"Thirty-four," I say. You can"t do the math? My date of birth is question number three on the application. What she really wants to say is, "Why does a thirty-four-year-old man choose to pursue such a demeaning career?" But they never have the guts to ask this.

"We"re paying $6.00 an hour."

That was in the ad. She offers this as if it were a gift. The minimum wage is currently $5.15. The company that owns Quiet Haven hides behind the meaningless name of HVQH Group, a notoriously sleazy outfit out of Florida. HVQH owns some thirty retirement facilities in a dozen states and has a long history of nursing home abuse, lawsuits, lousy care, employment discrimination, and tax problems, but in spite of such adversity the company has managed to make a mint.

"That"s fine," I say. And it"s really not that bad. Most of the corporations that operate chains start their bedpan boys at minimum wage. But I"m not here for the money, at least not the modest wages offered by HVQH.

She"s still reading the application. "High school graduate. No college?"

"Didn"t have the opportunity."

"That"s too bad," she offers, clucking her teeth and shaking her head in sympathy. "I got my degree from a community college," she says smugly, and with that Ms. Wilma Drell hits the list hard at number two. She"ll move up. I finished college in three years, but since they expect me to be a moron, I never tell them this. It would make things far too complicated. Postgrad work was done in two years.

"No criminal record," she says with mock admiration.

"Not even a speeding ticket," I say. If she only knew. True, I"ve never been convicted, but there have been some close calls.

"No lawsuits, no bankruptcies," she muses. It"s all there in black and white.

"I"ve never been sued," I say, clarifying a bit of language. I"ve been involved in a number of lawsuits, but none in which I was a named party.

"How long have you lived in Clanton?" she asks in an effort to drag out the interview and make it last more than seven minutes. She and I both know that I"ll get the job because the ad has been running for two months.

"Couple of weeks. Came here from Tupelo."

"And what brings you to Clanton?" You gotta love the South. People seldom hesitate to ask personal questions. She really doesn"t want the answer, but she"s curious as to why someone like me would move to a new town to look for work at six bucks an hour.

"Bad romance in Tupelo," I say, lying. "Needed a change of scenery." The bad romance bit always works.

"I"m sorry," she says, but she"s not, of course.

She drops my application on the desk. "When can you start work, Mr. Griffin?"

"Just call me Gill," I say. "When do you need me?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"Fine."

They usually need me right away, so the instant start date is never a surprise. I spend the next thirty minutes doing paperwork with Trudy. She goes about the routine with an air of importance, careful to convey the reality that her rank is far superior to mine. As I drive away, I glance at the forlorn windows of Quiet Haven and wonder, as always, how long I will work there. My average is about four months.

My temporary home in Clanton is a two-room apartment in what was once a flophouse but is now a decaying apartment building one block off the town square. The ad described it as furnished, but during my initial walk-through I saw only an army-surplus cot in the bedroom, a pink vinyl sofa in the den, and a dinette set near the sofa with a round table about the size of a large pizza. There"s also a tiny stove that doesn"t work and a very old refrigerator that barely does. For such amenities I promised to pay to the owner, Miss Ruby, the sum of $20 a week, in cash.

Whatever. I"ve seen worse, but not by much.

"No parties," Miss Ruby said with a grin as we shook hands on the deal. She"s seen her share of parties. Her age is somewhere between fifty and eighty. Her face is ravaged less by age than by hard living and an astounding consumption of cigarettes, but she fights back with layers of foundation, blush, rouge, mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and a daily drenching of a perfume that, when mixed with the tobacco smoke, reminds me of the odor of dried, stale urine that"s not uncommon in nursing homes.

Not to mention the bourbon. Just seconds after we shook hands, Miss Ruby said, "How about a little toddy?" We were in the den of her apartment on the first floor, and before I could answer, she was already headed for the liquor cabinet. She poured a few ounces of Jim Beam into two tumblers and deftly added soda water, and we clinked gla.s.ses. "A highball for breakfast is the best way to start the day," she said, taking a gulp. It was 9:00 a.m.

She fired up a Marlboro as we moved to the front porch. She lives alone, and it was soon obvious to me that she was a very lonely woman. She just wanted someone to talk to. I rarely drink alcohol, never bourbon, and after a few sips my tongue was numb. If the whiskey had any impact on her, it wasn"t obvious as she went on and on about people in Clanton I would never meet. After thirty minutes, she rattled her ice and said, "How "bout some more Jimmy?" I begged off and left soon thereafter.

