If it’s not because I wanted to return your sideI would’ve already given in to fate―Fann Wong, Jeff Chang (“Don’t Let Love Be a Dilemma”)

After the drama script was ready, He Luo pa.s.sed it onto her uncle Amba.s.sador Luo. He praised the script non-stop and even enthusiastically offered to help the club members rehea.r.s.e. The script was adapted by Cai Man Xin. She and He Luo’s uncle got along so wonderfully that they would even discuss the conflict between law and ethics portrayed in Antigone after the rehearsal. Before they knew it, it was dinner time.
Amba.s.sador Luo said, “The kids must all be hungry. I’ll treat. We can discuss as we eat.”
Shen Lie had been busy with preparing the props. He came over, face red and sweaty. “Uncle, we’ve already troubled you so much. How can we let you treat us?”
Cai Man Xin burst out laughing. “Hey, don’t act like you’re family! It’s obviously He Luo’s uncle, how did he become your uncle? Call him Teacher Luo or Amba.s.sador Luo.”
He Luo’s face reddened. Shen Lie waved his hand. “Y-You! Can’t I just be nervous? This is my first time meeting a vice ministerial level official, that’s why I’m so tongue-tied.”
Amba.s.sador Luo slowly nodded and laughed, carrying a hint of deeper meaning. “We’re all Luo Luo’s good friends. Just call me uncle, it’s okay.”
A few days later, He Luo was at her uncle’s place for dinner. Aunt smiled and said, “I heard from your uncle there’s a boy surnamed Shen who is courting you?”
He Luo who was eating a piece of steamed fish nearly choked. “Since when? I haven’t even heard of it, where did uncle hear it from?”
Amba.s.sador Luo said, “Is my thirty years as a diplomat for naught? Reading the subtext, speculating the other person’s intentions. All these signals coming from you little young’uns cannot escape my eyes.”
It wasn’t that He Luo didn’t notice Shen Lie’s kindness to her. But he had always kept a respectful distance as her close friend. Earlier, he didn’t reveal his feelings because of Zhang Yuan, but what about now? He Luo’s heart became anxious. She has never once thought whether she would accept or reject if Shen Lie had confessed to her. Perhaps she should say, she would avoid the issue every time it creeped into her mind.
“Uncle, let’s not talk about this,” she said. “We’ll all go separate ways after graduation. To discuss whatever feelings, it’s all too uncertain now.”
“But your feelings when you’re young is the most sincere,” Amba.s.sador Luo said. “There are a lot of people in this world whom you’ll get along with, but the ones who will be together in the end are those who sincerely understand each other and are willing to compromise. Shen Lie that child isn’t a bad choice. He has a good character. On the outside he looks like a playful person, but he really knows how to be considerate.”
Since young, He Luo has worshipped her youngest uncle as a living legend and would naturally consider his words carefully. Perhaps it was time for her to give up the past. She no longer know or wanted to know what that person was concerned about or up to recently. They were already strangers to each other.

With instantaneous information transmission technology, gossip would naturally spread like wildfire. After being filtered through numerous people, rumours can be distorted out of shape. Zhang Yuan has heard at least eight versions about He Luo’s new relationship despite not being in the dorm often, as he left early and returned late each day. There were rumours that the new couple were inseparable, that they held hands as they walked in the campus, and the boy wanted He Luo to meet his parents during semester break… Zhao Cheng Jie who studied in the medical faculty in another university travelled half a city to meet Zhang Yuan. When he saw him, he got a shock. “Boss, how many days have it been since you last shaved?” he asked. “You’ve become a caveman!”
“I was busy, didn’t have the time.”
“You should’ve at least the time to eat.” Zhao Cheng Jie took him to a small restaurant outside the provincial university and ordered a few dishes at random.
As they waited, Zhang Yuan took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “You want one?”
Zhao Cheng Jie immediately rejected his offer. Zhang Yuan didn’t say another word as he lit his cigarette. Noticing Zhao Cheng Jie’s questioning gaze, he quietly said, “I’ve been staying up lately. I need this to wake me up.”
