Chapter 6

​“How do you feel today…. Could you sleep? Did you feel any pain?”

‘I couldn’t sleep at all, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.’

Walking past w.a.n.g Ho, I mentally answered his questions and sat down in front of my desk. I ignored his continuous chatters and rubbed my sore eyes. After his confession, I haven’t slept a wink and almost had a car accident due to the ulcer pains in my stomach. His words continuously repeated within my head, but I couldn’t comprehend what had happened in the dream. If someone who knew about my dreams told me that I was crazy, then I would wholeheartedly agree. I felt like I’m about to go crazy.

“I like you, Kyujin.” 

“I like you too….” [1]

“Arghhhhhhhhhh!!”

“Wha… What’s wrong? What are you doing, bro? Does your stomach hurt?”

w.a.n.g Ho spoke as he rushed towards me. He frowned in worry and tried to check my condition.

“Haa….”

“What’s wrong?”

After screaming in frustration, I sighed and raised my head towards w.a.n.g Ho. His worried eyes observed my actions, trying to identify for any reason for my scream. I shook my head and glanced back down in disappointment.

‘Just leave it, w.a.n.g Ho…. I’m a madman. A lost cause.’

“Oh, by the way, yesterday Jung Hwanwoo-”

“Ahhhhhhh!”

Hearing the forbidden name, I screamed once more. Shocked by my reaction, he acted quickly and checked my status. He repeatedly asked me about my condition, when I finally answered him.

“Please, don’t mention his name again.”

“Wait, what? What happened between you and Jung Hwanwoo?”

“I said don’t mention him!”

I shouted and clenched my fists. w.a.n.g Ho widened his eyes in shock and narrowed his eyes. Typically, I am a very mild-mannered individual that would not start any physical fights. Seeing my fists, he stopped talking and watched my reaction. He couldn’t understand why I was so agitated from the name. I relaxed my fists, looked back down, and asked w.a.n.g Ho to replace his name with his character’s name, Min Jungseok.

"I"m sorry, but can you.... can you call him by his character"s name instead?"

I continued to contemplate about…. Jungseok. Since the start of the fantasies, I developed my own opinion about the man. Although he was not a bad s.e.x partner, I could not compare him with other men. Previously, I only held s.e.xual experience with women and I can say confidently that s.e.x with him was better. Never once had I been more pleasured by someone. Possibly due to it being a fantasy, I pa.s.sionately acted upon my desires. Still, it was odd that there were slight side effects on my physical strength in reality. Every day I felt content and sore from the s.e.x sessions. I had thought that if I could overcome or ignore my dislike of his att.i.tude in reality, then I could enjoy the dreams even more. But then yesterday’s dream occurred, and now I am confused about my feelings for him. Although we had great s.e.xual chemistry with each other, I have always been straight. Never before had I been attracted to a man, let alone loving a man. His appearance caused me to question my s.e.xual orientation, and I rejected the possibility that I was gay! How could I love a man, when I’ve only loved women before! I am so confused on what to think and do….

If I don’t consider his gender, then I could accept the possibility of love. Every time I woke up from the daily dreams with him, I always felt slightly empty within. As if I was missing a part of me in the dream. This feeling intensified when I saw him in person at the drama set.

This… This is like the perfect story of unrequited love!

“f.u.c.k….”

