If this isthe real end – 3

            Silverhairs and purple eyes, that were my little sister’s attributes. Since her birthSilvia had been special for our parents. Even though I didn’t ask her to, ayoung maid who loved to gossip had told me various information I had not wishedto hear. Like the fact that those colors my parents didn’t possess had probablycome from her biological mother. 

“… You are having your lunch in sucha place?”

            Inthe back yard of the academy, I was seating on a lonely bench that had been leftalone as if it had been forgotten, the light meal prepared by the chef of theestate spread in front of me, when suddenly a quiet voice echoed. When I lookedup, the student’s uniform told me he was from the knight curriculum. Since thecolor of his necktie indicated he was an uppercla.s.sman, I tried to stand up togreet him but he brushed his hand to force me to stay seated. From thatgesture, I sensed he was someone of high standing. I was asked if it wasalright to sit beside me, but I promptly shook my head to refuse. It wasn’t goodfor a person with a fiancé to be alone with someone of the opposite gender. Itwould be a different story if maids and servants had been with us, but after I quicklylooked around I saw that no one was there. While inside the academy it could besaid we were all fellow students, because everyone was from the n.o.bility it wassimply better to be careful. The fact that everyone was of n.o.ble origin meantthere was a high possibility that everyone had a partner decided sincechildhood. Just shaking my head might not convey my refusal clearly enough, soI softly phrased my rejection. But when I did that the man from the knightdivision made a puzzled expression and tilted his head. It was an expressionthat said he never expected to be turned down. Gazing at his face, I realizedthat it seemed vaguely familiar. When you were part of the high society, youwill become acquainted with most people. I had never talked to him but when Iwas looking from afar, I might have seen him have a friendly chat with Soleil.The way he carried himself seemed to indicated n.o.body ever refused him, meaninghe was of a high social standing. Perhaps he was the person from the rumorsthat started several weeks ago, the foreign student who came from the neighborcountry.

            IfI remembered correctly, it should have been someone from an eminent n.o.blefamily.

            Ifso, rejecting his request was not a profitable option. However, I wasn’tconfident he really was the man from the rumor, so I thought I should not actcarelessly since there was no positive proof. Even at the best of times, rumorsthat Soleil and I had some discord between us were already circulating. If itbecame known that I had been alone with someone of the opposite s.e.x, the blamewould likely fall on me. No matter how Soleil conducted himself, it was hardlyprobable he would be criticized. Because that was what it meant to be the sonof a marquis. 

            Keepingmy face down to avoid to meet his eyes, I put the fruit I was holding back inthe basket. I knew fully well it wasn’t a proper att.i.tude, however, if I abidedby the custom of this country, it was not the time to inquire about his mood. BecauseI didn’t know if someone would see us, I must leave that place as soon aspossible. In the case he was really the foreign student from the neighborcountry, I thought that my impolite behavior might become a problem, but therewas no other choice but to feign and pretend being completely ignorant. 

“… You, under that expressionlessface of yours, you are thinking about various things, right?”

            Apparently,he seemed to have been observing me all that time. Mixed in his voice was aclear puff of laugher. I understood I was been laughed at but because I had notexpected such a foolish manner of speaking I rose my head in spite of myself.Then, I met eyes with him who was standing, looking at me. When I swallowed asmall breath and slightly bent my upper body,

“Don’t be frightened so much” hesaid with a bitter smile.

            Thatgentle and intimate atmosphere strengthened my wariness on the contrary. In allmy lives which repeat constantly, the people who tried to trick me always madea friendly expression. The great number of experiences I had acc.u.mulated untilnow taught me how to avoid danger, but it wasn’t always useful. No matter howcareful I was and how many precautions I took, at the moment I failed, I’dfall. And once that happened, I couldn’t stop it with my own strength.  

“While I might be lacking in someaspects… I am also a n.o.bleman’s daughter, so being alone with a man other thanmy fiancé is…”

            AlthoughI didn’t finish my sentence to explain it wasn’t a good thing, my expressionsaid it all. I specially chose words that would convey that staying here wastroublesome for me since I had a fiancé. If the other was not greatlythickheaded, then he should comprehend my meaning. However, that man answeredflatly with a dull, “Is that so?” before falling silent.

