"If she would only talk!" gurgles Mrs. Van Urban. "Doesn"t she speak anything but Italian?"

"Pure Tuscan is all she knows," says the Boss, "and the way she talks it is better than any music you"ll hear to-night. Wait until she has satisfied her eyes."

Pretty soon the baritone quits jawin" the chorus and a prima donna in spangled clothes comes to the front. Maybe it was Melba, or Nordica.

Anyway, she was an A-1 warbler. She hadn"t let go of more"n a dozen notes before the Lady Brigandess begins to sit up and take notice. First she has a kind of surprised look, as if a ringer had been sprung on her; and then, as the high C artist begins to let herself go, she swings around and listens with both ears. The music didn"t seem to go in one side and out the other. It stuck somewhere between, and swayed and lifted her like a breeze in a posy bush. I could hear her toe tappin"

out the tune and see her head keep time to it. Why, if I could get my money"s worth out of music like that I"d buy a season ticket.

When the prima donna had cut it off, with her voice way up in the flies somewhere, and the house had rose to her, as the bleachers do when one of the Giants knocks a three bagger, the Lady Brigandess was still sittin" there, waitin" for more.

Her trance didn"t last long, though. She just cast one eye around the boxes, where the folks were splittin" gloves and wavin" fans and yellin" "Bravo! Bravo!" so that you"d "a-thought somebody"d carried Ohio by a big majority, and then she takes a notion to get into the game herself.

Shuckin" that high priced opera cloak she jumps up, drops one hand on her hip, holds the other up to her lips and peels off a kind of whoop-e-e-e yodel that shakes the skylight. Talk about your cornet bugle calls! That little ventriloquist pa.s.s of hers had "em stung to a whisper. It cut through all that patter and screech like a siren whistle splittin" a fish horn serenade, and it was as clear as the ring of silver sleigh bells on a frosty night.

After that it was all up to her. The other folks quit and turned to see who had done it. Two or three thousand pairs of double barrelled opera gla.s.ses were pointed our way. The folks behind "em found something worth lookin" at, too. Our Brigandess wasn"t in disguise any more. She stood up there at the box rail, straight as a Gibson girl, her black hair hangin" in two thick braids below her waist, the gold hoops in her ears all ajiggle, her little fringed jacket risin" and fallin", and her black eyes snappin" like a pair of burning trolley fuses. Well, say, if she wa"n"t a pastelle I never saw one! I guess the star singer thought so, too. She"d just smiled and nodded at the others, but she blew a kiss up to our lady before she left.

I don"t know just what would have happened next if someone hadn"t shown up at the back of the box and asked for the Boss. It was the Italian consul that we"d been to see earlier in the day.

"Where"d you find her?" says he.

"Meanin" who?" says the Boss.

"Why, her highness the Princess Padova."

"Beg pardon," says the Boss, "but if you mean the young lady there, you"re wrong. She"s the daughter of a poor but honest brigand chief, and she"s just come from Tuscany to discover New York."

"She"s the Princess Padova or I"m a Turk," says the Consul. "Ask her to step back here a moment."

It sounded like a pipe dream, all right. Who ever saw a princess rigged out for the tambourine act and mixin" with a lot of chestnut roasters?

But old whiskers had the evidence down pat, though. As he told it, she was a sure enough princess, so far as the tag went, only the family had been in the n.o.bility business so long that the pedigree had lasted out the plunks.

It seemed that away back, before the Chicago fire or the Sayers-Heenan go, her great-grandpop had princed it in regulation shape. Then there"d come a grand mix-up, a war or something, and a lot of princes had either lost their jobs or got on the blacklist. Her great-grandpop had been one of the kind that didn"t know when he was licked. They euchred him out of his castle and building lots, but he gathered up what was left of his gang and slid for the tall timber, where he went on princing the best he knew how. As he couldn"t disgrace himself by workin", and hadn"t lost the hankerin" for reg"lar meals, he got into the habit of taking up contributions from whoever came along, calling it a road tax. And that"s how the Padova family fell into playing the hold-up game.