“When it comes to girls, just let the past stay in the past,” Zhao Cheng Jie comforted his friend. “My deskmate is too prideful. As friends, she’s wonderful but she’s too tiring as a girlfriend.”
“Girls are all quite tiring.” Zhang Yuan smiled. “Their brain structure is different from us boys. Come, hurry up and eat, let’s not say such things.” He ordered two bowls of rice and placed a slice of braised meat on his bowl. “Ah, it’s truly great to eat rice! I actually just remembered now, I’ve only had instant noodles since yesterday. I’m starving.”
“What are you busying about? Busy hitting on another girl?”
“What are you saying!” Zhang Yuan held up his hand and counted one by one with his fingers. “Professional course, makeup tests, English test, programming contest. Tell me, which one doesn’t need my 100% attention on them? Who has the time to hit on a girl?”
“That day I came over to play ball, I even saw you happily eating dinner with another girl. You were even being incredibly attention, bringing her water and eating utensils.”
“Which day?” Zhang Yuan jogged his memory. “A pretty girl? Do you mean a girl who isn’t very tall, has curly hair, and has big eyes? That one?”
“Do you have more than one girl?” A helpless Zhao Cheng Jie responded.
“Oh. Zhang Wei Rui. She’s just a regular friend. That day she came to congratulate me after seeing my name announced as the winner of a programming contest in the campus newspaper. Don’t say nonsense. Girls need to worry about their reputation.”
“Then the next day?” Zhao Cheng Jie was unwilling to give up. “She came two days in a row to congratulate you? Is that it?”
“The first day she asked me for the questions tested in this year’s programming contest as a favour for her junior. So I went back and jotted down for her.”
“Was that all? So simple?”
“Yes. It’s that simple.”
Zhao Cheng Jie’s face twisted from agony. Bitterly, he said, “Boss, I want to tell you something but please don’t hit me.” He recounted the things he told He Luo over the internet, and then added, “If my deskmate got a random guy as a boyfriend just to anger you, then my guilt is too great.”
For a moment Zhang Yuan was silent. He took out another cigarette but did not light it. He rubbed the cigarette between his fingers, until it was eventually squashed. “I finally remember who is it,” he said. “She won’t date a random guy. He’s not bad, quite a nice guy.”
That boy, would He Luo allow him to ease the frown knotted between her brows? This was something he was no longer capable or allowed to do. Perhaps he thought initiating the breakup was something he did in the heat of the moment, yet the thought had been running in his mind for a long time.
Each time they separated, he always antic.i.p.ated seeing her again. But each time they reunited, he became afraid to look directly at her. Her eyes were too sharp, her tone too aggressive, so much so he wasn’t allowed to be weak in front of her. Their common topics became fewer and fewer. As they sat next to each other in the windy fall, one was looking at the sky, the other at the lonely meadow.
He Luo’s world felt too far away; his world she disdained.

As they neared semester finals, their university organised a blood drive. Calling it the obligation and responsibility of students, everyone who pa.s.sed the basic physical examination were required to join. Some objected but many more enjoyed the privileges that came with it. The university granted each faculty money as compensation. Thanks to that, everyone who partic.i.p.ated got two pounds of red dates in return, free chicken soup at the canteen, and even three days of additional holidays.
Seeing as there was time and money provided, Zhou Xing Yan thought it was the best opportunity to visit Mount Tai. Her boyfriend was Shen Lie’s roommate, Jiang Zhi Yao. Back when they were having the run, he was the one who mocked Xing Yan for falling down. Yet he took the initiative to send Xing Yan to the campus clinic on his bicycle, and even chauffeured her around for cla.s.ses afterwards. As they spend time laughing and joking around on his bicycle, the pair has been together for about a year. Hearing Zhou Xing Yan’s little ambition, Ye Zhi giggled. “If you faint in Mount Tai, Jiang Zhi Yao won’t have the ability to send you to the campus clinic.”
In a straight face, Jiang Zhi Yao said, “Just listen to her speak nonsense. I’ve already said she doesn’t exercise enough. She has thin blood vessels. Earlier, before the doctor could even find her vessels, the entire hall can already hear her loud scream.”
