Allison returned with a Styrofoam cup of coffee. She took a sip. "Ugh, you were right to pa.s.s on the coffee. This is the worst I ever tasted." She dropped the full cup in the small wastebasket under the table. "I guess I should have known better. We are in a middle school. Not a lot of coffee drinkers attend here."

Abbey smiled. She knew Allison was just making small talk to try to take some of the stress off the situation. She looked over at Allison. Abbey had never been around such an open, positive person like Allison. She felt lucky to have found her.

After about a forty-five-minute deliberation, the board members re-emerged from their session. The reporters and other observers filed in and took their seats. Hayden and Sara remained in the front row. Ann, however, was no longer sitting behind them. Abbey looked around the hearing room. Ann was nowhere in sight. This disturbed Abbey more than if Ann had been there. It felt like an omen, that something really bad was going to happen.

"You ready?" Allison asked.

"I guess so." Abbey swallowed and scanned the faces of the board members for a sign of what the verdict may be. Nothing...not one clue.

Mr. Tucci stood and cleared his throat. "The board has reached its decision."

Allison and Abbey stood before the panel.

"Miss Spencer, what we"re dealing with here is twofold. First, we have the issue of conduct unbecoming regarding the incident where you received the summons for public intoxication while Miss Crissman was in your presence. In the school district bylaws, that offense const.i.tutes a punishment of suspension of one to five years, discretionary, of course. The board feels that under the circ.u.mstances, even though your judgment was not the best in that situation, they have decided that you already received punishment for that offense and do not wish to add anything more."

Abbey looked at Allison as Mr. Tucci read over the allegations. She clutched the edge of the table because she felt like she was going to faint.

"Then there is the issue of the inappropriate relationship. The school district"s policy does not allow teachers to become involved socially with their students, especially in romantic relationships. That"s grounds for termination," Mr. Tucci said. "Although it has been proven that nothing criminal occurred and Hayden was not directly Miss Spencer"s student at the time of the incident, the board still considers what occurred as an inappropriate relationship and an ethics violation, one we cannot let go unpunished."

Abbey swallowed hard, bracing herself for the verdict.

"As you know, the school district maintains the discretion whether to employ an educator who has been found guilty of such violations. Therefore, it has been determined that Miss Spencer"s teaching license will be suspended for one year beginning immediately."

Murmurs erupted from the gallery. Abbey felt like her legs were going to come out from underneath her.

"You gotta be kidding me," Allison said under her breath. "This is absurd."

"May I have your attention please?" Mr. Tucci shouted over the crowd. "We are not finished with this proceeding."

The room quieted down, and Mr. Tucci continued.

"During her suspension, Miss Spencer will be required to attend s.e.xual hara.s.sment and conduct cla.s.ses before returning to a teaching position. After completion of her cla.s.ses, she will then be subject to psychological testing that will render her fit to return to the cla.s.sroom."

Abbey felt like she was punched in the gut. She couldn"t believe what was happening. Was she actually losing her job?

"This hearing is adjourned," the board president said, and the room erupted in movement. Flash bulbs from the reporters" cameras went off. A reporter from the Vindicator approached them, but Allison took Abbey by the arm and led her into one of the private offices.

"Are you okay?" Allison asked.

Abbey began hyperventilating. "I can"t believe this is happening."

Allison got Abbey a chair. "Take some deep breaths," Allison suggested, trying to calm Abbey down.

Abbey went over and over in her mind, trying to make sense of it all. The wound was too fresh to comprehend. Boy, could she use a drink right now.

Abbey"s breathing began to slow to a more normal rate. Allison touched her arm. "Abbey, I"m sorry it turned out this way. I was hoping to have everything thrown out."

Abbey was feeling much calmer. "I"m sorry, too. I know you did your best. Thank you for everything. I really do appreciate it. I guess things could have turned out a lot worse."

"We can appeal the board"s decision if you"re up to it. I still believe this case has a lot of merit. It never hurts to try."

Abbey shrugged. She wasn"t sure she had the strength to go through this all over again. "Do you need an answer right now?"

Allison smiled. "No, but if we"re going to appeal, we only have thirty days after their decision."

Allison and Abbey waited until the crowd dispersed before leaving the sanctuary of the private office.

"Are you sure you"ll be all right?" Allison asked as she walked with Abbey down the deserted hallway.

Abbey nodded. "I"ll be fine. Thank you again for everything you"ve done."

Allison smiled and left the building. Abbey stood in the hall alone. She felt fifty years older now than she did when she entered this building almost eight hours earlier.

As Abbey stepped outside into the bright fall afternoon, sunlight beams seemed to ignite the orange and red maple trees that lined the sidewalk. Abbey"s breath caught in her throat when she saw Ann standing at the end of the sidewalk. Abbey averted her eyes and tried to walk quickly past her, hoping to get to her car before Ann could reach her.

