Tatakau Shisho

Chapter 10

FIRST PAST — SHIP’S BOTTOM – PART 1

March 3, 2016Tgurneu

 

It was one year before the Monster a.s.saulted Bantorra Library.

In a small island far from Bantorra, a minor incident had occurred.

 

That island’s sky was crystal-clear and the sea was calm as if time had stopped. The crabs walking on the sandy beach didn’t pay any heed to the men standing there, and the birds flew in the sky as if they owned the place.

There were three men on that empty beach.

Or maybe it would have been more accurate to say two men. One of those three lay on the sand because he couldn’t ever move again.

The dead man was young. He was at an age only slightly past boyhood. He wore an old-looking military uniform. The front of his body had been burned beyond recognition. His face and body had been scorched by intense flames and he probably he died an immediate, painless death.

The two men stood next to that corpse.

“Zatoh-sama, it was truly disappointing.”

One man had said. He was a plain-looking man at the prime of his life.

“Indeed. He was different than what I heard, what was that supposed to be?”

The other man – Zatoh – had answered. His long, transparent hair fluttered in the sea breeze.

“Well, it doesn’t matter. Just do it, Lascall-san.”

Zatoh said. The aged man – Lascall Oth.e.l.lo – gracefully bowed.

“As you wish. Please wait a little.”

Lascall kneeled on the sand and brought out a strange dagger from his breast pocket. Its handle looked like a human hand and its blade was made of stone. The man held that strange dagger in a backhand grip in a completely non-practical way.

“What is that?”

“This is the Pa.s.sed Stone Blade Yor. It is the eighth Memorial Weapon which was not supposed to exist.”

As he was saying this, Lascall Oth.e.l.lo thrust the blade into the ground. The sand around it took the form of a Book on the dagger’s tip.

“Oh… that’s incredible.”

Zatoh exclaimed.

“Is that his Book?”

Zatoh pointed at the boy’s corpse left aside.

“That is indeed true. Here you go.”

Lascall prompted him. Zatoh reached for the Book that was inside the sand. When Lascall saw that his hands were bare, he raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Ah, do you intend to read it?”

“Yeah.”

“How unusual. But why?”

Zatoh smiled.

“I’m interested in this Monster guy.”

His fingers touched the Book and the boy’s memories flowed inside him.

 

He was inside a stone room. The size of that room was about ten square meters. There was a small oil lamp on the ceiling, which was the only thing illuminating the room. It was very dim. The room had only one door. That hard cold steel door separated the room from the outside.

He sat directly on the stone floor, hugging his knees like a baby inside his mother’s womb.

There were no chairs or even bed sheets. The only things warming his body were clothes that looked like rags. These shabby cotton clothes were damp with filth and sweat, and thus made his whole body dirty.

He appeared to be around fifteen years old. He had black hair and eyes. He was somewhat short and dirt clung to his skinny body. When he would scratch his skin with his overgrown nails, layers of grime and dirt would come peeling off. He emitted a smell that would make one want to turn their face away, but he didn’t think anything of that. It was natural for him.

Including him, there were fifteen men inside the room. Their ages were diverse – there were some that looked to be in their teens like him, and others that looked like they were also past sixteen. Everyone was dressed in rags just like him.

He was a Meat.

He was a clothed livestock kept by the Indulging G.o.d Cult. They were simply lumps of meat, without any memories or wills, waiting to be used in experiments or be turned into bombs.

As for his name – he didn’t care for such a thing.

Why would a being without any memories, will, or a reason for living have a name?

 

He explored the gloomy floor by hands. Everything his hands touched he would pick up and put in his mouth. They were bread crumbs. He spit them out after a bite. They were moldy.

Once again he looked for bread crumbs on the floor. However, all he could find were crumbs that were spat out by someone. Occasionally the crumbs he picked up were too small or all moldy.

Many of the other men also looked for bread crumbs on the floor just like him. The gross sounds of chewing and spitting resounded in the dark room. From time to time, there were also the sounds of excretions of bodily waste from the corner of the room.

The door suddenly opened. A man holding a bucket stood on the other side. He seemed to be a man in his forties smoking a cigarette. He was the one in charge of taking care of the Meats.

“Meats. It’s washing time.”

