=PHILOSOPHER= One who instead of crying over spilt milk consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.
=PHILOSOPHY= Something that enables the rich to say there is no disgrace in being poor.
=PIANO= A tool frequently used in building a Rough House.
=PIN= The best dresser in a woman"s acquaintance--of remarkable penetration and true as steel, seldom loses its head, follows its own bent and carries its point in whatever it undertakes.
=PING-PONG= A game invented for the benefit of furniture and crockery dealers.
=PITY= An emotion awakened in a man"s mind when he beholds the children of a woman who might have married him instead.
=PLATONIC LOVE= An arrangement in which a man and woman attempt a correct imitation of a pair of icicles--and never succeed.
=PLENTY= A desirable condition that is likely to step out whenever Extravagance steps in.
=PLUM= A fruit that ripens and falls from the Political Tree--but only after careful grafting.
=PLUMB= To ascertain the capacity of.
=PLUMBER= One who ascertains the capacity of your purse, soaks you with a piece of lead and gets away with the money--a process vulgarly known as "a lead-pipe cinch."
=POLE-CAT= A small animal to be killed with a pole, the longer the pole the better.
=POLICEMAN=
[Ill.u.s.tration]
A never present help in time of trouble.
=POLYGAMY= A thoughtless way of increasing the family expenses.
=POLYGLOT= A parrot that can swear in several languages.
=POSTSCRIPT= The only thing readable in a woman"s letter.
=PRETZEL= The bar-keeper"s promoter.
=PROTECTION= Originally, the swaddling clothes of the infant, Industry; now, merely the shoe-lacings for the giant, Monopoly.
=PRO= and =CON= Prefixes of opposite meaning. For example, Progress and Congress.
=PRUDE= A native of Boston.
=PRUDENCE= A quality of mind that restrains the wise boarder from trying to find out how his landlady makes her hash.
=PRUDERY= A quality that displays a lack of modesty as a wig does a loss of hair.
=PRUNE= A plum that has seen better days: the boarding-house veteran and the landlady"s pet; badly wrinkled, yet well preserved.
=PUGILIST= A close-fisted party who is often roped in but never gives up till he"s out.