I rubbed my head in frustration and let out a curse. Hearing me, w.a.n.g Ho’s mouth dropped. I rarely cursed, therefore hearing the word, ‘f.u.c.k’ was a major shock for him. Letting out a deep sigh, I tried to ignore his shocked stare pondered over what to do next. After all, later there was a script meeting that we would both attend.

~~~

The atmosphere in the meeting room was tense, to the point that it was hard to breathe. The cause for the tension was the strange conflict between Jung Hwanwoo and me. But unlike before, the silence and strained atmosphere were not caused by the arguments of the drama script. Due to his nitpicky remarks and my scathing retorts, others were usually unable to interject their personal opinions. We were always ready to b.u.t.t heads, not allowing others to speak unless they had a similar opinion to one of ours. Due to this, the drama’s meetings would take twice as long as other drama teams. However, today was different. 

“Sir, thank you for your hard work.~”

“The meeting ended earlier than expected.”
 
“Why do I feel slightly empty after the meeting?”

The actors scratched their necks and rose from their seats awkwardly. They weren’t used to having a quick meeting like today’s and glanced at each other in confusion. I stood up and walked towards the exit when I felt his gaze on my back. 

“Thank you for your hard work.”

“Writer-nim, it turns out that Jung Hwanwoo is not that inconsiderate. He seems to be taking your condition in mind. Do you think I’m right?”

“I don’t know.”

Choi Soohyung [2] laughed at my ambiguous answer, as I did not give a positive nor negative reaction. He gave a refreshing and n.o.ble-like grin, similar to the smiles in CFs.[3]

“If we connect your current health condition with the drama’s ongoing status, and keep in mind that you’ve fainted recently, then his att.i.tude at the moment is appropriate.”

He lightly hit my shoulder and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. 

“a.s.suming that my guess is right, I’ll buy you lunch today. I should be more considerate of your health and help nurture your stomach.”

“Yes? Wait… it’s fine, you don’t need to.”

“Come on! Let me buy you food and help improve your health. Let’s go.~” 

“No, it’s-”

I"m socially awkward and don’t like to accept people’s offers, but I do feel guilty refusing Choi Soohyung’s kind proposal. It is rare to come across someone as gentle and considerate in the entertainment industry. If I refused him, then I’m afraid my image in his mind may grow negative. As I was dragged by him, someone suddenly grabbed my arm from behind. 

“Hey Hwanwoo, do you need something?”

Thankfully Choi Soohyung was with me to deal with Jung Hwanwoo. Not only was he friendly with other staff members, but he was the senior actor within the drama crew. He had modeled previously for three years before joining the acting realm, thus he had more experience. As the senior actor, he was able to mediate and discipline others to his heart’s content. 

I pulled a brave face and glanced towards Jung Hwanwoo. Despite not seeing him for one or two days, I was enamored by his appearance. He wore a light blue, striped b.u.t.ton-up that hugged his slender body. Compared to my plain look, he shined brightly and emitted a celebrity aura. Unlike before, there was something odd about Jung Hwanwoo’s mood. He appeared to be wearing a mask to hide his emotions as if he had as many hidden secrets as a corrupt politician. Today, he was acting as an actor.

“Haah…”

He sighed behind me. I turned around and glanced towards him. His sharp eyes met mine, fl.u.s.tering me slightly. To avoid eye contact, I shifted my eyes down towards his chest and awkwardly coughed.

“Yesterday, you left this behind.”

“Oh… thank you.”

“What? Did you two meet each other yesterday?”

Choi Soohyung asked us out of curiosity. Jung Hwanwoo nodded in response and spoke in a low tone.

“Are you going out for lunch?”

“Oh, what is this? Hwanwoo, are you concerned for our little writer?”

I wanted to reply, “no” to Choi Soohyung’s question but kept my mouth shut. Although Choi Soohyung was a good-natured guy that has helped me multiple times, his question brought a sense of unease in me. Jung Hwanwoo ignored Choi Soohyung’s teasing statement and gave an outrageous suggestion.

“Let’s go together.”

“Wait, what?”

I frowned at his unexpected request. Still confused by my feelings towards him, my reaction towards him still held a subtle hint of this morning’s negativity. I am not a h.o.m.ophobe, nor do I disrespect other’s s.e.xual ident.i.ties, but my brewing feelings still frustrated me. The pent up irritation erupted within me, and I exploded. I couldn’t contain my emotions any longer, it was too much to bear…

“Very well, if you kill me first!”

I shouted at Jung Hwanwoo, shocking both him and Choi Soohyung. Baffled by my response, Choi Soohyung glanced at Jung Hwanwoo and me. On the other hand, Jung Hwanwoo was not entirely focused on my words. Instead, he gazed intently at Choi Soohyung’s arm around my shoulder, while I watched him with a deadpan expression.

Translator’s Note:

[1] The italics indicate that MC is remembering what happened in the dream.

[2] Choi Soohyung is a fellow actor in the drama.

[3] CF stands for “Commercial films”, aka ads you see on TV.

WOW, I feel so bad for MC right now…. Just how stressed is he that he can’t be polite to JHW? Have y’all ever felt as emotional towards someone else like MC? And idk what JHW is thinking, but CSH is definitely not ML #2 xDDDDD

BTW, there’s no parts this chapter because it felt a tad short when translating. Hope y’all enjoy!