High Speed!

Chapter 9 – Road

Chapter 9 – Road

It was on the last day of the exam period that the ban on club activities was finally lifted. When Haruka and the others came out onto the poolside after making a bow, unexpectedly, Nao was there in his swimsuit. Opening his legs to 180 degrees, he’s sticking his chest flat to the ground.

“Nao-senpai, ……you gonna swim?”*

Asahi asked.

“Yeah, just for fifteen minutes.”

Keeping his legs opened and twisting his body at the waist, Nao answers benignly. If he can swim, why hasn’t he swum until now, why only for fifteen minutes, what is he swimming for? He had so many questions that he couldn’t count them, but no matter what he intends to do, Haruka got excited to no small extent that Nao will swim.

“Makoto, a contest with back. 25m.”

“Eh?”

Raising his eyebrows, Makoto is surprised.

“It’s precious time. Don’t waste a single second of it.”

“Y-yes!”

Makoto’s reply echoed over the pool.

After the two of them scrupulously did the warm-up exercises, they entered the water and took a hold of the starting grip. Pressing their feet against the wall, they firmly pull their bodies in. A moment of silence. The expectations towards Nao’s swimming rise.

Whistle––.

The two of them kicked off from the wall. The way their bodies stretch out is different. The point where Nao lands on the water is farther. When he starts doing the Va.s.sallo from the streamline, that difference opens even wider and he reaches the goal with a few strokes after surfacing. It wasn’t the kind of difference that comes with a super short distance of 25m. Why hasn’t he swum until now? That question arises again.

The two of them climb up onto the poolside and Nao removes his goggles. Then, after he looked over the four of them, he showed a bright smile.

“What happened? All four of you look like you were bewitched by a kitsune.”

He’d feel relieved if he’d get it over with and tell them that he’s a kitsune. What in the world is Nao?

“Do you understand the difference between Makoto and I in that start just now? Asahi.”

“U-uissu. Nao-senpai stretched out like pchoo.”*

“Then, where does that difference in stretching out come from? Ikuya.”

“Tachibana’s legs did not finish stretching out.”

“Why don’t they finish stretching out? Haruka.”

Even if he’s told to say why, it’s not something he knows unless he asks Makoto.

“He couldn’t make use of the counteraction.”

He thinks that’s what it results in, but––.

“Makoto, why were you scared?”

“Eh?”

“Did you think you’d hit your knees or something?”

“…………”

Makoto loses his words. No wonder. He doesn’t get the meaning of what he’s saying.

“When you kick off from the wall, the muscles of your thighs aren’t being useful.”

For the backstroke’s start, there’s an order for stretching your body, first you stretch your waist, next your knees, and lastly, you have to kick off from the wall, but in Makoto’s case, because he’s kicking off from the wall before his knees stretch out, he can’t transmit his strength well.

“By pushing your knees into the wall, even though you’re putting strength into your thigh muscles, you have a feeling like your knees would b.u.mp into the wall and you get scared.”

“But, I’m not scared or anything.”

“Then, try doing the start once more.”

Entering the water after Nao tells him to, Makoto takes hold of the starting grip. Firmly pulling his body in after pressing his feet against the wall, he stretches out his body all at once. Lifting his face after landing on the water and lifting his goggles, Makoto lifted his up-slanting eyebrows.

“My knees, ……I didn’t push them.”

“See?”

Nao enters the water as well after saying so and shows him an example. It was a beautiful start. He stretches out, with the flexibility of a leaping fish. Nao lifted his face.

“Because your body is toppling backwards, no matter how much it feels like your knees are about to b.u.mp into it, they don’t. The point is, you’re just scared of the illusion.”

“Yes.”

After he specially coached Makoto for a while, Nao left the pool. His time is up.

The next day, Nao was absent from club activities.

“First year boys’ section, gather round!”

Upon Natsuya’s order, Haruka and the others, who were on the poolside, a.s.semble.

“How is it, have you gotten used to club activities?”

“Uissu!”

Asahi was the only one who replied directly. Rather than that, Nao weighs on his mind. 

“Uhm, is Nao-senpai absent today?”

Makoto asked, without trying to hide his puzzled expression.

“Starting today, he’s taking a break for a while. That said, he’ll show up next week though.”

“Did, something happen?”

He went into the pool yesterday. He swam. It’s no wonder that Makoto feels uneasy about what in the world happened.

“It’s an eye surgery.”

Natsuya shows a smile while pointing at his own eye. He can’t laugh. If it’s a joke, it’s in bad taste. If it isn’t, he wants a proper explanation as to what’s going on.

“Huh? Haven’t you heard?”

“We haven’t heard anything. Yesterday’s…… Because of yesterday’s practice––”

Natsuya curbs Makoto’s attempt at pressing on.

