Haruka was perplexed. He thought that a graduation ceremony was something that would end more quickly. That as they had practiced countless times, they’d advance indifferently, receive their certificates and just digest the ceremony. And yet, he surely didn’t expect that the dozens of people crying before his eyes would make him perplexed. Furthermore, the first one to break the dam was Rin. Haruka couldn’t understand at all why a guy who’s been there for merely two months is crying, what shook his emotions so much. To sympathize with Rin, who’s crying with his voice raised, when everyone started crying one by one, Haruka could only look on silently, ending up completely left behind.

It was also surprising that Makoto didn’t show any tears among them. Not because he’s particularly easily moved to tears, he wasn’t the type who couldn’t control his feelings either, but despite most of the cla.s.s crying, he couldn’t help feeling that it was unnatural for Makoto to be composed.

The graduation ceremony of tears didn’t end even when they returned to the cla.s.sroom, it went on and on until they bid farewell to the cherry blossom and the flower bed.

Is the wind blowing on Mutsukibashi again today? But it probably doesn’t blow with intense coldness anymore. Is Kotsuzumiyama growing taller again? Glowing in the blue sky, while making the lines of the mountain ridge vividly rise to the surface.

While running lined up to Makoto, before he could think about those things, he started sweating before he knew it. Today’s temperature was high enough to be remindful of early summer.

In the vicinity of the bridge, he saw Nagisa stepping in place. And then the sound of footsteps getting closer from behind. He knows it’s Rin without having to turn around.

Rin never calls out from behind. He always stays silent until he lines up beside them. It seems that he’s under the arbitrary impression that Haruka hates being suddenly prodded and treated over-familiarly.

“Hey.”

Pausing his breathing, Rin shows a smile. Sending him a fleeting look, Haruka let Rin know just that he hears him.

“Yahhoo.”

Nagisa rushed over while waving his hand.

“Hey Haru-chan. Did you cry today?”

The graduation ceremony ended in the morning. That’s why they decided to practice at the club in the afternoon. Makoto notified Nagisa.

“I don’t cry.”

“Really? Even though it’s the graduation ceremony?”

Finding Nagisa’s way of think that you have to cry just because it’s the graduation ceremony to be amusing, his lips come close to relaxing.

“Rin-chan’s the one who cried.”

“Hold on a sec, it wasn’t just me. Most of the cla.s.s was crying. There’s something wrong with Makoto and Haruka for not crying. Also, I told you to stop with ‘Rin-chan”. Call me ‘leader’, Haru.”

He thinks that he’s a bothersome guy. Crying aloud so much, it’s too late for excuses now.

“Sure, leader.”

Rin glares at Haruka.

“….. As I thought, when Haru calls me that, it kinda gets on my nerves. Just call me Rin.”

They approach the bridge while having a trifling conversation. The wind didn’t blow from the mountain, it held the smell of salt water. Riding on that wind, a tern flew in the calm sky.

Nagisa runs getting close to Makoto.

“Hey, Mako-chan didn’t cry either?”

“Yeah. Since Rin was crying in a large voice, I was surprised, it ended up kind of breaking the mood.”

“Eeh, you really didn’t cry? But then, why did Rin-chan cry? He just came here though. Could it possibly be because he’s going to Australia?”

Unlike himself, Rin replies while getting embarrased.

“It’s like, I can’t handle that kind of mood. Though the time we spent together was short, it was a good cla.s.s. Hey, why do you know that I’m going to Australia?”

“I heard from Mako-chan yesterday. But, Rin-chan, you’re a crybaby, huh?”

When Rin swallowed his breath as he was about to say something, Haruka raised his speed a little.

“I’m gonna leave you behind if you chatter.”

The other three raise their pace to match up with Haruka. Before they became aware of it, Nagisa didn’t fall behind them. While breathing in a well-regulated rhythm, he keeps up in a light gait. It’s not because he suddenly got muscle strength or he grew taller. It’s just that he cleared the conditions for the sake of running faster a little. But he probably hasn’t noticed it himself.