“What? You’re not satisfied?” Zhou Xing Yan waved her fist at him. “Just look at Shen Lie. He’s been carrying the thermos with him all morning. As soon as he finished donating blood, he went straight to the canteen to bring back chicken soup for all of us. Learn something from him!”
“This smelly brat! He didn’t even bother bringing any to our room but you all are actually enjoying chicken soup here.” Jiang Zhi Yao looked sideways at Shen Lie, smiling wickedly.
“What’s wrong with bringing soup to the girls’ room?” Shen Lie was entirely frank. “In the first place we have fewer girls in our course. Besides, do you think a thermos is enough to carry soup for all you guys? Maybe a water tank would work.”
“We understand your good intentions.” Zhou Xing Yan smiled. “But it’s a good thing you prepared a thermos. If you’re waiting for He Luo to come out, you’ll need to wait awhile longer!”
“What’s wrong with her?” Shen Lie asked, panicked. “Is it because she has thin vessels too?”
“Go and see for yourself.” She batted her eyelids.
Shen Lie took three big steps before running into the hall. He saw He Luo looking exhausted as she sat on a chair and rubbed her temples. He couldn’t help but worry. He walked over and asked, “What’s wrong, did you feel dizzy? Why don’t I go and get you some sugared water?”
“It’s okay, I’m fine. I can still hang on. I’m the Red Cross volunteer on duty after all.” He Luo waved her hand. “Earlier there was a pretty large guy who just fell over and fainted. We all worked up a sweat trying to move him to the side.”
“Then why aren’t you going back to your room to rest? You’re forcing yourself.” Shen Lie pursed his lips. “Look at the other volunteers, who among them are on duty immediately after donating blood? And when did you join the Red Cross a.s.sociation? Didn’t you just register for a GRE cla.s.s for the summer? Do you want to work yourself to death?”
He Luo smiled. “It’s not that easy to die.”
Shen Lie sighed. “I only hope that you’re doing what you want to, that you do things that make you truly happy. I haven’t seen you laugh from your heart in a long time.”
“From my heart?” He Luo t.i.tled her head.
The year Zhang Yuan came to Beijing. Shen Lie held back his words. He had never again seen that kind of He Luo, whose entire self was lit up. She was like a child whose entire expression screamed happiness. She was coy and sweet; in a second, her expression had a hundred different changes.
Yet now she only had two expressions: dazed or smiling.
Shen Lie wanted to get closer, yet He Luo was like a fog. From a distance he could make out her silhouette, yet when he approached, he only grasped at thin air.

As summer break approached, He Luo decided she was not going home. Instead, she registered for a GRE cla.s.s and even bought a reference book dubbed the “Red Treasure”, although she only memorised only one of their many list of vocabulary. She planned to make some time to do a frontal attack and read the entire book before the cla.s.s.
The four girls sc.r.a.pped their money together and bought a computer for their room. On the surface, the computer was intended for them to practice their English listening skills. It was, in fact, to make life easier for them when they download anime, games, movies, TV shows, and mp3 from the resource-rich campus intranet. Under Zhou Xing Yan’s leadership, the girls also started watching j.a.panese dramas. No matter who was using the computer, as soon as someone opened the door, they would see an unkempt girl watching a j.a.panese drama with headphones on, crying and laughing like a maniac.
Tong Jia Ying was a disciplined person but even she could barely resist the temptation. She wanted to watch the dramas but also wanted to focus on her studies. Thus, she steeled her determination and requested Ye Zhi set a pa.s.sword on the computer. She said, “If I insist on watching the drama anyway, just scold me without holding back.”
Ye Zhi laughed with joy. “Okay, since someone is begging me to scold her. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. In the future you’ll be my punching bag.” Before she could be too smug for a few days, she suffered persistent hara.s.sment. Tong Jia Ying chased her all the way from the administrative building to the library, saying, “Hey, I finished my exams today. Tell me the pa.s.sword, I want to relax a bit.”
Ye Zhi gritted her teeth. “You can relax all you want, but sis, I haven’t revise for my world history paper tomorrow!”
When she returned to their room, she not only had to suffer the great temptation brought on by the computer but also the denunciation of Tong Jia Ying.
