Chapter 17 – You‘re a Pig!

Lizz shook her head innocently. “Never heard of it.”

Zhang Shaoyu, not wanting to dwell too long trying to explain what ‘p.i.s.sed off G.o.ds’ meant, asked her instead, “You were just called to the dean’s office too, right?He didn’t cause trouble for you?”

“He dares?” Lizz scowled fiercely and said, “I won’t just burn off his skin, I’ll rip out his bones!”

Zhang Shaoyu smiled as he patted Lizz’s head. “If you burn off his skin and rip out his bones, I’m going to have my skin burned off and bones ripped out in turn.”

Lizz puffed out her cheeks and answered angrily, “Whoever dares to burn off your skin or rip out your bones, I will help you burn off their skin, rip out their bones, and tear them apart!”

Zhang Shaoyu was too exhausted from the day’s events to continue.So, he smiled atLizz and said, “I don’t want to play tongue twisters with you right now… I’m hungry, why don’t we go home and eat?”

Upon hearing the word ‘eat’,Lizz immediately perked up and tugged on Shaoyu’s sleeves, smiling brightly.

“Okay then! Shaoyu, I want sweet and sour pork!“

“Right’o!” Zhang Shaoyu immediately felt better up after seeing Lizz’s smile, his depression melting away. Seeing Lizz’s smile was like seeing a beautiful landscape or his favorite scenery.

They walked down the street illuminated by the reddish evening sunlight. The time and atmosphere being what it was, the streets were full of couples walking hand in hand.

Zhang Shaoyu felt a bit envious at the sight, and as he watched Lizz skipping happily beside him, he pondered, Lizz’s my girlfriend. Would it be better for us to hold hands too?

He kept pondering and pondering, but in the end, while keeping his gaze forward, his hand, little by little, stretched towards Lizz’s.

Just as their hands were almost to the point of touching and Zhang Shaoyu was just about to reach out and grab her, Lizz suddenly shouted, “Hey, Shaoyu!”

The sudden exclamation surprised Zhang Shaoyu. He snapped back his hand guiltily and wiped off the sweat on his forehead, asking, “Wh-What is it?”

Lizz, cheerfully oblivious as to what was going on inside Shaoyu’s head, innocently asked, “Why did you bring me to eat that stinking water this morning?”

Zhang Shaoyu chuckled, “You silly girl! Listen, it’s called broth, not ‘stinking water’.”

Lizz tilted her head, “What’s ‘broth’?”

Zhang Shaoyu scratched his head, trying to come up with a simple explanation, “Broth is…Err…It’s a kind of food, umm, you mix in meat, herbs, and stuff like that in boiling water.”

Lizz blinked as her brain processed the information, before finally saying, “They’d need a pot to mix all that stuff in, so it’s like hot pot?” (1)

Zhang Shaoyu thought for a moment before agreeing. “Simply put, yes.”

Lizz nodded and faced the other way, whispering to herself, “Huh, so making broth is like making a magical potion…”

Suddenly, an idea popped into her head.

Actually, Lizz had wanted to teach Zhang Shaoyu magic since the day before, but since she couldn’t reveal her ident.i.ty,it was difficult to come up with a way to do so. After all, Zhang Shaoyu was not a fool.If she taught him something to do with magic, he would figure out what she was thinking.

After thinking long and hard, she still couldn’t come up with a way to fool Zhang Shaoyu while allowing him learn magic.

Lizz had also considered draining the magic out of Zhang Shaoyu’s body. But since there was no magic nucleus in his body, the magic was spread throughout,and like a herd of beasts, it was ferocious and difficult to control. If she tried to use absorbing magic and she could not resist such powerful magic, the body would probably break down.

The little girl had been brooding over this for a while since this and that wouldn’t work.

Now,Lizz thought, I can pretend to make some broth and make some potions to increase his magical abilities instead.This way, I can make him more powerful without him knowing, and give him different potions at different stages.The potions will make the magic power in his body gather in a nucleus! And then, I’ll absorb it! Fufufu, I’m so smart!(2)
Lizz was so proud of herself, she couldn’t help but smile widely and brightly.

Zhang Shaoyu found the girl, who was suddenly grinning like that slightly creepy, and asked her, “Your smile is so creepy. Did you eat something bad? Or is there something you’re supposed to take?”

Lizz immediately recovered.She ignored Zhang Shaoyu’s jabs and asked him instead, “Shaoyu, Shaoyu! Do you like broth?”

Zhang Shaoyu’s parents were not around since he was young and he was too lazy to make proper, nutritious broth by himself. He obviously treasured every opportunity he had to partake in it. He answered simply, “Of course I do.Otherwise, I wouldn’t bring you to eat together with me, right? Though who’d have guessed you’d dislike it so much.”

“No! It’s not like I dislike broth, I just didn’t like that shop’s!” She tugged Shaoyu’s sleeve. “Shaoyu, since you like broth, want me to make you some at home?”

Zhang Shaoyu paused for a while, remembering the ‘fresh dinner’ from last night. He gently said, “Lil’ girl, you don’t have to push yourself… Let me cook instead!” Though, in reality, he just didn’t want to be tormented by the girl who could spend six hours cooking and still serve raw food, even if she did use delicious ingredients.

Lizz snorted, before puffing out her small chest and saying proudly, “Are you looking down on me?You know, even though you‘re a better cook than me, I’m very confident when making broths. I won’t lose to you for this!”

The little girl’s enthusiasm made Shaoyu fl.u.s.tered, despite his feeling of impending doom. After all, why not give the cute girl a chance to proof herself? And, even more importantly, who wouldn’t want to eat a girl’s homemade cooking?(3)

With that thought, Zhang Shaoyu made his decision, Come what may!(4)He nodded and said, “Well, okay then, what kind of broth do you want to make? Let’s go buy the ingredients.”