After the caretaker said this, the Meats all stood up and pressed on the walls. The caretaker started scattering water from the bucket, washing away the moldy bread crumbs. Then, he sprinkled some more bread crumbs on the floor. The Meats jumped on them. Raising a cry like hungry stray dogs, they picked up the fresh bread crumbs, striving to be the first ones to eat them.

The boy’s hand touched a large bread piece. A man near him stretched his hand in order to take it from him. He shook off the Meat’s hand. Here and there, people were scrambling for the pieces of bread in a similar way.

The caretaker stared at them doing this, annoyed.

“Disgusting. How longer will I have to do this job?”

He mumbled.

Then, a bread piece rolled at his feet. The boy reached for it. However, he was pushed aside by another Meat, rolled on the floor and hit the caretaker’s feet.

“Don’t you touch me!”

The caretaker kicked the Meat. He rolled on the floor without raising any cry. No one would even look at him.

“d.a.m.n it, I hate it. Hey you, come here!”

The caretaker said and grabbed the boy’s collar, raising him up.

“Go and reflect in the punishment cell.”

He was dragged out of the room by his collar.

 

The place called the punishment cell wasn’t any different from the room he was in before. It was simply colder and no bread crumbs were thrown around. He was put inside for a day or two. During that time, he had to withstand the cold and hunger.

Another boy around the same age had been inside the room. He sat down on the opposite corner of that boy.

He was thrown inside this punishment cell for some trivial reason – no, for no reason at all, but he couldn’t get angry. He just wasn’t like that. He understood he was meaningless. He was worthless. Because he was worthless, if he were to be put inside the punishment cell or even killed, he would just accept it.

He wouldn’t be allowed to refuse. He couldn’t even think about refusing. Someone without any value couldn’t be allowed anything.

In order to bear the cold, he shrank his body and rubbed his toes together. Then, a voice called to him from the other corner.

“If you’re cold there, come here.”

He didn’t understand he was being talked to. He also didn’t understand that the boy at the other corner was talking to him. Meats never conversed with one another.

He stopped thinking about this impossible situation.

“…Well, if you don’t want to I don’t really mind.”

When he didn’t answer anything, the person on the other side spoke with displeasure. Meats never sounded displeased. That boy was also different in that sense.

He stared at the boy. He recalled fear.

He was supposed to be the same as him, but he was different. It was similar to when a sheep noticed a goat slipped into its herd. He was silent for a while. The other boy was also silent.

After about an hour, the other boy opened his mouth.

“Who are you?”

The boy asked. He replied to him without reflexively.

“What are you?”

It was a long time since he used his voice. He had forgotten how to do it.

“You don’t need me to tell you. I’m a Meat just like you.”

The boy answered while scratching his nose.

“I’m Relia Bookwatt. And you?”

He couldn’t understand the question directed to him.

“Answer me. Even you should have some name, right?”

He remembered. Right, he has a name. He didn’t think about it in a long time.

He then identified himself.

“…I’m Enlike. Enlike Bishile.”

It felt terribly strange giving his name. It felt as if he admitted himself being a human and not anything else.

Thus, he found some meaning for the first time. He was an individual. Enlike Bishile’s story slowly began at this time.

 

Enlike looked at Relia who sat in front of him. He was a strange Meat who asked for his name for the first time. He was staring at him while feeling confusion and fear.

“What did you do?”

Relia asked him.

“Nothing.”

Enlike replied.

“You haven’t done anything but they still put you here… how horrible.”

Relia frowned.

“What did you do?”

“Me?”

“Yeah.”

Enlike nodded. Enlike was a bit surprised at having made a conversation. It was the first time he found out he could do such a thing.

“Someone in the same cell as me got a fever. I told the caretaker to get some medicine. That’s all.”

“…Medicine?”

Enlike’s face slightly distorted.

“Such a thing is not allowed.”

“Seems to be the case.”

Relia bent his cheek while saying so. Enlike noticed it was swollen. He was probably hit by the caretaker.

“You’re bad. Don’t do such things.”

Enlike said.

“I didn’t do anything wrong. I just said it.”

Relia answered while shrugging. However, Enlike didn’t stop.

“Talking is wrong. Thinking is wrong. Meats can’t think about things like that.”

“…What’s that supposed to mean?”

