Meeting Etiquette

Take notes. Since the creative brain is a fickle, famously lazy organ, I find that having paper and pen around me at all times is useful. Every time you walk into someone"s office, you automatically should have a pen and notebook in your hand. Ten million new concepts will be flung at you fast and furiously every single day. It"s not possible for you to remember everything. Find a notebook you really like, then use it. Somehow my Mac and my iPhone don"t channel the creative juices as effectively. Napkins, placemats, blank s.p.a.ces in the newspaper or New Yorker have also worked in a pinch. If you are always writing or drawing, you might actually be a writer or ill.u.s.trator.

Write notes. Nothing can replace the elegance of a handwritten note on personal stationery. I"m addicted to e-mail, IM, text messaging, like you, I"m sure. Nevertheless, call me cavegirl but I believe there are occasions when pen and paper are still essential. If a colleague loses a parent or a pet, write a simple note of condolence: "I am thinking of you in this time of pain. Yours, sincerely ..." That"s it. Basta. Finito. If a colleague gets a promotion, has a baby, or gets married, write a congratulatory note: "Dear Abigail, Such terrific news! You completely deserve this giant happiness!" If your boss gives you flowers for your birthday, write a note thanking him or her: "Dear Henrietta, Thank you for thinking of me on my birthday. The flowers are gorgeous!" Keep your own stationery in your desk for times like these. Nothing makes a better impression. Write in your own personal scrawl with a thick navy, black, or red felt-tip pen. Make it your signature look.

Make yourself interesting by being interesting. Go to movies when they first open. Go to art exhibits. Read reviews of movies and exhibitions. Read newly released books. Read The New Yorker. Read Vanity Fair. Go to concerts. New restaurants. Travel to Havana or Maputo, not just the Hamptons or Malibu. Creative businesses feed the culture, and, at the same time, they function as a mirror of our life and times. Consciously insert yourself into your times. Be culturally engaged.

Soak it up. So much inst.i.tutional intelligence enters naturally through one"s pores. Listen, watch, learn. How is the phone answered? When do people take lunch? Is there an afternoon lull? When do people start leaving in the afternoon? What time does the boss leave the office? How late do most people stay in the office? Do people dress or act differently on Fridays? Do people dress or act differently when the boss is out? Does the art department have different rules from fashion and features? What are they, and why is there a difference? Do a group of a.s.sistants order lunch together? Eat lunch together? Make sure you are not left out.

This will sound cruel, but think about it: A sick or elderly tiger is forced to break from the pack and is eventually left behind to die. It"s not so different in creative offices. Don"t be the odd guy out.

Similarly, you should study the creative energy of the place: How does that person sound so brilliant and original? Why is everyone talking about Goya? Or Andy Warhol? Or Mod? Man Ray? Whatever the hot topic in the air, don"t let it float by before you take it in. No matter how many other zillions of things you have to do, lap it up. Immerse yourself in it. Or at least take ten seconds to Google it, for goodness" sake.

Suck it up. There is sucking up and sucking up. Appropriate sucking up means smiling and greeting your boss or bosses. Getting to work on time. Always being available and cheerful for little jobs or ch.o.r.es. Acting professionally and responsibly even when you are feeling awful and you have so much to handle that you could scream.

Gag-me sucking up. This is an insidious attempt to affect one"s fate or status by ingratiating higher-ups. This behavior includes giving inappropriate gifts. Trying to impress a boss with your famous friends, access, or connections. Evidence of this sad behavior was once found at a communal fax machine in the Bazaar fashion department. A midlevel fashion editor had faxed a handwritten letter to a fashion director, who was shooting on location. In the letter, the editor sending the fax complimented the director on her abilities, her unique eye, her unparalleled talent. The faxing editor then wrote how grateful she was to work for the director. Yuck and inappropriate and desperate. This editor had previously seemed formidable, tough, and independent. After people read her fax, this editor suddenly seemed small, unattractively political, and weak. And the whole office knew about it.