Back home, He Luo had already watched all the cla.s.sic j.a.panese dramas like East Love on her satellite TV, thus she was not obsessed like her roommates. She let them enjoy the computer and camped in the study room to memorise the English vocabulary. At the end of June, Beijing was warming up. In the entire campus, the only place with air-conditioning was the library. Thus, each time the doors were open, thousands of students would rush in. The guard would only dare to open one door to lower the risk of being stampeded to death. He Luo simply couldn’t enter the terrain. Instead, she equipped herself with a small towel, wet it in the washroom, and pat her forehead with it to cool down.
She would memorise the first part of the vocabulary, but forget the next. When she read the word in the book, she would remember them, but as soon as she placed it down, she would forget. He Luo felt like it was impossible for her to remember everything. When she returned to her room, it was another loud crowd of people chattering, making her feel even more upset.
When Shen Lie suggested going to Beidaihe district after the exams, Zhou Xing Yan gave an enthusiastic response and even persuaded He Luo to go. Without much thought, He Luo agreed. But when she asked who else was going, she realised that it were all couples and felt awkward. Shen Lie noticed her hesitation and said, “There’s a home(?) near the railway that I can get a discount for. Go and ask if any of your friends want to join.”
Tong Jia Ying said, “The train ticket is too expensive.”
Ye Zhi said, “I refuse to be a giant light bulb.”
Cai Man Xin said, “You’ve no ambition. What’s there to see at such an overdeveloped place like Beidaihe. If I’m going, I want to go to some place without many people.”
Tian Xin said, “My parents missed me.”
Li Yun Wei has some family problems so she had no mood to travel.
A straight body was unafraid of a crooked shadow, He Luo thought. There was nothing for her to worry about. Even though there were a lot of rumours, Shen Lie had never once confessed his feelings. As for her, her life was like a new page in a diary. It was empty but there were traces left from a past written too strongly on the former page. If she wasn’t careful, she could see the shadow of her past. Perhaps a new story could hide that past.
He Luo didn’t resist the changes life brought but she cannot muster the strength to pursue anything. She watched Shen Lie busied himself preparing for their trip. He spoke a lot, he was reckless yet attentive. His preparation was detailed and meticulous. He was an eye-catching boy, usually laughing and joking. When he was concentrating, his eyes will be wide open and he would hold his chin with his thumb. He would sometimes place his index finger at the bridge of his nose. But when she called him, he would turn around to look at her, immediately wearing a sincere smile.
He was the one who coaxed her all along. She had never needed to accommodate him. Such a person, if he told her, “Let’s be together.”
If he said that.
Will you agree?
He Luo shook her head, berating herself for being narcissistic. Zhou Xing Yan was completely unconcerned and threw all preparation work to Jiang Zhi Yao. She happily watched the j.a.panese drama she downloaded, It Started with a Kiss (Itazura Na Kiss) starring Takashi Kashiwabara and Aiko Sato. He Luo said, “You have to sleep early, or you may wake up late and miss the train.”
Ye Zhi said, “Ei, it’s so unbelievable she would still be watching a drama with such an ugly heroine. Her ears are so big.”
Zhou Xing Yan protested, “That’s her distinctive quality. Big eyes, big ears, big mouth. Besides, there’s a good-looking guy here. It’s Takashi Kashiwabara, really a pretty boy.”
He Luo glanced at the screen. “Oh. That’s the boy from Love Letter.”
“Is that a j.a.panese drama?” Ye Zhi asked. “What’s it about? Sounds like it’d be good.”
“A movie. I can’t tell you the plot, or else it’s no longer fun for you.” He Luo loosened her tense shoulders. “Go and watch yourself.”
“The theme is nostalgia,” Zhou Xing Yan interrupted. “A puppy love that met an untimely death.”
He Luo laughed at her. “The two of them didn’t even start a relationship, how can you say that?”
“That’s exactly the embodiment of a puppy love,” Tong Jia Ying helped Zhou Xing Yan. “They’ve barely started but it also ended early. That’s puppy love.”
The grief in He Luo’s heart ached. What they all said hit her straight in the mark. The death of a puppy love, the years have pa.s.sed like water, they can only mourn its pa.s.sing.
