31. The Mrs. Long San Who Eavesdrops From The Corner Of The Wall
Translated by Ju Hua | Edited by Pu Er

Feng Ning was stunned, and at a loss, she covered her face while foolishly staring blankly at Qiao Li. For what reason could changing faces be done so quickly like this?

Qiao Li seemed to be angry, and she paced two steps back and forth in the room. She stopped, pointed at Feng Ning and scolded, “Explain yourself, just what exactly happened? Not a single matter handed over to you has been done well, and you also brought a protruding belly back to the maternal home. I felt like something was amiss, but with an empty mouth and white teeth*, you actually dared to lie. What giving birth to a daughter will make you ignored, and waiting until you give birth to a son before you pick her up. I actually believed you.” She was so angry that her hand trembled, “Speak, whose vile sp.a.w.n is this?”

*Not a 100% sure if this is an idiom, but Baidu-san says 空口白牙 means not telling the truth or mixing up the truth. I translated it literally.

Feng Ning furiously shook her head, and suddenly started to cry again. Qiao Li angrily said, “Cry, cry for what. Speak, just what is going on?”

Feng Ning loudly ‘wawa’ cried. Qiao Li asked again, and Feng Ning finally yelled out, “I don’t know anything, I really don’t remember anything.”

“Good, very good.” Qiao Li clenched her teeth. “Your one phrase of not remembering, not knowing, leaves this terrible mess for me to clean up.” She paced back and forth again for a few steps, and took a look at Feng Ning with brows tightly creased together. “Right now the Long family is stubbornly saying this child isn’t from the Long family. How can this be good?”

As Feng Ning heard these words, even if she wanted to cry she couldn’t, and her heart felt a burst of sharp pain. Qiao Li also said, “You were here for three years. Three years and you still haven’t been able to bond with Long San? Out of the three brothers his temperament is the most gentle. You also promised back then that you would definitely stand firm, get your hands on those things, and help avenge the enmity of our Feng family. And the result? Three years, and you haven’t done anything at all, but instead came out with a vile sp.a.w.n. You really are lacking in success and abundant with failure.”

Feng Ning lowered her head sobbing and didn’t speak. Right now her mind was in a state of chaos, and she didn’t pay attention to the contents of Qiao Li’s words. Her heart and mind were filled with shame, and there wasn’t even the slightest curiosity towards her own maternal family’s matter and why she came to Long family.

Qiao Li was inside the room pacing around for a long time, then she finally thought of a plan. “You currently not having your memories can also be a good thing. Anything can be denied. The Long family doesn’t acknowledge this child, then I will just in time take this unloved daughter, and have the accusations of forcing out the wife and abandoning the daughter thrust upon them. I will take Bao’er away, and you will just stay here. We have the wedding contract in hand, left behind by our ancestors. They won’t dare to force you to leave, so for the time being you will stay here. The future is long*, and there will also definitely be opportunities…”

*More time in the days to come.

She didn’t finish speaking, when she was interrupted by Feng Ning. She wiped her tears and begged, “Mother, I don’t have any face* to stay here, can you take me back home please? I’ve wronged Long San. I can’t stay here.”

*She feels shame.

Qiao Li was so angry that she lifted her hand, but in the end she restrained herself, and didn’t hit down. She glared at Feng Ning, tolerated and endured, but she pointed a finger at her nose, and shouted, “You useless thing. You didn’t make Long San infatuated with you, but instead allowed him to take your heart. You tell me, if you don’t stay here, and you bring up that vile sp.a.w.n, who would still want you?”

“I’ve made a mistake, but I didn’t want to. Don’t I still have father and mother? If no one wants me, isn’t there still father and mother?” Feng Ning looked up with her small, tearful face, and had clear eyes that revealed hopefulness. Blood relatives were the last people she could rely on.

Qiao Li choked, and clenched her teeth. In the end, she poked her forehead. “You unpromising child. This matter you will leave alone. With mother here, mother will make the decisions for you. Mother will find Long San to speak with.”

“Mother…” Feng Ning was anxious, and pulled on Qiao Li’s sleeve. “Mother, don’t go. It was daughter who was wrong, daughter will follow you two home.”

