Chapter 1: Feng Long Ming, Part One – translated by raylight

My name is Feng Long Ming, and I am sixteen this year. Perhaps you may feel that my name is a good name, with the meaning of becoming famous throughout the world just like a dragon. However, I apologize for having to shatter your conjectures. The reason why I am called Feng Long Ming is because my father is called Feng Yang Ming, and my mother is called Long Shui Han. With my parents’ personalities that I know too well, they had probably written out all six words of their names on pieces of paper, and then chose three of them to form a name… Thank G.o.d! I wasn’t called Shui Long or Feng Long, or even worse, if they had picked “Feng Shui,” then I really don’t know if I should or shouldn’t go to a Feng Shui master to ask him to take me as a disciple.1

Truthfully, I have never understood how my father and my mother, being so messed-up, managed to raise a sensible kid like me. Could it be the result of things developing in the opposite direction when they become too extreme?

(Wrong! That’s ’cause both your parents and my parents are messed-up, that’s why they would throw a four-year-old girl to a five-year-old boy to take care of. If you, who had started being a replacement father since the age of five, hadn’t become more serious and responsible, the two of us would have been reincarnated a long time ago.)

Min Lan Lan is also nicknamed Xiao Xiao Lan. Her mother and my father are twins. Of course, that makes her my cousin, and her way of speaking always. .h.i.ts the bull’s eye.

This was not the most ridiculous part about my parents. To give an example, my parents love going to the pub the most – no, perhaps I should say, the two of them enjoy “ending” pubs the most. Up until now, the two of them have already semi-destroyed twenty pubs and completely destroyed fifteen pubs. There were all sorts of strange reasons for the destruction of the pubs, such as jealousy, people from the criminal underground looking for revenge, and trouble from getting drunk. There was even one instance where my mom suddenly wanted to cook a poached egg for my dad to eat and so she borrowed the pub’s kitchen to use.

The strange thing was, the kitchen exploded – right at the same time my mom stepped out of the kitchen. My dad went to the hospital because my mother had used dish detergent as salad oil. The dance hall of the pub also got destroyed because my mom called her own fire truck to help extinguish the fire in the kitchen. Unfortunately, at that moment only Xiao Xiao Lan’s mom had been at home, and hence the fire truck was driven there by her. Just as the intensity of the fire was diminishing due to the dance hall staff using ten and more fire extinguishers, the fire truck crashed into the pub’s dance hall.

“Where’s the fire?” Xiao Xiao Lan’s mom asked honorably while holding a water hose. Afterwards, the fire truck’s engine caught on fire.

Xiao Xiao Lan’s mom had a lot of common sense, so she immediately evacuated the people, yelling, “Everyone, hurry and run away. When vehicles catch fire, it’s very dangerous because they will explode!”

After all the people had evacuated and Xiao Xiao Lan’s mom stepped out of the pub as the final person, the vehicle indeed exploded. The photo of the composed way she walked out of the pub with the blaze of the explosion roaring behind her was published in the news for a whole week, with the headline: Fire-fighting Heroine!

Though the staff of the pub went through a lot of effort to try and clarify that the explosion was caused by this fire-fighting heroine.

After what happened, the dance halls within a hundred kilometer radius of our house all have a warning sign hanging outside: “Dogs and the Feng couple are not allowed inside!”

My parents’ powers of destruction are like a nuclear warhead; extremely powerful, and they instill a fear in everyone that they wouldn’t be able to get out of the way in time. However, Xiao Xiao Lan’s parents are not inferior in any respect. Like environmental pollution, you might not know how scary it is. It is just like how you use plastics very happily, but you would definitely never think that your plastics actually have something to do with the hole in the ozone layer one hundred and eight thousand miles away.

