"Me? Eavesdrop?" said Joey, faking innocence. Now who"s the actress in our family?

Not five minutes later, Joey came racing up the stairs, all out of breath. "The play . . . Romeo and Juliet . . ." she said, huffing and puffing. "It"s going to be here . . . right here . . . at the Raven!"

All three of us ran downstairs, Alex in the lead. Once Dad was off the phone, she made him explain what was going on.

"With all this rain, they had some kind of a major leak in the school auditorium" said Dad. "The ceiling caved in and flooded the place."

Alex punched me in the arm. "Uh! How could you not tell me this!"

"I didn"t know anything about it!" I said.

"It just happened after school today," said Dad. "Mr. Cannon says it"ll be a month or more before it"ll be dried out and they"re allowed back in again."

"So, he wants to use the Raven for play practice?" Alex asked.

"Not just practice," said Dad. "I suggested that we just go ahead and stage the whole thing right here. Isn"t that great news, honey?"

"Yeah. Great," Alex mumbled. "Just great."

Dad came over and gave her a hug. "Doing okay, kiddo? I know you had your heart set on playing Juliet. Why didn"t you say anything?"

"I just found out myself, Dad. Stevie told me."

"Well, you know what they say. There are no small roles."

"Only small people," Alex chimed in flatly.

"Besides, Nurse isn"t exactly a small part. It"s the next biggest female role in the -"

"That"s the part I got? I"m Nurse? You have got to be kidding."

"Who"s Nurse? What"s so bad about Nurse?" Joey asked.

"See? n.o.body even knows who she is! She doesn"t even have a name. Just Juliet"s nurse. And she"s a b.u.mbling idiot. She"s rude and loud and - uh! She"s a total fool."

""O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day!"" Dad started in.

"That"s Nurse? See, you already know her speech," I said.

"Nurse is an important character, Alex. Some might even argue necessary, because she provides counterpoint to Juliet. You know, comic relief."

Dad was talking like a textbook again. "Arghh!" Alex said. "The only relief would be not being Jayden Pffeffer"s nurse!"

"I thought maybe you"d changed your mind and wanted this. Mr. Cannon tells me you pulled off quite a comical audition, and that"s what gave him the idea that you"d be perfect for the part of Nurse."

"Great! I was trying for Juliet. C"mon, Dad. We both know the only part worse than Nurse is a lowly servant. There"s no way I"m taking this part. I"m just going to have to tell Mr. Cannon I quit. Either that, or I"ll have to stay home sick for the next two months!"

"On account of the Skittles?" I couldn"t help teasing.

"Alex, do you really want to quit the play just because you"re not the star?" Dad asked.

In the middle of this heated discussion, the phone on the counter rang again, startling us. Joey picked it up. "Reel residence. Whatcha got for me?" Joey liked to act weird when she answered the phone. Today"s personality was Joey Reel, Ace Reporter.

She handed me the phone. "Stevie. For you. It"s a boy."

"Ha-ha. Very funny. Gimme." I motioned for her to hand over the phone. I knew it was Olivia.

"Hey," I said, all friendly-like.

"Hey, yourself."

"Excuse me?"

"It"s me, Owen. Owen O"Malley. From, um, detention."

"Wire Rims?" I said. It popped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

What in the world was he doing calling me on the phone? I took the phone into the family room, away from the owl eyes of my family. I swear my sisters have hearing as sharp as moths.

"Oh. Sorry. Hi." My own voice sounded strange to me. I"d get Joey back later. "Um . . ." Stop saying um! "What"s up?" I was talking too fast. "Did you know moths have, like, really great hearing?" I blurted, trying to fill the awkward silence. Great, just great. I sounded like the Science Friday guy on the radio.

"I did not know that," said Wire Rims, chuckling. "I didn"t think moths had ears."

"Well, ears or not, they"re right up there with mice and dolphins. In the hearing department, I mean." Uh! Stop saying science facts! Total geekazoid. Why was I talking about moth ears?

"Huh. Learn something new every day."

More awkward silence. Was he still there? He"s the one who called me. Why wasn"t he talking?

"h.e.l.lo? You still there?" I asked. Why couldn"t I just be myself?

"I had a good time today." He speaks!

"At detention?"

"Well, no, not the detention part, but I mean -"

"Oh."

"So, um, you have a little sister too?"

"Yeah."

"How many sisters do you have?"

"Two." What is wrong with me? Whenever this kid talks to me I start speaking in haiku. One-word syllables, anyway. Who"s the boy here?

"I know it sounds like more. "Cause they"re loud, I mean." Stop. Don"t say your family"s fighting or your sister"s freaking out or anything.

"So, what do you say? Say yes."