Relia seemed a bit gloomy. Enlike still kept talking.

“I was taught this long ago. We’re Meats. We look like humans but are different. We’re beings who simply live and die without having any value.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Those who are worthless also have no rights. We don’t have the right to say or think anything.

We’re not allowed to want medicine.”

“Is that how you really think?”

Relia said as he shook his head to the side as if saying he couldn’t agree.

“Even if we were told to not think, thinking is just thinking. It can’t be helped.”

“It can be helped!”

Enlike shouted as if to refute Relia. Even he couldn’t understand why he shouted.

“Why are you angry?”

Relia stared at the angry Enlike.

“…Don’t do such things.”

“…I’m asking why you’re angry.”

Enlike glared back. For a while, they simply stared at each other.

“Hey, Enlike. Why are you angry?”

“It’s unforgivable. Meats are not allowed to think about such things. Because we’re worthless.”

Relia glared at Enlike with hostility. The atmosphere between the two already became one of enemies.

“We’re not allowed to think about anything. We have no value.”

“That’s wrong.”

Relia spoke resolutely.

“I’m… I’m not worthless.”

“What?”

Enlike didn’t understand what he said for a moment. He only managed to utter this. While glaring at Enlike, Relia repeated himself.

“I’m not worthless. Even if I’m a Meat, I’m not worthless.”

“…You’re strange.”

Before he noticed, Enlike’s fear turned into anger. He thought from the depths of his heart that he couldn’t forgive this boy.

“We don’t have anything. Here, we only eat bread crumbs, s.h.i.t, and someday die.

We get used in experiments or become bombs and die. That’s all. Do we have any value? Or do you still think that it can’t be helped?”

Enlike spat.

“I don’t. This is obvious.”

“If you understand, then give up! We’re all worthless!”

Enlike kept shouting without understanding what made him angry.

“No. Even if we’re Meats, guinea pigs or bombs, it’s still the same.

I’m not worthless.”

“…So why, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d?!”

Enlike rose up and started running. He almost stumbled as his weak legs made this sudden movement.

He pushed the sitting Relia and grabbed his throat. With his frail thumbs he started crushing it.

“What… are you…”

Relia resisted. He scratched Enlike’s face and poked his eyes. Enlike raised a cry of pain and shook off Relia’s hand.

“You little…”

Relia kicked him and he tumbled to the floor.

“What are you doing?”

Enlike stared at Relia while breathing roughly. There was no anger on his face.

“It’s unforgivable. Why are you the only one to say such things? Why are you the only one to have value?”

His expression was that of jealousy. He envied and hated this man who declared he had some worth.

“Why are you the only one…”

Enlike’s voice stopped.

“Enlike, I’m…”

Just as Relia was about to say something, a voice called to them. The heavy iron door opened and a man lazily walked in.

“Huh? What’re you two doing?”

It was the caretaker. Enlike and Relia looked at him while breathing heavily.

“What are you doing, you Meat? Stand up, your punishment is over.”

The caretaker said in a casual manner and grabbed Relia’s hand. Enlike was also about to stand up. He wanted to shout that the conversation wasn’t over yet.

“Enlike, I’m…”

Relia tried saying something.

“Why’re you talking?!”

The caretaker struck Relia with his fist. Relia cowered so the caretaker once again forcibly raised him.

“…Oh, right, you blabbered something about a medicine.”

The caretaker suddenly said while dragging Relia. He sneered at him.

“Stupid. That brat was fine.”

“…Huh?”

For a split second, the wounded Relia’s face appeared to be beaming.

“Fine?”

“It was the sort of illness that didn’t need any medicine in the first place. You’re such a stupid Meat.”

The caretaker laughed at him.

“I see.”

Relia muttered in a low voice. At that moment, Enlike could see it. The expression on Relia’s swollen face had changed.

“So… they’re fine.”

Relia muttered. Enlike could see his facial expression changing. He slightly lifted his beaten, swollen cheeks. His mouth became curved and his eyes slightly thinner.

Enlike knew that expression, even though he hadn’t seen it in a long time nor remembered it.

It was a smile.

 FIRST PAST — SHIP’S BOTTOM – PART 2

March 7, 2016Tgurneu

 

The door was closed and Enlike was left by himself.