“Wait, wait. I give up. Did Nao really not say anything?”

“He didn’t!”

Makoto jumps even at Natsuya’s murmuring which seemed like he was talking to himself.

“Okay, I get it. Well then, if you’re so worried, go and pay him a visit.”

Makoto looks at Haruka’s face. If he wants to go, he should. He wouldn’t particularly need to seek Haruka’s permission for it, he thinks.

“I’ll go too!”

“M-me too!”

Ikuya and Asahi responded sooner than Makoto. If the three of them go to pay him a visit, Haruka can have the lane all to himself. It looks like today he’ll be able to swim at ease for the first time in a while. As expected, swimming all jumbled up isn’t his cup of tea.

“I get it, I get it. Go, the four of you. However, it’s during club activities, so go by running. Also, I have handouts and marked tests, take those with you, too.”

The hospital on the cape is straight ahead on the road alongside the coast. Although called straight, it seems to be a road made by curtailing the slope of the mountain, it curved along the coastline, full of twists and bends. There were quite a few ups and downs with a tough incline, the bus that occasionally comes painfully spewed out exhaust fumes, too. A rock reef spreading out on one side, sometimes the sea water submerged the road during the high tide. On the other side, the rock surface that curtailed the mountain rose perpendicularly, red pines and such were growing here and there.

While listening to the sound of the waves breaking on the rock reef, Haruka and the others were running on the road alongside the coast that lead to the hospital on the cape. The four hot breaths are swept away by the sea breeze and disappear.

Makoto’s expression is stiff. Could he be thinking something like “maybe it’s due to yesterday’s practice”? Even if that’s the case, it’s not something for Makoto to fret over. It’s something Nao had decided for himself.

Haruka was feeling as downhearted as Makoto. At last, it was his chance to have the lane all to himself, so why does he have to receive the treatment of being in the same boat, he couldn’t help but think of it as unfair.

“Both of you, don’t worry. It must be a cold or something, anyways.”

Asahi says light-heartedly. Would a cold affect someone’s eyes? That’s a very interesting theory.

“I hope so.”

The good-natured Makoto plays along with Asahi.

“That aside, did you see Nao-senpai’s tests? It’s incredible, they’re all 80-90 points.”

It seems that Asahi greatly lacks the concept of privacy. He had firmly sworn that he won’t say careless things.

“I wouldn’t have gotten scolded if I’d gotten that much, too.”

“There’s still j.a.panese left, no?”

Makoto says, forcibly brightening his sullen face.

“I’m sayin’ that j.a.panese’s the most problematic. Especially the last question.”

“’What does the writer want to say?’ That one?”

“Yeah, that. It’s like, how should I know, right? If you got something to say, say it clearly. Plus, that’s a text we didn’t do in cla.s.s.”

“How is it for Ikuya-kun? That question, did you get it?”

“Nah, I’m not too confident about it.”

“Me neither. Haru?”

“Probably, I guess.”

“By probably…… you mean you got it?”

“Yeah, probably I guess.”

Asahi comes closer while running.

“Did you get it, Haru? Tell us, the answer.”

“You’ll know it when we get back the marked tests.”

“Ahha. The truth is you didn’t get it, huh? What a show off.”

He doesn’t even get offended from Asahi telling him that.

“Tell us. Haru.”

The gloominess had disappeared from Makoto’s expression. Could he have gotten distracted by such a ridiculous conversation?

“Ikuya-kun wants to hear it, too, right?”

Prompted by Makoto, Ikuya answers brusquely.

“I’m interested in Nanase-kun’s answer, too.”

–– Interested……huh.

What sort of interest could Ikuya have towards Haruka? Ever since that incident, he had no longer directed those darkly shining eyes towards Haruka. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the something lurking inside Haruka won’t provoke Ikuya’s darkness again sometime. What Ikuya truly has an interest in, is it that something not even Haruka himself can fathom, or is it the ‘darkness’…… perhaps.  

“In the first five lines, it took up social problems, right?”

Haruka slowly starts explaining and the three of them nod.

“Then, the next four lines a.n.a.lyzed that scientifically, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, yeah. It certainly was like that.”

Asahi and Ikuya both agree with Makoto’s interjection.

“The last three lines is the influence it has on people’s mental state.”

“Yup. I wrote that, I wrote that. But, you sure do remember well, Haru.”

Asahi is annoying. Won’t he stay quiet at least when he’s explaining it to him?

“It ends with that. Basically, that question has no ‘summary’.”

“Indeed……”

Ikuya takes on a pensive look.

“If it’s done like that, what they want to say from each of their viewpoints differs.”

“I wrote the influence on the mental state that’s at the end.”

After Makoto says it, Asahi and Ikuya continued.