"Yes. No. I"m sorry, can you repeat the question?" Can you repeat the question? Have I just lost my mind? This isn"t Social Studies cla.s.s!

"It"s about our science labs. You know, the thing where we have to figure out how to simulate a cloud? Mr. Petry said we have to pick a partner, and I was just wondering if maybe you"d be my partner?"

For this, he calls me at home and embarra.s.ses me in front of my whole family? He couldn"t just ask me this at school tomorrow?

"I already, um, told Olivia I"d be her partner." Who was I, Pinocchio? The lie just flew out of my mouth. What was wrong with me?

Silence. All I could hear was dead air. Then, "Oh. I thought Olivia wasn"t in that cla.s.s."

"Oh. Right. Yeah. S-sorry," I stuttered, trying to cover my tracks. "Um, did you say Science? I must have been thinking of Social Studies, where we"re definitely going to be partners."

"So, then, you"re free? I mean, you"ll do it? Be my partner, I mean?"

"Sure, I guess," I said in a fake-excited voice. What!

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Why not?" Why not? h.e.l.lo! Because he"s a freaking boy, that"s why not. "I mean, you don"t know anybody, seeing as how you"re new and everything, and I can"t be Olivia"s partner, seeing as how she"s not in the same cla.s.s, so this way, everybody would have a partner, except, of course, Olivia, you know?" Idiot! Shut. Up.

"Great. Okay. This is great! Because I don"t know if you knew this about me, but I have volcanophobia."

"Fear of volcanoes?"

"More like fear of science projects. A volcano blew up on me in the third grade. Let"s just say I added too much baking soda. And way too much red food coloring. I"ve never been the same."

"That sounds a lot like the Great Kool-Aid Disaster of "07. I spilled, like, a whole can of green powder, and when I tried to wipe it up so my mom wouldn"t find out, well, let"s just say I turned the entire kitchen neon green and my mom wasn"t too happy with me." My voice sounded almost normal now.

"So, is it safe to say green is not your favorite color?"

I giggled like a goofus. And just like that, I was talking to a boy.

KISS BUSTER.

Starring Alex SETTING: ALEX"S ROOM, A FEW DAYS LATER . . .

Me: Emergency meeting of the Sisters Club! My room. Stat.

Joey: What"s up?

Me: What"s up? My life is a complete and total disaster, that"s what"s up.

Stevie: Alex, everything with you is always a Drama-Queen disaster.

Me: But this time it really is! First of all, I had to tell Mr. Cannon I quit the play. Second of all, they"re over there practicing - right next door - right now! h.e.l.lo! I live here!

Joey: What? Wait, you quit the play?

Stevie: You can"t just quit the play.

Me: I know. But I did.

Stevie: What did Mr. Cannon say when you told him?

Me: Let"s just say he went all Hamlet on me.

Joey: Not happy?

Me: Hardly. I mean, it"s bad enough that I don"t get to be Juliet. And Jayden Pffeffer does! So I quit and what happens? They start practicing here every single day! I thought it would just be over if I quit. How am I going to hide? There"s no escape!

Stevie: So?

Joey: So?

Me: So? Don"t you get it? Scott Towel, I mean Scott Howell, is right next door!

Joey: But you like him, right?

Me: Duh. Way to state the obvious. Yes, I like him.

Stevie: (Nods in agreement.) So, it should be a good thing that he"s practicing here, right? Because you"ll get to see him every day even though you"re not going to be in the play.

Me: Wrong! The plan was for him to be Romeo. The plan was for me to be Juliet. The plan was for us to have our first kiss. The plan was for it to be totally romantic, just like in Romeo and Juliet. But now, the plan is totally and completely screwed up, thanks to one Miss Jayden Fluffernutter, a.k.a Queen Aggravating.

Joey: (Cracks up.) Oh.

Stevie: Oh!

Me: Is that all you guys have to say? "Oh"?

Joey: (Chants.) Alex and Scott Towel, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Me: (Ignores Joey.) C"mon, people. I need a plan. A brand-new plan. A brand-new, brilliant plan. You have to help me. I"m going crazy!

Stevie: What kind of plan?

Joey: A man plan. (Cracks herself up.) Stevie: Alex, you know you want to be in the play. So just go over there and UN-quit.

Alex: Okay, I admit, maybe I do kind of wish I hadn"t freaked out and quit. But I can"t just un-quit now. So, here"s the thing. I need to know everything that goes on over there, but since I"m not in the play, I can"t just hang around for no reason.

Joey: Pretend you have to ask Dad something.

Stevie: Or pretend you left something over there.

Me: Too lame. They"ll be onto me in, like, two seconds flat.

Stevie: But . . . they won"t be onto Joey!