The expression Relia had when he left was carved into Enlike’s heart.

He could remember it as if he was just in front of him right now.

Why did that guy smile? Enlike thought.

Why can he smile? He thought.

He could only think of his life up till now and from now on as painful. Enlike could withstand it only because he had given up on everything.

However, Relia had smiled. He was supposed to be the same as Enlike, yet he smiled.

Enlike recalled the existence of the thing called a smile. He remembered there was this thing called a smile in this world, and wondered if he could smile as well.

It was more painful than anything. Sometimes, hope was more painful to a man’s heart than despair.

Enlike started sobbing.

“Why can he smile?”

He kept crying and soon fell asleep. He kept sleeping like this without noticing his hunger.

 

The day for him to come out of the punishment cell had arrived. The caretaker took Enlike back to his previous room.

Enlike stuffed himself with a few bread crumbs, went to the corner of the room and sat down. He turned his face towards the wall so the other Meats couldn’t see him.

There was one thing he wanted to try out. He simply had to try it.

Enlike put strength into his lips. He strongly pulled his lips and made a trembling small change in their shape. He raised the edges of both of his lips. His eyes twitched as he narrowed them. His eyebrows frowned as if he was withstanding terrible pain, and his lips raised the meat on his cheeks.

That expression didn’t look like a smile at all. There was no sense of unity to speak of; all parts of his face were terribly mismatched. It was just a weird face somehow resembling a smile. It was nothing more but an awkward imitation.

“…Dammit.”

Muttering this, Enlike released the tension in his face. He didn’t have a mirror, but he could still tell – this couldn’t be called a smile. It was only a distorted face.

I’ll try again, he thought.

One again Enlike twisted his face like before. This time he thought he would try making a voice. Maybe if he laughed he would also be able to smile freely.

“…Haahaa…”

However, the voice leaking from his mouth was like the call of some bird. It was far away from being laughter, so naturally his face also didn’t make a smile and simply looked weird.

“…Dammit.”

Once again Enlike cursed himself. It didn’t go well.

“Wha, what are you doing?”

A Meat called to him. His expression didn’t have any shred of intelligence. It seemed he was mentally broken to the extent he could barely speak words.

“…I’m trying to smile.”

Enlike answered while still facing the wall.

“S…smile? Haha, aaaah. What’s that?”

“I don’t know.”

Enlike didn’t even face the Meat that was questioning him. He could no longer understand his words.

“Heeheehee, hehehehea, haahaahaa.”

The Meat wobbled around the room while raising a voice that sounded like a cross between wailing and laughing.

“Why?”

Enlike murmured.

“…Why can he smile?”

After thinking this, he held and head and began sobbing again.

 

Some time had pa.s.sed. Trying to smile became Enlike’s daily routine. Every day he would distort his face and then give up. While doing it his face wore a melancholic expression, completely contrary to his goal.

One day, the door to Enlike’s room opened and several caretakers came inside. It was different than usual. That day they didn’t bring a basket full of bread crumbs, but instead looked around the Meats as if searching for something.

“Pick a good Meat. Cigal-sama and Ganbanzel-sama are coming to visit today.”

One caretaker said.

“Yes, I know. Which one should I choose?”

He briefly looked around the room and,

“Let’s try this one.”

Grabbed Enlike’s hand.

“This one’s a strange Meat. Sometimes he makes a weird face. Like this.”

Saying this, one of the caretakers imitated Enlike’s face to show to the other men. They all laughed. It was unpleasant, but Enlike couldn’t do anything.

The caretakers took him out from the room and into a large room at the top of the deck. It was his first time getting out of the ship’s bottom. The sunlight and blue sea dazzled Enlike’s eyes.

The room he was taken to wasn’t a room for Meats, but for their caretakers. Unlike the Meats’ room below, this one was clean and pleasant.

Its size was about five times the Meats’ room. In the middle was a large cage of about the same width as the Meats’ room.

Enlike was told to go inside the cage. In addition to him there was another man inside. The man who wore awfully baggy clothes had his entire head covered by a helmet. He seemed to be a man from the size of his body. A smiling face had been carved on the white helmet that he wore.

There were several men outside the cages – the caretakers who brought Enlike here, some men who wore white coats, and at the far back of the room, a man with long hair and an old man were sitting on a couch.