Fashionista Holidays: How to Survive

Christmas is fast approaching, and you"re paralyzed over the idea of office gift giving. How could you possibly give something of meaning or value to the Queens of the Universe who free of any charge have the latest shoes, bags, clothes, perfume, makeup, car service, and fancy lunches?

Be real. If you are an a.s.sistant, it"s great to give something special that you make: cookies packed in a nice tin or strawberry-rhubarb preserves that your mother makes. The more homemade looking, the better.

But if you, like me, don"t have domestic talent, buy something supersimple. Almost generic: yoga tights, a simple but useful item of clothing that that person seems always to be without on Wednesdays at 6:30 p.m. when she"s on the way to yoga studio. This is everything a gift should be-thoughtful and sweet.

Tasteful Secret Santa or Office Gifts

Gift card to Starbucks, Jamba Juice, movie theater Gift certificate for a manicure, pedicure, or blowout near the office Canvas L. L. Bean tote with initials or first name st.i.tched on front Monogrammed terrycloth slippers Cute key ring When you"re the boss, gift giving is much easier: You pa.s.s along some amazing graft you"ve received to your deserving a.s.sistants. This reveals the inequity inherent in the fashionista world order. The starter fashonista a.s.sistant has a bigger gift-giving burden than her fashionista boss. But a good boss looks out for her charges. I once bought a pair of Chanel motorcycle boots for my a.s.sistant, Heidi Chen, at the Chanel editor"s sale. The cost was embarra.s.singly small, something like $50, but the gesture was grand. Heidi acted like she"d won the Lottery.

How Not to Get Fired

Essential Information for Those Who Are New to the Office Environment

Use good fashionista phone etiquette. Turn off your cell phone when you are at the office. Answer all incoming office calls with a cheerful and helpful tone. In your first days on a job as an a.s.sistant, ask your boss for the names of people she wants to be put through to her (that is, Karl, Marc, sick parent, husband, babysitter, key friends, her bosses) regardless of what"s she"s doing only to know they are on the line so that she may decide what to do not to speak to (take messages).

When calls come in belonging to the third category, try your best to get specifics. Go beyond just taking down a name and number to find out what the person needs and whether you could possibly resolve the issue yourself. In your early weeks at a job, quickly review these calls at the end of the day with your boss to ensure that she approves of the way you"ve dealt with issues. A smart boss cannot waste his or her time screening calls. A boss has the prerogative to allow calls to jump to voice mail. You do not. Check yours and your boss"s voice mail often.

Practice Good E-mail Etiquette

I"ve been fired by e-mail (so lame). I"ve been broken up with by e-mail (loser). I"ve intercepted e-mails in which other people have said both amazing and gross things about me.

The danger with writers (like moi) is that we put too much of our writer-ly selves into the medium. We think we can have real conversations. Settle real issues. So the advantage I have as a writer in this medium-the ability to express myself quickly and clearly-is more than canceled out by my a.s.sumption that everyone else wants to really communicate with me in e-mail. Most don"t. And anyone working in a big company would be smart not to try to achieve real communication.

I know I don"t have to tell you how to e-mail-you"ve been doing it, like, your whole life. But it would be smart of you to tune in to these really specific, but rarely articulated rules regarding e-mail in the workplace.

DON"T TICK OFF COLLEAGUES IN E-MAIL BY: Failing to be clear. Write your e-mail and then read back through it before sending. Check that you are responding to what was asked of you in a clear way. Eliminate any words that are superfluous to this communication.

Failing to be succinct. Don"t go on and on about how you feel about staying late this Thursday evening or what you would be doing if you didn"t have to come into the office on Sat.u.r.day. Sounds brutal, but no one cares. Always keep messages to the fewest lines possible.

Generating e-mails to those above you on the food chain. Unless you have been instructed to do so, do not e-mail anyone above you on the masthead. If in doubt, don"t do it.

Perpetuating chitchat. Never respond to the following "last word" or "closure" e-mails: "Thank you," "Have a nice weekend," "See you then," or "Great." If you answer this type of e-mail, your superiors are likely to wonder, "Is she that bored?"