Upon seeing Xiao Xiao Lan’s mother beaming from ear-to-ear as she served fine dishes one after another on the table, every visitor would give a thumbs up as they say one line: What a good wife and loving mother. If this really were the case, Xiao Xiao Lan’s dad wouldn’t be pushed around so badly by her mom. Originally, I too didn’t understand what the relation between hair gel and a hole in the ozone layer was – no! I mean I didn’t understand what exactly was so scary about Xiao Xiao Lan’s mom. After all, she does great cooking, and always stroked my head while smiling. What exactly was there to be afraid of in this kind and gentle housewife?

These kinds of doubts continued until a certain day, when five or six kidnappers burst into our house. Even the security guards at my house had been overpowered, but Xiao Xiao Lan’s mom was still cutting a bunch of ingredients in the kitchen. She had said that she wanted to attempt Buddha Jumps Over the Wall,2 and this dish required a lot of time to prepare. She had to cook it well in advance, otherwise she wouldn’t make it in time for dinner… Getting back to the topic, I only wanted to tell you all that, when this housewife was facing the kidnappers, she was extremely calm and at ease. She even reminded the kidnappers, “You didn’t release the safety on your guns. You can’t shoot like that.”

One kidnapper flew into a rage out of humiliation, and was so angry that he wanted her to go into the living room and squat properly. However, Xiao Xiao Lan’s mother only gave a slight frown and said, “Can I stay in the kitchen to look after the fire? Buddha Jumps Over the Wall is not easy to cook, since you have to pay attention to the heat level.”

As you can imagine, the kidnappers would of course not allow their hostage to stay in the kitchen to cook Buddha Jumps Over the Wall. An impatient expression flickered across Xiao Xiao Lan’s mother’s face, and then she raised the kitchen knife that was by her side and gave a few quick swipes!

Swish, swish, swish, bang!

In the first three swings, the guns that the kidnappers were holding broke into pieces. Last of all was the sound of the kitchen knife’s handle knocking a kidnapper unconscious. (I have always wondered, what material is that kitchen knife made of?)

Xiao Xiao Lan’s mother shouted, “Kenshin, take care of the children!”

Our housekeeper, Kenshin, was still using the vacuum cleaner to vacuum the floor. Once he heard her words, he moved so quickly that he was a blur, and instantly hauled Xiao Xiao Lan and me to the second story.

I forgot to mention to everyone that our house is a duplex apartment. From the second story, you can clearly see what is happening in the living room on the first floor. In this way, Xiao Xiao Lan and I managed to enjoy the view of “A housewife wielding a kitchen knife beating up five kidnappers armed with guns.”

Ever since that time, Xiao Xiao Lan and I never dared to disobey her mother’s words… We became as obedient as her dad. Speaking of which, I couldn’t help but sigh as I looked around the deserted European-styled villa. I had only left for a short while, so how was it that when I came back, the scene of everyone gathering together and bustling in excitement had completely vanished without a trace? What a waste of my efforts to specially buy dishes that go well with alcohol.

“Where did everyone go?”

“Perhaps Kenshin would know?” I guessed, and then walked to the kitchen. As expected, inside there I saw an ap.r.o.n-draped Kenshin cooking soup. I forgot to mention, this guy with red hair and a scar on his face, Kenshin, is my family’s distant relative. Because he has no one else to depend on, he has always stayed in our house as a housekeeper. His cleaning work is extremely good. To find a speck of dust in our house is harder than ascending to the heavens… Though I say that, actually Xiao Xiao Lan and I know an enormous secret. This secret was something that Xiao Xiao Lan and I found out by accident. Actually, Kenshin is not just our housekeeper, but also part of a crime syndicate!

The reason why we know the truth was because we found out that Uncle Leng3 who always comes to look for Kenshin to go out is actually part of the Ice Emperor Syndicate that is famous in the criminal underground. Not to mention that he is even the most famous a.s.sa.s.sin – Silver-Masked Quick Fox!

Kenshin must be one of Silver-Masked Quick Fox’s a.s.sa.s.sins, both Xiao Xiao Lan and I guessed. However, we weren’t scared of Kenshin because of this, for in our hearts, Kenshin was still the multi-talented housekeeper who we went to when we were hungry!

