Itwas Al who reacted to the dry knocking sound that resounded several times. Iguessed he had sensed someone’s presence before the door was knocked. He gazedat me, seemingly asking me what should be done, but I had no other choice butto nod. I didn’t know who it was but they had probably come while knowing I wasinside the room. But for a short while Al didn’t move from his spot. As thereweren’t any maid right now, only him could open the door. Looking like hewanted to say something, he curled his lips and heaved a little sigh beforespeaking in a low voice, “We will continue this later.” He probably wanted to makesure his voice wouldn’t reach the other side of the door. Then he suddenlyclosed the book and quietly returned it to me. “Is it alright with you?” Heasked to make sure, but I couldn’t answer anything. Instead I directed my gazeat the door to urge him to show the visitor in. For a moment, Al’s lookeddispleased, but he didn’t say anything and followed my instructions.

“Please, wait a moment.” I followed his back with my eyes as he turned toward the door while raising his voice.

            Heprobably had sensed I would no longer talk about this matter. If I was onlyable to muster my courage once, it could be said it would have been at that onemoment. But I did not do so. If I was to borrow someone’s help, that personwould surely be Al. Now that I had lost the absolute existence that was Crow,speaking of a person I could trust from the bottom of my heart, it was thatescort knight. That’s why, I knew I must cherish him. I was barely holding backmy wavering and sinking heart that was about to tumble and fall at Al’s feet.

“… … Big sister…”

            Thevoice of my lovely little sister called me back from the sea of thoughts I wasimmersed in. Her nervous face slightly red, she was standing behind thedoor opened by Al. I immediately realized she had a fever. Silvia enteredinside the room while walking unsteadily and heavily breathing. The shortdistance from her room to mine had put her breathing in disorder.

“Silvia, you should be resting rightnow.”

            WhenI propelled myself up while calling out to her, Silvia asked with ambiguous words as she threw a fleeting glance toward Al, “It’s the same for you, bigsister. I heard you had drown in the bath…” Then she suddenly fell silent. Itseemed she was hesitating whether it was alright to talk about this here. Drowningin the bath was due to my own blunder, and if people heard about it, it couldbecome a drawback for me. If you only looked at that part of her, I thoughtthat child too seemed to be growing properly. “Al knows so it is fine to speakabout it,” when I told her that with a smile, Silvia also released a small sighand smiled. This ephemeral and fragile face somewhat made my chest ache.

            Shewas truly concerned about me. Silvia was very kind. She was pus.h.i.+ng herselfdespite her poor condition to visit her sick older sister. 

“Hum… if it is alright with you…”

            Alsupported Silvia’s wavering body until she reached my bed. My little sister whohanged her head, saying “I’m sorry” with her cheek dyed red, was so lovelypeople couldn’t help but see her in a favorable light. She aroused the desireto protect her in every member of our family. The scene of my escort knightleading such a feeble girl by the hand was extremely natural and didn’t havethe slightest sense of incongruity. But somehow, I tilted my head, feeling akind of discomfort as if something was “wrong.” Something appealed to myintuition that the problem was with those two. Wasn’t the pairing of Silvia andAl wrong? I probably had this feeling because the person beside Silvia wasn’tSoleil. I suddenly realized I was surprised at myself for having such athought, and I heaved out the breath I had hold unconsciously. Surprised by howconspicuous my breathing sounded was inside the room that had fallen silentagain, I shrunk my shoulders. The pain and distress I felt weren’t from myimagination.

“Big sister, are you alright?”

            Mylittle sister who had approached within a reaching distance when I wasn’t payingattention took my hand in hers. This gentle action made me feel dizzy. I, beingthe lamentable coward I was, couldn’t grasp that hand.

“Yes I am fine, do not worry.”

            Ianswered while shaking my head, but my own voice sounded like those of astranger. It felt like a voice without emotion. However, Silvia didn’t seem tonotice and smiled lightly.

“… This, it"s a decoction motherhad infused for me.”

            Shegently presented me a small bottle, holding it out like it was a treasure. Then puttingon airs like she was very satisfied of herself, she placed it in my hand. Light brown leaves were jammed to the fillinside the gla.s.s bottle. “It doesn’t… taste very good though.” She laughed andsmiled like a mischievous child, adding “keep it a secret from mother, ok?”while she put her index finger on her lips. “It’s supposed to have the effectof warming up the body.” As she explained the effects she tenderly stroked myarm. Her fingers were barely touching my skin, stroking it with the softness of feathers.