Ye Zhi desperately gave Tong Jia Ying a look, trying to stop her. “Did I say something wrong again?” Tong Jia Ying immediately realised her fault and tried to give an excuse. “Ai, I’m not talking about you, Luo Luo.” The more she tried to explain, the more trouble she got into.
“I’m fine.” He Luo waved her hand and leisurely sat on the bed. Everyone was silent. The computer screen showed the fragmented image of high school days, a surprised girl, a cold and arrogant boy. All these experiences were different from her own, but those flowery dreams from those years, the bitterness and sweetness, were the same.
She thought that if her feelings were no longer for him, her life would eventually become renewed, and there would be a day where the past would crumble into ashes. But when she thought of that day, she became inexplicably sad. He Luo glanced at the “Red Treasure” book placed at the end of the bed and asked herself, Is this what you want? She looked at the train ticket to Beidaihe she was holding in her hand and asked herself, Is this also what you want?
If she choose Shen Lie, would she be able to throw herself completely into him? To him and herself, is that fair?
She once thought she would return to a peaceful life, satisfied with memories that she could occasionally reminisce about. She obviously found the idea of returning to him a ridiculous idea, yet why did her heart ached so much when she pa.s.sed by the corner of the street where they first kissed? Time will dull all feelings. Who can tell me how many years will that take?
In the past half year, whether she moved forward or backward, she tortured herself with hesitation and regret. What is it that makes me long for you, even now? What makes me laugh and cry for you? There’s no other person, it’s only you that I love.
He Luo felt awake, like she was finally sober. She gave Shen Lie the train ticket as well as the refund fee, and watched the surprise and helplessness in his eyes.
“You’ve made your decision, haven’t you?” Cai Man Xin asked.
“Yes.” He Luo nodded with resolution. “I suddenly realised that in the past half a year, I have never once tried anything not because I’ve lost all hope, but because I was too sad. I was so sad that I don’t have the strength or courage to face everything. I’m still young, I still have the strength to suffer. I still can invest more of my time into this sunk cost.”
“You said it yourself, you can’t forget him because you can’t forget your innocent high school years. Perhaps, you’re not satisfied that he’s the one who initiated the breakup?” Cai Man Xin anxiously said. “What if he doesn’t accept you now, if he already has a girlfriend?”
“Then I’ll get him back.” He Luo counted on her fingers. “Whether I’m unsatisfied, or simply missing my high school years, my investment into the relationship has piled up so much… whatever the reason, the results are the same. It’s just that, the only person I can imagine spending the rest of my life with is him.”

Sitting in the restaurant where they were having their high school reunion, He Luo felt unease. When she left Beijing, she vowed she would calmly have a chat with Zhang Yuan. But when she pa.s.sed by the provincial university earlier and saw its yellow-and-white main building, she was so nervous that she had to remind herself to breathe.
What should she say to Zhang Yuan when she sees him later? “How are you?”, or perhaps “I’ve come back.” He Luo felt nervous. It was as if she was a young girl who had fallen in love for the first time and was about to confess to the one she liked.
Noticing her anxiety, Tian Xin patted her on the back and said, “Earlier you said you’re not coming back but you’re suddenly joining our cla.s.s reunion. Is it because you don’t want to see a certain someone? Why do you look so dazed?”
He Luo showed her a tight-lipped smile. She wanted Zhang Yuan to appear as soon as possible yet she also wanted this period of waiting to extend endlessly.
The door to their private dining room opened, cutting into the high volumes of human voice, the piercing aroma of beer, the breeze coming in carrying a hint of refreshing coolness.
“All you brothers are here early!” His low voice carried a shred of exhaustion, He Luo could tell. She couldn’t help but turn her head to see if his good-looking face was also haggard. As expected, he really was thinner now compared to six months ago. The contours of his face was more p.r.o.nounced and there was a shadow at his freshly shaved chin. That moment reminded He Luo of how his stubble had felt across her cheek, that tingling sensation.
In the next month, her heart was squashed.
She watched as a delicate young girl smiling as she stuck her head from behind Zhang Yuan, waving at the crowd. “I hope you all don’t mind me joining.”
