80 | Gentle and Cautious
Whether it was ten years ago, or ten years later, you didn’t forget to take me along in your dreams. Thank you.

Pang Qian happiled ran over to Gu Mingxi. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, she wasn’t wearing any makeup, and she wore a simple pink t-shirt, jeans, and white sneakers. A small purse hung from her shoulder. She opened her hands for Gu Mingxi to see, “Look, I didn’t bring my phone. Today, no one will be able to bother us.”

Gu Mingxi said, “Don’t you still have cla.s.s in the afternoon?”

“I’m a good student, and I don’t usually skip cla.s.s. Nothing will happen if I skip just once.” She giggled. “I asked Yang Lu to help me ask for time off. It’s fine.”

Seeing a strange look in Gu Mingxi’s eyes, Pang Qian said, “Don’t look at me like that. I’m sure that you never skip cla.s.s, but I’ll have you know, skipping cla.s.s in college once in awhile isn’t a big deal.”

Gu Mingxi smiled and said, “Mm, I know.”

He hadn’t told Gu Guoxiang or Pang Shuisheng about him withdrawing from school, and he didn’t plan on telling Pang Qian. He’d only told Shark, who was understanding of his situation.

With regards to his future, Gu Mingxi was a bit confused. But more than that, he was too busy with other concerns. He was much more worried about his mother’s condition. This was the most important thing in front of him. The doctor said that Li Han might recover, and as long as there was even the thinnest thread of hope, Gu Mingxi wouldn’t let go.

He asked Pang Qian, “Pang Pang, where do you want to go?”

Pang Qian curled her lips and said, “Why are you making it seem like you’re the host? You’re clearly the one in my territory right now! I should be the one asking you. Gu Mingxi, where do you want to go?”

He couldn’t help laughing. He said, “I’ve seen most of the highlights of Shanghai.”

Pang Qian said, “But I still have a lot of places I haven’t seen, like the Oriental Pearl Tower.”

Gu Mingxi was surprised. “You’ve been in Shanghai for a year, and you still haven’t gone to see the Oriental Pearl Tower?”

“I wanted to go with you,” Pang Qian said quietly. “When we came to Shanghai in junior high, you said you would take me there, but then we didn’t end up going. After I got to Shanghai, the whole cla.s.s went to see it, but I still didn’t go.”

“…” Gu Mingxi saw her childlike expression and said, “Then, let’s go see the Oriental Pearl Tower.”

Several years ago, when he and Pang Qian came to Shanghai for the comic convention, Gu Mingxi had prepared a map in advance and carefully studied the roads they would take. But now, he didn’t need to worry about those things since Pang Qian knew all about Shanghai. She led him to the bus, where they sat for several stops, before getting to the Jiangwan stop on Line 3 of the metro.

Note: Accuracy in no way guaranteed for the following paragraph, since I don’t know Shanghainese.

Along the way, Pang Qian chattered to Gu Mingxi and even mimicked the Shanghai dialect for him to see. “Ala shanghai ning (I’m from Shanghai).” “Wu tong ni yibadao baixiang (I’ll take you out to play).” “Jinchao tianqi jiao guanhao (The weather’s really nice today).” “Nong xiang nanengah (Where do you want to go)?” …When she saw Gu Mingxi’s dumbfounded expression, Pang Qian covered her mouth and kept laughing.

“Yang Lu taught me. She said that if I was going to stay in Shanghai to work, I should learn some Shanghainese.”

Gu Mingxi asked, “You’re not going back to E City after graduation?”

Pang Qian smiled. “I will. My parents won’t let me stay in Shanghai to work. But I’ve thought about working in Shanghai for two years first. Jobs in my field are easier to find in Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou. I’m worried that if I head back to E City, I might not be able to find a good job to start out. If I start working in Shanghai for two years first, I can change jobs and get a better salary.”

Pang Qian and Gu Mingxi stood at the metro station, waiting for Line 3. The station was elevated, and outside the gla.s.s windows, you could see the pale blue sky. Pang Qian looked out the window at the white clouds in the sky and asked the person beside her, “Gu Mingxi, what do you plan to do after graduating? Will you go on to postgraduate studies? Or if you’re working, which city do you want to go to? If you’re studying, are you staying at B University or will you go somewhere else?”

This was a difficult question for Gu Mingxi to answer. Pang Qian asked in great detail, so he couldn’t even just answer roughly. He just bit the bullet and said, “I’ll probably keep going to school. As for where I’m going to study, I don’t know for now.”

