85 | End of the Road
I won’t go back to find her.

Actually, Gu Mingxi had actually considered selling the house before. The expenses to keep it were too much. In the past year, they’d used up most of the money they had. If they didn’t sell the house, where would he be able to get money to continue his mother’s treatment? But it was Li Han’s name on the house, so he couldn’t do anything about it.

When they returned to Z City, Gu Mingxi and Li Han were finally able to live in their new house. But neither of them felt that warming feeling of moving into a new house. Li Han laid in bed every day, and in order to take care of her, Gu Mingxi slept on the floor beside her.

One evening, Li Han kept turning in bed, unable to sleep. Gu Mingxi sat up and asked her, “Mom, what’s wrong? Do you need some water?”

“No,” Li Han replied weakly. She felt that she was having trouble breathing. After taking a breath, she asked, “Mingxi, how much money do we have left?”

Gu Mingxi was silent for a moment, and then he answered truthfully, “Not much.”

“We’re probably not going to get the money back from your uncle. It’s not that he doesn’t want to return it, but he genuinely doesn’t have the money. Let’s not force him.” Li Han forced a laugh. “Don’t ask your dad for any more money either. We’ve already separated. He’s not obligated to help me.”

Gu Mingxi said, “Mom, don’t worry about this. I’ll figure something out. I have some friends, I can ask them to borrow some money.”

Li Han shook her head. “When you borrow money, it must always be returned. Your Sha friend (Shark, his last name is Sha) has already lent you 50 thousand dollars. It wasn’t given for free. How are you going to return the money later?”

She spoke the truth. Gu Mingxi was silent. Then he clenched his teeth and said, “Mom, there’s no other way. Let’s sell the house.”

“No,” Li Han said firmly, even as her voice was so fragile. “Mingxi, I know about my sickness. No matter how we treat it, I won’t live long. I haven’t given up yet because of you. You don’t have arms, so how could I leave you in the world all by yourself? If I can stay with you a few more years, it’s worth it to spend a bit of money. But if we have to touch this house, then I’m not going to continue treatment.”

“Mom…” Gu Mingxi kneeled and sat beside the bed, head lowered, forehead on Li Han’s hand. His mother’s hand was tender and warm as she stroked his cheek. He said, “What’s the point of having a house if you’re not here anymore? Mom, as long as you’re here, it’s okay even if we have to sleep on the street.”

“Silly kid.” Li Han smiled as she knocked Gu Mingxi’s head. Her words were full of love.

After the room was silent for awhile, Li Han started up again, “Mingxi.”

Gu Mingxi lifted his head, “I’m here, Mom.”

Li Han leisurely opened her mouth and said, “Tell me, in your heart, do you blame me?”

“…” Gu Mingxi knew what his mother was asking about. He answered, “No.”

“I know that you must blame me a little bit. You’re my son, so how could I not know.” Li Han reached out stroked his cheek again. “Mingxi, promise me that in September, you’ll go back to school.”

Gu Mingxi shook his head. “Mom, I really don’t want to go. It’s a waste of time.”

“Then you don’t even have a diploma.” Li Han sighed. “What kind of work can you do in the future? How can you… go back to find Pang Qian.”

“I won’t go back to find her,” Gu Mingxi said evenly. “The two of us have already parted. She’s living very well now. She’ll probably go to graduate school, or just find a job, and her salary will be really high.”

“What about you?” Li Han asked. “What are you going to do in the future? Mingxi, have you thought about it?”

Gu Mingxi thought for a moment, and then nodded. “I’ve thought about it. Mom, when you’re feeling better, I’m going to go make some money.”

After the New Year, Gu Mingxi returned to S City with Li Han, and they lived in that small rental near the hospital.

He started to carefully plan how he would spend his days. He knew how to bargain when he went shopping. He’d ask the landlord auntie to make a trip with him to the market and then buy some daily necessities and picked out the things on sale. Then he’d head home with his backpack on. As for heavier things like rice and gasoline, Gu Mingxi had those delivered.

He hadn’t bought any clothes in a long time. There were some dark-colored clothes where the color was already fading, but he didn’t care. He just washed them clean and wore them. He even learned from Li Han how to sew on b.u.t.tons. And he could even mend his clothes if the thread broke.

Sometimes even he felt if was unfathomable. In the past, although he wasn’t incompetent, he really wasn’t very good at household ch.o.r.es. Ever since he was young, he just studied and painted. His family was considered well off and he never had too many worries. Gu Mingxi never would have thought that one day, he’d be the one in charge of all the household duties.

But what else could be done. His mother was getting old and he’d grown up too. No matter his disability, he was still a son and a man. A man originally should take on more responsibility than a woman. He’d already relied on his mother for more than twenty years. Now it was time for his mother to rely on him. Gu Mingxi thought that he really should plan out his life well and consider his future. Not just for his mother, but also for himself.

Oyster and Clam already started working when they were 17 or 18 years old. And since then, they’d been earning money to support themselves and even sending some back home. Gu Mingxi was nearly 21 years old now and he’d never made earned any money. Currently, their family was relying solely on their savings and his mother’s retirement fund. If they continued like that, they’d surely be struggling to make ends meet in the future. So Gu Mingxi felt that he needed to carefully consider how he would support his life.

After Li Han’s second surgery, she recovered well. Huang Lingli quickly came over to take care of her and said that twenty days later, Li Chun would come to take her place. Gu Mingxi felt a bit empty inside. Every day he walked down the street and bought an S City newspaper, looking to see if there were any suitable jobs for him to take.