“Silvia?”

            Mylittle sister whose gaze had dropped on her own fingers suddenly rose her head.“Ah, sorry. You seemed cold, that’s why…” She distanced her hands. I lost thatwarmth too abruptly and almost unconsciously chased after those fingers.Perhaps I didn’t want to lose this gentleness that was offered withunselfishness. Opening her eyes wide, Silvia grabbed back my hand withouthesitation.

            Iknew that it was these hands that would rob me of everything. But at the sametime, I remembered, in the past, it was the same hands that had protected me.

            …… That’s all?

            I felt that Crow was laughing.Laughing that I would tolerate and excuse her from everything, just because ofthat.

*

*

            Thenext day, by some kind of fate, I happened to meet with Soleil in the corridorof the academy.

“… Once in a while, wouldn’t you eattogether with me?”

            Evenif he invited me without relaxing his stiff expression, as we were in front ofoutsiders I couldn’t decline. Because he was the heir of a marquis house, ashis fiancé there was no way I could say “I don’t want to.” If we had been aloneit wouldn’t have been embarra.s.sing for him, but at any rate right now we werein the middle of the corridor. Several students happened to be pa.s.sing by usand they were straining their ears to hear my words. And more than anything. Asthe man standing a bit behind Soleil was staring fixedly at me, I couldn’t showthe slightest carelessness. He wasn’t the friend who was always around Soleil. It was quite unusual and I also shouldn"t have cross path with them. Yet my eyes had met with Soleil’s as he seemed to be looking for meunexpectedly. Usually, I lowered by gaze and concealed my presence to notbe found out by him, yet for some reason today I saw him. And it wasn’t onlySoleil who noticed me despite my cautions.   

“… Is she your rumored fiancé?”

            Steppingforward with a big smile on his face, Saion approached us. He pretended it wasthe first time meeting me and slyly asked this question while tilting his headobliquely. In those dark colored pupils of his, a light was glowing and he wascomparing both of our faces as though they were very interesting. I didn’t knowwhat the conversation between Saion and me would look like in the eyes of a thirdparty. Would someone notice we were already acquainted with each other? If we were meeting for the first time here, then likeanyone who was from a n.o.ble family I had to past a smile on my face and give mygreetings. No matter how agonizing it was. When I slightly bend my knees, Scionimperceptibly raised his eyebrow and curved his lips as if what he was seeingseemed interesting. He looked like he was about to let a laugh escape his mouthand was enduring it.

“It is a pleasure to make youracquaintance. I am called Ilya Il Marchisse.”

            Fromthe standpoint of the fiancé of Soleil, eldest child of the marquis house, itwasn’t appropriate to a.s.sume a humble att.i.tude when meeting people for thefirst time. Although giving out your name first showed you were of a lowersocial status, there was no need to abase myself more than that. I had to paythe greatest caution so as to not bring shame on Soleil’s family name. Withjust this, my own position from now on could change. As I had already guessedthat Saion was a higher aristocrat from another country, I intended to beespecially careful. Meanwhile, Soleil was silently watching over what I did,not answering Saion question “is she your fiancé?” nor supplementing myself-introduction by confirming that it was indeed me. It probably meant he hadno intention to introduce me as his fiancé. Or because it was a well-knownfact, did he thought there was no need to expressly explain it here?

“Nice to meet you, young lady. Myname is Saion Topias.”

            Thereweren’t any malice on his grinning face, but calling me “young lady” was aboorish manner of speaking. It could be taken as if he was looking down on me.It was an expression used by a man in the prime of his life to address ayounger woman, in other words it wasn’t a salutation exchanged between a manand a woman close in age. If this was an evening party, it would be a sign of showing contempt for someone. However, he was someone from anothercountry. He may not be used to our way of speaking yet. … It was probablybetter to think this way. It wasn’t like I had alluded to this topic here, but itwas a fact he had revealed himself previously. In such a case, I wondered what kind ofatt.i.tude was the correct answer. 

            Butthen at that moment, I noticed a piercing gaze was directed at me.

“… Soleil-sama?”