“I want to keep studying too, but one of the older girls I know told me that if it’s possible, it would be best to work for two years first. And then if I’m not satisfied with things at work, I can choose to do postgraduate studies in some field that will be helpful for my career. That would be more useful than going straight into postgrad studies right after graduating. She also worked a bit before she went back to school. She even plans on studying abroad for her postgrad. So cool!”

As she kept talking on, she realized that Gu Mingxi was zoning out. Pang Qian leaned over and tapped him on the shoulder. She said, “What, you think all the stuff I’m saying is boring? This is what the students usually talk about. After all, we’re already in our second year of college, I…”

She suddenly blushed. Quietly, she said, “I’ve wondered before, which city you’ll stay at in the future. Actually, I really want you to come to Shanghai for your postgraduate studies.”

Gu Mingxi lowered his head and looked over at her, but he didn’t say anything.

There were a lot of people on the metro. Pang Qian and Gu Mingxi stood in the corner as the train car swayed slightly. Gu Mingxi leaned back against the wall of the car, and she stood in front of him, her arm gently wrapped around his waist.

Anyone who saw the two of them would think they were a pair of lovers. They looked very close. Pang Qian gently rested her head on Gu Mingxi’s chest, and said in a voice that only he could hear, “Gu Mingxi, you’re not stinky today. You smell really nice.”

He smiled quietly and b.u.mped his chin onto the top of her head.

The transferred to Line 1 and got off the metro at Lujiazui (area in Shanghai). Pang Qian and Gu Mingxi headed up to the Pearl of the Orient Tower.

Under the white clouds and blue sky, the tall and imposing broadcast tower looked very grand. Pang Qian and Gu Mingxi got onto the elevator to head up. This was the fastest elevator she’d ever ridden in her entire life. As the elevator whooshed up, she stood close to Gu Mingxi. She closed her eyes in fright and even gave out a startled cry.

The elevator was full of people so Gu Mingxi chided her, “Your friends are all braver than you.”

Pang Qian turned to the side unsatisfied. Two 7 or 8 year old kids were indeed watching her with a curious look.

Gu Mingxi had gone up the tower before with his parents, when he was in primary school. Almost ten years had already pa.s.sed since then. It was the first time for Pang Qian. When they reached the second sphere, she glued herself to the gla.s.s window and called down to the cars and pedestrians down below, as excited as a little kid.

Rows upon rows of tall buildings, boats traveling to and fro across the peacefully flowing Huangpu River. Gu Mingxi stood beside Pang Qian at the window. Even with the bustling Shanghai scenery beneath him, he only had eyes for the twinkling, smiling girl beside him.

Pointing to the Jinmao Tower, Pang Qian said to Gu Mingxi, “I’m going to work in that building in the future!”

Gu Mingxi, “Ah…”

Then she pointed to several other buildings, “That place is okay too, and that one’s not bad! Ah, that one doesn’t look good. Who designed it? It’s so ugly!” She turned to him, face glowing. “Gu Mingxi, Lujiazui is the financial district of Shanghai, and Shanghai’s the economic hub of China. My dream is to work here one day! Make big money! Buy a big house!”

When she finished, she laughed happily. “Gu Mingxi, when I hit it big, don’t hesitate to ask me for help!”

Gu Mingxi blinked his eyes, and then asked, “Do you still remember your dream from ten years ago?”

“Ten years ago? When I was 9?” How would Pang Qian remember. She shook her head. “I don’t remember. Did I tell you?”

“Mm. You went to a street vendor to buy some food. You told me you only had 50 cents, and you couldn’t afford a skewer of fried pork fillet, so you could only buy fried millet cake,” Gu Mingxi recalled. “And then you said your dream was to have lots of money in the future so that you could buy lots of fried pork fillet. If you didn’t finish eating, you’d invite me over.”

Pang Qian was dumbfounded. “Ah…”

Gu Mingxi laughed happily, his shoulders shaking. He asked, “Do you still want to eat fried pork fillet?”

She whacked him, “So annoying!”

“Pang Pang,” he suddenly said gently. “Thank you.”

Pang Qian was very surprised, “Ah? For what?”

He said, “Whether it was ten years ago, or ten years later, you didn’t forget to take me along in your dreams. Thank you.”