Qiao Li flung her hand. “Stop being so foolish. Even if mother wasn’t to think of anything else, I would still have to plan for your future. Mother came this time because I heard you were sick and confused. Mother was worried that the Long family would take the opportunity to drive you away, which is why I thought to bring your flesh and blood over here. Even if it’s a daughter that no one likes or bothers with, in any case she is still biological, and it can also be considered that you gave birth to a child for the Long family. It’s just that I never imagined this offspring was actually from your muddled affairs.”

She continued speaking until she was angry again. She clenched her fists to restrain her temper, and also said, “I was also too anxious. I should’ve really carefully thought about the strangeness of this matter. I was also suspicious about your manner of speech at the time, but you have always been obedient and clever that my thoughts didn’t go towards the direction of thinking there was trouble, and only thought that you were over here feeling too much pressure from trying to gain your husband’s family’s favor. If I had thought it over before setting out on this trip, I wouldn’t have brought the child, and also wouldn’t have arrived to such a pa.s.sive situation today. Ah, I am also anxious and confused.”

Feng Ning’s heart felt even more sad. “Sorry, it was entirely daughter’s fault.”

Qiao Li impatiently said, “What’s the use of saying these words now?” She stared at Feng Ning. “This child’s biological father, you really can’t remember the slightest bit of him at all?”

Feng Ning shook her head. She only felt that the situation made her feel nauseous and fearful. Could it be that she had abandoned her own husband in the past, and fell in love with someone else? According to her beliefs, even if she did fall in love with someone else, she wouldn’t do such an inappropriate thing. Could it be, that something tragic had happened to her? Feng Ning thought until this point, and she covered her mouth with her hands and started to cry again.

Qiao Li watched her, and sighed. “Feng Feng, you can just act like you don’t know anything about this matter. Even if you remember who the father of the child is, you also can’t speak of it. You can only tell mother. Mother will help you deal with it. Mother will now go find Long San, and will definitely settle this situation. Don’t panic, you have mother here alright? They want to take this chance to drive out our Feng family, no way!”

She finished speaking, and really turned around and left the room. Feng Ning stood there dumbfounded, and and didn’t know how long she stood there for. Her heart floated and swayed* without a place to settle. She felt like she had to do something. But what could she do? What must she do? She didn’t know.

*Not sure of this phrase: 飄來蕩去… Sounds poetic enough literally translated but I’m not sure if this is an idiom of some sort.
Editor’s note: It means to drift about.

Feng Ning was like a soul floating out of the room. She felt like she was just a dirty sinner, unable to see the light*, so she stuck close to the wall, looking for dark places to walk in. She continuously walked, and found herself arriving outside of Long San’s courtyard. She lifted her head and looked at the familiar room, and suddenly wanted to see him again and listen to him speak, but she didn’t dare to. She felt like she had thousands of words,** and countless questions. She ought to find him to discuss about them, but she didn’t dare to.

*Shameful or embarra.s.sing.
**A lot of things to say.

She finally silently walked over to Long San’s wall, and stuck her ear on it. Just as she did it, she could hear someone speaking in the room.

“I didn’t touch her.” This was Long San’s voice. Even though his voice was light, it was like a sharpened blade that streaked across Feng Ning’s heart. She instantly petrified, and stupidly stood there on spot.

“Hmph, even if that Lady Feng denies everything it won’t work.” This was Long Er’s voice. “Does she think the people of Long family are dead?”

Long San didn’t speak, so Long Er continued speaking, “This is what is called a clever person may become the victim of his own ingenuity.* She failed at stealing our business, and also knew Feng Ning got sick. She thought we would treat it as a reason to send Feng Ning back, so she brought over the baby Feng Ning secretly gave birth to at home. Did she really think that she could use a child to secure the position of Mrs. Long San? It’s just she would have never guessed, Feng Ning also played her**.

*Basically too smart for one’s own good.
**耍了一把: I translated it as played, which kind of fits the context, because she played her for mom for a fool lol, but I’m not sure if it has a different meaning. Corrections are welcome!

