When Carlton Brock returned to his suite following a delicious second breakfast - mushroom omelettes ruled! - he found Odongo waiting for him inside."Nelson!" he exclaimed. "What - how did you - oh, I see. I didn"t lock the door."
"I"m sorry," said Nelson Odongo, and he looked like he meant it. He really looked full of sorrow, and Brock had the disagreeable premonition it was one of those Carlton, help me situations. He said:
"What"s up, Nelson? Why did you want to see me? Let me guess. You need my support this afternoon."
"Of course I need it," Odongo said sadly. "Who doesn"t? But this isn"t what I wanted to talk to you about."
"What is it, then?"
"I want to resign," said Nelson Odongo.
"What?"
"I am forced to resign as world parliament member for the Uganda territory."
"You want to resign from the parliament? Are you crazy?"
"I don"t think so," said Odongo.
"Listen," said Brock. "I know what this is all about. It"s about the money. You"re getting a s.h.i.t salary and no cut from New World profits."
"Money does play a part," said Odongo. "But you"re forgetting I am also, by default, governor of Uganda"s territory. So I am getting a cut of the New World profits. However, I cannot continue representing Uganda here in New York and simultaneously govern its territories in both worlds. It"s just too much."
"Other guys are in the same situation, and they"re doing fine."
"I have serious doubts whether they"re really doing fine," said Odongo. "Time will tell. Anyway, the parliament members that think they"re doing fine don"t have the complicated political situation I have, back home."
"What do you mean?"
"Carlton, please. I"m not a president or a prime minister. I"ve never been a member of Uganda"s government. They asked me more than once to be a minister of something or other, and I refused. They don"t like me for that over there."
"Why did you turn them down? Money not too good?"
"Oh, the money would have been excellent if I stole and robbed whatever I could along with everyone else in the government," said Odongo. "Becoming a government minister in Africa is a shortcut to becoming a millionaire. Or a multimillionaire, if one is already a millionaire."
"Perhaps even a billionaire?"
"It"s been known to happen."
"You don"t like to rob and steal?"
"I don"t," said Odongo. "And I don"t like giving bribes, either. It"s a major handicap for an African politician, possibly any politician. It was a major bonus when I was working with the aid agencies, though. That"s how I advanced in my career: through international politics instead of local, national politics."
"I see," said Brock. "You have no support base over there."
"No."
"Can"t you delegate duties to someone who has?"
"No. There isn"t anyone I can trust with that. But you know something, Carlton?"
"What?"
"I"d prefer to stay here. I don"t want to go back to Uganda."
"Then you have no choice. You"ll have to appoint a deputy who will take care of things over there."
"I would prefer to resign my governorship. But as you"ve pointed out, the money one gets for being a member of the world parliament isn"t too good. And a national territory governor gets 1% per cent of the New World profits. That"s excellent money. Carlton, this afternoon I want to propose a change. Governors would get half a percentage point, and members of the world parliament half a percentage point also. If someone continues in both functions, they get a full point, just like now."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Brock. "Hold your horses for a minute. Let me think. How about a drink?"
"A gla.s.s of water would be very nice," said Odongo.
"Water," murmured Brock, slightly horrified. He walked up to his mini bar and fixed himself a bourbon. He couldn"t find a single bottle of mineral water! He said:
"Nelson, I seem to have run out of bottled water. You don"t want to drink that s.h.i.t from the tap, do you?"
"Can I have a c.o.ke? Or Sprite or whatever?"
"Whatever tickles your fancy," Brock said heavily. He got a can of c.o.ke and after a short hesitation, put some of his precious ice in Odongo"s gla.s.s.
All the while he was thinking, thinking, thinking. So that was what it was all about - another Carlton, help me story! Odongo wanted half a point for being a member of the world parliament - that"s what it all boiled down to. He said:
"I"m afraid I can"t help you, Nelson. More: I"m going to fight your proposal tooth and claw. Splitting member of parliament and governor duties is a very bad move. Don"t you see that?"
"I want to stay in New York."
"Look, I can understand that. I really do. New York is a h.e.l.l of a better place than, than Nairobi."
"Kampala," said Odongo. "The Ugandan capital is Kampala."
"Exactly. Don"t want to hurt your feelings, but that sounds even worse than Nairobi. My heart f.u.c.king bleeds for you, I kid you not. But there"s no way I"ll support splitting parliament and governor duties. Do you understand? It"s suicide. It makes the whole world parliament irrelevant."
"A return to the roots," said Odongo. "As powerless as the former occupants of this building."
"Nelson, you aren"t making any sense."
"I"m sorry. So you"re saying I have no choice?"
"Of course you have a choice. You have many choices. You can quit everything and start a chicken farm or something. You can go hang yourself in the bathroom right after this conversation - nice tie, by the way. You can -"
"I get the picture," said Odongo.
"Good."
"All or nothing."
"Exactly."
"So I don"t have a choice, after all," said Odongo. Brock hissed with exasperation.
"What"s so f.u.c.king bad about appointing a deputy governor?" he asked. "I would have done it for sure if it weren"t for the fact that I live here. Lots of guys are doing just that, lots! Why, that Canadian broad, whatshername, Lepine, she"s appointed TWO deputies. And she"s just across the border."