Gu Mingxi thought about the things he could do. He could draw and he could use the computer. His English used to be pretty good, but now whenever he saw something in English, there would be a lot of things he found unfamiliar.

Gu Mingxi called several places, but after they found out he only had a high school diploma, they rejected him. A few places wanted to setup interviews, but after he mentioned his physical condition, they would immediately retract them.

Even a calling center didn’t need an interview with him. Gu Mingxi said, “Although I don’t have arms, I can still answer phones without a problem. I’m very familiar with using my feet for things. I can be self-dependent, and I won’t bring any trouble to the company.”

In the end, the person on the other end of the call just hung up like that.

When he was still in school, Gu Mingxi had been rejected many times. Private middle schools, top high schools, colleges. At the time, even Thirst for Knowledge Elementary didn’t want to accept him.

At the time, 7 year old Gu Mingxi sat in the princ.i.p.al’s office with six or seven teachers around him. Li Han took out his pencil case and a notebook and placed them in front of his feet. With young, tender feet, Gu Mingxi clumsily opened the pencil box and pulled out a pencil with his toes, placing it to the side. He used his left foot to hold down the notebook and used his right foot to flip through the pages. He raised his head and said, “Teacher, I can use my feet to turn the pages.”

And then, he picked up his pencil with his right toes. Using his left foot to adjust the position, he lowered his head and started writing on the notebook.

“Teacher, I can use my feet to write. I can write a lot of words. This is my name.” He wrote down the three characters for “Gu Mingxi.” It was neat, although a bit large. He proudly lifted his head and said to the princ.i.p.al, “I can also erase and draw lines with a ruler. Teacher, let me go to school. I’ll make sure to study well.”

The princ.i.p.al asked, “What about meals then?”

Gu Mingxi nodded, “I can eat by myself.”

“What about using the restroom?”

Gu Mingxi’s face reddened. “I can’t take off my pants.” But he quickly came up with a solution and proclaimed loudly, “Teacher, I can just not drink water. If I don’t drink water, I won’t have to go pee!”

When they left the princ.i.p.al’s office, Pang Qian and Pang Shuisheng were waiting in the corridor. They’d come together for the interview. 6 year old Pang Qian happily bounced around by Gu Mingxi’s side and pulled on his shirt sleeve. She asked, “Gu Mingxi, did the teacher agree to let you come study?”

Gu Mingxi answered, pleased with himself, “Of course they agreed!”

…

When Gu Mingxi went to the recruitment center, he realized that every time he stopped in front of a recruitment table and started reading about the company, the recruiter’s eyes would sweep over him. But then when he was done reading and wanted to ask the recruiter some questions, they would all immediately pull their eyes away, as if they didn’t know there was someone right in front of them.

Gu Mingxi approached a recruiter and asked for a form to fill in. The person hesitated before eventually handing him a blank form. Gu Mingxi took off his flip flops and raised his left foot. That person immediately pulled his hands back. With some impatience in his voice, “Forget it. It’s a waste for you to fill out the form. We don’t take disabled people.”

When he left the area, there was an I-shaped pedestrian bridge. This was the center of S City, and the bridge was very wide with many people walking across it. Gu Mingxi carried his backpack and quietly walked over to the bridge. He realized that there were many street peddlers on the bridge and some performers (lit. people who sell talent). There was an elder playing the erhu, and he was blind. And someone playing guitar and singing seemed to suffer from paralysis. There was also a peddler who was selling small straw figures. Although you couldn’t see anything wrong with him, there was a pair of crutches at his side.

Gu Mingxi stood around there for two hours. When he returned home, an idea popped into his mind.

An outrageous idea, but he wanted to try it out.

Over the next three days, he went to the bridge every day and carefully observed the street peddlers and their business situations. There were also some pa.s.sersby who dropped money into the performers tip jars. The idea in his mind grew more and more concrete. After another five days, he told Li Han and Huang Lingli that he’d found a job that he wanted to try out.

The next day, the bridge gained another young man. His hair was cut short, his body thin, his skin tanned, wearing a clean shirt and shorts, flip flops on his feet, he sat on the floor. Under his shoulders were two empty half-sleeves. Next to his feet, there was a large backpack, completely filled with things.

Gu Mingxi sat next to a man selling straw animal figures. He lowered his eyes and casually took out the things in his bag, placing them on the floor. A3 water color paper, pigments, a palette, a soda bottle filled with water, a brush, and a few sample pieces.

The man beside him was making a rabbit out of straw. He asked him, “High voltage transformer?”

Gu MIngxi nodded.

“How many years?”

“Fifteen years.”

“Can you draw?”

“Mm.”

“Where did you used to setup?”

“…” Gu Mingxi casually said, “Used to be in Z City.”

“This place is definitely better. S City’s the provincial capital. More people, kinder, generous, easier with giving out money.”

Gu Mingxi was silent for awhile, then he turned his head, “I’m here to draw, not feed myself.”

“Drop it. Everyone here is disabled, forget keeping face. Is your pride going to feed you?” The man laughed heartily. “You’re already like this. Just sit here a bit. You can draw s.h.i.t and people will still give you money. Making 200 dollars a day isn’t a problem. If you meet someone wealthy, you might even get a red sheet (100 yuan note is red).”

Gu Mingxi’s jaw tensed, his eyes cold, as he solemnly reiterated, “I’m here to draw, not feed myself.”