            Forsome reason he didn’t show any signs of intending to leave, so I made up mymind to surrender that place myself. As I got up while tidying up my meal,

“… It seems like I somehow got inyour way, right?” he said as he sat down on the bench without asking forpermission this time.

            Ishook my head and told him, “No, I was thinking it was about time to return tothe cla.s.sroom.” The indigo blue eyes of the man looked up at me who wasstanding. That color that couldn’t be described as bright awaken a feeling ofnostalgia. If you saw it from a more sunny place, that color would surely beclose to black.

“But you haven’t eaten at all.”

            That unexpected retort caught me offguard just when I had bend a knee to say farewell.

“I think there is no need to be insuch hurry. There’s still plenty of time left. So, won’t you lend me a bit moreof your time?... Ilya Il Machisse-sama.”

            WhileI was considerably shaken to hear him say my name without any hesitation, thethought, “as expected he knew,” also crossed my mind. If he was from animportant family from the neighboring country, then he probably had learnt thecustom of the place he intended to study in. Then he knew it wasn’t desirableto be alone with someone of the opposite gender who had a fiancé, and hepurposely decided to disregard it. Despite being from a third ranked earlfamily of ancient and honorable descent, it was only a family lineage that wasneither bad nor good, so him knowing my name brought me a sense of discomfort.Moreover, I was also convinced that he knew I was Soleil’s fiancé. SinceSoleil’s home was a well-known marquis house, everyone knew about it. Moreoverit wouldn’t be strange for his family to have friendly ties with high ranked aristocratsfrom other countries.

“…Oh? You don’t seem surprised.”

            Hiscarefree voice echoed in that extremely quiet garden. To begin with, this placewas located at the most secluded inner part of the backyard, somewhere peopleseldom came. That was why I was having my lunch here. Because I didn’t have tomind the gazes of others, I didn’t have to deceive people with words, and Ithink I needed to have some time alone.

“No, I am quite surprised.”

            Infact, because of the excessive astonishment words wouldn’t come out and Ineeded to take a small breath to calm down. As if they were trying to not missthe slightest of my movements, those indigo eyes were staring fixedly at me. Ifhe had something to tell me I wished he would do it quickly.

“Your face won’t show your truenature. You’re the same as me.”

            Helaughed softly, and his attractive expression was full of youthfulness, butwith this few minutes of conversation, I understood he wasn’t a person whosewords and expression should be taken at face value. It wasn’t my first timeconfronting someone whose real intention couldn’t be read, but I had nointention to bargain with a complete stranger like him. In other words, I hadno interest in learning what kind of person he was.

            However,once you missed the right opportunity, it was hard to grab the chance to leave.

            Bydeliberately observing me with his fixed gaze, by making me aware of thisaction of his, he wanted to see how I would react. Because human beings werecreatures whose true nature came out in a momentary action.   

“… By the way, the fact you’re hereall by yourself, is it because Soleil-dono is in the cafeteria with your littlesister?”

            Theeyes of this man who said that like it was something of very little concernlooked at me as if they wanted to probe me. Did he plan to launch a suddenattack? But when I was about to frown because of this odd feeling of tension hepurposely created, I reflexively smiled instead. Seeing that, my opponentshowed an evident admiration and blinked several times. He probably thought Iwas just an ordinary young girl and looked down on me. Certainly, if it hadbeen before that tea party, I might have become fl.u.s.tered and raised my voice.On the contrary, I would probably have even denied the fact that Soleil andSilvia were together. Even if I knew the truth I wouldn’t have accept it. If ithad been the me from several months ago, there is no doubt I would have reactlike this.

“Soleil-sama is taking great care ofmy little sister. I have also been quite spoiled and allowed to depend on him.”

“… Spoiled and dependent?”