The tern pa.s.ses by Haruka and the others, it returns to the sea. Without being taught how to fly, as long as it has the requirements for flying from birth, can it fly with just that? Haruka’s thoughts melted into the blue sky, together with the tern.

Makoto let go of his grip at the same time as he strongly kicked the wall. Rapidly stretching up in an instant, the scene immediately changes to underwater. So that the flutter kick gains enough buoyancy, he’s aware of the downkick. For the upkick, he lightly kicks upward.

While starting the strokes, he rises to the water’s surface. He didn’t need a breather, but he inhales a breath with the recovery’s timing. If his breathing were to be disordered, it would end up connecting to disturbing his form at once.

He hasn’t swum the backstroke in an actual match before. So, even though it was just before the tournament, he didn’t feel nervous at all. To what extent he should swim for it to be accepted, to what extent it is now, he didn’t know at all. As long as he doesn’t know anything, he’s not anxious, either. As long as he’s not anxious, there’s no point in being nervous. He was only feeling exhilarated. 

During the graduation ceremony, even though everyone was crying, he didn’t cry with them because he couldn’t cry. Until the ceremony began, he thought that he would surely end up crying. However, during the ceremony and after it, true feelings didn’t gush forth at all.

―― It’s not over yet.

That feeling restrained the other emotions.

It’s not over yet. The best race still awaits. Swimming it with these members, the best race made the last still awaits. He can’t possibly cry if it’s not even over yet. He can’t possibly cry while he has this exhilarated feeling. There’s no anxiety, expectation or anything at all. There was only the pa.s.sion that was enough to get him excited now.

Makoto’s hand firmly extending and touching the wall, Nagisa dives in.

Thinking that he pa.s.sed under too deep, Nagisa rushed to correct his trajectory. One pull and one kick.

His time went up. He feels that it’s real, too. He has become capable of grasping the feeling of kicking the ma.s.s of the water on the sole of his feet. The resistance’s heavy impact is transmitted from the sole of his feet.

But if you were to ask him if he could compete against sixth graders, to be honest, he didn’t have the confidence yet. It’s the same with the dive. Although there were times when he thought it went well, there are also times when it doesn’t, like now. On the other hand of being glad that he can swim with everyone, sometimes he worried if he was becoming a hindrance. Anxiety always standing in front of him, he feels a pain in his chest.

――That’s why I want to swim faster.

When those feelings become stronger, his body became lighter without fail. The resistance transmitting through the sole of his feet getting bigger, it rapidly stretches. Simultaneously, the water’s propulsive force getting bigger as well, it forces him back like a wall.

While turning his awareness towards the other side of that wall, Nagisa stretched out both his hands so that he could pierce through it.

Rin kicked off from the starting block. He makes the landing on the water at an ideal angle. Spreading his arms wide from the dolphin kick, he starts the b.u.t.terfly.

In the end, without attaining the ‘ideal feet bending’ yesterday, he finished practicing the forward crawl. He couldn’t overtake Haruka’s time. Getting a feeling that he was lacking something fundamental, he ended up giving up on it after swimming twenty laps. He was physically at his limit, too, time wise it was almost time for the other members to arrive, he thought that beyond that, it would be the same no matter how much he swam.

In other words, the fundamental element is the ideal image. It’s impossible to become faster without depicting an image and just recklessly aiming only at the time. And Rin’s depicted ideal image is Haruka. However, the way Haruka was now, he couldn’t possibly become anything like an ideal.

It’s been over two weeks since they narrowed practice down to the medley relay. Despite this, the team’s results are far from improving. Their time isn’t going up at all. No, to say nothing of going up, it dropped. Haruka was the cause. He no longer swam gracefully like before.

If you examine the form in detail, the point that’s becoming a problem is nowhere to be found, but in his stroke and kick, it wasn’t functioning at all as a propulsive force. While carving a clumsy rhythm, he just kept swimming.

Rin didn’t attempt to say anything about it. Rather, there was no point in giving advice. Like a water bird spreading its wings and gliding in the sky, he swims without even feeling water’s resistance.  Such as that way of swimming was largely out of Rin’s area of expertise.

