Since it was after the weekend, the office suddenly became busy in the afternoon. The phone rang without stopping and people"s voices overlapped here and there. A little apart from the chaos, Arita was looking at the new planning sheets and related doc.u.ments. But he couldn"t pay attention at all, so from a while back, for every three pages he read of the related doc.u.ments at his right side, he had to go back and reread two pages.

     Arita knew very well that he was nervous, and the reason why. It wasn"t because of the noise nor the chaos. He just felt grossed out. He was just unbearably grossed out by the "gaze" that continued to silently focus on him.

     "The director is upset with something, isn"t he?"

     A male office worker sitting near Arita"s desk softly whispered to a female worker by his side. Normally he would have let that go without thinking much about it, but he was clearly aware of it this time.

     "There is a limit to my patience!"

     Arita roughly threw the doc.u.ments on top of his desk. Sudden silence descended followed by that noise. Everyone nervously looked at Arita"s expression. Arita glanced at his surroundings before he stood up and quickly left the room.

     He wouldn"t be able to bear it if he didn"t try to relieve his stress. Arita bought a canned coffee from a vending machine at the end of the hallway, and he drank half of it, watching the view downstairs through a dirty window.

     As soon as he ran away from that gaze, he felt like the anxiety spread through his system drained away.

     Arita started to notice Hirose"s obvious stare the day after he confessed to him. Right after that incident, Arita had to bear through Hirose"s gaze all day. But day after day, Hirose"s gaze didn"t leave Arita. "To be stared at by Hirose who said he loved him" became stressful to Arita in many ways.

     Just when Arita sighed and was about to finish off his coffee, his patience completely snapped.

     "Hirose!"

     When he yelled his name loud enough to echo through the hallways, Hirose straightened his posture from his slightly slouching one, as if he were startled. He turned around and smiled when he realized who was calling him. He ran to his side.

     "What is it?"

     "Follow me."

     Arita gestured roughly with his chin. He tossed his half-remaining coffee down the garbage can and walked to the middle of the hallway. When he got on the elevator, Hirose followed him. He pressed the b.u.t.ton to the 18th floor, which was the top floor. The elevator started to ascend quietly, but Arita closed his mouth with a faceless expression and didn"t say anything. Hirose noticed his senpai"s behavior and quietly looked at Arita, looking troubled.

     After he checked to make sure it wasn"t locked, he opened the door. The conference room was a big room that took up about half of teh roof. No one used it much except on few meetings in which all departments gathered together for a conference. Since they had a end-of-the-month meeting just the day before yesterday, as he thought no one was at the conference room.

     When he entered, Hirose also came in. The southern part of conference room was completely made out of gla.s.s, but curtains completely blocked out the lights, so the room was dark.

     "Hirose."

     Arita turned around after mildly calling him. He glared up at his kouhai who bent his tall body slightly. Hirose, who had been following Arita from behind, answered "Yes" when his name had been called.

     "Do you know what I want to say?"

     Hirose c.o.c.ked his head and thought.

     "...Is this about the event the week after next?"

     Enough acting like he didn"t know what he was talking about! Arita violently slapped the top of the table.

     "This is not about work. It"s about a personal matter!"

     Hirose"s face suddenly became bright red. From his lowered head, his ears could be seen dyed red.

     "If you stare at me so obviously, I can"t just sit there, either. I can"t even concentrate on my work because I feel uncomfortable. Let me make it clear; you"re being annoying."

     Hirose didn"t lift his lowered head.

     "Are you even working? You"re just staring at me all day."

     He meanly muttered on purpose, looking into Hirose"s lowered face.

     "Did I... stare at you that often, Arita-san?"

     A small voice. Arita shortly laughed, his shoulders shaking.

     "It"s so "obvious" that it"s strange that other people didn"t notice!"

     When he spat that out, Hirose clenched his hands into fists tightly.

     "...I am so sorry for making you feel disgusted."

     His voice sounded agonized.

     "I did not mean it at all. I should have realized that I am making you uncomfortable sooner. I sincerly apologize. I"m slow with things like that, so..."

     Hirose bowed again and again to unbelieving Arita, sincerely apologizing. Arita"s anger, which had reached to the exploding limits, slowly abated.

     When he thought about it rationally, Arita wondered if he might have overreacted with Hirose because his brother"s lover"s image was so strong in his mind. Like heteros.e.xual relationships had many forms, there are many types of guys who liked guys. There are annoying guys who disregarded everything and messed everything up until he got what he wanted, like his brother"s lover, but there are quiet types like Hirose who would "only look and not touch".

     "I really am very sorry."

     After Hirose apologized for the millionth time, Arita strangely felt sorry for him even though he was the one who made him like hat, so he said, "It"s fine now."

     Hirose finally lifted his head and gave out a relieved sigh. Arita felt calmed, too, so they"ve finished talking about the "uncomfortable gaze" for now.

