True feelings

I was deflowered by Sakimori-kun 3 weeks after entering high school.

I’m no good with men.

Back in middle school my b.r.e.a.s.t.s became big and all the guys around me only stared at them.

When we spoke they also stole glances, and during PE when I run they openly said that they looked at my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, that can’t be tolerated.

And just like that, I concealed my big b.r.e.a.s.t.s when I entered high school.

But, soon the rumor of me having big b.r.e.a.s.t.s spread among the girls and it soon reached the ears of the guys, I was looked at with curious eyes again.

Then came the day that I can never forget, I was doing shuttle run during PE, but I lied that I was on period to go rest in the school infirmary.

That time the health teacher wasn’t’ there so I borrowed the bed on my own and slept

After a short while I opened my eyes, but my limbs were tied to four corners of the bed and I couldn’t move.

When I realized there was a guy looking at me it was all too late, my mouth was blocked I couldn’t scream for help and my virginity was taken away.

When it ended the man took pictures of my genial and b.o.o.bs.

After that he threatened me, and occasionally called me over to his house to have s.e.x with him all night.

Then it was the fourth time he called me over.
It was as usual when he sucked my b.o.o.bs while having the TV turned on, it was streaming an airplane accident. Because a small airplane crashed into the mountains the safety of the crew wasn’t clear.

Then his mouth stopped, his tongue separated from my nipple.

As I thought he was in a strange state he started to tremble as if it was cold.
It was May so it shouldn’t be cold, but more than that I didn’t understand why he was suddenly cold.

Then he suddenly hugged me. I didn’t really understand about him embracing me differently to the usual. The force he put in to hug me like handling something important only hurt.

He didn’t say anything and took me to the bed.

Then he embraced me until morning is the usual, but that day he was really gentle with love.
Then while that happened, I had this compelling thought that I was needed.

Normally he just viewed me as a s.e.xual target, but I think it was the first time he saw me as a loved one.

I felt joy as a woman when I felt like I was needed

The boys have always viewed me as a s.e.xual target since middle school, even the guys who confessed to me were looking at my b.r.e.a.s.t.s not my eyes.

I was bewildered that the first person who values me is the one that raped me, but that day I greeted the sunlight with a happy mood.

But it seemed like he didn’t remember anything in the morning.

At that time I thought he just pretended to forget about it, but soon the next time he called me over it was the usual one-sided act.
Then I was made to c.u.m countless times and wet the bed.

But sometimes he would become like that other day, I was fluctuated between joy and sorrow.

Sometimes he only treated me gently and since I came to like it, I put up an act of hating it and hid my feelings.

I’ve always want to fawn on him and have him spoil me, but I was scared that he would lose interests in me, so I acted frightened like it was my first time.

That’s why, on days like yesterday I would be spoiled by him, and I would warm him up.

Suzuka-chan was surprised about his condition yesterday and was worried about me, but me telling her to not enter the room was nothing other than my desire to monopolize him.

That condition of him is only for me to have, was what I thought.

I think some kind of deep wound in his heart brought him to that condition, but I also want to cure than some day.

Even when he’s sleeping he still doesn’t let go of me, then I also happily buried my face into his chest.