Now, Haruka struggled in the water like a different person. Brushing away the water coiling around him, he attempts to go ahead by force. Differing from Makoto’s powerfulness, he just recklessly aimed at the goal. Rejecting the water, it even seemed like he hates it. Does it have a purpose, or is he injured, or did he really end up forgetting how to swim? In any case, it became a way of swimming that didn’t bear the slightest resemblance to what Haruka’s was until now.

Now that he lost sight of the ideal image, Rin didn’t even know what he should be struggling towards anymore. So long as Haruka is in his current state, he can’t pursue the ideal. While that may be true, he didn’t intend to ask Haruka why that is, either. It wouldn’t change anything even if he asked, even if nothing can be done about it at this rate, he thought that he doesn’t mind. There’s no change in his feelings that decided to swim on the same team.

However, Haruka will one day surely break out of this situation. He doesn’t know when this will happen. Will he make it in time for the tournament, or will it be way ahead…… In any case, he’ll certainly break out, he will become faster without a doubt. Unless he becomes faster, there’s no meaning in having suffered and worried.

But when Rin wonders if Haruka will go ahead of him again like this, he becomes unable to stand it after all. Even when he thinks that he’s gotten closer, he ends up being separated again. No matter how much time pa.s.ses, he won’t reach him. No matter how much time pa.s.ses, he’ll keep swimming in front of him.

―― Why is it always him…….

Clenching his teeth, he finished swimming the 100m while strongly striking the water.

Haruka leaps in. The moment he leapt, he thought that it’s no good. Landing on the water. Then, he starts doing the strokes, unable to catch the rhythm. Strength fills his body. He becomes stiff. Even though he knows that he can’t swim properly in that case, it was already hopeless. He couldn’t swim any other way anymore.

Telling himself that he can’t do anything about it now, he forcibly convinces himself. Lets himself give up.  Lets himself compromise.

He lies to himself, saying that it’s fine like this now. Deceives himself. Keeps fooling himself.

While tormenting himself with a helpless feeling of restlessness and self-hatred, Haruka still kept swimming.

Until just about two weeks before, he didn’t even care about his time. And then, after he began caring about his time, the water ended up being nothing but water to Haruka. Physically existing, becoming a target of buoyancy to obtain, it turned into nothing more than an obstacle that became a hindrance of propulsion. Then, doing a rolling according to the textbook, he repeats the strokes. It’s a basic swimming against the water as a substance. The connection between Haruka and the water turned into something no more than that.

Touching the goal as the fourth swimmer, Haruka confirms the time as he lifts his face from the water’s surface. The mediocre number that’s no different from usual lined up mechanically. A small sound leaks out from the gap between his molars as he lightly grits his teeth.

Aki extended her hand to Haruka, who had taken off his goggles.

“Good job.”

Wondering if she’s imitating Makoto’s tone of voice, he speaks in a voice like his throat was crushed a little.

“Thanks.”

Holding on to Aki’s hand, he climbed up onto the poolside. The size and pulling strength of the grasping hand was different from Makoto’s. Taking off his cap and shaking his head, he asked while making the water come out of his ears.

“How’s your team doing?”

“Yeah, our time is smoothly going up.”

“I see, you’re trying your best.”

He wasn’t very interested, but it felt awkward to wave her hand away without saying anything. That’s all it is. While that may be true, he doesn’t intend to give a report about themselves, like social rules dictate.

“It feels kind of weird to meet again after graduating, doesn’t it?”

Aki shows a carefree smile.

“Come April, most of us all will be in the same middle school.”

“Yeah, that’s true. But crying so much and saying goodbye, it’s kind of embarra.s.sing a little to meet again so easily.”

He thinks it’s typical of Aki. To Haruka, the graduation ceremony was just a ceremony, it didn’t have any other special meaning. If there’s something that largely differs between Haruka and Aki, it’s probably the way they hold their awareness for their friends. It’s not just Aki. Haruka was different from everyone else. Showing that at the time of the graduation ceremony, to the point of saying that it’s unpleasant, he ended up being perplexed.