"I don"t have anyone I can trust."
"You said that already. It"s bulls.h.i.t. You have total power over your deputy. You can fire his a.s.s the moment he speaks out of turn, you understand? You don"t need to trust him. You don"t need to trust him because you got an iron hand on his b.a.l.l.s, twisting hard just so he remembers who is the boss. And when you get bored with that, you fire him and get a new pair of b.a.l.l.s to twist. What"s so f.u.c.king difficult about that?"
"I don"t know if I"m up to all this twisting," said Odongo.
"b.a.l.l.s. I mean, bulls.h.i.t. You know what you do? You appoint someone you hate, your worst enemy as deputy governor. Then you"ll enjoy the twisting, Nelson. You"ll go in singing let"s twist again, like we did last summer. And you"ll completely neutralize him as an enemy at the same time. More, he will be grateful to you because you"re making him rich."
"You make it sound so easy," Odongo said suspiciously.
"It is easy. What"s not easy is making up your mind to do it. That"s always the worst part. But you don"t really have a choice, right? Unless you want to raise chickens, or ruin that beautiful tie."
"Appointing my worst enemy as my deputy," Odongo said. "That"s brilliant, Carlton. I"d have never come up with this solution."
Pouting with pride, Brock said:
"Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer. It pays to remember that, Nelson. It"s good to remember it at all times."
"Thank you."
"Now listen," said Brock, "Do you think we"ll run into any trouble this afternoon? I mean, are we going to have a bunch of people making moronic proposals?"
"Like mine?"
"If you want to put it that way," said Brock, and smiled disarmingly.
"I think I can tell you several members will propose moving the deadline. By a month, by six months, maybe even by a year."
"That"s absolutely impossible."
"Carlton, the first of March is three days away."
"I know."
"Nothing has been organized properly. Jean Caron told me that so far, less than five percent of all governors have been appointed! Over ninety five percent of all governor posts remain vacant."
"The national governors have all been appointed, and that"s all that matters," said Brock. "And I can tell you I have already appointed all of the governors that come under me. I don"t see why others can"t do it, too. It"s easy, just pick a local politician or businessman or activist or even a f.u.c.king criminal, whoever you think will get the job done. You can always fire them anytime, anyway. Jesus! What"s the matter with all you people? Everyone seems to have difficulty grasping basic concepts."
"Carlton, you"ve appointed fifty one state territory governors. That"s likely less than one thousandth of the total you need."
"Not my problem," Brock said firmly. "It"s the problem of the guys I"ve appointed. That"s why I appointed them, in the first place. For f.u.c.k"s sake, Nelson, stop it. You"re reducing me to tears. Tears of despair."
"But Carlton, on the first of March no one will have enough money. The local governments won"t have enough for the monthly minimum income payouts. They are supposed to start on the first along with everything else! And what about the whole retail chain? It cannot function without money."
"People can write scrips and IOUs and promissory notes," Brock said. "People will learn how to function without money when it isn"t there. They will write notes or checks or however the f.u.c.k you want to call it, they will barter, they will offer services in exchange for goods. People are good at adapting when they have no other choice. You know, Nelson, I once talked to a guy doing life in jail. He said it was the best time of his life. He did a couple of degrees in something and was about to start on a third. Shows what people can do under difficult circ.u.mstances."
"Most people wouldn"t have been capable of that."
"Then maybe they are meant to die," snapped Brock. "Life is a privilege, not a right."
Odongo was silent for a moment. Eventually he said:
"I"ve seen too many refugee camps to disagree with that, Carlton."
"Great," said Brock. "So are we all set? Doubts dispelled, and ready to deal with stupid s.h.i.t all afternoon?"
"I think so," said Odongo. "Thank you, Carlton. I really needed this talk."
"You"re welcome."
Brock refreshed his drink the moment Odongo was gone. He sipped it, thinking: what was the matter with all those people? Why were they all so scared?
But of course he knew why everyone was so scared. People were always scared of change. And yet they craved change at the same time, wanted change to happen. But they wanted change without any change to their security. They wanted change with things staying the same, or better. So they carefully organized and engineered every change they had to make, f.u.c.ked around with it until it made no real difference.
True change couldn"t be organized. True change was chaotic by definition, and chaos was good. Chaos was good because it forced people to rea.s.sess their priorities. And no real change was possible in the first place without people rea.s.sessing their priorities.
Brock loved chaos. He was much better at reorienting himself than most people. He truly shone in chaotic circ.u.mstances. And he believed chaos was both beneficial and necessary to progress, to achieving something good. It was a little like wine-making: crushing wonderful ripe fruit and letting it all go bad and rot and ferment, and the end product? Wine, delicious wine, one of the most important discoveries ever made!
But bourbon wasn"t bad either, thought Brock. In fact, often it took bourbon to hit the spot.
He had a feeling he"d need a couple after lunch, before the two o"clock meeting. Maybe even three.
He could hear those losers going on already. We don"t know what to do! We"re moving too fast with this! Whatever we do, there will be trouble! Carlton, help me!
"a.s.sholes," he said to the empty room.
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