Love Times
Chapter 8
Hirose started to avoid Arita. Arita felt uncomfortable, too, but it seemed that Hirose felt awkward beyond that, so it was difficult to talk to him if he didn"t have a good reason to.Arita thought he had to do something to resolve this, so he invited Hirose out to dinner or for a trip, but Hirose refused with round-about excuses.They drifted further apart every day, and he wanted to do something about it, but he couldn"t. At the end, Arita became angry, too. He reached out to him so much, he thought. Arita grew stubborn and didn"t talk to Hirose, either. He"d make promises to go on a trip with another friend right in front of Hirose, as if rubbing it in his face. However, Hirose"s side had no response.A month later, Hirose got an official summons. His training at main branch located in the city for one year, starting from April, was decided. Hirose"s good-bye party took place a day before he had to depart. It was also end of the accountant year, so it was insanely busy within the department. It was simply impossible to make some time for the meeting if it wasn"t right before his departure.They first met at a bar, and moved to a karaoke place. Arita hesitated a bit, but he tagged along to the second location as well. He didn"t get to talk to Hirose that much at the first location, so it bothered him to just say good-bye this way. However, Hirose drank too much at the first location and collapsed, so in the karaoke place the only thing he did was to hug his flower bouquet and sleep on a corner chair.Even though he talked to him, he didn"t even give coherent responses. Arita forced himself to sing, even though he was horrible at it, so he became upset. The party finally seemed to end when the day nearly ended. Arita was going the same direction as the pa.s.sed-out Hirose, so he walked with Hirose draped over his back. They got on a taxi together. Hirose seemed to have trouble even sitting properly, since when they were seated he hugged Arita"s knees and fell asleep. Arita was speechless.When the tax stopped at front of Hirose"s apartment, Arita paid and dragged Hirose out of the taxi.Hirose didn"t seem willing to walk at all. It seemed impossible to drag him up the stairs, so Arita leaned Hirose in a sitting position against the apartment wall, and sighed. "Uh... Mr. Arita."Hirose slowly opened his eyes and shook his head, and finally said something that resembled a human"s speech. He blankly stared at Arita."There, I brought you all the way to your apartment. You can climb the stairs by yourself, right?"As if hurrying Hirose who didn"t even attempt to get up, Arita pulled at his hand. Hirose didn"t move. He lowered his head and scratched at his cheek with ends of his fingers."How... did I end up back home? Oh... I sold this apartment and gave the keys away, too. I was supposed to stay with my college friend tonight..."Arita felt his energy draining. He deeply sighed."So where is the apartment of this friend of yours.""Near Sanku Station...""It"s complete opposite direction! We can"t do anything about it now. We can"t catch a taxi unless we"re at the station, so we"ll have to walk all the way there."At Arita"s seemingly angry voice, Hirose curled up his shoulders, as if intimidated."I"m sorry for troubling you. I can go by myself. You should go back home. You have work tomorrow, too.""I can"t trust words of a drunk. I won"t be able to even sleep in peace until I get you on a taxi, so I"ll take you there."Hirose walked by himself, with more firm steps than before. They silently walked side by side on a neighborhood void of people. Sometimes they heard a dog barking in the distance. "Mr. Arita."His name was called so he stopped and looked at him. Hirose was quietly looking at Arita. His eyes were red. It was eyes of an intoxicated man."...I love you."He didn"t feel the same disgust he felt when he first heard it. Perhaps it was because he knew more than enough about Hirose"s feelings now."Is that so."Arita quietly replied."Just once is enough. Please let me kiss you."He was looking at him with serious eyes. He felt like floating at unexpected words, and his heart felt a little excited. He had to same something, but what should he say? Something so that Hirose wouldn"t get hurt... But what could he say to convince this man? Then how about letting him kiss him just once? It wasn"t even a big deal. And if Hirose would be satisfied with that.He felt people approaching. Two young men, around high school age, were walking towards them. Arita grew anxious. Maybe they"d think it"s weird that two man are staring at each other on the middle of the road."Don"t say stupid things and walk straight."Hirose quietly looked at Arita with eyes that looked like a child who got yelled at. As if it was final, he lowered his head."Yes."They started to walk again. When Hirose got on a taxi at the station, he left a common parting words of, "Stay healthy."Arita also had nothing to say except common words like, "You stay healthy, too." It was 2 AM in the morning when he got back to his room. When Arita returned, he plopped down on the couch and stared at the shapes on the ceiling. Hirose is gone. It wasn"t a big deal, and he"ll return after one year. He realized that he became strangely emotional and strongly shook his head. He shouldn"t be s.p.a.cing out. He"ll be in trouble tomorrow if he didn"t quickly bath and go to bed.Arita managed to stand up from the couch to take a bath. However, his feet didn"t manage to take him all the way to the bathroom. He stopped right in front of the bookshelf.There was a large file case inside the bookshelf. When he grabbed it and opened it, the contents spilled out to the floor.Mountain of photos that he didn"t manage to organize. He picked them up, one by one. Pictures that Hirose took. Mountain and ocean, river and sky. Few photos of Arita. He put them away in the case. There was just one picture of Hirose.Arita took that picture after borrowing the camera from Hirose. The camera was heavy, so the shutter shook. Hirose"s smiling face was smeared and out of focus. Come to think of it, he couldn"t see Hirose"s smiling face today. No, Hirose had been smiling all this time. But... He just didn"t smile for him...When he was looking at the pictures, he wanted to meet Hirose for no reason. They had been walking