“For me, it’s social problems. It’s the pattern where the conclusion is at the start.”

“I wrote all three. It was hard to write it in small characters, though……”

“Which is correct? Haru.”

“None.”

“By none…… you mean none of them are correct?”

“The correct one is in the unwritten ‘summary’.”

Asahi sharpens his spiky hair and pouts while he’s at it.

“You can’t get it if it’s not written, can you?”

“So, it’s telling you to guess it.”

“Uwah, what’s with that? Trick question?”

It certainly is twisted. However, if you recall what was in cla.s.s, you can see where it’s coming from.

“––Things differ, depending on the side you look at.”

“Ah.”

“Ah.”

“Ah.”

“It’s various aspects!”

The three voices come together.

“d.a.m.n it, I’ve been had. This was totally a strategy so we can’t get a perfect score.”

Asahi complains and Ikuya joins him.

“It seems like something that teacher would do.”

Then, Asahi draws close to Haruka and pleads to him.

“Haru, please. Get a perfect score and get payback for us.”

The test is already over.

“I’ll leave you behind if you say ridiculous things.”

Haruka raises his pace and the three of them adhere to that pace. While a wind blows on the road alongside the coast, the four hot sighs become a single lump and they ran past it.

Although they were overtaken by four buses, they finally arrive and pa.s.s through the gate. Looking at that gatepost, he learned for the first time that the hospital on the cape has an official name. At the start of this year, he was in the care of this hospital. It might be because of it that Makoto’s expression is stiff.

The four of them were completely out of breath. The sea breeze that occasionally blows is pleasant. While wiping off his sweat, Haruka looked up at the white building.

“Let’s go.”

Without saying it to anyone in particular, Haruka started walking.

After reaching the ophthalmology ward, when they peeked inside, Nao’s bed was the innermost in the four-person room.

“Why, it’s you guys. All four together.”

Unexpectedly, or rather, as he thought, Nao was well. There’s no IV, no bandages, no ECG, no nothing. While thinking that he himself seemed more like a sick person when he was there, Haruka was looking at Nao’s pale face.

Makoto takes out the variety of handouts from his bag.

“The captain told us to bring these.”

“Natsuya did?”

Accepting the handouts, he lightly nods after quickly glancing through them.

“It was too troublesome for him to bring it himself, huh. Oh well. Instead of here, shall we go to the lounge?”

Nao got off the bed in a light manner and he began to walk with flexible steps. It’s that cat-like manner of walking with no gaps. He couldn’t think that a sick person generally walked like that.

There was no table in the lounge, only a sofa was placed by the wall of the not too wide s.p.a.ce. The big gate they had pa.s.sed through earlier is visible from the window.

Nao bought five cartons of juice from the vending machine outside the lounge and handed it out to them.

“……Azaasu.” [Asahi extremely contracting arigatou gozaimasu.]

While saying it modestly, Asahi quickly bows his head. Haruka accepted the juice, too, while thinking that if he’s going to say it without spirit, he should just normally say “thank you very much”. Since arriving at the hospital, Asahi’s been like that all along. All along, he walked by trying to hide behind Haruka and the others. It’s that so-called “caught up in the mood” thing.

“It’s retinal detachment.”

Nao said while sitting down on the sofa after having finished handing out the juices. From the unfamiliar disease name, their eyes gather on Nao. Nao put the straw into the carton and drank just one sip.

“I did it in the autumn of my second year. I thought it was maybe a little hard to see, but I figured it would get better sooner or later and left it alone, which was a bad idea. It kind of felt like trouble so I went to the hospital, then I was suddenly told to get myself admitted. When they told me that I might not be able to swim anymore, it sure was a shock…… Natsuya forcibly invited me to join the swim club, but you see, I got completely hooked on it……”

Could it mean that Nao can no longer swim? In that case, he wonders why he’s still in the swim club. Yesterday, the fact that he swam, what in the world was it?

“Drink the juice.”

Told by Nao, they individually said “thank you for the juice” and put their straws into the carton.

“I did aikido until the sixth grade of elementary school. Concentrating your mind below your belly b.u.t.ton, that’s the basics of aikido. It’s something I learned for the first time once I tried it, but there are plenty of parts that work for swimming, too. In aikido, I mean.”

While thinking that’s what that way of carrying himself with no gaps was, Haruka put his mouth on the straw.

“Aikido is a type of martial arts where you don’t use your muscle strength. You fight while making use of your opponent’s strength and turning your own weight into strength. Swimming isn’t a combat sport, but you properly have an opponent. For example, at the time of the start, placing your weight on the starting block, you’re meant to make use of that repulsive force anyways, and when you’re swimming, you turn the water’s resistance into propulsive force, right?”