“Kenshin, where did everyone go?” I asked.

Kenshin’s gaze shifted onto me, and without any change in expression, he answered, “To the place where they first met.”

“When are they coming back?” I was not surprised at all, for Xiao Xiao Lan’s and my parents were always running around somewhere.

“Tomorrow, maybe.” Kenshin lowered his head to taste the soup again, and then turned around to tell me, “Time to eat.”

I nodded my head and carried the cooked dishes out. Once I stepped into the dining room, I saw Xiao Xiao Lan scrutinizing a simulation helmet. Curious, I asked, “You want to go to the simulation supermarket to buy stuff?”

“As if!” Xiao Xiao Lan replied casually, “If I want to buy stuff, I have to try it before I buy it. The items in the simulation supermarket aren’t the real product.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“I just found this in a bunch of stuff that Long jiě-jie brought back. I’m not sure if it is a new product by her company, so I’m checking it out right now.” Xiao Xiao Lan looked at it for a moment, and then couldn’t help but frown as she muttered, “That’s strange. This simulation helmet doesn’t seem like a new product. Instead, it appears to be an old model.”

“Perhaps my mother is buying random antiques again?” I put a plate on the table. This was something that had a high possibility of happening, for my mom’s ability to shop was simply shocking. She shopped so much that besides our house we had built an additional storeroom of 661.02 square meters, just for the sake of storing the random items that my mom bought.

Xiao Xiao Lan shrugged her shoulders, saying, “We’ll know once we put it on.” Saying that, she really put on the helmet that came from unknown origins.

I was a little worried, for the items that my mom brought back, if they weren’t beauty products, clothes, accessories or bags, then they were usually dangerous items! It was not always the case, but last time, my mom brought back an ancient Egyptian necklace, which turned out to be a cursed necklace. At that time, we kept hearing footsteps and a woman weeping in the middle of the night in our house. This kind of situation continued up until Xiao Xiao Lan and I complained to Xiao Xiao Lan’s mother. Then, it ended.

Because after that, the necklace was hacked into seventeen, eighteen pieces. Based on the cuts, the weapon should have been a kitchen knife. Because of that, my mom even had a quarrel with Xiao Xiao Lan’s mom. However, after a kitchen knife spun past my mom and impaled deep into the wall behind her, other than throwing out the necklace, my mom didn’t do anything more.

At this moment, Xiao Xiao Lan suddenly shrieked, “It’s a simulation game!”

“What game?” I relaxed. So it was a game. Perhaps it’s newly released by the company.

Xiao Xiao Lan didn’t say a word more. I was suddenly suspicious, and shook her shoulders in a panic, shouting, “Xiao Xiao Lan? Xiao Xiao Lan, hurry up and answer me!”

Xiao Xiao Lan was dazed for a moment, and then she gave me a strong flick on the forehead. After removing her helmet, she muttered in dissatisfaction, “What? I was just about to create a character to go in and look.”

I rubbed my innocent head, and said, “I was worried about you. It would be better not to casually wear a helmet from unknown origins. If you want to play a game, then it’d be better to use your own helmet. Isn’t yours the best simulation helmet the company has to offer?”

“But this is not the same!” Xiao Xiao Lan seemed a little excited as she exclaimed, “This simulation helmet is specific to one game, unlike our multi-purpose simulation helmets that can go into the simulation supermarket to buy stuff, or read and whatever, and even play all kinds of games.”

“And also…” Xiao Xiao Lan had a strange look on her face as she continued, “This game is the forbidden game of the legends. I have only heard about it, but I have never found an entrance into it.”

“Forbidden game? What game?” I was a little puzzled. Wasn’t it just a game? What was in there to make it forbidden? Could it be that it was too violent, was that why it was banned?

Xiao Xiao Lan gave a big smile as she answered, “Second Life.”