“Why is it her?” Tian Xin’s voice was loud. Zhang Yuan glanced over and when he saw He Luo, he looked surprised.
He Luo turned around and held Tian Xin’s hand. “Eat the dishes. It’s none of our business.”
“She! What’s her name, that little brat, the one with the thieving heart!” Tian Xin desperately tried to jog her memory of the girl’s name.
“Zheng Qing Yin.” He Luo used her chopsticks to get a piece of vegetable but slipped. She tried several times but the slippery vegetable still slipped from the gaps of her chopsticks.
About six cla.s.smates had arrived at the dining room. They couldn’t all fit in the same table but didn’t want to sit separately, so they made the waiter combine their tables together. Now that there was another two newcomers, it was even more crowded. Those who already sat down huddled together to make s.p.a.ce.
“How troublesome!” Tian Xin appeared to be talking to herself but her volume was great.
“I’ll pour you tea, isn’t that good enough?” Zhang Yuan laughed. Picking up a large can of c.o.ke on the table, he filled the cup in front of Tian Xin to the brim and continued with the few cups next to her. When it came to He Luo, he said as he poured, “I thought you wouldn’t come today. They said you’ll be spending your summer break in Beijing.”
“Oh, thanks.” Her tone was polite and natural. She carefully and gracefully held the cup for him, careful not touch his fingers. “I changed my mind at the last minute. My mom and dad have been nagging me, saying I have to come back even if it’s just one week.”
“When are you leaving?”
“This weekend.”
Zhang Yuan made a ‘oh’ sound and went over to greet the other old cla.s.smates. Zheng Qing Qin sat beside him, pulling his sleeve. “Don’t bend forward too much, you’ll dirty your clothes from the dishes.”
Tian Xin scoffed. “You’re so free. Is it that you’ll join every reunion of each cla.s.s in each grade?”
Zheng Qing Yin didn’t pay her sarcasm any mind. She giggled and stuck out her tongue. “Nope. Other than my own cla.s.s reunion, I’m only coming to yours. Luckily the guys in my cla.s.s still kept in contact with their coach, otherwise where will I find you guys in this big, wide world?”
“If you can’t find, then don’t find,” Tian Xin muttered.
“The reason why I’m here is to see if I can hold a friendly basketball match between my cla.s.s and yours. Those brats in my cla.s.s are bragging that they’re exceptionally good these days, so I want to see if it’s true. This year I’ve been in Hong Kong, I haven’t seen any guys who are tall.”
“You’ve gone to Hong Kong?” someone asked.
“Yes. I’m studying English in the University of Hong Kong for a year. I’ll transfer to Toronto in the fall.” Zhen Qing Yin pursed her lips. “Hong Kong is not that fun. It’s a total foreign land. I miss high school the most, standing by the court to watch basketball.”
Tian Xin turned her head to look at He Luo. Using her hand to cover her face, she mouthed the words: “Boy-crazed.”
Several boys began chattering about how they played truant in high school, watching the cla.s.s teacher from the field as they fled.
“Gao Fang is the most cunning,” Zhao Cheng Jie said. “He even went to the math office to collect our homework, fibbing that Bai Lian asked for his help. Teacher Xiao Lin saw through him in an instant, saying, ‘You this brat, since when you’ll miss out on a basketball game? Remember to wash up next time, and wipe the sweat at the back of your neck.’”
He Luo joined the rest in their laughter. Remembering those days where she watched his spirited self, her heart felt endlessly complex.
Zheng Qing Yin added, “Right, right. Back then I can always see you guys playing. Once, when I was walking past, I was nearly hit by a basketball. Fortunately Zhang Yuan intercepted the ball, or else there’ll definitely be a basketball print on my face.” As she said this, she made a circle motion at her face.
“Acting cute,” Tian Xin gritted her teeth.
“Ah, seems like there’s something like that,” Zhang Yuan said. After a moment of thinking, he continued, “But I remember back then, the ball was heading towards the girls in our cla.s.s. Isn’t that girl?” His gaze turned to Tian Xin.