Oh, he gets it now. Indeed, having the muscle strength doesn’t necessarily make you fast. If anything, he becomes unable to feel the water when he swims by relying on his muscle strength. During the compet.i.tion, he was keenly forced to realize it. 

“You’re not progressing by force, you read the flow of the water. How the water flows. What you should do to get a lot of strength from it. Once I realized that the more you think about it, the more profound it is, I was beside myself with joy how interesting swimming was.”

Nao drinks just one sip from the juice.

“I said to turn your whole body into ears at the start, right? That’s one kind of ‘selflessness’. The ultimate goal of martial arts, it’s when you lose yourself and without thinking anything, you move the way you felt. I think that possibly, it could be the ultimate goal of swimming, too. If there’s a ‘selfless swimming’, if I could attain that, maybe I’ll reach the ultimate state that’s beyond things like swimming fast and winning and losing. …… It was around then that I started thinking about such things.”

Nao has a distant look in his eyes. He’s showing his smile like usual, but there was a cloud in that expression which seemed to include sorrow. Reflecting Nao’s feelings, even the lounge’s air becomes heavy. In that, Makoto asked like he couldn’t bear to put up with it any longer.

“––The surgery, ……are they going to, cut and stuff?”

In the lounge that had fallen so silent that it seemed like he could hear Makoto’s heartbeat, Nao’s laughter suddenly echoed.

“Hahaha. Did Natsuya say surgery? Can’t be helped, huh. They’re just treating it with a laser. So I actually wouldn’t need to be hospitalized, but middle schoolers are still children, so they think I wouldn’t listen and rest even if they tell me to.”

Makoto leans forward and a little bit of juice flows over from the straw.

“Yesterday’s, ……due to yesterday’s swimming, it’s my fault……”

He probably wants to ask if he overdid it when he tried teaching backstroke to Makoto, but that’s not it. If he were intending to overdo it, it wouldn’t have been necessary to delimit his time to fifteen minutes, and if he were to overdo it in the same way, he ought to have partic.i.p.ated in the compet.i.tion. And the fact that he was hospitalized the day after the exam period indicates that it was planned in advance.

“No, no. This was prearranged. After the treatment, I have to keep still for about two weeks, so I consulted the hospital’s doctor and it was decided that swimming for just fifteen minutes would be fine. However, no dives and turns.”

“Why, did you go so far……”

“For the sake of providing a proper objective for Makoto. I’m the only one in the club who’s made the back their signature style, and I thought it would be better to make you realize the difference in your objective before the ‘Time Trial By School Year’. So, Makoto’s objective for the time being would be me. Haha.”

The juice swiftly flies out from Makoto’s carton.

“I’ll, I’ll try my best! I will definitely master what Nao-senpai sacrificed his health for to teach me!”

“Oi oi, you’re exaggerating. Even with the treatment this time, it’s just to be on the safe side, I’m already mostly stabilized.”

“Then, does it mean that you will become able to swim?”

Asahi and Ikuya also lean forward from Makoto’s expectation.

“It depends on the course of the treatment, but I’ll become able to swim by the summer.”

Makoto’s up-slanting eyebrows softly went up, Asahi’s spiky hair gently swayed, Ikuya was relieved beneath his long eyelashes.

“However, dives are forbidden.”

Makoto thinks a little.

“Then, only the back……”

Ikuya takes over after him.

“But, if it’s the back, that’s Nao-senpai’s specialty––”

Asahi stands up.

“It’ll go well! Yesterday’s back was the best!”*

Nao shows a bright smile.

“Right. I forgot to mention it, but the grade leaders move up.”

“Huh?”

“At this rate, when you become third years, it means Asahi will be the captain.”

“Eh, eh, I’ll be……captain……?”*

Perhaps because his knees gave away, he fell back on the sofa again.

“It’s fine. Since I appointed you. The free’s fine, too. When I was told that I might not be able to swim, I felt down, too. I worried over it for about half a year, but, when I thought that I really do want to swim with Natsuya and the others, I was able to become serious. No use in being impatient, is there? Then, I took on a positive outlook. Asahi, take your time without being impatient.”

“Uissu!”

Why are there tears in his eyes?

“Also Makoto, you worry too much about people. You can be a little more selfish. Your exchanges with Haruka, it’s almost like you’re his guardian. It’ll make people think that you’re a busybody.”

“Eh, really? Haru.”

He directs his gaze outside the window. If he answers honestly, it might get complicated in the future.

“Also, Ikuya. Believe in your companions more. If you keep yourself withdrawn in your sh.e.l.l, you’ll never be able to change. At long last you joined the club for the sake of changing, so try revealing it all. If it’s these guys, they’ll accept it from you.”

