Before reading: I made a mistake last chapter. Ilya entered the bathroom by herself, themaid didn’t follow her in. That’s why there is n.o.body to stop her when she fellasleep in the bathtub. It’s really great to have j.a.panese teachers at hands toask about parts I’m not sure of!

This is CHAPTER 24 PART 1 UNEDITED , wait till next Sunday for the whole chapter. I"ll upload it on NU at that time. 

If this is the real end – 7

            Iexhaled, and a big air bubble escaped my lips. It’s painful, I can’t breathe. AsI thought that and opened my mouth wider, another bubbled rose up. My throatopened to inhale air. But my lungs didn’t expand, instead I felt like throwingup as my lungs were pressured by a squeezing weight. Even though I wanted tocough, one bubble after another left my mouth and that choking sensation didn’tchange. Or I should rather say, I couldn’t breathe.

            Adisagreeable burbling sound echoed as a bubble extended and covered my face.When I stretched out my arms in anguish, something coiled around my body shookgreatly and went away. But it returned to its former position the next secondand bound me. My hands reached out, my fingers broke through something and feltthe air. A splas.h.i.+ng sound echoed in the distance. At that moment I finallyrealized where I was.

            Iwas sinking. I was submerged inside the water. In other words, I was drowning.I hadn’t noticed until that moment because I had lost consciousness. I probablywoke up abruptly because my body was warning me. It warmed me that if thingscontinued like this it will die. When I remembered I was taking a bath until amoment ago, then naturally, I understood I was in the bathtub.

            Itried to straighten my posture with one hand and stretched out the other tosupport my body but it wasn’t going well. The palm of the hand that should haveused the bottom of the bathtub for support didn’t stop slipping. Finally, oneof my legs lost its footing and made a loud noise as it broke through the watersurface. Following it, the other foot sank and made an even louder sound. As Ikept struggling, my upper body remained completely submerged, and yet, I feltthe pain going away. I thought that perhaps my consciousness was becoming hazy,but I had no way to confirm it. In the first place, I was inside the water, allthe boundary lines around me were vague and fuzzy. Even the fact I wasdrowning, I wasn’t sure if it was real or not.

“… …. ! ….dy! …. La… dy!... Ah,lady…..!! My lady!!”

            Icould see someone’s face beyond the blurry water surface. I couldn’t make outtheir traits because of the blurriness, but from their figure it was probably amaid. Did she notice from the sounds, or did she come check the situationbecause I was taking too long? While repeatedly calling me out she was plungingher arms in the bathtub, trying to lift me up. But it was impossible for awoman alone to raise a person with a similar stature. My body further sank tothe bottom of the water. I intended to swallow my breath in one gulp but alarge quant.i.ty of water entered my throat. I felt my vision getting darker.

“…. Someone! Someone!!”

            Thesound was m.u.f.fled but I could hear the maid call for help. It seemed my earswere still working. Soon, several maids came, alarmed by the noise and I wasfinally rescued from the bathtub. Is what I like to say but it was only to theextend of extracting my upper body from the water. When I grabbed the arm of amaid while coughing violently, I noticed she was trembling. The maid looking atme with a face that had lost all its color was Merge. Her heartbroken gazedistorted by pain pierced my chest. While I kept coughing again and again,quite struggling to catch my breath, at the same time I was thinking with acool head. I couldn’t believe I made such a blunder.

            Takinga bath by myself was not commendable, but drowning in the bathtub wouldn’tsimply end with turning it into a laughing matter. As I was no longer a child,all the responsibility lay with me. The daughter of a n.o.ble should borrow thehelp of maids to bath. At least, someone should have stayed in the bathroom. BecauseI was the next marquise. Protecting myself was an obligation imposed as a“duty.” In other words, it meant I had to do my utmost to protect myself. Iought to have known this and yet… “… fu” Did I expire in order to escape fromthe pain, or was it to scorn my own idiocy? Even that, I no longer knewanymore.

            Beforelong another maid in my back wrapped a towel around me. The towel was just fineto warm up the shoulders that had become cold, however, because almost half ofit was sinking in the bathtub it was very heavy. Being unable to stand bymyself left me stunned. From both sides of the bathtub, two maids tried to pullme but it didn’t go well and my body that had been scooped up after great painsonce again fell into the water. My body seemed to be complaining as if it hadlost its bones and refused to listen to me. A sigh unintentionally leaked frommy mouth and my lips half sank into the water. At that moment.

            Bang!

            Thedoor that should have been closed was flung opened and a man with golden hairrushed into the room. That his forehead was covered in sweat wasn’t just myimagination. 