Tian Xin immediately nudged He Luo, who was blanking out. He Luo snapped to focus and said, “Ah, seems like it. Maybe.” How could she not remember? And that chibi version of a boy playing basketball that he drew. How he said, “Come to the court in the afternoon, I’ll dedicate my first score to you.” Yet in this moment, Zhang Yuan was sitting opposite her but their distance felt so far away.
This dinner was tasteless. After a round of drinks, someone persuaded Zheng Qing Yin to sing, saying that since she has been in Hong Kong for so long, she should be able to sing in Cantonese. She didn’t refuse and sang Faye Wong’s Promise. Clutching her mike, she batted her eyes. “I can’t sing that high, don’t laugh at me.”
Tian Xin grabbed the other mike. “I’ll sing Zhou Hui’s Mandarin version, let’s do a duet. I’ll guide you in the earlier part.” She even purposefully shouted, “Zhang Yuan, go and see where He Luo has gone. She said she’s going to washroom earlier but she’s taking so long.”
Zhao Cheng Jie held the door. “Let me go.”
“Stand right there.” Tian Xin stomped her feet. “Everyone, listen to me sing. None of you can go!”
Zhang Yuan found He Luo in front of the restaurant. “Move away, move away!” Someone drank too much and stumbled over to her. The man rushed to hold onto the wall, puking his guts out, after he shoved He Luo aside. Zhang Yuan took big steps to get to He Luo. “Are you okay?” He reached out to touch her arm but she turned around to avoid him, thanking him quietly. This entire night she had been unfailingly polite, courteous to the point of alienation. And she avoided all bodily contact whether intentionally or unintentionally, as if to say, “Stop! Don’t touch me.”
He put his hand down and shook his head helplessly.
Silence. The two of them kept the distance of a hug between them.
“Has your TOEFL results come out?” Zhang Yuan asked.
“633. Writing 5 points.”
“That’s not bad.”
“En, most universities request 600 and above, writing 4 points.”
“Then what cla.s.s did you register for during the summer break?”
“GRE.”
“Oh.”
“It’s like applying for graduate program. When you apply for postgraduate programs in America, you need to show some results. It’s inevitable,” she explained.
“Are you planning to study masters or a doctorate?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” she replied. “I don’t absolutely have to go overseas.” As long as you open your mouth. As long as you stop me.
“Why?” Zhang Yuan went straight to the point.
Because of you. He Luo lowered her eyes. “My parents are both in the country. Especially my dad’s company, he can’t leave. Even if I go overseas, I’ll still come back to look for a job.”
“How many years will that be?” Zhang Yuan asked. “It’s not easy to find a job in the country either. By the time you come back, your peers will have even greater advantage than you have.”
“Then, do you think I should go? Or should I just stay here?” He Luo t.i.tled her head.
“That, you have to decide on your own.”
It’s this kind of response again. In the past, I can consider you as being considerate to your lover’s decision, but now that we’ve become ordinary friends, is it so hard for you to give me a firm suggestion? Even if she has the intention to stay by Zhang Yuan’s side, how could she say things like, I’ll do whatever you want me to?
She said, “That’s not for sure. If I have working experience abroad, when I come back I’ll definitely be more employable. I’ll definitely carve an advantage for myself.”
She was still the same, unyieldingly stubborn. A girl who refused to give in. Perhaps there would be not many chances to meet again in the future. Perhaps in the future there would be another guy by her side. There were many honest words that he must say now, or there may never be another chance. Zhang Yuan couldn’t help himself and said, “He Luo, sometimes you’re too stubborn, too headstrong.”
“En?” He Luo lifted her head.
“A lot of times, you’re too insistent on your view and you don’t consider the point of view of the other person. You don’t listen to other people’s advice and has the habit of refuting the other person’s opinion.”
“Since when? I’m only speaking my own opinion.”
“See. You’re now refuting my opinion.”
If she didn’t refute, that would mean she was agreeing that she was stubborn. But if she refuted, that would be proving she was indeed stubborn. This was a trap of logic! He Luo lifted her head and glared hatefully at Zhang Yuan. She couldn’t decipher the look in his eyes. She didn’t know if he missed any of their past together, even in the slightest.
Zhang Yuan helplessly smiled. “I won’t say such things in the future anymore. It’s quite insulting.”
