*That woman. She"s Khaden"s mum."

Before Mum could speak, Sas called out to us. *Ruby, can we talk?" She stood with her dad to our right.

*Want me to come?" asked Mum.

*Please."

I stopped a few steps away from Sas and Angelo. Sas"s eyes were glazed and her nose red. I reached out to her, but she stepped back.

*Sas..."

*Ruby, I wanted to apologise for the way I spoke to you at the hospital. I was..."

*It"s okay-"

*I"m not done." Even though her voice broke, she stood tall. *I was cruel and I"m sorry..." She took a deep breath. *It wasn"t your fault."

Angelo squeezed her shoulder.

*Sas, we"ll-"

*I"m going to live with Dad for a while." She looked at her feet. *I just can"t be here..."

Her words were a bucket of water on my hope that we could patch up our friendship.

*Okay."

I started to leave, but stopped.

*Sas, I loved him too, you know. Not the same way you did, but I loved him."

A sob caught in her throat.

*Let"s go, Ruby," said Mum, a hand on my elbow. I let her guide me between the headstones and out onto the road.

Sas A Year Later...

To: [email protected] Hey Ruby.

How have you been? Living in Torquay is pretty good. Who"d have thought? The school is smaller than ours, and there"s a teacher a hundred times worse than Mrs Bosworth, I kid you not.

Dad"s new place is pretty cool. It"s not far from the surf beach. I can hear the waves from my bedroom at night.

Even though Dad and Lee are still together, Dad moved out of Lee"s after Christmas, so we could move in together. Pretty cool, huh? I"m working mega-hard on being nicer to Lee. It"s not easy though.

I"m also learning to surf, which is easier than trying to be nice to Lee, and I"m back swimming too, not in the pool though, at the beach. I"m doing my bronze medallion so I can be a lifeguard. It"s heaps of fun. The guys are hot too. You"d love it.

Mum told me your dad and mum have split for good. Ruby, I"m sorry I wasn"t there for you. I was so caught up in my own stuff, so angry with Dad, that I didn"t pay any attention to you. I wasn"t much of a friend.

Anyway, I was thinking, I"m coming back for a few weeks at Christmas and it"d be great-at least if you"re up for it-I"d like to see you. Maybe I could come around or something.

I understand if you don"t want to see me.

I miss him Ruby, still, so much it hurts.

And I miss you too.

Sas.

xo.

Ruby.

To:

Dear Sas, I"m glad Torquay is working out for you. Lifesaver, hey? You"d be good at that.

Everything is the same here, only not. The Fink was my homeroom teacher this year. What sort of cruel and unusual punishment is that? Lyndal and Penny spent all year trying to suck up to me. (I know they just wanted goss.) I hung out with Larnie most of the time. She never asked about Khaden, but she did ask about you.

Yeah, Mum and Dad are divorcing. Didn"t muck around, did they? Can"t blame Mum, Dad had been with that woman for over a year. Sucks, hey?

Mum"s up and down, but she"s okay, she"s probably better than okay, really. She"s tougher than I thought she was. She"s taken leave from work and has been going to this counsellor, psychologist person. She made me go too, which is actually okay.

Remember that time I ran out of the burger joint, and how I"d go all sweaty all the time? Turns out, I"ve been having anxiety attacks since I saw Dad in the cafe with his girlfriend.

Kathy, the psychologist, is teaching me how to deal with them. They were chronic after Khaden, but I can handle them now.

It"d be good to see you, if you feel like it. Call me when you get here.

Say hi to Ange-I"m glad you two are friends again. Good luck with Lee. I can"t stand Dad"s new girlfriend, if that makes you feel any better. She"s a complete bimbo!

Think Dad and I will ever be friends again?

And Sas, yes, I still miss him. I miss you and Khaden all the time. It"s as though a ma.s.sive, important part of me is missing.

Hope I see you at Christmas.

Love Ruby x.

To Kaye Shaw-truly one in a million.

Special thanks to Bruce and Courtney, for being my first readers and for their patience and love.

Melissa, Andrew and KT and all the crew at black dog books. Dare You wouldn"t be half of what it is without you guys. Thank you!

Radio announcer, teacher, MCG attendant, nightclub DJ, shop a.s.sistant, swimming teacher, babysitter ... just a few of Sue Lawson"s jobs before she turned a pa.s.sion for writing into a career.

Sue grew up on a farm near Hamilton, Victoria, and now lives in Western Victoria with her husband Bruce, daughter Courtney, and Milly the Cavoodle.

Sue"s books include Allie McGregor"s True Colours (Winner of the Family Therapists" Award for Literature for Older Readers), Finding Darcy, and After. When Sue is not writing or teaching, she leads writing workshops for children and adults.

Visit Sue at: www.suelawson.com.au.

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