“I really didn’t dare to think, that at the time when Ping’er said Feng Ning returned to her maternal home in order to give birth to a child, that it was actually true.” There was a kind of wounded feeling in Long San’s tone of voice which made Feng Ning once again burst into tears.

“It isn’t too late now that you’ve confirmed it.” Long Er felt extremely glad. “This time you won’t have to struggle. At the time Ping’er had finished sharing the secret, and grew sick and died not too long after, I already felt like it wasn’t so simple.”

“Second brother…” Long San’s grief and powerlessness added another wound amongst the others in Feng Ning’s heart.

Feng Ning didn’t know how she left the courtyard. She only knew that in this lifetime she would never be able to calmly face Long San again. She aimlessly walked around Long Manor, sticking close to the wall and hiding within the dark shadows. She didn’t know she cried so much that her hair was disheveled, her two eyes were red and swollen, and her complexion was pale. At the moment her att.i.tude was sort of like her soul and body were separated* and she was unstable, and her heart was as if it was dead and her face held no expression. In broad daylight, at first glance, at the corner of the wall there stood such a thing, and it was really strange and scary.

*Besides herself; not normal.

As a matter of fact, just as Feng Ning didn’t distinguish a direction and chaotically floated about, a maid was carrying a plate of fruit pa.s.sing by, and was about to round the corner when she saw the very white, dreadful visage of a ghost standing at the corner. It scared her so much that she screamed, dropped the plate of fruits in her hand, turned around, and ran.

Feng Ning blankly watched her back, muttering, “I didn’t commit suicide ah? The heart dying won’t change you into a ghost… right?” She foolishly stood still for a while, then her mind seemed to react. She reached her hand out into the sunlight, and said to herself, “That’s right, didn’t become a ghost.”

She lowered her head, and looked at the fruit that rolled all over the floor. There was the pear she loved to eat. Feng Ning squatted down, picked one up and wiped it, then ferociously took a huge bite. In the past whenever there were unhappy things, as long as she ate something, her mood would instantly improve. The pear was sweet. In one breath she could eat three of them. She also remembered the pears Uncle Ma and his family planted, and that she ate them really happily. But why was it that with Long family’s pears, as she and and ate, they made her shed tears?

Feng Ning was dissatisfied. She finished gnawing on one, gathered another one, wiped it, and continued to eat, but her tears did not stop. She felt like she was really silly. Just as she was about to stuff a pear into her mouth, a small figure suddenly appeared before her; it was Bao’er.

Bao’er very curiously watched Feng Ning’s actions, and copied her in squatting. She lowered her head and saw the ground full of fruits, and also grabbed a peach. She held it and was sending it her mouth.

“Ai, ai, it’s dirty.” Feng Ning quickly s.n.a.t.c.hed it over, helped her wipe it clean, and then handed it back, “Alright.”

Bao’er was unable to continue squatting, and sat her bottom by Feng Ning’s side. She lifted her hand to help Feng Ning wipe away her tears. With a bit of unclear articulation she said, “Cry cry, shame…” Feng Ning looked at her in a silly daze, while Bao’er held onto the peach and took a bite.

Bao’er’s hands were small, and the peach was quite large, so Bao’er used two hands to hold onto the peach, and seriously ate. However her teeth hadn’t all grown out yet, and her mouth was small. After eating for a long time the peach was a tragic sight. Feng Ning couldn’t resist from laughing, and she snorted. Unexpectedly, she felt a lot better. She took the peach, broke it in half with her hands, then handed it back to Bao’er. Bao’ers dark eyes glittered, and looked at Feng Ning with a face of worship. The half of peach that was sent over, was now able to be eaten, and on one side she was laughing, and on the other she was eating, to the point she managed to have a face full of fruit juice.

One big, and one small were sitting by the corner finishing fruit, yet no one came to find Bao’er. Feng Ning carried her up, and Bao’er very obediently called out, “Mother…”

This call of mother made Feng Ning feel both bitter and happy. She fished a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped Bao’er’s mouth. Bao’er sweetly smiled at her. Feng Ning at this moment wanted to cry again, what should she do? Her life was filled with darkness. Why did the heavens have to give her such a lovely baby?