He Luo watched him turn away, and couldn’t help but say, “Hey, you didn’t insult me. I know you’re doing this for my own good and that you won’t say this to anyone this but me.”
Zhang Yuan turned around, expression gradually warming. “Tian Xin is waiting for her duet with you. Hurry up and come in.”

Tian Xin had always been a mike addict. Fortunately she has a good voice and was good at mimicking the voices of popular singers, so everyone else good-naturedly bear with her. Zheng Qing Yin was happily planning their basketball game. When she saw Zhang Yuan returning, she asked when he would be free.
He said, “I’m very busy lately. It’s not easy to make someone else take over a project for me, I’ve decided to hibernate.”
Zhao Cheng Jie laughed. “Haven’t you decided to hibernate a long time ago? Why did you shave and come over today? Next time let others see your caveman look.”
After chatting for awhile, He Luo began to feel tired. Getting up, she said, “My parents want me to go home earlier. I’ll leave first. You all enjoy yourselves.”
Tian Xin needled them nonstop. “How are you going home? How are you going home?”
“I’m taking the bus, it’s very near,” He Luo replied and bid everyone farewell.
“And you guys are just going to let a girl go home alone like that?” Tian Xin pointed outside the window. At eight pm on July, the sky was still partially lit but she couldn’t help but worry.
“I’ll accompany her.” Zhang Yuan got up.
“Will you come back?” Zheng Qing Yin asked.
Tian Xin glared at her. “Don’t you have a driver? We’ll wait with you.”
Zhao Cheng Jie complained at Tian Xin. “Why are you poking your nose into someone else’s business? Why are you needling Zhang Yuan? If He Luo can’t accept Zhang Yuan in the past, she won’t be able now either. Why are you letting Zhang Yuan suffer twice? Besides, doesn’t she already has a boyfriend?”
“Nonsense!” Tian Xin widened her eyes. “Where did that rumour came from? I was wondering why this two were being so awkward with each other, it was actually the fault of you people. If He Luo has any intention to date other people at all, do you think she needs to travel all the way home just for this little reunion?”
Zhang Yuan rushed to catch up to He Luo, who was already on the other side of the road. When the traffic light turned red, he watched as she disappeared into the crowd. He quickly rushed through the traffic. A car stopped and honked at him. The driver stuck out his head and scolded, “Are you rushing to get reincarnated!” A person’s instinct was truly strange and wonderful. He Luo turned around in that moment and Zhang Yuan ran to her side. The two of them walked side by side to the bus stop.
“The drivers here are really aggressive, be careful,” He Luo said. “You still don’t know how to take care of yourself. Do you still have to stay up late these days?”
“Now and then. It’s just that when I get really busy, I have to finish a whole pack of cigarettes just to stay awake.”
He Luo frowned. “Be careful of pneumonia.”
“Pneumonia? All the bacteria are being smoked to death.” Zhang Yuan laughed. “I should be worried about lung cancer instead.”
“It’s dangerous,” He Luo nudged him. “Isn’t there anyone to talk some sense into you? No girls like smelling the smell of cigarettes.”
“They’re not my girlfriend, what right do they have to tell me to do anything?”
He Luo was speechless.
After a pause, Zhang Yuan asked, “Then, are you keeping an eye on Shen Lie and not allowing him to smoke as well?”
He Luo immediately burst into laughter. “I’m not anyone to him, what right do I have to tell him to do anything?”
“Really?”
“Why should I lie?” He Luo added, “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”
His feelings much more relaxed, he asked, “Will you be coming home for the coming break?”
He Luo thought about it. “Not sure. I’m still studying for GRE, I’m worried I won’t have enough time. But I’ll definitely be back to celebrate the new year.”
“But I might not be around,” he said. “Lately my project has been doing well. I’m working with someone else on a supermarket logistics management software. Their boss is from Yantai, he invited us to go visit Shandong for the new year break.”
“If… I come back in the next break, you…” He Luo tried to probe his reaction. “Do you need me to help you with anything?”
“Let’s talk when that time comes,” he said. “I’ll treat you to dinner. Spring rolls, braised meat.”
It was her favourite hometown dish. He Luo nodded. “Okay, then that’s a promise.”