Ikuya turns down his long eyelashes and hangs his head. Saying it is simple, but putting it into practice requires a certain resolve. Both revealing it and being revealed. He thinks that if possible, he’d prefer it if he reveals it where Haruka isn’t there.

“Lastly, Haruka. If you’re fixated on something, stick with it until the end. Don’t worry about the compet.i.tion’s results. Natsuya was irresponsible, too, by saying ‘enter in all the free’, but the next official match you can do that in is just the ‘Time Trial By School Year’. For the rest, it’s restricted to two or three events per person.”

He has no interest in matches and records, but it was humiliating that he became unable to swim. It was agonizing that for someone who doesn’t have the endurance, he was looked down on because he’s fixated on it. And more than anything else, he couldn’t stand other people being concerned for him. He couldn’t forgive his weak self.

“Next time, I will swim properly.”

Nao abruptly draws a breath.

“Natsuya has a childish side to him, too, so he was just being stubborn, but that has no meaning at all. –– I get it. I’ll tell him.”

“–– No, next time I will swim it all.”

Nao’s smile disappeared from Haruka’s strong tone. Makoto, Ikuya and Asahi also look at Haruka. While knowing that they’re looking at him, he doesn’t avert his gaze that’s directed at Nao.

“Haru, Nao-senpai’ll say it for you, so……”

“I’ll swim––, all of it!”

Haruka’s strong intention pushes aside Makoto’s words. He didn’t want to be someone who people are concerned about. He swims for the sake of that. For the sake of continuing to be his strong self.

By the time they came out of the hospital on the cape, the sun was beginning to sink to the west. If they take it easy, it seems like they’ll end up going past when it’s time to leave school. Haruka and the others hurried on the way back.

Other than the occasional bus pa.s.sing by, it’s a road that cars mostly don’t pa.s.s on. Thanks to that, they were able to concentrate on running. He wanted to think only about running. Chasing away both Nao and swimming from his head now.

All of a sudden, words escape from Ikuya’s mouth.

“I’m, …..no good.”

His rough breathing is mixed with it.

“When I’m about to lose, ……I become unable to take it anymore.”

“…… Ikuya-kun.”

Makoto spoke his name, hoping to console him.

“Being teased or something, ……is no good either.”

Waves crashing against the rock reef, the sea water containing air turns into foam and scatters.

“Being scolded, …..is no good either.”

The flock of sea birds that were resting their wings on that rock reef took flight simultaneously.

“I can’t, …..control it on my own.”

They approach the slope’s steep uphill part.

“Even when I’m playing, ……I get angry and go home.”

‘25% slope’ was on the sign.

“Because I’m like that, …… I can’t make friends, either.”

Rather than running, the sensation is closer to crawling.

“Natsu-nii, …..abandoned me, too.”

As if to mock them, a bus pa.s.ses by.

“Before long, ……Satomi, too.”

His muscles screamed before the peak.

“I-Ikuya-kun. It’s… all… right.”

If he’s in pain, Makoto should also stay quiet and run, he thinks. Just how good-natured is he?

“So––”

He’s impressed that he can still talk.

“So, I’ll …..be like Nanase.”

His name coming up out of the blue, Haruka felt like his knees were about to give in.

“Facing forward, ……I’ll r-u-n!”

They overcame the peak at last. He was in so much pain that it seemed like he could hear an auditory hallucination. So that he wouldn’t have to hear any more unnecessary things, Haruka accelerated on the descent.

He only heard the sound of cutting through the wind.

He thought it was fine like that.

By the time they had returned to the school, the announcement urging them that it’s time to leave school was already airing. All four of them were heaving their shoulders with their breathing while they were drenched in so much sweat that you’d think they had ran through a downpour. When they went up to the pool with their breathing still rough like that, Natsuya stood there with his arms folded.

“Why, that was quick. I was just thinking of carrying all your stuff to the school gate now. Hahaha.”

After laughing carefreely, he looks at each of the four’s faces, who were still gasping for breath.

“It looks like you ran seriously. Well done, well done. It’s already time to leave school, so hurry up and go change.”

“Uissu! ……Haa haa.”

Asahi walks to changing room, Ikuya and Haruka follow after him.

Makoto––, kept facing Natsuya.

In his rough breathing, Makoto stood face to face with Natsuya. His feelings solidified when they were running. He has to say it no matter what. He had resolved himself that he has to say it now.

Haruka calls out to Makoto.

“Let’s go, Makoto.”

“Go on ahead. Haa haa. I’ll go right after reporting to the captain.”

He answers, keeping his gaze directed towards Natsuya. After waiting for Haruka’s presence to disappear into the changing room, Makoto brought up the subject to Natsuya.

“Why, …… did you push away Ikuya-kun? Haa haa.”

