Chapter 7 Part 1 – Change in Mindset
After learning that there would be a member change in the trio group, though the one that would be kick out wasn"t him, he had lost the mood to chat with Kang Hui.
Kang Hui could see it from his expression, thus, she informed Chen Minhao to see her in her office at 10 in the morning the next Wednesday, and to follow the previous week schedule of morning at the gym and practicing guitar in the afternoon for the next Monday and Tuesday before letting Chen Minhao return to his home.
…
Weekend is the rest day for both the fitness coach and the guitar instructor. Chen Minhao who had no lessons scheduled on the weekend followed his plan and started to watch video cla.s.ses online on basic musical knowledge learning and solfeggio – the sight singing of music.
However, the learning efficiency was low as he felt irritated by the news of the potential replacement of either Gao Dao or Zhou Mingrui from the group.
This irritability reached its peak when he turned down the meet up put forth by Gao Dao and Zhou Mingrui to buy clothes together by saying he felt sick as an excuse.
Thus, Chen Minhao decided he might as well stop learning for the time being.
In his previous life, whenever he felt vexed, he would always write the word – “Serene” as a method for him to calm his heart.
As there was no calligraphy brush on hand, he used carbon pen to write.
He wrote over and over again.
However, Chen Minhao found that this method wasn"t curing the problem at its roots. The more he wrote, the more he found it vexing. Unable to carrying on, he took out the notebook he used in his past a.n.a.lysis of his previous circ.u.mstances and in which he set his target on, and with the method of treating it as a self-observation diary, he attempted to a.n.a.lyse his current mentality.
“The news that either Gao Dao or Zhou Mingrui is going to be kicked out of the group is just a trigger point for me to feel vexed as I don"t feel particularly close to either one of them.”
“The root cause of me feeling vexed is more likely to be the insecurity I feel from the matter in which how easily either Gao Dao or Zhou Mingrui would be replace by someone else.”
“In my previous life, regarding examinations, the world follows the rules in which hard work will pay off. People who scored 90 points in exams are scorned by those who scored 99; A test sheet with 79 marks will get disappointing looks from parents. The value and status of each person is reflected in the figures. This subjective awareness gets strongly emphasized by teachers, “As long as you work hard, you will achieve greatness”, “Only when you know a lot of knowledge, can you do something well”. “As long as you complete 1234, you"ll definitely achieve 5678.”
“However, now that I"d entered the society and entered the entertainment industry, the more I understand it, the more frightened I get. Because it"s not the same as school. Even if my ability increased, I"m not guaranteed to achieve success. Even if I know a lot more things, the probability of success will only increase slightly. I am now trapped in a kind of lost and confused state where my success relies purely to the heavens and this led to me feeling vexed.
“In conclusion, the root cause of me feeling vexed is because I"m insecure. Money, fame and power are the only things that can provide me security.”
He swapped to a red pen and wrote down three words – “Money”, “Fame” and “Power”.
Afterwards, he wrote down his second small target after he transmigrated: “Enter Kiwi"s talent show 《Produce 101》, and be the last 9 standing.”
Before closing the notebook, Chen Minhao jotted down a sentence in black to inspire himself: “To do something uncertain with limited resources under extremely restrictive conditions, and to accept unsatisfactory results peacefully, is the normal state of life without embellishment with Photoshop.”
After setting his small target, Chen Minhao finally found his confidence for the future. All the fear, uneasiness and insecurity were all swept away.
Chen Minhao re-opened the online open cla.s.s video 《Basic music knowledge – Solfeggio and sight singing training》and resumed his learning.
….