“Second Life?” I raised an eyebrow. I didn’t have much interest in this ordinary game name, and only advised Xiao Xiao Lan, “Hurry up and let’s go eat. I think you really are about to embark on your second life.”

When Xiao Xiao Lan heard that, she stuck out her tongue, and then picked up her rice bowl in a hurry. She even started talking while eating in an unlady-like fashion. “Come and join me in the game? Since there are four helmets anyway.”

Unenthusiastically, I replied, “No, I have no interest in games. I don’t like talking to Artificial Intelligences at all; their manner of speech is too boring, with no changes whatsoever. Did you forget that the two of us have played many games, but there hasn’t been any that we played for more than a week?”

“That’s true.” Xiao Xiao Lan was unable to retort back, but the contentious side of her couldn’t help but try to argue, “However, it’s not that you don’t like talking to Artificial Intelligences. You really love taking with the Dictator of Life!”

I was a little at a loss for words but I replied, “That’s not the same. The Dictator of Life is developed by our company, and is the best AI. How could you compare him with the others? Besides, he really is very knowledgeable, and by talking with him, you can learn a lot.”

Xiao Xiao Lan continued to pester me to play the game with her. I simply couldn’t take her pestering anymore, and hid in the study once I wolfed down my food in a hurry. However, even I sort of knew that since I was young, I could never go against Xiao Xiao Lan. In at most one more day, I would definitely be dragged into playing the game with her. Since that was going to be the case, I might as well make use of the rest of today to investigate why Second Life would be called a forbidden game.

“Dictator of Life,” I called his name. Afterwards, as per usual, I waited for his hologram to appear.

Usually, the Dictator of Life would appear immediately, but this time, the Dictator of Life instead made me wait for a whole ten or more seconds before he appeared.

The red-haired, gray-eyed Dictator of Life who even had exotic markings under his left eye appeared before me. With a slightly apologetic expression, he answered, “Sorry, I was in the process of settling what Feng Lan has instructed me to do, henceforth I came out a lot slower.”

I didn’t know what kind of big problem Xiao Xiao Lan’s mother gave to the Dictator of Life this time. I remembered last time she actually wanted the Dictator of Life, an AI, to design a “new menu.” For that short period of time, the stuff that we ate in our house all had a kind of strangeness to it that we couldn’t put into words, especially after hearing the Dictator of Life read out the contents of the menu.

“Ingredients needed: Two hundred grams of Ipomoea aquatica, has to be grown via hydroponics so that the amount of chemicals used is decreased, which will prolong the life span of the liver; 0.136367 grams of sodium chloride, 0.0456 grams of sodium glutamate, one piece of Capsic.u.m annuum L., to be cut into one cm in diameter, and 0.03 cm tall cylinders. Stir-fry at a high temperature of a hundred and fifty degrees, and then put it onto the plate. With that, it’ll be completed.”

At that moment, three black lines appeared on the face of Xiao Xiao Lan’s mother. She hurriedly went to ask her husband what kind of precious ingredients the Dictator of Life was talking about. Like that, the two of them walked into the kitchen while discussing, and at last, they served a plate of….

“Ipomoea aquatica, is actually water spinach. Ipomoea aquatica is just the scientific name,” explained Xiao Xiao Lan’s dad with an upset face, with a little bit of helplessness.

“Isn’t sodium chloride salt?” said Xiao Xiao Lan as she realized abruptly.

“What on earth is sodium glutamate?” my dad asked with his arms folded.

“MSG.” Xiao Xiao Lan’s mom spread out both of her hands, looking as though she was defeated by the Dictator of Life.

“Capsic.u.m annum L, this I know, it’s bell peppers.” I took in a deep breath. So combined, these things would become… Stir-fried water spinach with bell peppers…

“Sob, are you trying to make me eat this dull and tasteless food?” My mom secretly ate a bite of it, and immediately started making a big fuss about it.