Orientation is led by Nurse Nancy, a pleasant old woman who"s been here for thirty years. With me in tow, we move from door to door along the North Wing, stopping at each room and saying h.e.l.lo to the residents. Most rooms have two. I"ve seen all the faces before: the bright ones happy to meet someone new, the sad ones who couldn"t care less, the bitter ones who are just suffering through another lonely day, the blank ones who"ve already checked out of this world. The same faces are on the South Wing. The Back Wing is a little different. A metal door keeps it secured, and Nurse Nancy enters a four-digit code on the wall to get us through.

"These are the more difficult ones," she says softly. "A few Alzheimer"s, a few crazies. Really sad." There are ten rooms, with one patient each. I am introduced to all ten without incident. I follow her to the kitchen, the tiny pharmacy, the cafeteria where they eat and socialize. All in all, Quiet Haven is a typical nursing home, fairly clean and efficient. The patients appear to be as happy as you could expect.

I"ll check the court dockets later to see if the place has ever been sued for abuse or neglect. I"ll check with the agency in Jackson to see if complaints have been filed, citations issued. I have a lot of checking to do, my usual research.

Back at the front desk, Nurse Nancy is explaining visitation routines when I"m startled by the sound of a horn of some variety.

"Watch out," she says and takes a step closer to the desk. From the North Wing a wheelchair approaches at an impressive speed. In it is an old man, still in his pajamas, one hand waving us out of his way, the other squeezing the bladder of a bike horn mounted just above the right wheel. He is propelled by a crazed man who looks no older than sixty, with a large belly hanging out from under his T-shirt, dirty white socks, and no shoes.

"Quiet, Walter!" Nurse Nancy barks as they fly by, oblivious to us. They speed off into the South Wing, and I watch as other patients scurry to their rooms for safety.

"Walter loves his wheelchair," she says.

"Who"s the pusher?"

"Donny Ray. They must do ten miles a day up and down the halls. Last week they hit Pearl Dunavant and near "bout broke her leg. Walter said he forgot to honk his horn. We"re still dealing with her family. It"s a mess, but Pearl is thoroughly enjoying the attention."

I hear the honk again, then watch as they wheel around at the far end of the South Wing and head back to us. They roar by. Walter is eighty-five, give or take a year (with my experience I can usually get within three years of their age-Miss Ruby notwithstanding), and he"s having far too much fun. His head is low, his eyes are squinted as if he were going a hundred miles an hour. Donny Ray is just as wild-eyed, with sweat dripping from his eyebrows and gathering under his arms. Neither acknowledges us as they go by.

"Can"t you control them?" I ask.

"We tried, but Walter"s grandson is a lawyer and he raised a ruckus. Threatened to sue us. Donny Ray flipped him over one time, no real injuries, but we think maybe a slight concussion. We certainly didn"t tell the family. If there was more brain damage, it wasn"t noticeable."

We finish orientation precisely at 5:00 p.m., quitting time for Nurse Nancy. My shift begins in four hours, and I have no place to go. My apartment is off-limits because Miss Ruby has already fallen into the habit of watching out for me, and when I"m caught, I"m expected to have a little touch of Jimmy on the front porch. Regardless of the hour of the day, she"s always ready for a drink. I really don"t like bourbon.

So I hang around. I put on my white attendant"s jacket and speak to people. I say h.e.l.lo to Ms. Wilma Drell, who"s very busy running the place. I stroll down to the kitchen and introduce myself to the two black ladies who prepare the wretched food. The kitchen is not as clean as I would like, and I begin making mental notes. At 6:00 p.m., the diners begin their protracted arrivals. Some can walk with no a.s.sistance whatsoever, and these proud and lucky souls go to great lengths to make sure the rest of the seniors are reminded that they are much healthier. They arrive early, greet their friends, help arrange seating for those in wheelchairs, flit from table to table as quickly as possible. Some of those with canes and walking carts actually park them at the door of the cafeteria so their colleagues won"t see them. The attendants help these to their tables. I join in, offering a.s.sistance and introducing myself along the way.

Quiet Haven currently has fifty-two residents. I count thirty-eight present for dinner, then Brother Don stands to say the blessing. All is suddenly quiet. He"s a retired preacher, I"m told, and insists on delivering grace before every meal. He"s about ninety, but his voice is still clear and remarkably strong. He goes on for a long time, and before he"s finished, a few of the others begin rattling their knives and forks. The food is served on hard plastic trays, the kind we used in elementary school. Tonight they"re having baked chicken b.r.e.a.s.t.s-no bones-with green beans, instant mashed potatoes, and, of course, Jell-O. Tonight it"s red. Tomorrow it"ll be yellow or green. It"s in every nursing home. I don"t know why. It"s as if we spend our entire lives avoiding Jell-O but it is always there at the end, waiting. Brother Don finally fades and sits, and the feast begins.