together just now, and he had nothing special to tell him, so he himself had no idea why he wanted to see him all of a sudden. Next time they would meet is one year later. Arita suddenly became angry so he tore up Hirose"s smeared picture and threw it away. He ripped up every single scenery picture from the mountain of photos, too.Arita couldn"t figure himself out as he threw away the torn pieces and wondered why he was being so stupid. Come to think of it, didn"t he do the same thing before? At that time..."That"s not even funny..."His windows creaked from the bl.u.s.ter of wind. He didn"t feel like bathing, either, so he decided to go to bed. He walked towards the window and confirmed that it was locked. He started to pull the curtains closed and happened to look outside. He thought he saw a person"s shadow.Arita doubted his eyes. His eyes met the shadow"s gaze. The shadow lowered his head and slightly held up one hand."Are you stupid or something?"At Arita"s furious voice, Hirose awkwardly lowered his shoulders. He looked exactly same as the time they parted, so it certainly looked as if he came right back without going to his friend"s house."Somehow, I just wanted to see Mr. Arita"s face one more time... I thought it would be impossible to see you again before tomorrow morning, but it"s good thing that I saw you again so quickly." He seemed scared, but Hirose said such nonchalant things, so Arita didn"t even have the energy to get mad."Anyway, step inside.""Oh, no, I"ll be leaving now."Hirose shook his head and smiled."I"ll come back whenever I"m on a break, so please hang out with me. It"s okay if it"s just until you get a girlfriend, Mr. Arita... So please stay by my side."His heart hurt. It was stiff, throbbing pain. Arita seriously thought that he wanted to tightly hold this pathetic, sad tall man"s lowered face and kiss him."I didn"t even give you a good-bye gift.""That"s fine. I"ll just accept your feelings."He grabbed Hirose"s shirt"s sleeve. Hirose suddenly lifted his lowered face. Arita looked into Hirose"s eyes, too. Sweet, kind eyes."Anything... Tell me what you want."Smile disappeared from Hirose"s face. His face became so serious that Arita felt scared looking at him."I want your kiss." The heart that touched his shoulder was beating hard. His back was pulled forward and hugged, so Arita wrapped his unsteady arms around Hirose"s back. They were only hugging, but guilty conscience played a role so he felt so embarra.s.sed that his face felt like it will catch on fire. However, their touched bodies felt warm beyond that.Even though it was middle of the night, for two men to stand on the road like this... and hug was not normal. However, he wanted to tightly hug Hirose today, even ignoring that kind of moral. When Arita didn"t refuse, thin lips covered his own. It felt like he would become dizzy from the heat emanating from the touching lips. The kiss that only consisted of lightly touching and slightly changing the angle. Tip of Hirose"s tongue finally touched Arita"s lips lightly, so Arita opened his lips as if dragging him in.He didn"t know exactly how long they stayed like that. It felt like Hirose was starting to pull away, but Arita wanted to kiss him more, so he clutched at Hirose"s sleeves as if begging him. However, Hirose"s desire to pull away was stronger."I"m still a bit drunk."Hirose placed his hands on Arita"s shoulders and muttered, as if apologizing. Arita thought to himself that he wasn"t drunk. "I"m sorry, being selfish like that."He didn"t want an apology. He didn"t allow him to act selfish, either."Then, later..."Ends of hands that gently caressed his shoulders regretfully pulled away. At the departing back, Arita couldn"t say anything for a while. He numbly stared at his back."Hirose."His voice that called out to him and stopped him was strangely high. The back had walked away a fair distance, but stopped and turned back. Even though he called out to him, Arita didn"t know what to say, nor how to say it."When you arrive there, call me the first thing.""Sure."Loud voice."If you"re going to come back here, you have to call me beforehand.""Yes, of course."Hirose was slightly laughing. While laughing, he disappeared from Arita"s view. Arita was s.p.a.cing out on the middle of his room. He couldn"t believe that just now, he had been standing on the road, kissing Hirose. But it wasn"t a lie. The erotic feeling remained on his lips.Something was wrong. He was making some kind of mistake. It wasn"t normal to kiss with a man. Arita pressed his hand against his forehead. He wasn"t like his little brother. He wasn"t the type of man to get excited over another man. He just felt sorry for Hirose. He just thought the man who tagged after him, saying he "loves" him, was pathetic and sad. He had no other intention.However, if Arita didn"t speak that way, Hirose wouldn"t have thought to kiss Arita. He definitely invited Hirose to act that way.Why was Hirose outside? If only he wasn"t there, if only Arita didn"t realize it, if only it wasn"t the middle of the night, he wouldn"t have done something like kissing him. And just how, when Arita thought he wanted to meet him, Hirose wanted to meet him also just at the right time?Within Arita"s chaotic mind, there was nothing that answered him. Arita couldn"t bear the silence in the room he was alone in, so he turned on the audio player and set the dial to night time radio program.There was slight other sounds mixed in the pop song that flowed out, sung by a woman"s husky voice. The music slowly faded out, and the DJ"s voice overlapped it."That just now was (Love Times) from Joanna Slapis"s 1986 alb.u.m, >"He sat on the sofa, as if collapsing. This longing feeling, disorganized conversations, himself who became completely unnatural... Arita couldn"t run away any longer.Hirose realized his feelings for Arita over 6 years span of time. However, he was different from Hirose. He"s different from that man who needed 36 hours in a day. All Arita needed was one year; that was more than enough.What the h.e.l.l do I do. Arita paled and stomped up and down. His brother"s problem, his parent"s problem... He saw himself pushing everything aside, and floating along.Arita didn"t know how to fight this breathless heat, so all he could do was seat curled up like a little child.* End of First Book*