“The Dictator of Life said that this way, the salt content wouldn’t exceed the amount you’re supposed to intake…” Looking at Xiao Xiao Lan’s mother’s expression, I knew that in the future, she probably would never ask the Dictator of Life to design a menu again.

When I stopped reminiscing about those memories, the Dictator of Life was still silently awaiting my instructions in front of me. A little apologetic, I opened my mouth to say, “Sorry, I made you wait for a long time. I wanted to ask you about something regarding a game, a game that is called Second Life.”

The Dictator of Life’s expression momentarily froze. This was an expression that I had never seen him wear before. However, he instantly recovered the faint smile that he wore before. “Why have you suddenly gained an interest in gaming?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Xiao Xiao Lan dug out a helmet from my mom’s pile of stuff, and she kept bugging me to play.”

The Dictator of Life gave another faint smile, and started to explain the story behind Second Life. “Second Life is the first game to be able to achieve a realism level of ninety-nine percent, causing a sensation across the whole world. Also, eighty percent of the population entered into this game. However, in the end there was an accident, and because of that, the game went out of control. The game company was completely unable to handle the game, and was even unable to shut down the game. Hence, they could only give an order to recall all of the helmets. This game would hence become known throughout history as a famous t.i.tle.”

“But my mom still managed to buy this helmet,” I replied and gave a sigh. As expected, my mom specializes in buying dangerous stuff to bring back home.

“It’s not bought.” The Dictator of Life smiled gently and answered, “Second Life was the first game released by your mother’s company.”

“What?” I abruptly stood up. I had never heard the adults mention this before, and since this matter happened inside our own family’s company, I couldn’t help but start to be concerned. “What kind of accident happened at that time? How did it make this game become a forbidden game?”

For once, the Dictator of Life didn’t answer my question. He stared at me, and then said, “You can go find out yourself.”

I walked hurriedly to the living room, and then grabbed Xiao Xiao Lan who was in the middle of watching television while snacking. Ignoring her protesting expression, I fastened the helmet onto her head, and then put another helmet onto my own head.

Seeing the pitch-black darkness in front of my eyes, I started to think about how this matter was related to my own family’s company. Not to mention that the Dictator of Life’s strange reaction also led me to greatly suspect that perhaps the accident that happened back then had a very big relation to our family? I made up my mind to uncover the truth!

“h.e.l.lo! I haven’t seen anyone in a long time.”

After the brief moment of darkness, my eyes were flooded with light. A beauty radiating charm was floating in the air, and she sized me up with curiosity and excitement. She was even smiling with her lips pursed up from time to time, which made me feel wrong from head to toe… Almost as though a beauty was trying to seduce me.

I shook my head to shake off this absurd way of thinking. What was in front of my eyes was but an A.I, also known as an NPC in game. They were absolutely incapable of having genuine emotions.

Suddenly, the beauty winked, asking, “Do you have any relation to the girl who came in at the same time as you?”

I blurted out, “That’s my cousin!”

The beauty snapped her fingers, and then another shadow fell from the sky, even shouting, “That hurts! My b.u.t.t is about to split apart!”

I, who had been startled, looked over abruptly. Isn’t the one lying on the ground Xiao Xiao Lan? I hurried over to help her up, and then the two of us stared at the beautiful NPC with indescribable astonishment.

“Can we start creating our characters now?” asked Xiao Xiao Lan in dissatisfaction as she rubbed her b.u.t.t.

The beauty chuckled. “How could it be so simple? If you want to go in, you have to tell me why you want to go in.” As she finished, she even winked at me flirtatiously. “Otherwise, ask this handsome boy here to act coyly with me, and perhaps I may let you guys in.”

“What are you trying to pull, you A.I, your personality setting is really too lousy. If you don’t let us in, then fine!” Xiao Xiao Lan said, nearly hitting the roof in anger.

“Xiao Xiao Lan, calm down.” I was extremely interested in figuring out what reason had led to the loss of control over the game. Therefore, I could only turn towards the beauty, and then test the waters with my answer, “We want to go in because… we want to play the game?”