“Alfred-sama!”

            Theone who rose her voice was Merge who was supporting my strengthless body. Sheincreased the number of towels wrapped around me, trying to hide my body fromAl’s eyes. But he wasn’t the last bit perturbed and walked to the middle of theroom, pus.h.i.+ng Merge aside. Not caring about her who once again screamed“Alfred-sama!”, he scooped me up from the bathtub.

I was alsofully aware that it wasn’t a good thing to expose my skin to someone of theopposite gender even if he was my escort, but it was also true that I feltrelieved. My feet had become swollen and dull, I couldn’t feel any sensationfrom them.

“Why did you let her entered alone!” Moving his gaze to Merge, Al roared in a deep voice.

“…Ththat’s….” Merge whoimmediately start stumbling on her words wandered her eyes in the room.

“… It was me who said I wanted to bathalone.”

            Besides, Merge wasn’t here a while ago.When I added this while suppressing a light cough, Al’s lips tightened and heshook his head.

“I heardthey were excellent maids, but it seems to not be the case,” he suddenly saidin a matter-of-fact tone. “I don’t think an excellent maid would do all andeverything her master orders from her.” He sounded as if his voice didn’tcontain any warmth. But I understood he was wrapped in wrath.

“I amsorry, Al. It is my fault.” The maids who were on the receiving end of Al’ssharp glare were completely shriveling. So as much as possible, I tried to saythat in bright tone instead of them who became completely unable to answer. ButI couldn’t do it well and quivered on the last words. It was natural as Inearly died. Whether he was aware of this or not, Al flatly rejected my wordswith a voice devoid of emotion.

“There isno need for my lady to apology.”

He easilyheld me up in his arms as if the struggling of the maids a while ago was a lie.Then, in a careful motion he carried me out. The maids who had a bad expressionwhen Al, a person of the opposite s.e.x, had entered the bathroom, watched him insilence, understanding the help of a man was necessary.

To beginwith, I was in the bathroom adjacent to my room, so when we came out of thechanging room we directly reached my bedroom. There was n.o.body here. Just whenwe were about to leave the bathroom, a maid had put a gown on me who was heldin Al’s arms. She probably thought that a towel was not enough. Al gently putme down on the bed and withdrew after saying “I will come back later.” He gaveme time to put on clothes.

I exhortedmy body that had lost all its strength and when I rose up my upper body, thegown fell off. This time night clothes were handed over to me. I didn’t confirmwho had given them and pa.s.sed my arms through the sleeves. At that moment, atrembling voice say, “My lady, I deeply apology….” Not looking at my face andkeeping her head bowed very low, the person who spoke was Merge. Because shewas the one with most seniority among the maids who happened to be present, sheprobably was apologizing on behalf of them all. “I said it before, but youdon’t have to worry about it. Because it was me who said I wanted to be alone.”My vague consciousness was also returning. My fingers didn’t shake and I wasable to speak clearly. This made me feel unbelievably relieved.  

I didn’tdie. … …. I was still alive.

“I amsorry.” While I said that in a light tone to prevent the atmosphere frombecoming too heavy and awkward, I touched Merge’s shoulder. When I did that,she suddenly rose her head and said, “Please stop….!” Then, she escaped my handand took two, three steps back. Although it was only just a small distance,that was enough to prevent us from touching each other. She was supposed to beclose, and yet, for some reason I felt she was very far away.

The othermaids had left when I wasn’t aware of it and now only the two of us remained inthe room. In the bedroom that had become deadly silent, her voice that hadregained her calm echoed.

“… There is no need for an apology.Because it is me who failed my duty as a maid.”

            Seeingher like this, I understood she was really regretting. But my mind wasdominated by the dream I saw when I was swallowing water inside the bathtub.The sensation of losing everything the moment I died. That shock. Even thoughI’ve experience it enough times to get tired of it, I still couldn’t get used to it. Itwas so distressing, painful and sorrowful I couldn’t help it. This couldn’t beexpressed with words. I wonder why that moment when you were on the verge ofdying bestowed people so much agony? I prayed many times to at least be granteda gentle death. Every time I died I was always thinking about this.

            WhileI let my thoughts wandered aimlessly, I muttered “But, I am the one at fault.”Not only this time. Always, I’m always calling misfortune on myself. Eventhough I have lived so many lives, repeated everything so many times, eventhough I might have been offered an amendable life… … I cannot live well.

“Spilling ink, drowning in the bath…I am really beyond help.”