Looking at these last two, one could tell at a glance they were the most important people inside that room.

“Hmph. It seems you also had an amusing idea, but I have no interest in it.

I think there’s another way to defeat Hamyuts Meseta.”

The long-haired man sitting on the sofa said.

“Hmm, Cigal. I’m tired of your bluffs. You keep saying you have a way to defeat her but you won’t do anything.”

The old man replied to him.

“Hahaha, that is because the time isn’t ripe yet. Besides, I have far more obstacles in my way besides just Hamyuts.”

“Hehehe, you always nag on and on about money, money, money, money. I can’t understand you at all.”

“I can’t understand you either. Why would we, True Men who are second only to G.o.d, try to create something that exceeds us?”

“I don’t remember telling this to you.”

“Well, it doesn’t really matter. True Men are usually isolated from one another. People like us who get along are the exception.”

“Haha, that’s true.”

Enlike couldn’t understand what they were talking about at all.

“The specimen is male. His age is around sixteen. He has no history, no training in Magic, and…”

“In light of our previous failure, we’ll inject him with 110% of the lethal dose.”

“Won’t he just immediately die like before?”

The men wearing white coats talked amongst themselves.

“By the way, Ganbanzel… What is this experiment?”

“Haven’t you been listening? I told you this was an experiment to test drugs that forcibly insert Magic Rights into people’s brains.”

“I know that, but didn’t it fail just now?”

“Trial and error is important. You can’t succeed by just trying once or twice.”

“I think it’s a waste though.”

It seemed that the old man was Ganbanzel and the long-haired man was Cigal.

For the time being, Enlike could only understand from their conversation that this was an experiment and that he was the guinea pig.

The people around him talked about various things. He could hear them all, but they felt far away for some reason.

Enlike thought that he was going to die.

This was human experimentation. Meats exist for such things. Human bombs, human experimentation… The Meats were only kept alive for those kinds of things.

He didn’t think it was scary.

He only thought about one thing…

If they’ll allow me… I want to try smiling just once, Enlike thought to himself.

He tried distorting his face. As always, he raised the meat of his cheeks and lowered the corners of his eyes. But as always, he didn’t manage to smile.

Even at the very end, he couldn’t smile.

As he thought of this, he became very sad. Tears started leaking from Enlike’s eyes.

“…What’s he doing?”

Muttered a man wearing a white mask.

“What is it, Boramot?”

“I don’t know. He made a strange face and then suddenly started crying.”

“Hmm…”

The old man on the couch looked at Enlike with great interest.

Let’s try it again. Enlike wiped the tears with his sleeve and tried smiling again. But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t do it no matter what.

Why couldn’t he? Even though he made such an effort… Even though he had been desperately trying to…

“…”

Thinking about it, there was a simple answer; he had nothing that would make him smile. But, even if he understood it was useless, he still wanted to smile.

“Quite the strange Meat.”

Someone muttered outside the cage.

The men wearing white coats stopped what they were doing and looked at Enlike. Confusion and hesitation started spreading around them.

“Hmm.”

This voice once again leaked from the man known as Ganbanzel.

“Hey, Boramot. Bring that youngster over here.”

“Bring him over? What about the drug experiment?”

The masked man asked in a surprised voice.

“It can be done later. I said to bring him over, so do it.”

“Excuse me.”

The masked man – apparently called Boramot – grabbed the hand of Enlike, who was still crying. And he instructed him to open the cage’s door.

When the door was opened, all of a sudden a caretaker rushed towards Enlike.

“What are you doing?!”

And he hit Enlike. He then shouted at him as he collapsed.

“Why does a Meat cry! What… what about my pa.s.sage into Heaven! I won’t be able to ascend to Heaven like this!”

The caretaker shook Enlike’s body. Ganbanzel looked bored as he watched this.

“Hey, Boramot. Take care of that killjoy.”

Ganbanzel pointed at the caretaker with his finger.

“Yes, sir.”

Boramot answered.

At that moment, Boramot’s clothes suddenly began extending as far as a bed sheet. The clothes entangled around the caretaker and wrapped him as if they were living beings.

“Shall I kill him?”

“You didn’t even need to ask, fool.”

Boramot nodded.