Keeping his arms folded, Natsuya was looking at Makoto. Almost as if he were waiting for Makoto to regain his breath. ‘It has nothing to do with you.’ If he were told that, that’s all there is to it. However, still looking Makoto in the eye, Natsuya answered head-on.

“It’s to–– make him stronger.”

“That’s a lie. Haa. You ran away. Haa haa.”

Makoto’s breathing becomes rough again. Apart from running, hot breath wells up from deep within his chest.

“……Maybe. When I’m by his side, I sometimes think that I might get hit at any moment. Maybe I was running away from myself. But it’s also true that I thought he’d become independent if I did that.”

“But, haa, that’s precisely why, you shouldn’t have pushed him away. Haa haa.”

“What would’ve been better, what would’ve been better to do, no one knows that. But, in the end, nothing has changed, so it might be just as Tachibana said.”

Makoto edges up to Natsuya.

“Wrong––. Captain, you don’t understand anything. Ikuya-kun’s trying to change. He’s trying to move forward.”

Natsuya undoes his folded arms.

“Forward……?”

“Ikuya-kun is trying to break out of his sh.e.l.l. He is trying to become companions with us!”

“Ikuya is……”

“If I were pushed away from Haru, if it would turn into that, I’m sure that I wouldn’t know what I should do anymore. Feeling disheartened, I might end up crying. I might blame Haru as to why it happened. ……I know very well that I’m depending on Haru, but…… but, because of that, I want to become a strong person who may be relied on by someone. Ikuya-kun’s trying to become strong, too. I’m sure that we become strong while relying and being relied on. After all, we’re already companions, so––”

Natsuya turns his back to Makoto and puts his hand on his waist. The evening sun sinking, a scarlet light shone on Natsuya’s back.

“That’s why, …….that’s why, please properly accept Ikuya-kun head-on!”

Makoto bows his head to Natsuya’s back. Keeping his hands on his waist, Natsuya sniffed once.

“I got it. I’ll face him properly. ……Tachibana.”

Called by his name, Makoto lifts his face.

“Yes.”

“Ikuya, I’ll entrust Ikuya to you. ……To think, that he could…… make friends……”

After that, he just stood still without a word, exposing his trembling back to the setting sun.

“You see, even though I started club activities thinking that I’ll make tons of memories, I’m swimming to get faster again.”

When Haruka left the changing room carrying Makoto’s stuff, he joined up with Aki there. While being suspicious of Natsuya standing still with his back turned, he instinctively judged that it’d be better not to get involved, he gave Makoto his stuff and urged him on by saying “let’s go home”. In the end, it turned out that Makoto will go home in his sweat-drenched jersey, so he ended up stuffing his change of clothes into his bag.

“Even though I quit the Swimming Club because it wasn’t fun to always think about swimming fast.”

“You mean you aren’t having fun now?”

Makoto asks, reeking of sweat.

“I don’t know. I wonder what it means to swim and have fun. How is it for the senpais? Even though they lost so much in the compet.i.tion, they laughed on the way back. Weren’t they frustrated?”

He remembers walking on the hill road with the sunlight filtering through the trees, while being drenched in humiliation. It wasn’t just Haruka. Most club members were walking in silence. However, it’s not that everyone was walking with few words spoken. Occasionally, it was moderate, but he could hear voices having a pleasant chat, too.

“Of course, they must’ve been frustrated. But, doesn’t it mean that winning isn’t everything?”

“You mean that they’re satisfied just by swimming?”

“It’s not like that, I think it’s that we could properly put forth all the practicing we did until now in the match. Crowding together in a cramped s.p.a.ce, being mindful of each other, being considerate, encouraging each other. Doing it like that, we all tried our best.”

He wonders if that’s fun. If they swim wishing for such a thing. Maybe that’s as good as it gets for things like club activities.

“That’s just constraining and stifling.”

Unable to even swallow the words that came out of his mouth without thinking, Haruka turned his face away from Makoto and Aki.

“Aah, I see––”

Aki said while breathing out the air in her chest, facing the sky.

“That’s right, huh. It’s as Tachibana-kun and Nanase-kun said.”

Unable to grasp the meaning of her words, he looked at Aki’s face without thinking. Haruka contradicted what Makoto had said. How could she have interpreted that? Aki was looking at the sky with a smile still on her face.

“I remembered. That relay. I was uneasy, but I could become strong if I was together with everyone. Companions––”

Aki directs her smile from the sky towards Haruka and Makoto.

“Even when it’s constraining and stifling, –– companions are warm, aren’t they?”

Slightly early, the sunflowers bloomed.

While running on the winding road alongside the coast, Haruka was heading for the hospital on the cape. He’s not alone. Makkou’s with him, too. Because of that, his pace is faster than yesterday.