When they got back down from the Oriental Pearl Tower, it was still early. Gu Mingxi and Pang Qian took a walk around the ocean aquarium. Pang Qian bought two key-chains as souvenirs. A very interesting red, cartoon crab.

They found a restaurant nearby Lujiazui. Gu Mingxi had to use the restroom urgently, so Pang Qian calmly accompanied him to the restroom to help him relieve himself.

This was the second time she’d helped him to the bathroom, but for some reason, she didn’t feel at all awkward or embarra.s.sed. She tried not to look down and just relied on her hands. Without any fabric in the way, her hands inevitably touched him there. With her body stuck close to his, her fingers held onto his little birdie as she heard the rustling sound of flowing water.

Pang Qian felt very calm. She looked up at Gu Mingxi but was met with a very chaotic face. Their eyes met and he turned away, his eyes bright red. Then Pang Qian’s face finally started burning.

When they were eating, Pang Qian asked Gu Mingxi, “Didn’t you come to Shanghai with your parents once to get prosthetics?”

“Ah? Mm…” They ordered two plates of Indonesian fried rice. Gu Mingxi picked up his spoon with his foot to eat. “In fifth grade. We came to Shanghai to get the custom order.”

Pang Qian asked, “So what happened with the prosthetics?”

“Weren’t you the one who said they were disgusting? I didn’t wear them after that.” Gu Mingxi laughed. “I haven’t seen them since we moved. We probably threw it away. For things like that, you have to keep making them as your body grows. It’s really expensive.”

Pang Qian hesitated for a bit, and then said, “Gu Mingxi, it’s already been more than ten years. Science has advanced a lot. Have there been any new developments in prosthetics?”

“Probably. They’ve constantly been researching it overseas,” Gu Mingxi said indifferently.

Pang Qian’s eyes widened. “Then have you ever thought about getting a set of arms that you can do things with?”

Gu Mingxi lifted his head and looked at her. He said, “Pang Pang, I don’t plan to get prosthetics. Let me put it this way. Whatever I’ll be able to do with prosthetic arms, I’ll be able to do with my legs as well. Even things I can’t do with the prosthetics, I can probably do them with my legs. Whatever I can’t do, I still won’t be able to do even with prosthetic arms.”

“…” Pang Qian lowered her head disappointed and continued to eat her rice gloomily.

Gu Mingxi smiled and said, “Don’t be like that. Aren’t I fine right now?”

Pang Qian glanced up at him and curled her lips unhappily.

In the afternoon, they took a walk along Riverside Avenue. The sky was blue with some clouds, and the air was fresh and clean. On the hills beside the platforms over the water, the beautiful green landscape separated them from the hustle and bustle of the big city. Pang Qian and Gu Mingxi leaned against the railing and looked over to the elegant buildings the overlooked the Puxi Bund and the perpetually moving boats across the Huangpu River. Neither of them spoke, just enjoying this comfortable and calm feeling.

As the early autumn wind blew, Pang Qian felt deeply satisfied. She glanced to the profile beside her. Although he’d gotten thinner and tanned, his facial features still revealed a certain determination, and his eyes carried a power that was hard to shake. In Pang Qian’s eyes, he was ever more masculine than before.

Her heart started to thump and thump. Pang Qian slowly moved closer to Gu Mingxi, her finger tracing his empty shirt sleeve.

As if they were holding hands, she felt a bit of joy. Pang Qian looked over at him again, but his head was lowered, a loneliness revealed in his eyes.

Pang Qian had never asked him directly, but she felt that she’d been very obvious in her actions. Pang Qian had been so expressive, but she was still a girl. She hoped that Gu Mingxi would be able to stir up their relationship.

On the other hand, Pang Qian felt a bit concerned about Yang Lu’s words. She and Gu Mingxi were indeed strange. Usually, his response was very disorderly. He didn’t carry his phone most of the time, and Pang Qian just couldn’t contact him at all. Pang Qian knew that Gu Mingxi had feelings for her, and she had feelings for him. But at this time, she really couldn’t be sure what kind of “liking” Gu Mingxi felt for her now.

If he really liked her enough, shouldn’t he want to spend all his time contacting her? Texting, calling, QQ, emailing, video chatting… There were so many ways to contact someone instantly in today’s world. How could he disappear for several months without any news?

It’s only because Pang Qian understood Gu Mingxi too well, so she didn’t get angry at him. If it were any other girl, who would be able to stand a boy ignoring her this way?