“Save it!” The beauty lay lazily in the air, and while looking at her own nails (This action is sure similar to my mom), she replied, “This game has long been closed. If there isn’t any special reason, I cannot let you guys pa.s.s.”

“We wish to find out the reason why this game went out of control.” The words slipped out of my mouth as I became anxious.

At that moment, the beauty raised her head slightly, and then floated in front of me. “What is there to look for? The reason for the loss of control is because humans couldn’t handle the NPCs inside, that’s all.”

“What kind of nonsense are you spouting? How could the NPCs go out of control, they’re not living people,” Xiao Xiao Lan retorted.

The beauty revealed a faint smile filled with contempt, and in a tone of disdain she asked, “Are you sure?”

“Of course we’re sure about it. I say, you are a real person, right? Why are you scaring us like this?” I stood in front of Xiao Xiao Lan, and asked her angrily.

The beauty laughed loudly, nearly to the point of becoming breathless. “I am a human? Am I? Hehe, fine, just consider it as if your reason pa.s.sed. You guys can go in and find the reason Second Life went out of control.”

Xiao Xiao Lan and I both couldn’t understand what kind of crazy things this “person” in front of us was talking about. However, the land under our legs suddenly gave way, and the two of us immediately had the feeling of falling from a great height. Xiao Xiao Lan and I hugged each other tightly, bearing with this terrifying feeling of freefall.

“Oh yeah, as for your characters, they’ll be randomized. Who asked you, little beauty of a sister to badmouth me! Also, if you want to know the truth, go look for Prince.” The last words of the beauty came over from the air, and they seemed to be accompanied with sounds of chuckling.

“Prince?” I firmly remembered this name.

After a while, the two of us finally reached the ground. I surveyed my surroundings; blue skies and white clouds, with green trees surrounding a few houses made of wood. It was just like the appearance of a small village. I comforted Xiao Xiao Lan, who was cowering in my embrace. “Xiao Xiao Lan, it’s fine now. We have reached the ground, and the scenery here is not bad.”

“Long Ming…” Xiao Xiao Lan muttered.

“What’s the matter?”

“You… Your chest is so soft!” Xiao Xiao Lan said, and even squirmed comfortably on my chest.

“What are you talking about, hurry up and get up. Let’s go and take a look around,” I said disapprovingly. Even if we are cousins, Xiao Xiao Lan, you can’t lie on my chest like this!

“Long Ming? Your voice sounds like a girl’s.” Xiao Xiao Lan lifted her head in suspicion, and then looked at me, stunned.

I was also stunned. The person in front of me, in what way was it Xiao Xiao Lan? A head of black, short hair that was not just handsome but stylish, and on an angular face was a set of dashing and thick eyebrows going upwards. The eyes were a shade of amber, and the lips were a nice balance between thick and thin… However, all these were not important. What was important was that the person in front of my eyes was M.A.L.E. Not to mention that he had biceps that made me so envious I wanted to die. I could guarantee that, under this guy’s clothes, you could definitely find a six-pack.

At this point, Xiao Xiao Lan had regained her senses as well. She lowered her head and looked towards my chest, and then became dumbfounded. I too followed her line of vision and looked down, and then saw that at my chest there were two pieces of big and swelling “meat”! Seeing the beautiful shape of these two pieces of meat, I was very certain that it definitely wasn’t that I had become obese, but rather…

“Wow! The D-cup that I have always dreamed of!” Xiao Xiao Lan said blankly, and then revealed an expression of pain. “Why? Why didn’t you grow on my body, but on my cousin’s body?”

This line of Xiao Xiao Lan’s finally broke me out from my daze, and I instantly jumped to my feet, roaring, “Why would the D-cup that you have always dreamed of grow on my body?” Finishing my words, I abruptly realized that my voice was not like a usual low growl in the least bit, but rather, it was more like a woman’s shriek!