There was no school today and club practices were finished in the morning. So then, after going home and changing into his jersey, he decided to run and take Makkou along with him.

On the way home yesterday, he had accelerated, intending to leave Asahi and Ikuya behind. In spite of that, they caught up to him right away. He had clearly felt that he’s lacking in stamina. Thinking that he’ll take the same road if he’s running anyways, he thought that he’ll visit Nao if he’s going until the hospital on the cape anyways. That’s all it is.

Having tied Makkou outside the hospital, when he peeks into the hospital room after he regains his breath, Nao greeted him with a fair-skinned smile. Neither surprised, nor his expression seeming like it was unexpected, he was just quietly laughing. Then, without saying ‘thanks for coming’ or asking ‘alone?’, he got down from the bed, and signaling ‘come with me’ with his eyes, he began to walk with steps like a cat’s.

When they sat down on the sofa in the lounge, he offered him candy. He doesn’t even ask ‘want some?’. After lightly bowing his head, Haruka takes one and tosses it into his mouth. A sour taste that was somewhere between lemon and orange spread.

“It sure is easy to be with Haruka.”

Those were the words he uttered at last. He looks at Nao while tasting the candy, rolling it around.

“I don’t have to be concerned about you, you don’t make pointless conversation, you’re quick on the uptake.”

Once again, he rolls it around in his mouth and makes a sound with it instead of replying.

“The treatment is this evening. Until then, I was told not to exert my eyes, so I can’t read a book, I was just about to get bored.”

Like finding a ship when one needs to cross, a friend in need, or perhaps a moth flying into the flame –– it’s something like that.

“Haruka, put your hand out for a bit.”

He holds out his right hand as he’s told. Nao takes his hand and turns his palm upwards. Could he be intending to read his palm or something?

“I’m going to push down Haruka’s hand with my index finger, so try stopping it.”

He wonders what kind of game this is. However, his opponent is Nao. He focuses his mind.

“Here I go.”

As soon as Nao says it, Haruka was dragged down from the sofa. It wasn’t his hand that was pushed, or his shoulder that dropped, his entire body was dragged down. He looks up at Nao’s face. He was laughing.

“This is aikido’s ‘breathing power’ technique, where you change your weight into strength. Just now, I put my entire body weight into my index finger.”

That explains the reason why he can’t support it with just half an arm. He doesn’t know what kind of principle it is, though……

Haruka looked at his hand while sitting back on the sofa.

“It’s not muscle strength or anything like that, you turn your heart and body into one. Your own weight as well your opponent’s strength, by making use of it all, you don’t use any excess strength at all. That’s the basics of aikido, you see.”

“My strength? Just now, I only put out my hand––”

“You put in effort so you wouldn’t be pushed, didn’t you? If Haruka hadn’t resisted, I wouldn’t have been able to push you.”

“Ah……”

Oh, he gets it now. Indeed, he was bracing himself.

“There’s something called ‘spirit of harmony’ in aikido, if you become one with everything in the universe, you can feel the flow of ‘energy’. For the sake of that, by throwing away all your desires and fixations, you have to lose your own self, you see.”

“That’s the ‘selflessness’……”

“Quick on the uptake, huh. But what the ‘spirit of harmony’ seeks is beyond that. ‘Making a man live without fighting.’ There are no desires or fixations, so there’s no need to fight, either. That’s why there aren’t any compet.i.tive matches for aikido. Not winning or losing, it’s a type of martial arts where you pursue your own self. That’s aikido.”

“…… It resembles the ‘one-to-one fight’.”

“Haruka, you really are quick on the uptake. The ‘one-to-one fight’ is unrelated to victory and defeat as well, because its goal is to acknowledge each other by praising each other’s efforts. …… After trying it, what did you think? About the ‘one-to-one fight’.”

After the compet.i.tion, Shouta came back to the swim club. However, he hasn’t spoken a single word to Haruka. It’s not like he’s avoiding him. It’s just that there was no need for it. If he were to be asked if the mentality of the ‘one-to-one fight’ is being reflected by that, it seems to not be the case. For both Haruka and Shouta……

“I don’t know, yet.”

“Right. Even I, who had set it up, am still not sure if it was a good thing to do or not.”

–– Set it up?

“When Shouta said that he wanted to do the ‘circuit’ with Ikuya as well, I was already thinking that there’s no choice but to do a ‘one-to-one fight’. If he does a ‘circuit’ with a first year twice, voices within the club saying that it’s ‘bullying’ may or may not arise, too. In the sense of overcoming that as well, I thought that it had to be done.”

It’s not that Shouta had wished for the ‘one-to-one fight’––.

However, if that’s the case, wouldn’t it have been better if he hadn’t consented to the ‘circuit’ from the start?