As soon as Ann saw her, she ran up to Abbey and blocked her path. "Abbey, we need to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you. Please get out of my way." Abbey tried to shoulder her way past Ann.

"Abbey, please." Ann grabbed her by the arm.

"Get your hands off of me!" Abbey wrestled her arm from Ann"s grasp.

"Look, I"m sorry. You"ve got to believe I never meant for this to get so out of hand."

Abbey stopped dead in her tracks. "Sorry? You"re sorry? Really? Let me tell you about sorry. I"m sorry I ever met you. Had I realized what a selfish, controlling, manipulative human being you were, I would have never wasted my time with you."

Abbey took a minute to catch her breath and pull herself together. She was determined not to cry. "I loved you, Ann. I loved you with all my heart and you threw that away. I would have done anything for you, but you used me like you used everyone else who comes in contact with you. You know, when we were together, I always felt like I was inferior to you. You were the highly educated professor, and I was the lowly high school English teacher. And when I was your student, every word you said to me was golden. I idolized you. But when I look back at everything we"ve been through, I realize it was all part of your little game. I hope you"re happy that you"ve succeeded in destroying my life, but you know what, you won"t come out of this mess unscathed. The truth about you is finally out. I wonder how the powers that be at Mercyhurst will feel about you now? You"re a user, Ann. You"re mean and selfish and you use people for your own amus.e.m.e.nt. h.e.l.l, my mother even saw it."

"Your mother? What"s she got to do with this? I always got along well with your mother."

"Well, not anymore. She"s on to you, too, and if one good thing comes from this day, it"s that I never have to see you again."

Abbey pushed her way around Ann and hurried to the parking lot. Breathlessly, she reached her car and fumbled with the keys to unlock the door when she heard a voice behind her.

"Abbey, wait a minute." Abbey turned and saw Hayden standing there. Abbey felt bereft and desolate and just wanted this all to end. Her shoulders slumped forward in resignation.

"I"m sorry you lost your case. It"s not fair what they"re doing to you, and I"ll do whatever I can to get them to change their minds."

Abbey turned toward Hayden. "Thank you for that. But I"ll be all right. I think the time off may do me some good."

"Everything I said in there I meant. I know this isn"t the right time, but maybe someday we can see each other again."

Abbey reached out and touched Hayden"s arm. "Hayden, you"re a wonderful girl. I"m so glad you came into my life. But right now, I"m a mess, and you deserve more than I can ever give. I need to find myself and you need to do that, too. Go to college, pa.s.s your boards, and enjoy your life. I know with your compa.s.sion, you"re destined to be a great nurse. During that time, I hope you"ll fall in love with someone who can give back to you all that the wonderful things that you deserve. That"s how it"s supposed to be. Not dealing with court orders. Try to forget about me and what happened here. Think of it as a lesson well learned."

"I could never forget about you."

"And I"ll never forget about you, either."

Abbey squeezed Hayden"s arm and opened the car door. Hayden had tears in her eyes. "Take care of yourself."

As Abbey pulled away, she looked in the rearview mirror and saw Hayden still standing there. Suddenly, she was aware that her face was wet with tears. She"d lost her home, she"d lost her job, and she"d lost what she thought was the love of her life, but the thing that surprised her the most was that she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

For the first time in her life, she wasn"t accountable to anybody. Abbey realized that even though she had lost everything near and dear to her heart, the one thing she did have was her freedom. Freedom to live her life on her own. Free at last.

Epilogue.

Abbey got off the plane at Logan Airport and made her way through the concourse to terminal C to catch her Cape Air flight to Provincetown. This was her third trip to Ma.s.sachusetts this year, but her first time in Logan. She had applied for a teaching position at Provincetown High School, and she was hoping at this interview they would offer her the job. Provincetown High was totally different from St. Mary"s. The biggest thing was that she didn"t have to be afraid of who she was and didn"t have to hide her ident.i.ty. The next best thing was that it put a lot of miles between her and Ann.

Even though Ann destroyed everything she and Abbey had together, she still persisted in trying to persuade Abbey to come back to Erie and start over. But Abbey wanted no part of it. Even though she was lonely at times, the h.e.l.l Ann put her through was enough to keep Abbey away.

During the year she was suspended, Abbey took a part-time job at Borders during Christmastime to get through the lonely holiday season. She stayed on at Borders because the work was easy, and it gave her something to do other than sit in her kitchen and stare out the window.

She also took on a few tutoring jobs but found it difficult to do much of anything else. Even though it had been almost a year since the conduct hearing, she still felt the weight of the stigma from the board"s decision. When it came time for her to reapply at St. Mary"s, she couldn"t do it. She couldn"t shake the humiliation and the feeling that she didn"t belong here anymore.

As winter began to release its icy grip on northeastern Ohio, Abbey decided enough was enough. If she didn"t do something now, she would be stuck in this miserable existence forever, so she decided to get out of town. The trips she took were short at first-a day trip Marblehead to see the lighthouses or to Catawba to tour the vineyards.