There was the sound of squishing. The cloth wrapped around the man distorted. The caretaker’s body must have been inside. In the blink of an eye, the cloth was dyed red.

The extending cloth shrank and returned to its original size. The caretaker’s body, now looking like a squeezed rag, was lying on the floor.

“What should we do with this man?”

“Throw away everything, including his soul. We can’t have someone like that ascend to Heaven.”

“Understood. You heard him.”

Boramot pointed to the corpse in front of the men in white coats. While still confused, they took the corpse away.

Enlike had been brought by Boramot to stand before Ganbanzel.

Ganbanzel took a long look at Enlike’s body.

“Hey, what have you been doing since a while now? Don’t bring a smelly Meat in front of me.”

The man called Cigal – the long-haired one – said so.

“Shut up and listen. Isn’t he an amusing Meat?”

“Haah, I won’t play along.”

Cigal shrugged and rose up. He pushed Enlike aside and strolled towards the exit.

“How convenient, you have a spot now. Youngster, come sit here.”

Ganbanzel patted the place next to him on the couch. Enlike became puzzled. He never heard such kind words before.

“Do as he says.”

Boramot pushed Enlike from behind. He sat next to Ganbanzel.

“So, Boramot. Have you ever seen a Meat who cries before dying?”

“I did not.”

Boramot answered.

“Me neither. How interesting. Interesting, interesting. I must possess such interesting things.”

“Indeed.”

The old man spoke while looking at Enlike’s eyes.

“Why are you crying?”

“…I wanted to smile. But I can’t smile. Not even once.”

Enlike answered.

“To think there’s a Meat who says such things… the world is truly filled with things that can’t be understood.”

Ganbanzel muttered while stroking his chin.

“But isn’t it simple? You can smile if you enjoy something.”

“I’m a Meat. I don’t have such a thing.”

“Hmm. Reasonable.”

For a while, Ganbanzel thought of something while staring at Enlike’s face.

“What is your name?”

“Enlike.”

“So, Enlike. I will ask you a question. What do you think the most enjoyable thing in the world is?”

Enlike shook his head.

“I don’t know.”

“There are plenty of enjoyable things. Eating delicious food, drinking good alcohol, smoking or sleeping with women… But, Enlike… All of those enjoyable things boil down to the joy of living. Do you understand, Enlike?”

“I don’t really understand, but I think I know what you mean.”

“So, Enlike – how does one savor the joys of living?”

“I don’t know.”

Enlike answered. Ganbanzel spoke softly to him, as if he was his patient teacher.

“By killing. You keep living and your opponent dies. Is there any other real feeling other than that?”

“I don’t really understand. Is killing enjoyable?”

“Yes, it’s enjoyable. Truly enjoyable. There is nothing more pleasing in this world other than getting stronger, defeating enemies and killing them.”

Ganbanzel presented his own hands.

“Enlike, look at my hands. See how frail they are. Right now I can’t even kill a child.”

Ganbanzel kept speaking.

“For a long time, I was an ordinary citizen. I simply lived my life as a good man. Thinking back on it, that sort of life was unbearable. I stifled my desires and lied to myself – what kind of life is that? Life is taking what you want. After meeting the Indulging G.o.d Cult, I finally noticed that.

However, when I found out the truth of this world, I was already old. I couldn’t kill anybody with my hands, much less dream about becoming the strongest existence.

However, I had a wish. I wanted someone to make that wish come true in my stead.

I wanted to give birth to a monster by my own hands.”

“A monster…”

“Right now, only the one known as Hamyuts Meseta can call herself the world’s strongest. She is the strongest amongst the present day Armed Librarians, our longtime rivals. After killing her, the next strongest could reign at the top. I am looking for someone who can show me that. Enlike. Do you understand why I’m telling this to you?”

“…Will I become a monster?”

Enlike murmured. Ganbanzel nodded with satisfaction.

“It is good you understood it quickly, Enlike.”

“If I become a monster, will I be able to smile?”

“Of course, Enlike. No expression will be enough to display the amount of enjoyment you will feel.”

Enlike stared at Ganbanzel.

“I want to smile. I’ll do anything for that.”

Ganbanzel caressed Enlike’s cheek and smiled sweetly.

“Boramot, I have decided. Bring him to my island. He will become a good monster.”
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