For those too frail for the dining room, and for the unpredictable ones on the Back Wing, the food is rolled out on trays. I volunteer for this service. A couple of patients are not long for this world.

Tonight"s after-dinner entertainment is provided by a den of Cub Scouts who arrive promptly at 7:00 and hand out brown bags they"ve decorated and filled with cookies and brownies and such. They then gather near the piano and sing "G.o.d Bless America" and a couple of campfire songs. Eight-year-old boys do not sing voluntarily, and the tunes are carried by their den mothers. At 7:30 the show is over, and the residents begin drifting back to their rooms. I push one in a wheelchair, then help with the cleanup. The hours drag by. I have been a.s.signed to the South Wing-eleven rooms with two each, one room with a single occupant.

Pill time is 9:00 p.m., and it"s one of the highlights of the day, at least for the residents. Most of us poked fun at our grandparents for their keen interest in their ailments, treatments, prognoses, and medications, and for their readiness to describe all of this to anyone who would listen. This strange desire to dwell on the details only increases with age, and is often the source of much behind-the-back humor that the old folks can"t hear anyway. It"s worse in a nursing home because the patients have been put away by their families and they"ve lost their audience. Therefore, they seize every opportunity to carry on about their afflictions whenever a staff member is within earshot. And when a staff member arrives with a tray of pills, their excitement is palpable. A few feign distrust, and reluctance, and fear, but they, too, soon swallow the meds and wash them down with water. Everyone gets the same little sleeping pill, one that I"ve taken on occasion and never felt a thing. And, everyone gets a few other pills because no one would be satisfied with just a single dose. Most of the drugs are legitimate, but many placebos are consumed during this nightly ritual.

After the pills, the place gets quieter as they settle into bed for the night. Lights are off at 10:00 p.m. As expected, I have the South Wing all to myself. There"s one attendant for the North Wing and two on the Back Wing with the "sad ones." Well past midnight, when everyone is asleep, including the other attendants, and when I"m alone, I begin to snoop around the front desk, looking at records, logs, files, keys, anything I can find. Security in these places is always a joke. The computer system is predictably common, and I"ll hack my way into it before long. I"m never on duty without a small camera in my pocket, one I use to doc.u.ment such things as dirty bathrooms, unlocked pharmacies, soiled and unwashed linens, doctored logbooks, expired food products, neglected patients, and so on. The list is long and sad, and I"m always on the prowl.

The Ford County Courthouse sits in the middle of a lovely and well-kept lawn, in the center of the Clanton square. Around it are fountains, ancient oaks, park benches, war memorials, and two gazebos. Standing near one of them, I can almost hear the parade on the Fourth of July and the stump speeches during an election. A lonely Confederate soldier in bronze stands atop a granite statue, gazing north, looking for the enemy, holding his rifle, reminding us of a glorious and lost cause.

Inside, I find the land records in the office of the chancery clerk, the same place in every county courthouse in the state. For these occasions I wear a navy blazer with a tie, nice khakis, dress shoes, and in such a getup I can easily pa.s.s for just another out-of-town lawyer checking t.i.tles. They come and go. There is no requirement to sign in. I don"t speak to anyone unless I"m spoken to. The records are open to the public, and the traffic is scarcely monitored by clerks who are too disinterested to notice. My first visit is to simply get acquainted with the records, the system, to find everything. Deeds, grants, liens, probated wills, all sorts of registries that I"ll need to peruse in the near future. The tax rolls are down the hall in the a.s.sessor"s office. The lawsuit filings and cases are in the circuit clerk"s office on the first floor. After a couple of hours, I know my way around and I"ve spoken to no one. I"m just another out-of-town lawyer pursuing his mundane business.

At each new stop, my first challenge is to find the person who"s been around for years and is willing to share the gossip. This person usually works in the kitchen, is often black, often a woman, and if indeed it"s a black woman doing the cooking, then I know how to get the gossip. Flattery doesn"t work, because these women can smell bulls.h.i.t a mile away. You can"t brag on the food, because the food is slop and they know it. It"s not their fault. They are handed the ingredients and told how to prepare them. At first, I simply stop by each day, say h.e.l.lo, ask how they"re doing, and so on. The fact that one of the fellow employees, a white one, is willing to be so nice and to spend time on their turf is unusual. After three days of being nice, Rozelle, aged sixty, is flirting, and I"m giving it right back to her. I told her that I live alone, can"t cook, and need a few extra calories on the side. Before long, Rozelle is scrambling eggs for me when she arrives at 7:00 a.m., and we are having our morning coffee together. I punch out at 7:00, but usually hang around for another hour. In my efforts to avoid Miss Ruby, I also arrive for work hours before I punch in, and I sign up for as much overtime as possible. Being the new guy, I am given the graveyard shift-9:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m.-Friday through Monday, but I don"t mind.

