“You disturbed the highest ranking officers of two armies for this nonsense!” General Pompeii our commander said to me with a huff of indignation.
“Nonsense! Sir, the enemy is attacking our rear, they have crossed the forest and our formation is in danger of collapsing!” I said to him, astounded at his reaction.
“Calm yourself Lieutenant, even if they crossed the forest it is just a small diversionary attack at the best, that region is impossible to cross with a real army, it is too rocky and too wooded, the only army that could cross it is fake one meant to fool us, a deception nothing more.” the General Pompeii said in a soothing voice as outside the sound of thunder roared.
*THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN*
“Exactly! This attack is just a distraction, the main thrust will come from the west where we are strongest, still this is unexpected and you were in the right mind to wake us, give the orders to prepare for an attack from the west.” Al Hambra replied.
*THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN*
“Sir, what about the supply base!?”
*THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN*
“The supply base is guarded by 2.500 men, it has trenches and walls that can stop any diversionary force the enemy has, now get this trough you thick skull the enemy cannot move a proper army trough that wood, the only heavy troops our enemy have are imaginary ones, unless you are afraid of things that go b.u.mp in the night!”
*THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN*
After Al Hambra’s mocking words, everyone else present laughed at my expense.
*THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN*
The laughter continued for a few moments until.
*BANG*BOOM* BANG*BOOM* BANG*BOOM*
*THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN*
*BANG*BOOM* BANG*BOOM* BANG*BOOM*
*THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN* THUN*
And following that the laughter the laughter became stuck in their throats.
“W-what was that!?” Pompeii said to those present as they all shocked at what they just heard.
“I believe that was our enemy’s imaginary artillery, from their fake army, a.s.saulting our supply base General, but I’m not sure if they go ‘b.u.mp in the night.’” I replied with a small smile of triumph on my face at the disbelieving looks of the commanders, but that quickly vanished once the grim reality of our current situation sank in and our desperate struggle began.
Lieutenant First Cla.s.s Alexander Mackintosh, command staff member, Federal Expeditionary force.