A girl stood there, watching as her own funeral proceeded.
“Idiot big bro, are you going to kill me?”
She smiled…and walked towards me.
Her small hands clasped mine. Those hands were too warm to make me able to believe she was just an illusion or a dream conjured up in my mind, a dream I see every time I close my eyes.
I knew all along, she was dead.
My younger sister isn’t in this world anymore…but…but…
“Are you going to kill me and become Gilbert Bedivere…go to that world and abandon me here?”. Her eyes looked up at me before she held my hands to grasp at her neck instead. “Well, big bro, you in the last world has pa.s.sed away, jus like me…hey big bro, it’s time for you to start a new life…”
“…”
“Even though, I don’t wan you to become a part of the couples but since you’re in a BL game, it’s unavoidable. Please become a top because I won’t let you become a bottom, it’s gonna ruin your dignity…but if it’s with Nigel, then I’m ok with you being a bottom…”
“…”
“When you’re there, you have to be studious. You have to be smart, powerful and cool, become a seme among seme. Don’t let others trick you but you have to trick others and…and…”
“…”
“I’m not here anymore…big bro, you have to be super happy.”
“Why!”
I cried…I cried without caring about anything. “Why did you have to die. Why did you have to die you stupid lil’ sis. Why did you have to die on that day…you…you who’s standing right in front of me is just an illusion but even then, I wanted to ask…
…that day, why did you have to die…”
Where did it go wrong.
Where. Why was it her that died and not me.
She died while I lived.
She abandoned me while I was still alive…
…with a world…where she didn’t exist anymore.
“Death…you can’t choose it idiot big bro…”, my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis closed her eyes and hugged me tight. “If it already happened, the only thing you can do is to accept it…I’ve pa.s.sed away in the last world, I don’t exist in this world, big bro’s not there in the last world but you are still alive in this world…”
“…I don’t want to accept it. I don’t want to accept anything…”
“This world’s different from our last world, I’m worried about you…”, my lil’ sis smiled and hugged me. “They all say you’re weak but I think you’re gentle. They all say you’re a good-for-nothing but I know it best, the reason you don’t care about anything…big bro…”
“…”
“Please…be strong”, I looked up at her. “Become a great man and slap all their faces. Become so strong that you can replace the protagonist and become the protagonist because in this place, the person who can protect you, there’s no one else except yourself big bro…stop being weak.”
“I don’t exist in this world anymore so big bro, who are you acting weak for?”
“…”
“I only want this…can you grant my wish, idiot big bro?”
“You died in your last life and if those memories from then is weighing you down, why don’t you abandon them and become the real ‘Gilbert Bedivere’. Would it not be better that way?”
Calis’ question surfaced in my mind.
The answer, I’ll never give.
“Stupid girl, I’ve never wished to be a hero who saves people. You only exist in my world, I only have a single wish, that is to…live as long as possible.”
“…”
“To remember you.”
“…”
“I don’t want to do complicated things. I don’t want to save the world or fight anything dangerous. I don’t want to die…because the moment I die…you’ll disappear.”, I smiled and slowly reached out my hand to pat my lil’ sis’ head. “I don’t mind acting the fool, being weak. I don’t mind if other’s would look down on me if that would let me live as long as possible…”
I dreamed of you, who died.
I deceived myself into believing you were still in my dreams.
You were still somewhere, in another world, far away…
If I live for a hundred years, in those hundred year, she will still exist in my dreams.
An answer, no matter who, will never understand.
“My happiness is being with you…”
My psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis closed her eyes, she sighed and…
Slap!!
…She slapped me with all her strength!
“Stop being weak you stupid big bro!!”, my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis shouted and grabbed my shirt violently. “Don’t use me as an excuse for your lifestyle! Accept the fact that I don’t exist in this world anymore! Don’t be so fixated on a dead person and not step forward!”
“I want to ask you, big bro, even if you act like this, would I be revived? When you act weak like this, do you think I feel happy? Is it good that you tie your life to me? The answer is no! Not at all!”
“You’re like a mad man…you understand that? I’m scolding you! You’re like a madman, tied down by your past. You’re such an idiot! You idiotic big bro, if you want to be crazy about your lil’ sis then have a limit! You make me want to slap you. You’re such an idiot…”, my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis paused to catch her breath. She pointed her finger at my forehead. “Listen to me. If you don’t know how to live from now on when I’m not here. Listen well!”
“…”
“You have to be powerful, cool and OP. I’ve always wanted a rich and good-looking elder brother!”, she poked my forehead with her finger. “After that, you can only be a seme. Do you understand? I’ll only allow you to be a seme, if you become an uke, I’m cutting our ties. Do you understand that? Do you?”
And she poked…poked…and poked my forehead until it started hurting a lot.
I blinked rapidly.
My psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis sighed…even though she’s just an illusion the mechanism created, she’s so powerful. “Listen well idiot big bro, the only way to escape from this mechanism is to kill me, but you’ll be exempt from this because you’ve got the unsealing type of power, nothing can trap you…”
“Yeah…”, I looked away and wiped my tears.