“You could even say that Asahi not swimming the free without a reason certainly disturbs the harmony of the group. Like Haruka, if he had said it when he joined the club, something could’ve been done about it though…… If I were to reject that request, the third years would’ve ended up sticking up for the first years. It would’ve been fine if we’d always be here, but we won’t be next year. When that happens, they’ll move up to being third and second years, still at odds with each other. That absolutely won’t do. It sets a bad example to the new first years, too, and it’ll affect the club’s survival.”

Oh, he gets it now. That’s why he consented to the ‘circuit’.

“However, I intended to shoulder all the responsibility. No matter what the outcome is, properly following up on it is the role of us third years. That’s what I thought. But I never expected that Asahi can’t swim the free…… It would’ve been better if he had told us properly. ––After that, I went to Asahi’s house.”

Does he mean that he made a home visitation? That explains why Asahi’s revival was fast.

“I properly followed up after Ikuya in the same way, too. Because I thought Natsuya wouldn’t do anything anyways.”

“Yazaki-senpai too…..?”

“I intended…… to have followed up. Shouta was my mistake. After that swimming of Haruka’s was showed off to him, nothing I said would’ve reached his ears. My follow up was…… lenient.”

Nao tightly closes his lips and his gaze drops to his own hand. He tightly clenched that hand.

“My swimming?”

When Haruka asks, Nao lifts his face and shows a smile. A smile that’s a little more clouded than usual……

“Since it had completely dazzled everyone’s eyes. Not because it’s fast or anything of the sort, I guess you can say it’s a kind of swimming that attracts people, in any case, it wasn’t ordinary. Captivating everyone, so much that they even forgot to clap.” 

“My…… swimming did?”

It wasn’t that they had lost their voice from the cruel spectacle––.

“It’s no wonder that Shouta was impatient after swimming against something like that. I don’t remember when, but one time, I had talked to him about a training method in Australia where they swim against a flowing pool. Shouta remembered that, huh……”

“Because of me, Yazaki-senpai had––”

It’s not just Shouta. Asahi being unable to swim the free, the ‘darkness’ haunting Ikuya’s heart, all of it is caused by Haruka. Even Makoto told him that he wants to go to a place where Haruka isn’t. He might be that kind of existence. Just by being there, he ends up hurting someone. The ‘darkness’ inside of him ends up cornering people. There’s no need for him to be fixated on the likes of the swim club. There are several other places to swim. Even if he can’t swim, it’s not really……

Haruka crushed the candy that had gotten small before he knew it with his molars.

“It’s not Haruka’s fault. It’s my fault.”

Nao says quietly, then with remorse in it. Even his clouded smile was gone already.

“I thought that by doing the ‘one-to-one fight’, if they revealed everything, they can become serious. I thought Shouta would properly acknowledge his own capabilities and he’d start again from there. The senpai-kouhai relationship isn’t about being fast or slow. It’s not formed by something like that. It’s about what sort of experience you acc.u.mulate, what sort of hardships you overcome. That’s what true strength is. I thought of wanting Shouta to learn that, too.  ….. But, my follow up was lenient. That’s my responsibility.”

Nao bites his lip and turns his eyes down from the deep regret. However, no matter how much Nao feels that the responsibility is his, no matter how much he regrets it, it can’t wipe away the blame within Haruka towards himself.

“I thought that for swimming, it’s fine to swim as I please. That it’s enough if I can swim the way I like. ……But, in that cramped pool, if everyone ends up doing that, there’s no way it’d turn into practice. Doing club activities, understanding stuff like acting as a group, and even so there’s me who only swims free……”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about that. If you’re fixated, stick with it. You should make those around you acknowledge it with the strength of that conviction. Well, just that swimming is enough for it.”

“…… But, it’s my fault that both Asahi and Ikuya––”

“How is it for Haruka?”

To block Haruka’s words, Nao overlapped him with a strong tone.

“Doesn’t Haruka need them?”

“…… I don’t know.”

“It’s easy to run away. All you have to do is turn your back and throw away everything. It ends with that. But, try accepting it just a little. Then, have them accept it.”

It’s what Haruka feels from the water. It’s not becoming one body, nor understanding each other. Just accepting each other’s existence––.

Nao suddenly smiles.

“But, the truth is that I’m hesitant, too. Seeing that swimming of Haruka’s, wondering if the way you swam until now really was better…… Your talent, it’s more than a swim club––”

“I––, will swim with the biaxial!”

Looking at Nao’s eyes, Haruka said clearly. Clearly, for the sake of conveying that this is his own intention. For the sake of conveying to himself the strong intention that he won’t hesitate anymore.

With a soft smile, Nao nodded. With an endlessly kind, soft smile that seems to envelop Haruka’s strong intention in its entirety.
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