“I also have times when I wish to bealone and slip out from everyone’s view. However, my little sister enrolled inthis academy just recently. She might become uneasy so it is best to havesomeone stay by her side. Originally it should have been my role to take careof her, but that child adores Soleil-sama like an older brother, so I entrustedher to him.

            Thewords flew out without needing me to think deeply about it. There were manypeople who were suspicious of Soleil and Silvia’s relations.h.i.+p and were probingme, his fiancé, about it. They either were simply harboring a sense of justiceand were trying to expose Soleil’s faithlessness, or trying to ridicule me. Orthere were also those who wanted to meddle in Soleil and Silvia’s relation tohelp them achieve their love. There were various reasons. Every time, Ianswered with that appropriate excuse. And now it was evidently that time. Timeto do the ‘work’ I had completely become accustomed to.  

“…A ‘brother’, you said. That’s…”

            Myremark made him heave a long sigh. That elegant and eminent n.o.ble from aforeign country made a subtle expression both like a sarcastic smile and adiscouraged face. I didn’t know what kind of reactions he was trying to drawout from me, but what he expected was surely different from my reply. Howeverafter a short moment of silent he took a small breath and continued,

“But, that’s not how others see it,right?”

            Itwas the reaction I had imagined.

“… Well, it is hard to tell. Icannot fathom what other people think.”

            WhenI showed him an expression of complete curiosity, he heaved a truly heavy sigh.That exaggerated breath would effectively make your opponent shrank if you werein his position. I didn’t understand what he was after, but…

“Somehow, you… are different fromwhat I imagined.”

            Thatpair of eyes which was looking up at me with a thoroughly perplexed appearance,had in fact become the gossip of the academy lately. Originally, n.o.bles wouldoften get married with fellow aristocrats of beautiful appearances, so they hadquite gorgeous looks, but even among them it could be said that he stood outquite a lot. That this plain appearance of mine was unnoticeable might bebecause this kind of person existed. The expression “standing out in a bad way”was surely a perfect description for me.

“I do not know how you imagined meto be but… will you be done soon?”

            If you have no business with me, I want toleave immediately. I said this frankly. Then, the man shrugged bothshoulders and declared without any shame, “But I haven’t even start talkingwith you yet.”

            Ifelt like your exchange was somewhat meaningless.

“… What kind of business do you havewith me?”

            Theway things were going, it didn’t seem like he would disclose his intentions, sothere was no other choice but to take the stand to hear his story.

“Well, first. Let me introducemyself. Because you don’t seem to know me.”

            Helaughed and his smiled deepened, making me notice the situation wasn’t headingin a good direction for me. It wasn’t appropriate to interrupt his words here.But if possible, I wanted to keep not knowing his name. Once we knew each othername, from that moment we would become something similar to “acquaintances”. Ifthat happened, from now on, I won’t be able to pretend I didn’t know him whenI’ll meet him. He probably completely understood this. That was why he wasshowing this smile that looked so refreshed it was unpleasant. 

“Let’s start once again, young lady.My name is Saion Topias. I came from a nearby country to study.”

“A nearby country…?”

            Sinceit wasn’t an official presentation, he didn’t say his full name. If it had beena formal event like a ball, abbreviating one’s name was strictly forbidden. Itwould be seen as making light of the other party. According to his expression,it didn’t seem like he was looking down on me, but there might be some deepermeaning to the fact he didn’t give me his formal name. Besides, why did he notsay the name of his country? If he was the foreign student from the rumor, thenthere would be no need to investigate and it would be easy to find out.

            Andmore than anything, there was his name, “Saion”. If I didn’t hear it wrong, atthat lunch several days ago Soleil and Silvia had brought up that name,moreover they said it with quite some familiarity. That being the case, itmeant he was certainly acquainted with the two of them. And he had especiallycome in contact with me, Soleil’s fiancé. Although I also took in considerationthat he happened to stumble upon this place by coincidence, that possibilitywas quite low. It would still have been more natural to approach me throughSoleil.    

“Ah, it’s good. That expression.That’s the expression I wanted to see.”