“All along, I knew you’ve never paid attention when studying so, you don’t know how to use your powers yet but I’ll teach you…and remember this lesson well…”, my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis lowered her black eyes. “When you encounter a trap or a mechanism where it forces out what you love the most in front of you, and the only way to escape is to kill or destroy the image in front of you…if you’re weak, the only option you’ve got is to kill me…kill me to get out of here.”
I trembled. I looked up to my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis who looked completely calm.
It was the first time, I was afraid of weakness.
“Using your powers isn’t hard. You’ve just got to close your eyes and put all our concentration into one spot, after that everything will come naturally.”, my lil’ sis was still for a moment. “But it’s hard for you to concentrate…um. I think if there was an adorable younger sister who isn’t me wearing cat ears, short skirts and showing the holy parts of the legs*, I’m sure your concentration would be unbreakable!”
“…”, I glared at her while my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis pretended like nothing’s happened. This place’s illusion is even more well made than my own delusions…
But what’s sad is that…
…I’m actually able to use my powers!
A faint light enveloped my body along with sounds of something being destroyed. The world shattered like gla.s.s. My psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis looked upwards but when she noticed I was staring at her, she smiled.
I thought I should say something. Even though, I know she’s just an illusion, even if I know she doesn’t exist…
“I…love you.”
She laughed and broke into an adorable smile. “I know idiot big bro, I’ve always known…”
The world shattered even more rapidly, it made me feel grim…
“I’m sorry for dying…I’m sorry for leaving you. Actually…I’ve never wanted to die, I wanted to be with you, laugh with you…I…I want to stand on the same world you’re living in right now but that’s not what I should say…being weak isn’t like me.”, she closed her eyes and put her hands on her hips, an action filled with confidence, as expected of my psychotic fujsohi lil’ sis. “…Idiot big bro! Don’t die so quickly! You have to be powerful, cool, OP and most importantly…
…you can only become a seme!”
She smiled…and bursted out laughing.
“Psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis, you have to learn how to separate your delusions from the reality! Your big bro won’t be going after guys any time soon!!”
I laughed at our nostalgic conversation. I closed my eyes to escape from this world…
Good bye…
My lil’ sis who…
…
“But ‘that thing’s’ mechanism was the only thing we couldn’t destroy. That’s why…”
“The only way to escape this mechanism is to…kill…”
“Using your powers isn’t hard. You’ve just got to close your eyes and put all our concentration into one spot, after that everything will come naturally.”
Wait a sec…
Trap-like mechanisms nowadays have the ability to teach you how to use powers?!
I opened my eyes swiftly and turned to my ‘lil’ sis’ who was created from the mechanism and what I saw was…
“You have to be powerful enough to summon me!!”
My lil’ sis who had her hands on her hips said, her actions completely destroyed what little amount of adorableness and delicateness she had in her. “Remember, if you’re not strong enough, don’t even think of summoning me! I’ll only come down for seme who’s good-looking!”
“Yo-Yo-You!”
“Idiot big bro…what kinda mechanism would actually teach you how to use magic like I did? There’s no way an illusion would be that smart.”, my lil’ sis glanced at me in disdain and flicked her hair. “Remember, if you’re not powerful don’t try to summon me. Although I’m the unseal type of G.o.d but if you’re still a good for nothing, I’ll study hard so I can become the G.o.d of light! I’m gonna go fight over all the other G.o.ds for Haref!”
Yo-Yo-You!!
You psychotic fujoshi lil sissssssss!
The corners of my mouth twitched. I laughed madly and pointed my finger towards her.
“Just you wait you psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis! When I summon you, be prepared to wear a maid dress, cat ears, twin tails** and I’ll make you call me ‘onii-chan’!!”
And the mechanism completely shattered.
Instead of hearing her laughter…
“Call me if you dare! Call me if you actually can! But let me tell you, if you’re powerful but not a seme, don’t summon me, cause I won’t come. But, if you bottom for Nigel or in a 3P, I’m ok with that! It’s fine to summon me then!”
…all I got was her laughing at me out of satisfaction that she was able to tease me…
Huh…lil’ sis…
…do you think it’ll work to use yourself as a threat to force me down the BL routed?!
Huh!!
…
…
I’m never becoming an uke.
Bu-But…if I become a seme and it won’t hurt, I’ll consider it!
*Holy parts of the legs – the part between the skirt and the sock of a girl
**Twin tails – basically pig tails
[Tea time behind the curtains -a great lil’ sis-]
Psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis: “I’ve picked out options for you: Nigel, Haref of Ca.s.s.”
Psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis: “But if you choose Ca.s.s, you’ll have to fight the others for him. If you choose Nigel, you’ll have to become an uke because he’s a superrrrr seme when he grows up.”
Psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis: “And if you make Haref become an uke. We-are-over!”
Gilbert: “…Before saying something, you’ve got to see if your big bro’s actually got the abilities to.”
Gilbert: “If I make Haref become an uke…G.o.d, don’t you think it’ll be easier to just lie on the bed and wait for Haref to top instead!”
Psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis: “Can you actually?”
Gilbert: “Wut?”
Psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis: “If you do what you’ve just said, I’m ok with that!”
Gilbert: “You psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis, I was being sarcasticcccc.”