Why, I don"t even know her by name!
Some vulgar child ...
[_Lets the wax doll fall unregarded on the gravel._
_Br._ (_indignantly_). Oh, what a horrid shame!
I see _now_ why you sent us to the Serpentine!
_Bl._ (_heartlessly_). There"s no occasion to flare up like turpentine.
_Br._ (_ungrammatically_). I"m _not_! Disown your doll, and thrust me, too, aside!
The one thing left for both of us is--suicide!
Yes, Timburina, us no more she cherishes-- (_Bitterly._) Well, the Round Pond a handy place to perish is!
[_Rushes off stage with wooden doll._
_Bl._ (_making a feeble attempt to follow_). Come back, Brunette; don"t leave me thus, in charity!
_F._ (_with contempt_). Well, I"ll be off--since you seem to prefer vulgarity.
_Bl._ No, stay--but--ah, she said--what if she _meant_ it?
_F._ Not she! And, if she did, _we_ can"t prevent it.
_Bl._ (_relieved_). That"s true--we"ll play, and think no more about her.
_F._ (_sarcastically_). We may _just_ manage to get on without her!
So come----(_Perceives doll lying face upwards on path._) You odious girl, what have you done?
Left Lady Minnie lying in the blazing sun!
"Twas done on purpose--oh, you _thing_ perfidious! [_Stamps._ You _knew_ she"d melt, and get completely hideous!
Don"t answer _me_, Miss--I wish we"d never met.
You"re only fit for persons like Brunette!
[_Picks up doll, and exit in pa.s.sion._
_Grand Sensation Descriptive Soliloquy, by_ BLANCHIDINE, _to Melodramatic Music_.
_Bl._ Gone! Ah, I am rightly punished! What would I not give now to have homely little Brunette, and dear old wooden-headed Timburina back again!
_She_ wouldn"t melt in the sun.... Where are they now? Great Heavens!
that threat--that rash resolve ... I remember all! "Twas in the direction of the Pond they vanished. (_Peeping anxiously between trees._) Are they still in sight? ... Yes, I see them? Brunette has reached the water"s edge ... What is she purposing! Now she kneels on the rough gravel; she is making Timburina kneel too! How calm and resolute they both appear! (_Shuddering._) I dare not look further--but ah, I must--_I must_!... Horror! I saw her boots flash for an instant in the bright sunlight: and now the ripples have closed, smiling, over her little black stockings!... Help!--save her, somebody!--help!... Joy! a gentleman has appeared on the scene--how handsome, how brave he looks!
He has taken in the situation at a glance! With quiet composure he removes his coat--oh, _don"t_ trouble about folding it up!--and why, _why_ remove your gloves, when there is not a moment to be lost? Now, with many injunctions, he entrusts his watch to a bystander, who retires, overcome by emotion. And now--oh, gallant, heroic soul!--now he is sending his toy-terrier into the seething water! (_Straining_ _eagerly forward._) Ah, the dog paddles bravely out--he has reached the spot ... oh, he has pa.s.sed it!--he is trying to catch a duck! Dog, dog, _is_ this a time for pursuing ducks? At last he understands--he dives ... he brings up--agony! a small tin cup! Again ... _this_ time, surely--what, only an old pot-hat!... Oh, this dog is a fool! And still the Round Pond holds its dread secret! Once more ... yes--no, yes, it _is_ Timburina! Thank Heaven, she yet breathes! But Brunette?
Can she have stuck in the mud at the bottom? Ha, she, too, is rescued--saved--ha-ha-ha!--saved, saved, saved!
[_Swoons hysterically amid deafening applause._
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Saved--ha-ha-ha!"]
_Enter_ FRANK MANLY _supporting_ BRUNETTE, _who carries_ TIMBURINA.
_Bl._ (_wildly_). What, do I see you safe, beloved Brunette?
_Br._ Yes, thanks to his courage, I"m not even _wet_!
_Frank_ (_modestly_). Nay, spare your compliments. To rescue Beauty, When in distress, is every hero"s duty!
_Bl._ Brunette, forgive--I"m cured of all my folly!
_Br._ (_heartily_). Of course I will, my dear, and so will dolly!
[_Grand Trio and Step-dance, with "tippity-tappity," and "clickity-clack" refrain as finale._
VI.--COMING OF AGE.
Our present Drama represents an attempt to ill.u.s.trate upon the Music-hall stage the eternal truth that race _will_ tell in the long run, despite--but, on second thoughts, it does not _quite_ prove that, though it certainly shows the unerring accuracy of parental--at least, that is not exactly its tendency, either; and the fact is that _Mr.
Punch_ is more than a little mixed himself as to the precise theory which it is designed to enforce. He hopes, however, that, as a realistic study of Patrician life and manners, it will possess charms for a democratic audience.
COMING OF AGE.
_A GRAND SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGICAL COMEDY-DRAMA IN ONE ACT._
DRAMATIS PERSONae.
_The Earl of Burntalmond._
_The Countess of Burntalmond (his wife)._
_Robert Henry Viscount Bullsaye (their son and heir)._
_The Lady Rose Caramel (niece to the Earl)._
_h.o.r.ehound_ } Travelling as "The Celebrated Combination _Mrs. h.o.r.ehound_ } Korffdropp Troupe," in their refined and _Coltsfoot h.o.r.ehound_ } elegant Drawing-room Entertainment.
_Tenantry._
SCENE--_The Great Quadrangle of Hardbake Castle; banners, mottoes, decorations, &c. On the steps_, R., _the Earl,_ supported by his wife, son, and niece, is discovered in the act of concluding a speech to six tenantry, who display all the enthusiasm that is reasonably to be expected at nine-pence a night.
_The Earl_ (_patting_ Lord BULLSAYE"S _shoulder_). I might say more, Gentlemen, in praise of my dear son, Lord Bullsaye, here--I might dwell on his extreme sweetness, his strongly marked character, the variety of his tastes, and the singular attraction he has for children of all ages--but I forbear. I will merely announce that on this day--the day he has selected for attaining his majority--he has gratified us all by plighting troth to his cousin, the Lady Rose Caramel, with whose dulcet and clinging disposition he has always possessed the greatest natural affinity.
[_Cheers._
_Lord Bullsaye_ (_aside to_ Lady R.). Ah, Rose, would such happiness could last! But my heart misgives me strangely--why, I know not.
_Lady R._ Say not so, dear Bullsaye--have you not just rendered me the happiest little Patrician in the whole peerage?