            BecauseI had unintentionally whispered, I quickly swallowed my breath. Soleil who waslooking in my direction from Saion’s side probably had the same expression asme. It was somewhat laughable that the both of us were surprised, but I bet Iwas surely not in his sight. Although Saion was looking around as if hewanted to say something, Soleil had already regained his calm and shook hishead with his usual unreadable expression. Nothing was expressed in thosethin-iced eyes of him. Well, I guess itdoesn’t matter, said Saion as he laughed lightly. “Then, shall we go?” headded, seemingly intended to sit with us. He started walking. The people aroundus were openly gazing at Soleil and I who remained behind.  While being exposed to these uncomfortablegazes, I looked up at Soleil who stood beside me. Then, Soleil who was lookingtoward me as before turned in gaze away without saying anything. He wasprompting me with his eyes to follow after Saion, but the truth was, I was at aloss of where I should sit at. I had not even replied to Soleil who offered toeat together.

            Istared at his back as he was walking a few steps ahead of me. He wasn’t waitingfor my answer.

“It’sfine to take your time, so tell me alright?”

            Witha gentle gaze, with a whispering voice, Soleil had said this to my littlesister. I had certainly heard it, but I couldn’t remember when it was. It mighthave been during the tea party, or it might have been at another occasion. Butit probably wasn’t important. Silvia who said something with her reddenedcheeks, and Soleil who looked at her with a loving gaze. His eyes seemed to besaying he unquestionably preferred my little sister’s reserved att.i.tude. I, whowas out of their field of vision but definitively not at a distance far away,concealed my breathing. At that time, I already knew I mustn’t get in their wayand disturb the two of them.

            Onthat day I was introduced as his fiancé, in the garden, Soleil had been waitingfor me to catch up to him. The image of him waiting without urging me surfacedon the back of my eyelids. The him who had slightly loosen his lips and smiledat the moment I finally caught up, was nowhere to be find now.

“That reminds me, I haven’t seen youaround much, where do you usually have lunch?”

            Wesecured a table for four people, and Soleil and I sat facing each other. Saionwas sitting next to Soleil. I didn’t know if this alignment was correct or not.I unavoidably started to wonder, if it had been Silvia where would she havesat? 

“… Are there any places where you can havelunch apart from the cafeteria?”

            Eventhough he already knew the answer, Saion maliciously asked this nasty questionwhile making a truly mysterious expression. This person who was easilydeceiving the people around him, was he Soleil’s friend? Ifelt he would be both dreadful and reliable.

“Usually, I take it in thecourtyard…”

            AsI answered, I floated an ambiguous smile. If you were a considerate person, youwould discontinue this topic here, but Saion didn’t seem to be reading the airand continued “Do you have lunch with your friends?” Asking about something healready ought to know, it probably had a deeper meaning. As I didn’t understandwhat his objective was, I could only continue to answer his question. “No, I amalways alone.” Although I said this with the intention of implying it wasn’t abig deal,

“… … By yourself?”

            Theone who showed a reaction was Soleil. “Y-yes, that is right” I was greatlytaken aback. My eyes opened wide. Because Soleil had shown some interest in me.My body temperature rose suddenly. It was laughable how discomposed I becamejust with this. I also knew that Saion was intently observing such a foolishme. However, I couldn’t keep up my appearance, my heart was helplessly feelingexhilarated. Even though I was thinking I was acting like an idiot, but a smilenaturally floated on my lips.

“… In that case, when our schedulescorrespond, let’s eat together.”  

            Inthe cafeteria bursting with the noise of conversation, Soleil’s voice stoodout. I wondered if I hadn’t heard him wrong but I realized it was unlikely forhim to repeat himself. So, I just stared at his face fixedly. I thought hewould correct his words, saying it was a slip of the tongue. However, he didn’tsay anything, his eyes simply reflected my own face. As if he was waiting foran answer in the meantime, he gulped down. Like I had received an unthinkablerequest, or had been offered a business deal, my back strengthened up tensely.Saion destroyed that atmosphere in an instant with the laugher he didn’t intentto conceal. 

“Even though you are engaged,something is strange.”

            It’s strange to be that nervous, hecontinued. Then, as if he couldn’t bear it he laughed again. “You almost looklike strangers.” However, his voice didn’t contain any laugher, it wasindifferently announcing facts. And I couldn’t deny his words, I even reflexivelyagreed with him. The feeling of distance between us had not narrowed at allsince the day we met. That day I was running after his little back, I believedwithout any doubt that someday I would stand beside him and see the samescenery. However, reality wasn’t as sweet. We were never facing the samedirection nor could my wish of seeing the same panorama come true. How could I have predicted that the day he would look at another woman than me wouldcome?

“Shut up, Saion.”