            Iwas probably showing a suspicious expression. Saion smiled delightfully andleaned his upper body on the back of the bench. … That unfathomableself-introduction he gave, I guessed it was merely to stir me up. After allthis, I didn’t feel like continuing to keep up appearances and decided tosimply watch the situation upfold.

“In my country, political marriagesare becoming a bad habit of the past era.”

            Suddenlyhis eyes that were looking at me narrowed. A third party might have wonderedwhy he abruptly started to talk about that, but in light of the circ.u.mstancessurrounding me, I could naturally see where this topic was headed.

“Of course, it doesn’t extend to thearistocracy. The profits brought by political unions are large, there are alsosome times when choosing this is preferable in order to carry out one’s duty asa n.o.ble. So, well, in the end, it mainly concerns the general populace.”

“…”

“But, still it means that there is abigger understanding and acceptation of marriage out of love than in thiscountry.”

            Untila certain time, more precisely until that tea party, there was no doubt it wasquite visible. I would personally speak with Soleil in the academy, and while Ididn’t remember being particularly close to Soleil, before I knew it, my eyeswould always chase after his silhouette. I kept in check the women whoapproached him, so it was very easy to understand what emotions I harboredtoward Soleil. But after the tea party, Silvia started attending the academy,and as the distance between her and Soleil shortened, I began intentionallyavoiding them. Soleil was my fiancé, Silvia was my little sister. So, if thetwo of them were having lunch together, I could also join them. It wouldn"t be unnatural,rather for Silvia’s sake it might have been better.

            However,I didn’t do that. Seeing them together was painful. Being at their side was distressing.When I was with them, memories I didn’t want to remember would surface. Thatwas why I tried to keep some distance between us. But because of these emotionsI couldn’t abandon, completely distancing myself was impossible.

“Say, what are your thoughts aboutseparating two people who have feelings for each other?”

            Saionwho slowly got up from the bench stood beside me and whispered this like he wastelling me a secret. Those words sank to the depth of my ear as if their hadthe weight of stones. When one’s standpoint changed, the viewpoint would alsochange. That’s was a matter of course. From my standpoint, the one who was separatingI and Soleil was Silvia. From Silvia’s standpoint, the one who was tearing herand Soleil apart was me. As for the people around us, they would side withtheir friends and allies and look at our relations from that standpoint. In otherwords, Saion wasn’t my ally.   

“You should release him.”

            Right? Saying this like it was a trivialthing, Saion turned his heels. I had no words to return at that departingfigure. I wondered if my existence was such an eyesore? Even though instead, theone who wanted to be set free was me. I couldn’t tell what I should say or do.

            Inone of my previous lives, that Soleil and Silvia were able to get married wasbecause the circ.u.mstances had allowed it. Because the wedding ceremony couldn’tbe cancelled, and I had fled two days before it. As it had been necessary tofind a replacement for me, inevitably Silvia had to take on the responsibility.Unless it was that much of an impending situation, my parents would not have letgo of Silvia. Since that was so, with the current situation even if Soleil andI were to cancel our marriage, I didn’t think that Silvia would be chosen ashis partner. To begin with, because the Silvia at this point in time didn’t possessenough refinement and education to become the next marquis’s wife, no matterhow much Soleil yearned for her, his house won’t approve it.

            Allthose various circ.u.mstances, Saion wasn’t aware of them. And precisely becausehe didn’t know, he was chasing after his ideals and wishes, seeking to fulfillhis hopes.

            Astheir friend, it wasn’t strange for him to dream about a future where the two loverscould be together.    

“… Hey! You, how long do you plan tostay in such a place?”

            Froma little far away, Saion who had turned toward here said that in a loud voice.It might be to inform me that lunch break was over, or he might be trying to makeme aware of my current condition. But, yes, really…

            …I, how long, will I stay in that place?

Nocta’s thoughts:

I’m not really good with coming upwith name from the katakana. I don’t dislike Saion (it’s not as worse as havingto write Soleil= Sun in French for a name) but if anyone has a bettersuggestion, feel free to share it.

Saion Topias

サイオン＝トピアーシュ