Rozelle and I agree that our boss, Ms. Wilma Drell, is a dim-witted, lazy slug who should be replaced but probably won"t because it"s highly unlikely anyone better would take the job. Rozelle has survived so many bosses she can"t remember them all. Nurse Nancy gets pa.s.sing grades. Trudy at the front desk does not. Before my first week is over, Rozelle and I have a.s.sessed all the other employees.

The fun begins when we get around to the patients. I say to Rozelle: "You know, every night at pill time, I give Lyle Spurlock a dose of saltpeter in a sugar cube. What"s the deal, Rozelle?"

"Lawd have mercy," she says with a grin that reveals her enormous teeth. She throws up her hands in mock surprise. She rolls her eyes around as if I"ve really opened up a can of worms. "You are one curious white boy." But I"ve hit a nerve, and I can tell that she really wants to shovel the dirt.

"I didn"t know they still used saltpeter," I say.

She"s slowly unwrapping an industrial-size package of frozen waffles. "Look here, Gill, that man has chased ever" woman that ever stayed here. Caught a lot of "em too. Back a few years ago they caught him in bed with a nurse."

"Lyle?"

"Lawd have mercy, son. That"s the dirtiest ol" man in the world. Can"t keep his hands off any woman, no matter how old. He"s grabbed nurses, patients, attendants, ladies from the churches who come in to sing Christmas songs. They used to lock "im up during visitation, else he"d be chasin" the girls from the families. Came in here one time, lookin" around. I picked up a butcher"s knife and waved it at him. Ain"t had no problem since."

"But he"s eighty-four years old."

"He"s slowed a little. Diabetes. Cut off a foot. But he"s still got both his hands, and he"ll grab any woman. Not me, mind you, but the nurses stay away from him."

The visual of old Lyle bedding a nurse was too good to ignore. "And they caught him with a nurse?"

"That"s right. She wadn"t no young thang, mind you, but he still had thirty years on her."

"Who caught them?"

"You met Andy?"

"Sure."

She glanced around before telling me something that had been a legend for years. "Well, Andy was workin" North Wing back then, now he"s in the Back, and, you know that storage room at the far end of North Wing?"

"Sure." I didn"t, but I wanted the rest of the story.

"Well, there used to be a bed in there, and Lyle and the nurse wadn"t the first ones to use it."

"Do tell."

"That"s right. You wouldn"t believe the hanky-panky that"s gone down round here, specially when Lyle Spurlock was in his prime."

"So Andy caught them in the storage room?"

"That"s right. The nurse got fired. They threatened to send Lyle somewhere else, but his family got involved, talked "em out of it. It was a mess. Lawd have mercy."

"And they started giving him saltpeter?"

"Not soon enough." She was scattering the waffles on a baking sheet to put in the oven. She glanced around again, obviously guilty of something, but no one was watching. Delores, the other cook, was wrestling with the coffee machine and too far away to hear us.

"You know Mr. Luke Malone, room 14?"

"Sure, he"s on my wing." Mr. Malone was eighty-nine years old, bedridden, virtually blind and deaf, and spent hours each day staring at a small television hanging from the ceiling.

"Well, he and his wife were in room 14 forever. She died last year, cancer. "Bout ten years ago, Mizz Malone and ol" Spurlock had a thang goin"."

"They had an affair?" Rozelle was willing to tell all, but she needed prodding.

"I don"t know what you call it, but they"s havin" a good time. Spurlock had two feet then, and he was quick. They"d roll Mr. Malone down here for bingo, and Spurlock"d duck into room 14, jam a chair under the doork.n.o.b, and hop in the sack with Mizz Malone."

"They get caught?"

"Several times, but not by Mr. Malone. He couldn"t"ve caught "em if he"d been in the room. n.o.body ever told him, either. Poor man."

"That"s terrible."

"That"s Spurlock."

She shooed me away because she had to prepare breakfast.