“That’s because it was a good cla.s.s.”

Unable to bring himself to let go of Aki’s hand, he tries imitating Rin’s words.

“Yeah. It really was a good cla.s.s. We can’t laugh and cry with those members anymore, can we?”

The ‘member’ keyword rolls around in Haruka’s ears. It doesn’t pa.s.s through easily like other words.

“That’s right.”

He thought of ending the conversation with those short words. He looks at Rin taking a break on the bench in a fleeting glance. He was talking to Makoto about something. It doesn’t seem like they’re resuming practice yet. As a last resort, Haruka attempted to change the direction his body was facing, intending to say so himself.

“Nanase-kun.”

When he slightly moved the toes of his right foot, Aki called Haruka to halt. When he turned his gaze towards her, Aki looked embarra.s.sed.

“Saying to Nanase-kun that it would be better if he swam in the relay, that is, um, I’m sorry.”

Saying that, she slowly bowed her head. What could she be apologizing for? Though he stared at Aki bowing her head, he couldn’t find the answer.

“Why?”

He had no choice but to ask that. Or, would it have been better if he had pretended to know and said ‘it doesn’t matter’?

Aki raises her head.

“You see, I mistakenly believed without consideration that Nanase-kun needed friends to mutually rely and be relied on, to cry and laugh with. I always thought that friends are that sort of thing. But I realized that it was just my selfish a.s.sumption. Nanase-kun has his own feelings, teams and friends come in many shapes, right? Really, it feels like unnecessary meddling.  Nanase-kun and the others, all of you are so serious, all of you looking straight ahead at swimming, seeing Nanase-kun and the others like that, it made me feel a little ashamed….. Aah, why did I say something like that? You didn’t understand any of that, huh…… But you see, I think it’s the same. Our feelings and Nanase-kun and the others’ feelings, I want to think that they’re the same. Along with everyone on the team, there’s difficulty and pain facing the same objective, having to overcome that sort of thing, there’s impatience and something like worry, too….. So you see, when I see Nanase-kun and the others putting in all their effort, I feel the strength welling up that I have to try my best, too. Really, it always encourages me.”

Aki softly drops her gaze on the pool.

Haruka wondered if it would be better if he said something, but without knowing what he should say, he could only fixedly stare at Aki casting her eyes down. Aki’s words fly past each other in his head like fragments. None of them pa.s.s easily through his ears. And he couldn’t easily accept any of them.

He doesn’t understand what sort of meaning there is to the relay. He doesn’t know yet what waits ahead of it, either. It’s because he didn’t know that he agreed to become a member. And now, he’s swimming. That’s all it was. It’s not that he’s swimming particularly for the sake of encouraging someone.

How did Aki interpret Haruka’s silence? With her gaze still turned towards the pool, a faint smile rose to the surface. Her mouth opens a little.

“You see, swimming is really fun for me now.”

Raising her gaze, Aki peeks at Haruka’s eyes. Like she’s trying to search for the true Haruka in the depths of his eyes.

――How does Nanase-kun feel?

Aki throws the same thing at him as Makoto asked under the cherry blossom at that time. As he tried replying that he doesn’t really know, the words got stuck inside his throat. And then, meaningless words rush out of his mouth instead.

“I see, let’s both try our best.”

“Yeah.”

Lightly raising his hand, he turned his back towards Aki. Aki’s smile disappearing from his field of vision, only the word ‘fun’ remained in his ear. Swimming and having thought that it’s ‘fun’ ―― it has probably never happened before. Could that be waiting for him beyond the relay?

He walks to the bench where Rin and the others are sitting. He wondered how much they had swam today when he saw Nagisa breathing into his back. How is it for Nagisa? Like Aki, is he having fun swimming? How is it for Rin? For Makoto……?

Because the sun had gone down a little, the light shining in from the skylight windows makes rectangular sunny spots in the pool. While looking at the light diffusedly reflecting on the ripples, Haruka vaguely remembered that tomorrow is the day of the tournament.