Lizz grinned widely and said, in all seriousness, “I want centipedes, a scorpion tail, frog eggs… Shaoyu, I’m not done yet, don’t back away!”

Zhang Shaoyu felt gooseb.u.mps all over his body. “You sure you’re not making rat poison?”

Lizz complained in her mind, Oh come on… It may sound strange, but those things are rich in magical power.Eating them can lead to longevity!

But then again, Lizz feared that if she said that, Shaoyu wouldn’t eat her cooking, so she smiled at him and explained, “Of course not~ I’m just messing with you! Actually, I want to make unicorn’s flesh soup.”

In the magical world, unicorn was a very high quality material and was liked by everyone, so she thought Shaoyu would definitely love it.

Unexpectedly, Shaoyu looked kindly at her before putting his palm on Lizz’s forehead, surprising her a bit. “Shaoyu, what are you doing?”

He proceeded to put his palm on his own forehead next. Confused, he said, “You don’t have a fever, so how come you’re acting like a fool and spouting such weird things?”

At the magical academy, Lizz was often praised by her teachers and was a level above her peers. And now she was being called a fool? Lizz immediately frowned and slapped Shaoyu’s hand away. “Hmph! What are saying, you’re the fool!”

Shaoyu wrinkled his eyebrows, “Oh? You don’t say, how about I test your intelligence then?”

“You want to test me?”

“I’ll just ask a few questions!”

Lizz, not wanting to admit defeat, proudly puffed out her small chest and said, “Come! I’ll show you!”

“Okay!” Zhang Shaoyu held one finger up and asked, “What is this?”

Lizz immediately answered, “One!”

“Wrong! It’s my finger!” Zhang Shaoyu smiled proudly. “I didn’t ask how many fingers I held up,right?”

Lizz went a bit red and said slowly, “Say that earlier!”

Zhang Shaoyu then asked,“Then I will ask, why doesn’t Beethoven use this finger to play the piano?”

“Because it’s wounded!” answered Lizz without hesitation.

“Wrong!” Zhang Shaoyu almost laughed out loud. “Because it’s my finger!”

Looking at Zhang Shaoyu’s proud smile, Lizz retorted, “N-Nonsense!”

“Now listen to the next question!”

“Fine, next question!”

“In which state does oil have the longest legs?”(5)

Lizz was confused and stared blankly when she heard the question. When does oil have legs? Do I have to ask the great wizard this question? Is he just fooling around?

Seeing Lizz’s confusion, Zhang Shaoyu grinned. “Three seconds left, three, two, one! The answer is…?”

Lizz shook her head and pouted. “I don’t know.”

“It’s fire!” Zhang Shaoyu immediately replied.

“Do you have any evidence?” Lizz asked, unsatisfied.

Zhang Shaoyu smiled widely, “Because it is hotter!”(6)
Lizz was p.i.s.sed off again. “Are you kidding me?!”

“Want to try the next question?”

Lizz, like a child who wouldn’t admit defeat, said, “Come on!”

And so, they continued with question after question.By the time they arrived back home,Zhang Shaoyu had asked more than thirty questions. Zhang Shaoyu couldn’t stand up straight as he tried to withhold his laughter.In the end,Lizzwas unable to answer even one question correctly. For her part, Lizz was visibly annoyed, and a bit p.i.s.sed off too. “That didn’t count! Ask me another question!”

Zhang Shaoyu sat on the sofa and smiled at Lizz. “Oh come on, we’re home already, no more questions… It’s not like your IQ is going to improve if I ask more questions anyway.”

Lizz refused to let it end just like that, sitting beside Zhang Shaoyu and kept proceeded to pull and shake him like a child. “No, no, come on…Shaoyu, ask me more questions, okay! Come on~”(7)

Zhang Shaoyu tried to shake her off to no avail.It can’t be helped then.He was just about to start asking questions, when suddenly a brilliant idea flashed inside his brain. He smiled mischievously as he said, “Okay,okay, I will ask more questions, but… I have a condition.”

“What is it?”

“I will ask you a question and I will make you say that you’re a pig. If I manage to do so, you have to kiss me, how’s that?” (8)

Lizz laughed inside.You’re so stupid! As if I’ll ever say that I was a pig! She answered readily, “Well, if I don’t say it, you will have to praise me for being a smart girl!”

“Deal!” Zhang Shaoyu relaxed his body and asked, “There’s a race between a tortoise and a hare with a pig as the referee. In the end, the turtle and the hare pa.s.sed the finish line at the same time. Now, who won the race?”

Lizz frowned before replying, “What kind of silly question is that? Of course it’s a tie!”

Zhang Shaoyu pointed at Lizz while laughing hard. “Now, isn’t that the same as saying you’re the pig?”

Lizz froze for a moment before realizing the trick. By saying that the race was a tie, it was also as if she was calling herself the pig.

Zhang Shaoyu pointed at his own face with a proud look. “Now, as promised! Come lil’ piggy, gimme a kiss!”(9)

TRANSLATOR’S NOTES :

1. Suddenly I imagined a loli witch stirring a huge cauldron…
2. We know better that these things always gets screwed up in the end.
3. Depends on who’s cooking. I would avoid my GF’s…
4. Tempted to say, COME AT ME BRAH!
5. The following are word plays impossible to TL to English. Meep. This is my take on it, to be as close as possible while sounding silly.
6. Long leg is hot, get it? Okay my joke is lame, I know. Meep.
7. If this scene got ill.u.s.trated, it would be sooooo cute.
8. Lol. I should try this to my….hmmm…Imouto? GF?