Two nights later, I give Lyle Spurlock a placebo instead of his sleeping pill. An hour later, I return to his room, make sure his roommate is fast asleep, and hand him two Playboy Playboy magazines. There is no express prohibition against such publications at Quiet Haven, but Ms. Wilma Drell and the other powers that be have certainly taken it upon themselves to eliminate all vices. There is no alcohol on the premises. Lots of card playing and bingo, but no gambling. The few surviving smokers must go outside. And the notion of p.o.r.nography being consumed is virtually unthinkable. magazines. There is no express prohibition against such publications at Quiet Haven, but Ms. Wilma Drell and the other powers that be have certainly taken it upon themselves to eliminate all vices. There is no alcohol on the premises. Lots of card playing and bingo, but no gambling. The few surviving smokers must go outside. And the notion of p.o.r.nography being consumed is virtually unthinkable.

"Don"t let anyone see them," I whisper to Lyle, who grabs the magazines like a starving refugee goes for food.

"Thanks," he says eagerly. I turn on the light next to his bed, pat him on the shoulder, and say, "Have some fun." Go get "em, old boy. Lyle Spurlock is now my newest admirer.

My file on him is getting thicker. He"s been at Quiet Haven for eleven years. After the death of his third wife, his family evidently decided they could not care for him and placed him in the "retirement home," where, according to the visitors" logs, they pretty much forgot about him. In the past six months, a daughter from Jackson has dropped by twice. She"s married to a shopping center developer who"s quite wealthy. Mr. Spurlock has a son in Fort Worth who moves rail freight and never sees his father. Nor does he write or send cards, according to the mail register. Throughout most of his life, Mr. Spurlock ran a small electrical contracting business in Clanton, and he acc.u.mulated little in the way of a.s.sets. However, his third wife, a woman who"d had two previous marriages herself, inherited six hundred and forty acres of land in Tennessee when her father died at the age of ninety-eight. Her will was probated in Polk County ten years ago, and when her estate was closed, Mr. Lyle Spurlock inherited the land. There is a decent chance his two offspring know nothing about it.

It takes hours of tedious research in the county land records to find these little nuggets. Many of my searches go nowhere, but when I find such a secret, it makes things exciting.

I"m off tonight, and Miss Ruby insists that we go out for a cheeseburger. Her car is a 1972 Cadillac sedan, half a block long, bright red, and with enough square footage for eight pa.s.sengers. As I chauffeur it, she talks and points and sips her Jimmy, all with a Marlboro hanging out the window. Going from my Beetle to the Cadillac gives me the impression of driving a bus. The car will barely fit into a slot at the Sonic Drive-In, a modern-day version of an earlier cla.s.sic, and built with much smaller vehicles in mind. But I wedge it in, and we order burgers, fries, and colas. She insists that we eat on the spot, and I"m happy to make her happy.

After several late-afternoon toddies and early-morning highb.a.l.l.s, I"ve come to learn that she never had children. Several husbands abandoned her over the years. She has yet to mention a brother, sister, cousin, niece, or nephew. She is incredibly lonely.

And according to Rozelle back in the kitchen, Miss Ruby ran, until twenty or so years ago, the last surviving brothel in Ford County. Rozelle was shocked when I told her where I was living, as if the place were infested with evil spirits. "Ain"t no place for a young white boy," she said. Rozelle goes to church at least four times a week. "You"d better get outta there," she warned. "Satan"s in the walls."

I don"t think it"s Satan, but three hours after dinner I"m almost asleep when the ceiling begins to shake. There are sounds-determined, steady, destined to end real soon in satisfaction. There is a clicking sound, much like the cheap metal frame of a bed inching across the floor. Then the mighty sigh of a conquering hero. Silence. The epic act is over.

An hour later, the clicking is back, and the bed is once again hopping across the floor. The hero this time must be either bigger or rougher because the noise is louder. She, whoever she is, is more vocal than before, and for a long and impressive while I listen with great curiosity and a growing eroticism as these two abandon all inhibitions and go at it regardless of who might be listening. They practically shout when it"s over, and I"m tempted to applaud. They grow still. So do I. Sleep returns.

About an hour later, our working girl up there is turning her third trick of the night. It"s a Friday, and I realize that this is my first Friday in my apartment. Because of my acc.u.mulation of overtime, Ms. Wilma Drell ordered me off the clock tonight. I will not make this mistake again. I can"t wait to tell Rozelle that Miss Ruby has not retired from her role as a madam, that her old flophouse is still used for other purposes, and that Satan is indeed alive and well.

Late Sat.u.r.day morning, I walk down to the square, to a coffee shop, and buy some sausage biscuits. I take them back to Miss Ruby"s. She answers the door in her bathrobe, teased hair shooting in all directions, eyes puffy and red, and we sit at her kitchen table. She makes more coffee, a wretched brew of some brand she buys by mail, and I repeatedly refuse Jim Beam.

"Things were pretty noisy last night," I say.