And most importantly, Pang Qian had asked Gu Mingxi many times about his plans after graduation. But even until today, he still hadn’t given her a concrete answer.

Pang Qian couldn’t go to Z City. She was studying finance. If she went to a small northern city, she couldn’t be able to find a suitable job. She thought, if Gu Mingxi could concretely tell her that he would come to Shanghai for his postgraduate studies, then she would have the confidence to persist on.

In the future, whether in Shanghai, back in E City, or to Beijing or Guangzhou, she would be able to stay with him.

Pang Qian bit her lip, fingers tugging on Gu Mingxi’s shirt sleeve. He turned to look at her, his dark eyes looking right into her soul. Pang Qian said, “Will you stay in Z City for the next New Year’s?”

Gu Mingxi nodded.

“Can I come to visit?” she asked, gently and cautiously.

Gu Mingxi reflexively said, “Winters in Z City are really cold. It’s better if you don’t come.”

“…” Pang Qian said, “I want to go in the winter because I’ve never seen the snow in the north.”

“Really, it won’t be comfortable for you,” Gu Mingxi said. “Or why don’t you come the year after.”

“What about next summer?” Pang Qian looked up at him, watching. “Can I come next summer?”

She asked very aggressively and Gu Mingx gulped. In a heavy tone, he said, “Let’s talk about it again when the time comes.”

“Gu Mingxi…” Pang Qian lowered her head. “Don’t act like this. Between us… In any case, don’t think about too many things, and don’t worry about anything. I hope that… I hope that… I hope that you can come to Shanghai to study. Really. As long as you come to Shanghai to study, I promise that I’ll stay in Shanghai with you.”

Gu Mingxi couldn’t keep talking about this topic. He suddenly said, “Last night, that Sheng Feng guy, is he pursuing you?”

“Ah?” Pang Qian’s mouth dropped. “He… He is pursuing me, so what? I don’t like him anyway.”

“Actually, Pang Pang…” He became emotional as he said, “You can try to accept him. Not dating in college would be too boring.”

Pang Qian’s mind went boom! Her expression immediately changed, and then she said, “Gu Mingxi, let’s go back.”

It was just afternoon. On the metro ride back, Pang Qian leaned against Gu Mingxi’s shoulder and slept. Gu Mingxi sat stiffly, his heart very heavy.

This was a very happy day. It had been a long time since he’d gone out and had such fun. But he was dejected to find that there were several topics that he couldn’t talk about with Pang Qian.

Her life was as wonderful was he had imagined. The Pang Qian who had stumbled through high school was now studying well in college. She did well on her homework, she got along with others, and her campus life was colorful. She told Gu Mingxi that she’d joined the school’s ping pong team. Even a dabbler like herself was able to get to the third round of Shanghai’s college table tennis compet.i.tion.

Her cla.s.smates often discussed their plans for the future, whether they’d go to graduate school or go abroad. Pang Qian didn’t dare imagine going abroad. Even if she could apply for a scholarship, it would be hard for her family to be able to afford the high living costs. Pang Qian had mentioned to Gu Mingxi numerous times about postgraduate studies, as if it would be a matter of course for her.

How could she find out that the boy beside her didn’t know when he’d be able to return to school. In fact, he might not ever return.

When they exited the metro station, Gu Mingxi saw a movie theater. He suddenly said, “Pang Pang, let’s go watch a movie.”

Pang Qian said, “Oh, okay. Harry Potter 3 is out right now, and I’ve been wanting to watch it.”

Gu Mingxi, “…”

“Have you seen the first two?”

He shook his head.

“Have you read the books?”

He shook his head again. Pang Qian shrugged and then indifferently continued on. “Then we can watch Jackie Chan’s Police Story.”

When they went to buy tickets, the ticket lady said that the only seats available were the front-most ones or the couple seats in the back. Pang Qian said, “The couple seats then. Your neck hurts if you sit right in front.”

After they got their tickets, she went to buy drinks and popcorn. Gu Mingxi saw how gloomy she looked and his mood dropped as well.

It was the first time that Pang Qian sat in the couples seats at the movie theater. Sitting together with Gu Mingxi, she grew very curious.

“These seats are really comfy.” She smiled and then brought the cola in front of Gu Mingxi. He obediently took a sip, and then she grabbed some popcorn for him to eat.

After the movie started, the lights in the theater turned off. The audio in the film was very good, pounding at the audience’s ears and hearts.