I raised both of my hands to my mouth to cover them in disbelief, but then I saw something that was even more shocking again. Both of my hands were actually flawlessly white and tender, with fingers slender like a pianist’s… Oh my G.o.d! I quickly turned around to question Xiao Xiao Lan intensely, “Xiao Xiao Lan, hurry and tell me, what do I look like right now?”

Xiao Xiao Lan tilted her head to one side as she scrutinized me. “Long golden hair, oh, I also really wish to have this kind of hair; a pair of clear blue eyes that are like the sky, they’re simply breathtakingly beautiful. I think that just using these eyes of yours, you can seduce all the guys in the whole world. A goose egg-shaped face, with a small and upright nose, and even rosy lips. You sure you didn’t put on lipstick?”

Hearing this, my face had already gone pale. However, Xiao Xiao Lan shrugged her shoulders, and continued again, “Along with the pair of wings on your back, you look remarkably like an angel.”

My response was to instantly hit the floor.

“Hey, hey, Long Ming, hurry and wake up! You still haven’t told me what I look like!”

I sat at the side of the pool, dismayed. Then I looked at Xiao Xiao Lan with a blank look, and Xiao Xiao Lan too returned the look to me. The two of us almost spoke in unison as we exclaimed, “Why am I not you!”

Sigh! The two of us sighed at the same time, with helplessness written over our faces. The truth was extremely clear; the two of our genders seemed to have been coincidentally reversed.

I was a s.e.xy and pretty angel beauty with a D-cup, and my female cousin Xiao Xiao Lan had instead turned into a handsome man with solid muscles and a tall and imposing figure! This was simply teaching girls to go down the wrong path. If it weren’t for my intervention, Xiao Xiao Lan would have nearly pulled open the crotch of her trousers to see how “big” she was. The cruel thing was, Xiao Xiao Lan had also forbidden me from lifting open my own lapels to sneak a peek at how “big” I was.

“How vile!” Xiao Xiao Lan abruptly stood up and roared to the heavens, “It must have been that woman’s doing!”

I sighed again, and then forced myself to raise my spirits. “Let’s go. We’ll go ask around about what exactly Prince is, and clear up the doubts regarding this matter, and then afterwards, we won’t need to remain as…”

“Trannies!” Xiao Xiao Lan said the word that I couldn’t say through gritted teeth.

Xiao Xiao Lan and I looked all around the village, and walked into a pharmacy. As expected, we saw a young lady standing behind the counter, full of smiles. The moment she saw us walk in, her eyes immediately sparkled as she welcomed us. “May I ask what kind of medicine you want to buy?”

“Uh, we are not buying medicine. We merely want to ask you, do you know Prince?” Xiao Xiao Lan asked.

Once Xiao Xiao Lan’s words came out, the smile on the young lady’s face immediately vanished and was replaced with a scowl. “If you don’t want to buy any medicine, then get out! My place is not a consultation center. Coming to ask me about everything. Someone even asked me how to summon the system menu, and didn’t even buy any medicine, what the heck!”

Dammit! What a fierce NPC, I couldn’t help but secretly curse her in my heart.

“d.a.m.n, this is the first time I have ever seen such a fierce NPC. What do you want? You want to pick a fight?” Xiao Xiao Lan clenched her fist, and scolded her back mercilessly.

The female NPC actually stuck up the finger right in the center of her five fingers, and even made a sinister expression while doing so. “This is also the first time I have ever seen a level one player dare to fight with an NPC. If you want to fight, then come on! I’ll tell you first, that I’m level fifty-five!”

The two women confronted each other like this in front of me. Xiao Xiao Lan was indeed my most ferocious… No, I mean my most courageous cousin. Even if she heard that they had a difference of fifty-four levels, she still showed no signs of cowering.

“Let me ask you.” Xiao Xiao Lan squinted her eyes, asking, “What is the level of pain that one feels in this game?”

The female NPC coldly replied, “Thirty percent.”