     After they came out of the conference room and were waiting for the elevator going down, Hirose standing by his side dropped his head down.

     "I remembered it when I was returning here back in July. I was so happy... that I could meet you everyday from now on, so I"d always find myself suddenly staring at you numbly..."

     Arita frowned when he heard him say "July". He started to be troubled by Hirose"s gaze the day after he had confessed to him. Can it be... that Hirose had continuously looked at him ever since July? He might have looked at him from way before, even though he just noticed it now because Hirose had been on his mind after the confession. Looking at him THAT way...

     "Since when did you started to like me?"

     He asked brusquesly, not looking at Hirose"s face.

     "Even if you ask me, "since when"..."

     "Since when?"

     At the business-like tone that sounded like he was having an argument with him, Hirose hesitated before he opened his mouth.

     "I am not quite sure. I thought right after I entered this company that you"re a wonderful person. It was after I got moved to the other branch that I realized that my feelings for you had been romantic, but even at that time, I wasn"t quite sure of my feelings. I think I finally became certain when I came back here..."

     Arita couldn"t stop looking amazed as he pointed at Hirose"s nose with his index finger.

     "Then Hirose, are you saying you think you"ve loved me ever since you entered this company 6 years ago?"

     "Well, I guess that would be the conclusion."

     "How stupid. It"s a waste of time; feeling that way towards a man."

     Hirose sadly lowered his eyes at Arita"s blunt tone, cringing, as he muttered excuse-like words.

     "I"m not saying that I was faithful only to you all this time. I thought some women were quite nice, and I did go out with them few times, but in the end, after all..."

     To make a comparison, his brother"s lover was a carnivore and Hirose was a herbivore. After he understood that he was a harmless man who would never eat him up, Arita teasingly asked:

     "So how does it feel to love a man?"

     Hirose slightly backed off at Arita"s ironical gaze that glanced up at him.

     "Excuse me?"

     "I have no experience of that sort, that"s why. In the end, do you think about wanting to hold me, or wanting to be held?"

     Hirose became bright red and lowered his head. His tightly closed lips that wouldn"t let even one word of affirmation or dissent escape looked pathetic somehow, so Arita started to feel uncomfortable and closed his mouth. He silently glared at the red lamp that indicated the movements of the elevator, wondering if the elevator would come soon.

     "I"m a slow person."

     Arita turned around, wondering what he was talking about, and found Hirose looking at him seriously.

     "You might have forgotten about this, but you"ve told me before that I need twice as much time in a day as other people. You"re completely right. Even though other people can finish something in a day, I need at least two days. It just happens when I continue to worry about it and grope my way through it."

     "Ah... Well."

     He knew that there wasn"t any cigarettes, but he lightly patted his shirt pocket unconsciously. It felt flat.

     "So... When I started to have you on my mind, Arita-san, I kept thinking about it continously. Just what is thi feeling? In the end I couldn"t find out the reason no matter how much I thought about it, but... Still, I wanted to see you, and wanted to talk to you more than anyone else. I confessed to you because I have finally sorted out my feelings."

     The awaited elevator finally came, so Arita quickly got on and pressed the b.u.t.ton for the 7th floor. Hirose stood diagonally from Arita. Arita strangly felt anxious about the slowness of the floor indicator.

     "That was a lie."

     Arita did not turn to look at Hirose.

     "Saying that I sorted out my feelings... That"s a lie. I became really anxious when I heard from the girl in my team that you had a girlfriend, realizing that you were at an age when you can get married any day now. Unlike before, nowadays I don"t really have an opportunity to talk to you, either. I thought if I said something, you"d pay more attention to me. But of course no one would be happy to get a confession of love from a man. I"m sorry about that."

     If he had just let it go, that might have been the end of that confession. Hirose"s hope had only been a confession that had been whispered like a sigh. The reason why he had overreacted so much to it was... after all, because at the botton of his feelings, Arita had an example of his little brother...

     Arita called Hirose to make his feelings clear to him, but seeing him with his shoulders drooping, Arita felt guilty as if he bullied him on purpose. Inside the descending elevator, Arita had a feeling of uneasiness that enveloped his body more than Hirose, so he couldn"t say anything.

< to="" be="" continued="">>
I FINALLY finished with chapter 1. TvT;;;;; This novel isn"t even that long; I can"t believe it takes this long to translate this thing... Ah well, the pace will definitely pick up once Arita stops being so hostile to Hirose. ^-^;;

Unrelated, but I thought I had accidentally stuffed the newest Wing Quest pages down the paper shredder and I was feeling depressed over the weekend, because my drawing speed slowed down and I can barely finish 1 page in 1 hour... Only to find this morning (Monday) that I left the pages at my workplace. ^o^;; I was ready to draw those 4 pages all over again, too! *laughs;;*