Even when he returned to his mansion, Arita still felt disgusted. He wasn"t so desperate that he had to hear "I like you" kind of confession from a man. He roughly threw off his suit and stood in front of the mirror stationed in his closet. He quietly stared at his reflection. His neat hair had become messed up, so his bangs fell across his forehead childishly, but he definitely didn"t look too young for his age. He couldn"t be called handsome, but he looked okay; he looked like a normal twenty nine-years-old man. He lost a little weight because his eating schedule had been hectic lately, but he wasn"t fragile. His body was a well-balanced, normal-looking body...

     Arita lightly patted his cheeks with his palms and sighed deeply.

     "Do I give off the aura that I"d like men, or have a face that men like or something?"

     He became frightened of himself who mumbled these things, so he messed up his hair violently and ran into his bathroom.

     Arita had a little brother who was seven years younger than him. "Had", because his brother was no longer in the family records. Last summer, his brother eloped with a "man", and his father became so angry that he deleted him from the family registrar.

     No matter what others say, Arita adored his little brother who was at an age where he followed him around, saying, "Big brother, big brother". His brother didn"t have any special abilities, nor did he look especially good. He was a cheerful and sweet man who loved baseball and reading.

     That normal brother of his became a college student and got himself a lover. He was a man who was one year younger than him in the same club. Arita doesn"t know, either, who was attracted to whom first, and how they started to go out. But in the middle of going out, his brother seemed to have tired of the younger man and asked him to break up.

     That"s when the nightmare started. The younger man ignored the public eyes and chased after his brother who said he didn"t want him. Often, he would hide out and wait in front of the house. Their mother became curious about the man"s suspicious behavior and asked the little brother, and he confessed that he had been dating with that man.

     Arita and his parents were really shocked that the person that his little brother had been going out with had been a man. However, they believed his words when he said he really wanted to break up with him, so Arita and his parents didn"t blame his brother and stayed by his side, supporting him. The brother became mentally cornered by the man who seemed he would never give him up, and he stayed at home all day, not going outside at all. Arita and his parents became terribly worried about the little brother who lost more weight every day. Arita couldn"t just stand by and watch any longer, so he asked the man out to talk some sense into him. However, the man refused to listen to anything Arita had to say, and continued to repeat "Return him to me", even though his brother wasn"t anyone"s property.

     In the end, they started to talk about notifying the police. However, one day, his brother left home after leaving one letter.

     "I"m going to live with him."

     That was it. He didn"t say anything about where he was going, nor with whom. Arita and his parents were in a panic. They thought he had been dragged off by that man by force. Trembling in anger, his father forced his way into the apartment where the man was supposedly living.

     His father came back home late, his lips tightly closed in fury. He completely ignored Arita and his mother, who wanted to hear about the situation. Two days later, his father deleted Arita"s little brother from the Arita family registrar.

     The incident with his brother wasn"t the direct cause, but he had a somewhat trifling fight with his girlfriend whom he was dating with marriage in mind, and stupidly broke up with her. His brother running away from home and breaking up with his lover--at that time, one misfortune just followed another.

     About 2 months after the little brother ran away from home, he suddenly showed up at Arita"s mansion. He said he"s going to move, and gave Arita his new apartment address and phone number. He wanted Arita to call him if anything should happen to him or their parents.

     Arita stopped his brother from leaving after he was done with what he had to say, and invited him inside his home for a short talk.

     "You said you hated him so much, so why are you trying live with that kind of man?"

     Even at Arita"s question, his brother didn"t lift his lowered head. Arita asked him again and again why he made their father so angry, and after mumbling fwe times, he finally spoke.

     "I... made him hear it."

     "Hear it?"

     "My voice when I, you know. I... knew dad was there, so I tried my best not to make any noises, but I just couldn"t hold it in any more, so..."

     When Arita realized that the "voice" was from when he was at the peak of having s.e.x, he had gooseb.u.mps all over. His heart felt pained at the thought that his little brother was doing that kind of stuff with a man. However, somewhere in his heart, Arita still believed that "my brother is different".

     "If... you"re being threatened, or he"s forcing himself on you in anyway, I"m going to do whatever it takes to help you, so..."

     At Arita"s worried voice, his brother laughed weakly and covered his face with his hands.

     "It was a fate. It was going to turn out like this even before I was born.... Not to mention, I love him. I said I hated him because... I was scared of him. But even that was love, now that I think back on it." 

     Listening to his little brother, Arita wanted to throw up. He wondered if something was wrong with his brother, who said things like "fate" when he was talking about his relationship with a man. Arita couldn"t understand the "brother who loved a man" no matter how hard he tried.

     Will... Hirose chase him around, saying that he loves him? Arita became scared when he imagined that easy-going man changing his expression and stalking him.

     At this age... He kept repeating that word, as if it became a habit. Why must he be worrying about such nonsense? Arita poured hot water all over his body and hoped against hoped that his kouhai"s face, which stuck to his brain like a nightmare, will hurry and disappear.