Sometimes she would get in the car with no actual plan and just drive. That"s how she ended up in Provincetown. The first warm day in the spring after the hearing, with the thick scent of hyacinths in the air, Abbey packed up the Mustang and headed east. She had intended to head toward Cape May, a family vacation favorite where she loved to walk on the beach when it was still deserted, but something told her to head to the Ma.s.sachusetts cape. She had heard of Provincetown, never been there, and was curious about the freedom of the gay lifestyle.

She drove the entire eighteen hours in one shot. She was exhausted by the time she reached Commercial Street but was amazed at what she saw. Same-s.e.x couples walking in public holding hands. How wonderful to be able to live your life so open, she thought as she cruised down Commercial, then up Winthrop to the Bay Berry Inn.

Ruth and Cami, the innkeepers of the Bay Berry, were warm and welcoming. When Abbey signed in, Ruth looked over Abbey"s information.

"You"re from Youngstown?"

"Yes, have you heard of it?"

"I"ve not only heard of it, Cami and I are from there. What a small world."

It was on that first visit that she inquired at the high school if there were any positions opening up in the fall.

Abbey rolled her suitcase into the Cape Air terminal. Behind the service desk stood a customer service agent dressed in a retro 1960s stewardess uniform complete with silver wings pinned to her chest just above her name tag that read "Betty." Hair the color and texture of a Brillo pad spilled out from under her pillbox hat.

"h.e.l.lo, welcome to Cape Air. How can I help you today?"

Seeing a middle-aged woman dressed in stewardess getup and all, Abbey wasn"t sure what to think. She hoped the airline had kept up with technology since the sixties.

Abbey smiled and pulled out her ticket and driver"s license and handed it to Betty. "I like your uniform."

"Thanks. The airline is promoting "retro days." They"re trying to bring back the luxury of air travel."

Betty scanned Abbey"s ticket. "Oh, you"re registered with Flight 1472. That flight has been canceled."

"Oh, no! You"re kidding."

"No, ma"am, "I"m afraid not. I apologize for the inconvenience."

"Now what do I do? Is there another flight leaving today? I have an appointment at four p.m. in Provincetown."

"I have one more seat on Flight 1474, it leaves at..." Betty squinted at her computer screen, "three ten."

Abbey looked at her watch.

"That"s not for another two hours." Abbey sighed. "Great. I"ll have to call the school to tell them I might be late for my interview. Is that for sure on the flight time?"

"Yes, ma"am, it"s scheduled to leave at three ten. That will put you in Provincetown at a little past three thirty."

"Okay, I"ll take it."

Betty entered Abbey"s information into the computer and handed her a red plastic card with a large black number five in the center that would serve as her boarding pa.s.s. "Oh, one more thing, I need to know how much you weigh."

"Excuse me?"

"We need to know how much you weigh so the pilot knows how to distribute the weight in the plane."

Abbey was really having second thoughts about this plane ride. "One hundred twenty-two pounds." At least that"s what she weighed the last time she weighed herself, probably a year or so ago.

Betty made a note of Abbey"s weight in the computer. "All set. You can wait in the area over to your left. There are free coffee and doughnuts if you like."

Abbey forced a smile, still concerned about missing the interview and losing her chance at a great job. "Thank you."

She found a seat in the waiting area, which was surrounded on all sides by huge plate gla.s.s windows. It was neat to see the planes coming into and out of the gates. She got a cup of coffee but pa.s.sed on the doughnuts. All that was left was half a chocolate donut and a smattering of colored sprinkles. Anyhow, the weight thing really bugged her. The dress pants she had on felt a little tight. Maybe once she got to Provincetown, she would start running again, maybe on the beach.

The waiting area was deserted except for two bodies huddled under a Cape Air blanket. Maybe their flight got changed, too, Abbey thought as she pulled out the latest Jodi Picoult novel and began to read.

Abbey glanced up at the couple who were emerging from their blanket coc.o.o.n. They were two young women, dressed in fashionably torn jeans and colorful T-shirts. One of the women stretched her arms over her head and looked at the other like she was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She grabbed her hand, and they headed out to the airport concourse, probably to find something more edible than stale doughnuts.

Abbey felt a pang of loneliness deep inside. She couldn"t remember the last time anyone looked at her that way. Well, she could-Hayden. But that didn"t count...did it?

Since her breakup with Ann, Abbey reluctantly went on a few dates. Most of them arranged by Sharon, whom she kept in touch with on a regular basis. They were nice enough women, but Abbey figured she wasn"t ready to get involved yet.

Abbey returned to her book, and a few minutes later, she thought she heard someone call her name. She looked up, but no one was there. After reading the same line three times, she gave up on reading and closed her book. She walked over to the window and watched as a huge United Airlines 747 was maneuvering its way into a gate when she heard someone call her again.

"Abbey, is that you?"

Abbey turned around. As their eyes met, Abbey felt a shock run through her.

"Hayden? What are you doing here?"