            Iintended to say it as a self-depreciation but unexpectedly my voice came out in agrave intonation. The shoulders of Merge who had once again lowered her headswayed a little and she rose her face suddenly. Her hand strongly clutched herchest. As if it was painful. Her collar which was usually straightened was twistedand squashed by her palms.

“Merge?”

 “Why, my lady why are you… so kind? Itwouldn’t have been strange to rebuke me for what I did. Rather than entrustingit to the other maids, I ought to have stayed at your side and yet…!”

            Mergemade an expression like she was about to cry at any moment, even though Al’scondemnations earlier had been much fiercer. It was really rare for her who always kepther calm. The woman who spend time together with me when I was young always hadcalm eyes. Being alone together with her who was usually constantly attendingto Silvia was a rare situation, I didn’t know what to say to cheer her. If Ispoke now my words would reflexively become, “You are Silvia’s maid so you donot have to worry about this.”

            However,those words I planned to say stayed stuck in my throat and refused to come out.If I say them right now, they will definitely be taken as sarcasm. Because Iunderstood this, no matter what, I mustn’t say them. Even though she might havewanted me to blame her. I didn’t want to say such words. Like how Marianne andMerge just now had described me, I wanted to become a tolerant person. Someonewho forgive everything, love everything, confer kindness to everyone.

            I’vealways wanted to become that kind of person. 

*
*

            Inthe end, the sole words I managed to say to Merge who kept apologizing were “Thankyou.” With a smile on my face, I told her I was grateful for her consideration.I knew that by doing this, everything would be settled nicely. When you are inthe middle of a conversation with someone, if you cannot understand yourpartner’s intention, for the time being you could stop the discussion bygiving them your thanks. If you do that, in most cases you will avoid settling an uncomfortable mood between you. However, despite my smile, I couldn’t convince Merge.

            Eventhough she was the one who taught me that when I was a child.

“At all time, you are a lady.”

            Inother words, a lady ought to always wear a smile and carry herself properly,that should have been what she meant.  … …I was doing it properly, right? I instinctively swallowed back those words. Mergegazed at my face for a while, but then she sighed and deeply lowered her head. Then,keeping her head bowed like this, she left the room as if she was trying tobreak off from my line of sight. The brief moment before she turned her backfrom me, she clearly showed a hurt expression.

            Wait, I was about to call out. Do not go, I almost said. That’s right, the one who left theother behind wasn’t me. The one who threw me away was Merge. Andyet, for her to be making an expression like she was being abandoned, it was unfair.

            Ilied down on the bed, took a deep, deep breath and closed my eyes. I was the n.o.ble’sdaughter of a third ranked earl house, and the fiancé of Soleil, heir of amarquis family. So, I mustn’t be shaken by such a thing. I must keep mycomposure. I mustn’t let anyone sense my wavering heart. I mustn’t be perturbedby anything, rather, I must boast of the strength to coerce my opponents. BecauseI had been raised to become such a person.

            But,why. Why can’t I suppress my sorrow?

“… I was reported that you drownedin the bath.”

            Merelya few minutes after Merge had left my room, my mother appeared. Mother wasmaking a difficult expression, but more than looking worried she seemed to be broodingover something. I was about to get up but she told me to remain as I was, so Iended up looking up at her who had sat on the bed side. When I suddenlysensed a gaze on me and looked toward the corner of the room, I saw my escortknight there. I guess he entered with mother. Although he was frowning, he wasn’tangry. Rather, he was probably anxious about me. Because we have been togetherfor a long time, I completely understood how kind he was. In the past, I misreadthis feeling and ended up losing him.

“You are not feeling unwell, right?”

            WhenI acquiesced to my mother inquiry, that person heaved a huge sigh and held downher forehead.

“… Mother?”

“Do not make me worry.”

            Seeingthe sorrowful appearance of my muttering mother with her head lowered like this,somewhat my heart got warmer. Even though usually she didn’t give a care aboutme, it seemed that she became worried this time. Knowing that cleared my heart.Just when I thought it was unscrupulous of me to have those thoughts and I wasabout to smile to her,

“Having to worry about only thatchild is enough.”

            Ifully understood mother’s words. The smile I was about to show was destroyed inan instant. Still, my lips somehow managed to form a gentle line. My teeth werecolliding against each other as if I was trembling in the cold. I rose my face wonderingif my unrest had been perceived, but mother was still making the samedifficult expression. A thought crossed my mind. Maybe the words I heard earlierwere just an auditory hallucination. But,

“It is troubling for me.”

END OF PART 1
Actually, it is a bit more than half the chapter, but I felt that cutting here was good. After all, Ilya has such a great mother, I can"t be the only one raging while I translate. Let"s share!