SENDING ALL-CAPS MESSAGES. First, it"s impossible to read all-uppercase messages, especially on a portable device. Second, all caps translates into uncontrollable rage, regardless of what you actually write.

Making personal, critical, insulting, or nasty comments. Don"t write anything in an e-mail that you wouldn"t want to see posted on the office bulletin board with your name attached.

Overemoting. No %-) (braindead). No :* (blowing a kiss). No :-0. No LOLs, BTWs, WTFs, FYIs, or OMGs. In your personal life, these symbols are cute and normal. At work, where everyone is time crunched, they"re annoying.

Using TM speak or making mistakes. Text messaging lingo and word shortenings have no place in workplace e-mails. Avoid any of the following: u (for you); urs (for yours); cuz (for because); and pls (for please). Proofread e-mails before you send them to be sure the message is clear, the spellings are all correct, and the tone professional. Save important e-mails that you are crafting in "draft" the evening before you are expected to send the message. That way, in the clear-headedness of the morning, you can give it one last critical read.

Reply all. We"re all guilty of hitting "reply all" when we really should be clicking only "reply." At work, you can safely a.s.sume that "all" do not care what you think. But, most important, don"t dump unnecessary e-mail on your colleagues.

a.s.suming everyone sends and reads e-mail 24/7. Many serious fashonistas turn off their cell phones and/or BlackBerrys when they are on a.s.signment interviewing a personality, in Milan or Paris at the shows, or on a shoot. They do so because they cannot be distracted from the very important task at hand. From a work standpoint, nothing else really matters as much to them or to the company.

It"s important that you understand people"s different roles in your work structure and that you respect their changeable abilities to communicate, in turn. Conversely, for a publisher or advertising salesperson ever to turn off his or her PDA would be sacrilege.

No matter where you work, it"s so uncool to generate new e-mails in the middle of the night, on the weekend, or in the middle of a holiday. It"s fine to answer already open conversations, as necessary, in as terse a manner as possible. Otherwise, put messages in a queue and send everything Monday morning like a sane person.

How to Avoid Sending E-mails You"ll Regret

Put your outgoing e-mails in a queue, which means you have to go through a separate action to send them. That way, if you are peeved or tired, you can write what you really think in an angry, ALL-CAPS message, and then, the next morning, having gotten it out of your system, delete it. Deal with the subject calmly, and in person.

Who Pays for Wireless?

To function in the modern work world, you need to be able to access e-mail remotely-even if your employer isn"t paying for it. And more and more, employers are not willing to accept charges for mobile devices, especially for junior staff. Suck it up and get a BlackBerry or an iPhone. The freedom it buys you will be worth it.

Workplace Privacy: Who"s Reading Your E-mail?

If your company wants to read your e-mail, it will read your e-mail. Don"t feel protected by writing notes on your own personal Gmail account or on Facebook. Since these messages are sent through your firm"s servers, they can be read just the same.

TEN THINGS not to do via e-mail Accept a job.

Resign from a job.

Express disrespect for your boss.

Display disrespect for your company.

Bash someone else"s work or contribution to a project.

Bash a coworker.

Talk about getting laid, drunk, stoned, high, toasted, lucky, or arrested the night before.

Communicate career interest in a competing company.

Write so much that your boss or colleagues will have to scroll down more than one screen.

Use keywords like "breast," "p.e.n.i.s," "s.e.x" (you get the idea) prominently in your messages. These words are often triggers in corporate software designed to uncover possible issues of hara.s.sment.

When to Go Offline

When you find yourself getting negative or personal. Don"t write negatively about anyone via e-mail. If a negative conversation about someone has to take place, walk over to the coworker"s desk and chat face-to-face. Or pick up the phone and call the person"s cell phone.

iPod Etiquette (Hint: It"s an Oxymoron)

Unless it"s 9 p.m. and you are the only soul left in the office, or unless it"s Sunday morning and you stopped by to finish a story, you shouldn"t have even one ear plugged into your iPod. It reads insolence. Sorry.

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