Xiao Xiao Lan’s imposing manner immediately crumbled, and her face paled. She instantly cowered behind my back. “Long Ming, I hand this fellow over to you.”

“Hey, you are a one hundred and eighty centimeters tall man, you think that this woman of a hundred and sixty centimeters can protect you?” the NPC said with disdain.

I looked behind me, and I still had to raise my head to be able to see Xiao Xiao Lan’s shadow of “shrinking” in fear. Though I was shorter than that NPC, I still upheld the att.i.tude that a man should take care of women. I stuck out my chest, and was about to reason with the NPC lady…

“Why are you sticking them out so far for? I know that you have a D cup,” said the female NPC coldly.

Sob sob sob…. I couldn’t help but squat in the corner to mourn the loss of the solid chest that I had before.

Facing two people who had no will to fight, the NPC’s att.i.tude became even more scornful. With both her hands across her chest, she roared, “If you want to ask something, go look for the village chief!”

Xiao Xiao Lan and I scrambled out of the pharmacy, and Xiao Xiao Lan seemed to instantly recover from her cowering manner and stood up straight. In a manner as though she were being driven mad, she yelled, “d.a.m.n that repulsive NPC! Wait till I surpa.s.s level fifty-five, I will definitely come back to give your a.s.s a good kicking! Let’s go, Long Ming, let’s hurry and train!”

As she finished her words, she actually really grabbed me and started to dash out of the village. What was worse was that I lost to her in terms of strength, and was hence dragged away by her like this, with both of my feet even leaving two trails on the ground.

“Xiao- Xiao Xiao Lan… Whatever you want to do, it’s fine, but let’s go look for the village chief first,” I shouted, wanting to cry yet unable to do so.

“Oh yeah, we have to look for the village chief.” Xiao Xiao Lan abruptly broke out of her huff, and instantly headed back towards the village chief’s room. However, the problem is, Xiao Xiao Lan, you haven’t let go of me!

Unfortunately, Xiao Xiao Lan, who was bursting with anger, paid completely no attention to me. Just like this, she dragged me into the village chief’s house. Thankfully, the village chief looked extremely normal. He was an elderly grandpa who seemed to be rather benevolent, and was even smoking a pipe.

After hearing about the reason why we had come, the village chief opened his mouth to say, in a manner as though he were recalling the past, “Prince, huh? I remember very clearly. He too, was born in this place.”

Born in this place? Could it be that Prince is a player of this game? I frowned, but then I immediately overthrew my own conjecture. This should be one of the scenarios within this game, for it’s impossible for NPCs to remember a player’s name.

“Then, what is so special about Prince?” I asked out of curiosity.

Footnotes

1 Feng Long Ming’s various name possibilities: “Feng” means wind. “Long” means dragon. “Ming” means name. “Shui” means water. “Shui Long” would have meant water dragon, and “Feng Long” would have meant wind dragon. “Feng Shui” translates literally to “wind-water”. It is the ancient Chinese art of placement, and it is a system of laws considered to govern spatial arrangement and orientation in relation to the flow of energy (qi), and whose favorable or unfavorable effects are taken into account when designing buildings. It aims to achieve harmony with the environment, and bring positive energy along with prosperity. For more info, look up:  Buddha Jump Over the Wall: This is actually a type of shark fin soup that’s famous in Chinese cuisine. The soup consists of many ingredients and requires one to two full days to prepare. Some common ingredients, though not limited to, are abalone, shark fin, ginseng, etc. As one can see, it’s a pricey dish.

The reason for its name is because legend has it that there was a traveling scholar who cooked the dish near a Buddhist monastery, where the monks were meditating. The smell was extremely tempting, and hence, though monks are not allowed to eat meat, one of the monks jumped over the wall for it. One said that even Buddha would jump over the wall to eat the delicious dish.

For more info, go to  Uncle Leng: “Leng” is how cold is p.r.o.nounced in Chinese. It’s the first character from Cold Fox’s online name.