Chapter 1

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A little disclaimer before we start: I can not read or speak Chinese; Instead, I use several MTLs and Chinese-English dictionaries to translate this novel. I"ll try my best to keep the text as true to the original as possible(with a bit of improvisation here and there), but mistakes will be inevitable. If you catch any, just tell me and I"ll fix it. ( ´∀｀)

An Luo was in a dream. In that dream, he returned to the summer when he was twenty, equipped with a new driver"s license. Together, he and his older brother, An Yang, took a drive to a highway when suddenly, they were caught in a grave accident.

"-An Luo-be careful!"

At the moment the car crashed, An Yang"s distressed voice reached his ears. He felt a tremendous force approaching him, but his whole body was pulled into a protective embrace before it could reach him.

The car was knocked out of the highway, and rolled straight down the hillside. An Luo felt the world spinning, along with An Yang"s warm arms, but no discomfort fell upon him. However, pressed to An Yang"s chest, he could clearly hear his brother’s m.u.f.fled groans of pain.

The car flipped a few more times before it finally settled on a flat area of the hillside. Smelling the pungent odor of gasoline, An Luo quickly opened the door and exhausted all his strength to pull An Yang and himself to safety.

Behind them, the vehicle exploded, the sky of its flames reflected on An Yang"s b.l.o.o.d.y face.

His head was split open from the chaos, a steady stream of blood was gushing out. Panicked, An Luo hurried to wipe the blood off of his face, fingers against his will, trembling. He couldn"t stop the slight tremor in his voice: "Ge, wake up…"

An Yang struggled to open his eyes. Gently holding An Luo"s hands, he said with a smile, "An Luo, you"re alright…"

An Luo clung to him: "I-I"m fine… I"ll call an ambulance… You don"t have to worry… Ge…"

He heard his voice choking with the sobs he couldn"t contain. With each syllable, his lungs felt like they were clutched by a pair of hands, chest heavy and suffocating from the anguish and pain.

The shrill screech of an ambulance pounded in his ears-then An Luo woke up.

He was drenched with cold sweat, pajamas uncomfortably clinging onto his body. Feeling somewhat strangled, An Luo loosened the collars around his neck, taking deep breaths to calm his fierce heartbeat. Eyebrows narrowing, An Luo reached to turn on the lamp near his bed. He lifted his eyes to stared at the full moon outside in the pitch black darkness. The hour hand of the clock on the wall pointed to the number three, signaling 3AM.

Another nightmare.

Yet, nothing more than the usual.

Such a scene had been staged countless of times in his dreams, like an old movie played on repeat. He remembered every single details, even felt the realism of the cold tears trickling down his cheeks.

That year, he was only twenty years old.

In that split moment, he had consciously shed tears for the first time in his life.

Many nights later, An Yang"s smile as he opened his eyes and said the phrase, "An Luo, you"re alright…" would forever be replayed in his dreams, every word a sharp knife, carved deeply in his heart.

In the years that followed, when he alone confronted the tremendous pressure of ridding and re-gaining shares, when he possessed the highest rights to securely stand on top of the company’s building, when he looked down at the bustling crowd below and at his own projection reflected in the window-

In the hardest and loneliest of times, he would always remember that scene.

The scene of the accident, when An Yang disregarded the dangers that threatened to take his life, and used his own body to protect An Luo without hesitation, his face painted with blood as he gently held his hand and said: "You"re alright."

Whenever he thought of that picture, An Luo"s heart filled with warmth.

He knew that to An Yang, he was only seen as a younger brother, and he also knew that in An Yang"s heart, Su Zihang"s position is forever eternal;no one can even hope to replace.

But even so, the t.i.tle ‘brother’… it is enough for him.

An Luo picked up a cigarette from the table and silently lit it as he walked to the French window.

After the car crash, An Yang took time off to recuperate. During that period, the young An Luo had no choice but to shoulder the burdens his father left behind. He gradually grew accustomed to survive through all sorts of difficulties; used to waking up in the depths of the night with only a faint lighter to lift the darkness in the room.

It was a delicate lighter, given to him by An Yang on his eighteenth birthday, high priced and engraved with the character "Luo". He regarded it as a treasure, placing it on his bedside, always reluctant to use.

Adorned on the middle of the lighter was a small and exquisite pearl that shone like gems in the nighttime.

Whenever he wakes up alone in the early hours of the night, swallowed by the egregious darkness, An Luo would hold the polished lighter in his hand and gaze at the dim light. Only when feeling the icy temperature of the metal would he finally calm down.

It had been so many years.

He was no longer the curious little boy who coughed endlessly after trying a cigarette simply because he saw An Yang doing it; he was no longer the small An Luo that secretly hid his brother"s lighter in his pocket; he was no longer the little brother that would quietly follow and stare at his older brother"s back.

Now, he was the one with power, the one with the highest rights.

To outsiders, he was always cold, habitably only speaking icy words. However, no one knows that in his heart, there is a gap that can never be filled.

That gap is An Yang.

The feeling of being secretly in love with a person is difficult to describe in words.

He had loved An Yang for so long that he does not remember the moment when, or even how the temptation started.

Only the first meeting with An Yang is clearly imprinted in his mind.

He was young, with the ignorance and inexperience of boyhood. Because he was raised in his grandmother"s home since birth, he was uneasy as he stood at the doorway of the completely unfamiliar house for the first time. At that moment, An Yang, with his white, casual clothes, came down the stairs and walked to him with outstretched arms, smile ever present on his face. He pulled him into a strange, but extremely warm embrace.

Whispering into his ears, An Yang said, "Welcome home, An Luo. I am your Gege, An Yang."

It was then that that person was identified as his kin. Later, he would slowly become the one most loved in his heart.

Unfortunately, such a love, was destined to never bear fruit.

An Luo looked outside at the dark night, his lips raised to a slightly bitter smile.

He turned to the bedside and took the exquisite lighter, gently holding it in his palm to feel the familiar temperature… He never told An Yan how much he liked this gift, that it was the best one he"s ever received in his life.

Even if he lives his whole life with this unfulfilled love, he will never regret a thing.

Even so, if there is an afterlife, he hopes that they will never meet again.

Because of this road leading to only despair, he no longer has the strength to carry on.

Ge(Ge): Older brother. Like; Aniki, Hyung, Anh, and so on. I kept it that way ’cause I liked the sound of it.

Ridding and re-gaining shares: Even after several MTLs and Chinese-English dictionaries, I have no idea how to translate it. Feel free to take a shot.

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