Gu Mingxi’s nerves gradually settled. Inside this dark theater, he finally let down his defenses. Sitting lazily in his chair, he took in the familiarity of the girl beside him. She was eating popcorn, and didn’t forget to bring some up to his mouth as well. Occasionally she drank some cola and swallowed it with a gulp…

Gu Mingxi didn’t know what was going on in the movie at all. He just shifted slightly and moved closer to her. He thanked the person who designed these couple seats, and then closed his eyes and gently inhaled the scent of her hair.

Pang Qian wouldn’t know that this was the last opportunity Gu Mingxi was giving himself to indulge a little. He indulged in being close to her, forgetting all the troubles on his mind. His mother’s illness, the expensive treatment fees, his terrible school situation, the bleak little city, his unreasonable relatives, the house he couldn’t return to, his middle-aged father and second wife…

For just awhile, he left Z City, left those people and those things. Gu Mingxi admitted that he’d relaxed a bit, but a responsibility still weighed down on his shoulders. No matter how pleasurable and glamorous the world outside was, he had to return home and return to his mother’s side.

At some point in their lives, people must learn to let go, to compromise. As Gu Mingxi was faced with his unpredictable future, he wondered if maybe he should let go of his little crab.

The movie was already 40 minutes in, and Pang Qian was entirely entranced by it. She brought some popcorn to her mouth, and then she brought some up to Gu Mingxi.

It was very dark, and she didn’t turn, but she was thoroughly surprised.

The back of her index finger felt the edge of his mouth, near his cheek. Fingers were very sensitive, so even though it was just a brief moment, she felt that beside his lips were slightly damp.

Pang Qian turned her head, the popcorn falling from her hands. Her fingers touched his cheek again, but this time he moved his head away. Pang Qian’s heart was beating wildly, and then she brought her fingers to his eyes.

He didn’t give her the opportunity to keep exploring, immediately pulling his head away from her hand and lowering it. He bowed his head down deeply. Pang Qian slowly pulled her neck down and brought her head to the same level as his.

Their breathing was light as they breathed toward each other’s faces, carrying the scent of popcorn. Gu Mingxi lifted his head and brought his lips to her eyebrow. His Adam’s apple slid as he closed his eyes and gently pressed his lips on her face.

A slight warm and wet sensation landed on her silently. Pang Qian still held the container of popcorn in her left hand, her right hand holding its original position resting on his shoulder. She curled up her fingers and slowly grabbed his collar. And then Gu Mingxi’s lips approached her and landed on her cheek.

Pang Qian’s face was already burning, but she didn’t hide. Gu Mingxi’s kisses were gently and cautious. He kissed her nose and then the two of them froze.

The two of them gasped deeply, both able to hear the other’s heart beating. Pang Qian pressed her fingers against his neck, the veins there pulsing, blazing like they’d burn through into her bloodstream.

Pang Qian didn’t move, she didn’t hide, and she didn’t go along with him. Finally, Gu Mingxi stirred. He searched, as if looking for the world’s greatest treasure. Then he slowly lowered his head, his cold lips touching her warm ones. In that moment, the rest of the world ceased to exist.

The rest of the popcorn in Pang Qian’s hand dropped to the floor. The crashing popcorn box startled the couple beside them, who glanced curiously at their neighbor before returning their eyes to the movie screen.

Pang Qian’s arms circled his neck, her leg raised up on top of his. She raised her chin, eyes closed, and accepted his unbridled kiss.

He did all he could to move closer to her, his shoulders extending. Pang Qian’s fingers moved down his neck to his shoulders and grabbed onto his shirt. Without restraint, she held onto his cut-off shoulders. She even pinched him with her nails, which brought out a repressed moan from his throat and another wave of frantic kissing.

She felt his warm and wet tears fall onto her cheek, drop by drop, without a sound. She couldn’t help but cup his cheek and wipe away his tears with trembling fingers.

In the end, his kiss grew gentle. He kissed her lips lightly and sucked onto her tongue as their faces collided together. His eyes were closed the whole time, his long eyelashes sprinkling tears across her cheeks. It was itchy, but it made her own tears fall.

She choked, unable to stop herself. Her body shook, and she helped him wipe away the tears at his eyes. In the darkness, Gu Mingxi finally opened his eyes. His eyes were watery and gentle. Like the brightest stars in the sky, they quietly stared into her eyes.