This day Feng Ning took Bao’er to hide in the house. She didn’t want to see anyone, but in reality there was also no one who went to see her. She would not think about the two family’s negotiations, and would not think about what she would do in the future; she gave herself time to get to know Bao’er.

Bao’er was a very well-behaved child. She didn’t speak loudly, and didn’t cry or be noisy. Whatever she looked at she would look at it seriously, and she appeared to be very timid; she had to first think about things, feel things out, and then took action.

The maid who took care of Bao’er came over to take Bao’er away, but Feng Ning didn’t allow it. She asked and clarified what needed to be done to take care of a baby, then dismissed the maid. Bao’er also appeared to like Feng Ning very much. Knowing that she was able to stay and be with her, Bao’er joyfully smiled. Feng Ning felt that this was the nature of a mother and daughter precisely as she saw Bao’er’s expression of adoration. Towards her, Bao’er must have also had an indescribable good impression.

The mother and daughter pair ate dinner together, bathed together, combed their hair together, changed clothes together, and went to sleep together. Feng Ning embraced Bao’er, listened to her call “mother,” watched her drooling face as she fell asleep, and actually felt like she wasn’t afraid of having nightmares.

At this moment, Bao’er’s presence dispersed Feng Ning’s despair and sorrow; she allowed Feng Ning to be occupied, and allowed Feng Ning to avoid the present situation. Even though all of the pain was caused by her, Feng Ning still felt that this bitter encounter with Bao’er was a little like her own experience.

Just the same, they both didn’t know anything and both were a source of trouble. Feng Ning didn’t dare to claim herself as innocent, but Bao’er was absolutely innocent. She was only a baby. There was no reason to have Bao’er shoulder these bits of unfortunate events.

Feng Ning thought. There was no way to change her own fate, however, she must protect Bao’er well. She could not abandon her own daughter again. Even if it wasn’t for Long San, she could no longer stay at Long manor. She wanted to be together with Bao’er, and wanted to return home with Bao’er.

Feng Ning was the type of person who acted on her thoughts. She quietly got up and dressed. She placed a kiss on Bao’ers tender cheek, and then carried her out. She planned to make things clear with father and mother that, no matter what, she would absolutely not stay at Long manor.

But she had just stealthily reached the outside of the guest room, when she heard Qiao Li say towards Lord Feng Zhuo, “Husband, I’m also doing this for Feng Feng’s good, and for our Feng family’s good.”

Feng Ning’s heart moved, and she stopped her hand from knocking. She went over to the window and eavesdropped.

She heard Lord Feng Zhuo say, “Bao’er is a really well-behaved child. It’s possible for us to also raise her ourselves.”

“But what about the reputation of the Feng family? We absolutely cannot allow others to know that Feng Feng gave birth to a child whose father is unknown, and that her husband’s family doesn’t want her. She’d be a small baby at first so it’d still be okay, but afterwards, when she’s grown up, in the end we wouldn’t be able to conceal it from the neighbors. Why don’t we send her away first, wait until she’s grown up in the future, then find a pretext, saying that she’s our niece from a distant relative who needs help with something, and then take her back. Right now the Long family’s att.i.tude is unyielding, and I can tell this situation will be difficult to take care of. If they are unrelenting, I will definitely cause a ruckus again. No matter if Feng Feng stays here or not, Bao’er’s situation has already been decided. I’ve thought this through. We’ll first send Bao’er to Wen pozi’s* place in the village. She doesn’t have any children, and will definitely not treat Bao’er unfairly. We’ll send both silver and rice provisions over. Bao’er’s life will not be lacking.”

*Pozi (婆子) has various meanings such as baggage, wife, or old woman servant. In this context it’s an old woman servant.

“Ah Li, Bao’er is still young…”

“Husband, listen to me. If we aren’t able to succeed in Long family, and if Feng Feng remarried in the future, Bao’er will definitely be a burden. If Bao’er grew up in our family, it would be necessary for her to withstand the gestures and pointing from outsiders, and her days would also be terrible. The way I’m handling this, will also be beneficial for that angle.”

Feng Ning narrowed her eyes, and felt her heart being penetrated by an icy coldness. She couldn’t continue listening, silently turned around, and snuck off into the darkness of the night.