            Soleilthrew a fleeting glance at the person sitting beside him and declared this in acold voice. I was the only one whose shoulders jolted in surprised. Saionspread open both of his hands, answering without any concern, “yes, yes” as hepretended to surrender. It was probably a normal conversation for two friends.The one who wasn’t used to it, was just me. “… Ilya.” When my name was calledas if he was pressing me for an answer, I could only agree, “Yes, I guess.” Inthe end, I had no objection to have lunch together as it was “if our schedulescorrespond.” I thought it was the correct conduct a fiancé should take. Ifthere was no little sister there.

“Then, we must also inviteSilvichan, right?”

            Icouldn’t see Saion’s maliciousness as he cut in between us while smiling. … Iwas pretending I couldn’t see it. I felt the question Saion threw toward Soleiland I wandered in the air. The one who will receive and answer it will probablybe Soleil. Even I understood it wasn’t a good idea to answer no here. If I wasa “nice older sister” to Silvia, then I should agree to Saion’s proposal. Soleilsaw me receiving Saion’s gaze on my whole body and yet being unable to sayanything, he couldn’t remain indifferent and inhaled a small breath. Then,he accepted as if it was truly nothing important, “Yes, indeed.” I, who waslistening to his voice as I pretended it was someone’s else business, I wonder howI looked in the eyes of the people around us? When I suddenly rose my head, atthe end of my line of sight, Saion was here, his eyes scrutinizing me. Itlooked like a smiling expression, as if he was trying to ascertain something. Itwas an expression you would often see in the high society. That’s why I alsosimply returned a smile.

“… By the way Saion, I have aquestion for you if you don’t mind.”

            Soleilchanged the topic of the conversation quite casually. He slightly dropped hisvoice and started whispering with Saion. Even so, sometimes, a smile wouldfloat on his lips for a moment so it seemed their conversation wasn’tparticularly serious. From a few words I barely heard, I guessed it probablywas about the internal affairs of the knight department. Even during a lunchwhere I was wondering if we were probing each other or not, while they were frivolouslybragging about various things, their discussion gave off a feeling offrankness. Because the two of them held an important peerage, in the academy theywere in a position to be attended by the people from the same department.

            Evenif they didn’t order, when they took a seat, an eye-catching meal would beserved. It was a lavish meal made for aristocrats. Now that I thought about it,it was the first time I was having lunch together with Soleil in the cafeteria.In all those acc.u.mulating life of mine, in all this time that repeated itself,being invited for a meal, being promised to do it again, it was the first timefor all of them. The reason my back was trembling, was surely because of thechills I felt. Even though time pa.s.sed normally, I was driven by impatience anduneasiness, as if someone was chasing after me. It felt like many pitch-blackhands were crawling like worms, trying to seize my back.   

            Runaway, run away, run away, yet it was a fate I couldn’t escape from.

“… Soleil-sama?”

            Thesudden appearance of my little sister was like a plot, it was like one of thesmall incidents of the big course of events. As expected, I had no other choice but to watch it unfold. The face ofSoleil who had rose his head abruptly was of a different color than before.This pale colored eyes of him had melt in a second and showed a strong emotion.That’s right, it was like usual. I didn’t think anyone had noticed it. If youwere to wink once and observe him again, you would think it was amisunderstanding as he was already making an unimpressed expression.

            Atonce, I swallowed my voice that was about to call his name. Had I called him, Iwouldn’t have known what to say.

Nocta"s notes on the traduction:

1)   "… … That’s all? I felt that Crow was laughing." This is simply Ilya remembering that time when Crow asked her why she wanted to protect Sylvia so much. After she explained the incident with the horse, Crow had answered something like "That"s all? It"s just for that reason?"

2)  "It wasn’t like I had alluded to this topic here, but it was a fact he had revealed himself. In such a case, I wondered what kind of att.i.tude was the correct answer. " --- If you didn"t understand what Ilya was talking about (what did she allude to, what did Saion revealed) don"t worry, I wasn"t sure myself. There were many hard to translate bits in this chapter. I think she is talking about their previous conversation but... j.a.panese is too vague sometimes. And I want more "I", "He" "She" to know who does what!!!

3) "Saion didn’t seem to be reading the air" if you don"t know, it"s a j.a.panese expression meaning to read between the lines and act in consequence. But I like it this way so I left it as reading the air. Take it as my selfishness.  

Also, I"m taking a break next week. I"ll be back on the 17th. Need to study more. Unfortunately. Hélas. 残念