But the old man Padova, the Princess" father, never forgot that if he"d had his rights he would have been boss of his ward, and he always acted accordin". So when he picked the Consul up on the road one night with a broken leg he gave him the best in the house, patched him up like an ambulance surgeon, and kept him board free until he could walk back to town. And so, when Miss Padova takes it into her head to elope to America with a tin trunk, Papa Padova hikes himself down to the nearest telegraph office and cables over a general alarm to his old friend, who"s been made consul.

"I"ve been having Mulberry Bend raked with a fine toothed comb," says he, "but when I saw her highness stand up here in the box I knew her at a glance, although it"s been ten years since I saw her last."

Then he asked her if he hadn"t called the trick, and she said he had.

"Now," says he, "perhaps you"ll tell us why you came to America?"

"Sure," says she, or something that meant the same, "I"ve come over after me best feller. I"ve made up my mind that I"ll marry him," and she slips an arm around the Boss"s neck just as cool as though they"d been on a moonlight excursion.

Mr. Consul"s face gets as red as a fireman"s shirt, the Van Urbans catch their breath with both fists, and I begins to see what a lovely mess I"d been helping the Boss to get himself into. He never turned a hair though.

"The honor is all mine," says he, just as if he meant every word of it.

"Ahem!" says the Consul, kind of steadying himself against the curtains.

"Perhaps it would be best, before anything more is said on this subject, for the Princess to have a talk with my wife. We"ll take her home."

Well, they settled it that way and I was mighty glad to get her off our hands so easy.

Next afternoon the Consul shows up at our ranch as gay as an up-state deacon who"s seeing the town incog.

"Sir," says he to the Boss, givin" him the right hand of fellowship, "you"re a real gent. After what you did last night I"m proud to know you; and I"m happy to state that it"s all off with the Princess."

Then he went on to tell how Miss Padova, being out of her lat.i.tude, hadn"t got her book straight. She"d carried away the notion that when a Princess went out of her cla.s.s she had a right to sign on any chap that she liked the looks of, without waitin" for him to make the first move.

They did it that way at home. But when the Consul"s wife had explained the United States way, and how the Boss was a good deal of a rooster himself, with real money enough to buy up a whole rink full of Dago princes, why Miss Padova feels like a plush Christmas box at a January sale. She turns on the sprinkler, wants to know what they suppose the Boss thinks of her, and says she wants to go back to It"ly by the next trolley.

"But she"ll get over feeling bad," says the Consul. "We"ll ship her back next Friday, and you can take it from me that the incident is closed."

I was lookin" for the Boss to open a bottle or two on that. But he didn"t. For a pleased man he held in well.

"Poor little girl!" says he, looking absent minded towards the Bronx.

Then he cheers up a minute. "I say, do you mind if I run up and see her once before she sails?"

"You may for all of me," says the Consul, "but if you"ll listen to my advice you won"t go."

He did though, and lugged me along for a chaperone, which is some out of my line.

"I"m afraid they"ve rather overdone the explaining business," says he on the way up; and while I had my own idea as to that, I had sense enough, for once, not to b.u.t.t in.

That was an ice house call, all right. They left us on the mat while our cards went up, and after a while the hired girl comes down to give us the book-agent glare.

"Th" Missus," says she, "says as how the young lady begs to be "xcused."

"Does the young lady know we"re here?" says the Boss.

"She does," says the girl, and shuts the door.

"Gee!" says I, "that"s below the belt."

The Boss hadn"t a word left in him, but I wouldn"t have met him in the ring about then for anything less"n a bookie"s bundle.

Just as we hit the sidewalk we hears a front window go up, and down comes a red rose plunk in front of us.

"Many happy returns of the day," says I, handing it to the Boss.

"I suppose you"re right," says he. "It"s the only way to look at it, I expect; and yet--oh, hang it all, Shorty, what"s the use?"

"Ahr-r, say!" says I. "Switch off! It"s all over, and you"ve side stepped takin" the count."

CHAPTER IV

Does the Boss let it go at that? Say, I was just thick enough to guess that he would. I was still havin" that dream, a few days later, when the Boss says to me: