Mrs. Ashburn looked up severely as he came in. "You are late again, Mark," she said; "while you are under this roof" (Mrs. Ashburn was fond of referring to the roof) "your father and I expect you to conform to the rules of the house."

"Well, you see, mother," explained Mark, sitting down and unfolding his napkin, "it was a fine afternoon, so I thought I would walk home with a friend."

"There is a time for walking home with a friend, and a time for dinner," observed his mother, with the air of quoting something Scriptural.

"And I"ve mixed them, mother? So I have; I"m sorry, and I won"t do it again. There, will that do?"

"Make haste and eat your soup, Mark, and don"t keep us all waiting for you."

Mrs. Ashburn had never quite realised that her family had grown up.

She still talked to Mark as she had done when he was a careless schoolboy at St. Peter"s; she still tried to enforce little moral lessons and even petty restrictions upon her family generally; and though she had been long reduced to blank cartridges, it worried them.

The ideal family circle, on re-a.s.sembling at the close of the day, celebrate their reunion with an increasing flow of lively conversation; those who have been out into the great world describe their personal experiences, and the scenes, tragic or humorous, which they have severally witnessed during the day; and when these are exhausted, the female members take up the tale and relate the humbler incidents of domestic life, and so the hours pa.s.s till bedtime.

Such circles are in all sincerity to be congratulated; but it is to be feared that in the majority of cases the conversation of a family whose members meet every day is apt, among themselves, to become frightfully monosyllabic. It was certainly so with the Ashburns. Mark and Trixie sometimes felt the silences too oppressive to be borne, and made desperate attempts at establishing a general discussion on something or anything; but it was difficult to select a topic that could not be brought down by an axiom from Mrs. Ashburn, which disposed of the whole subject in very early infancy. Cuthbert generally came back from the office tired and somewhat sulky; Martha"s temper was not to be depended upon of an evening; and Mr. Ashburn himself rarely contributed more than a heavy sigh to the common stock of conversation.

Under these circ.u.mstances it will be readily believed that Mark"s "Evenings at Home" were by no means brilliant. He sometimes wondered himself why he had borne them so long; and if he had been able to procure comfortable lodgings at as cheap a rate as it cost him to live at home, he would probably have taken an early opportunity of bursting the bonds of the family dulness. But his salary was not large, his habits were expensive, and he stayed on.

The beginning of this particular evening did not promise any marked increase in the general liveliness. Mrs. Ashburn announced lugubriously to all whom it might concern that she had eaten no lunch; Martha mentioned that a Miss Hornblower had called that afternoon--which produced no sensation, though Cuthbert seemed for a moment inclined to ask who Miss Hornblower might happen to be, till he remembered in time that he really did not care, and saved himself the trouble. Then Trixie made a well-meant, but rather too obvious, effort to allure him to talk by an inquiry (which had become something of a formula) whether he had "seen any one" that day, to which Cuthbert replied that he had noticed one or two people hanging about the City; and Martha observed that she was glad to see he still kept up his jokes, moving him to confess sardonically that he knew he was a funny dog, but when he saw them all--and particularly Martha--rollicking round him, he could not help bubbling over with merriment himself.

Mrs. Ashburn caught the reply, and said severely: "I do _not_ think, Cuthbert, that either I or your father have ever set you the example of "rollicking," as you call it, at this table. Decent mirth and a cheerful tone of conversation we have always encouraged. I don"t know why you should receive a mother"s remarks with laughter. It is not respectful of you, Cuthbert, I must say!"

Mrs. Ashburn would probably have proceeded to further defend herself and family from the charge of rollicking, and to draw uncomplimentary parallels from the Proverbs between the laughter of certain persons and the crackling of thorns under a pot, when a timely diversion was effected by a sounding knock at the little front door. The maid put down the dish she was handing and vanished; after which there were sounds of a large body entering the pa.s.sage, and a loud voice exclaiming, "All in, hey? and at dinner, are they? Very well, my dear; tell "em I"m here. I know my way in."

"It"s Uncle Solomon!" went round the table. They refrained from any outward expression of joy, because they were naturally a quiet family.

"Well," said Mrs. Ashburn, who seemed to put her own construction on this reserve, "and I"m sure if there is any table at which my only brother Solomon should be a welcome guest, it"s _this_ table."

"Quite so, my dear; quite so," said Mr. Ashburn, hastily. "He was here last week; but we"re all glad to see him at any time, I"m sure."

"I hope so, indeed! Go in, Trixie, and help your uncle off with his coat," for there were snorting and puffing signs from the next room, as if their relative were in difficulties; but before Trixie could rise the voice was heard again, "That"s it, Ann, thanky--you"re called Ann, aren"t you? I thought so. Ah, how"s the baker, Ann--wasn"t it the baker I caught down the airy now? _wasn"t_ it, hey?"

And then a large red-faced person came in, with a puffy important mouth, a fringe of whiskers meeting under his chin, and what Trixie, in speaking privately of her relative"s personal appearance, described as "little piggy eyes," which had, however, a twinkle of a rather primitive kind of humour in them.

Solomon Lightowler was a brother of Mrs. Ashburn"s, a retired business man, who had ama.s.sed a considerable fortune in the hardware trade.

He was a widower and without children, and it was he who, fired with the ambition of placing a nephew in the Indian Civil Service as a rising monument to his uncle"s perception, had sent Mark to the crammer"s--for Mr. Ashburn"s position in the Inland Revenue Office would scarcely have warranted such an outlay.

Mark"s performances at his first examination, as has been said, had not been calculated to encourage his uncle"s hopes, but the latter had been slightly mollified by his nephew"s spirit in carrying off the Cambridge scholarship soon afterwards, and with the idea of having one more attempt to "see his money back," Mr. Lightowler had consented to keep him for the necessary time at the University. When that experiment also had ended in disaster, Uncle Solomon seemed at one time to have given him up in disgust, only reserving himself, as the sole value for his money, the liberty of reproach, and Mark was of opinion that he had already gone far towards recouping himself in this respect alone.

"Hah! phew--you"re very hot in here!" he remarked, as an agreeable opening--he felt himself rich enough to be able to remark on other people"s atmospheres; but Cuthbert expressed a _sotto voce_ wish that his uncle were exposed to an even higher temperature.

"We can"t all live in country houses, Solomon," said his sister, "and a small room soon gets warm to any one coming in from the cold air."

"Warm!" said Mr. Lightowler, with a snort; "I should think you must all of you be fired like a set of pots! I don"t care where I sit, so long as I"m well away from the fire. I"ll come by you, Trixie, eh--you"ll take care of your uncle, won"t you?"

Trixie was a handsome girl of about eighteen, with abundant auburn hair, which was never quite in good order, and pretty hands of which most girls would have been more careful; she had developed a limp taste for art of late, finding drawing outlines at an art school less irksome than a.s.sisting in the housekeeping at home. Uncle Solomon always alarmed her because she never knew what he would say next; but as it was a family rule to be civil to him, she made room for him with great apparent alacrity.

"And how are you all, boys and girls, eh?" asked Uncle Solomon, when he was comfortably seated; "Mark, you"ve got fuller in the waist of late; you don"t take "alf enough exercise. Cuthbert, lad, you"re looking very sallow under the eyes--smoking and late hours, _that"s_ the way with all the young men nowadays! Why don"t you talk to him, eh, Matthew? I should if he was a boy o" mine. Well, Martha, has any nice young man asked you to name a day yet?--he"s a long time coming forward, Martha, that nice young man; why, let me see, Jane, she must be getting on now for--she was born in the year fifty-four, was it?--four it was; it was in the war time, I remember, and you wanted her christened Alma, but I said an uncommon name is all very well if she grows up good-looking, but if she"s plain it only sounds ridiklous; so, very fortunately as things turn out, you had her christened Martha. There"s nothing to bite your lips over, my dear; no one blames you for it, we can"t be all born "andsome. It"s Trixie here who gets all the love-letters, isn"t it, Trixie?--ah, I _thought_ I should see a blush if I looked! Who is it now, Trixie, and where do we meet him, and when is the wedding? Come, tell your old uncle."

"Don"t put such nonsense into the child"s head, Solomon," said his sister, in a slightly scandalised tone.

"That would be coals to Newcastle with a vengeance," he chuckled; "but you mustn"t mind my going on--that"s my way; if people don"t like it I can"t help it, but I always speak right out."

"Which is the reason we love him," came in a stage aside from Cuthbert, who took advantage of a slight deafness in one of his uncle"s ears.

"Well, Mr. Schoolmaster," said the latter, working round to Mark again, "and how are _you_ gettin" on? If you"d worked harder at College and done me credit, you"d "a" been a feller of your college, or a judge in an Indian court, by this time, instead of birching naughty little boys."

"It"s a detail," said Mark; "but I don"t interfere in that department."

"Well, you _are_ young to be trusted with a birch. I"m glad they look at things that way. If _you"re_ satisfied with yourself, I suppose I ought to be, though I did look forward once to seeing a nephew of mine famous. You"ve "_ad_ all your fame at Cambridge, with your papers, and your poems, and your College skits--a nice snug little fame all to yourself."

Martha t.i.ttered acidly at this light badinage, but it brought a pained look into Trixie"s large brown eyes, who thought it was a shame that poor Mark should never be allowed to hear the last of his Cambridge _fiasco_.

Even Mrs. Ashburn seemed anxious to shield Mark. "Ah, Solomon," she said, "Mark sees his folly now; he knows how wrong he was to spend his time in idle scribbling to amuse thoughtless young men, when he ought to have studied hard and shown his grat.i.tude to you for all you have done for him."

"Well, I"ve been a good friend to him, Jane, and I could have been a better if he"d proved deserving. I"m not one to grudge any expense.

And if I thought, even now, that he"d really given up his scribbling----"

Mark thought it prudent to equivocate: "Even if I wished to write, uncle," he said, "what with my school-work, and what with reading for the Bar, I should not have much time for it; but mother is right, I _do_ see my folly now."

This pleased Uncle Solomon, who still clung to the fragments of his belief in Mark"s ability, and had been gratified upon his joining one of the Inns of Court by the prospect of having a nephew who at least would have the t.i.tle of barrister; he relaxed at once: "Well, well, let bygones be bygones, you may be a credit to me yet. And now I think of it, come down and stay Sunday at "The Woodbines" soon, will you?

it"ll be a rest for you, and I want you to see some of that "Umpage"s goings on at the church." (Uncle Solomon not unfrequently dropped an "h," but with a deliberation that seemed to say that he was quite aware it was there, but did not consider it advisable to recognise it just then.) "He"s quite got round the Vicar; made him have flowers and a great bra.s.s cross and candles on the Communion table, and "Umpage all the time a feller with no more religion inside him than"--here he looked round the table for a comparison--"ah, than that jug has! He"s talked the Vicar into getting them little bags for collections now, all because he was jealous at the clerk"s putting the plate inside my pew reg"lar for _me_ to hold. It isn"t that I care about "olding a plate, but to see "Umpage smirking round with one of them red velvet bags makes me downright sick--they"ll drive me to go over and be a Baptist one of these fine days."

"You don"t like Mr. Humpage, do you, uncle?" said Trixie.

""Umpage and me are not friendly--though contiguous," said he; "but as for liking, I neither like nor dislike the man; we "old no intercourse, beyond looking the other way in church and "aving words across the fence when his fowls break through into my garden--he won"t have the hole seen to, so I shall get it done myself and send the bill in to him--that"s what _I_ shall do.--A letter for you, Matthew? read away, don"t mind me," for the maid had come in meanwhile with a letter, which Matthew Ashburn opened and began to read at this permission.

Presently he rubbed his forehead perplexedly: "I can"t make head or tail of it," he said feebly; "I don"t know who they are, or what they write all this to _me_ for!"

""And it over to me, Matthew; let"s see if _I_ can make it any plainer for you," said his brother-in-law, persuaded that to his powerful mind few things could long remain a mystery.

He took the letter, solemnly settled his double eyegla.s.ses well down on his broad nose, coughed importantly, and began to read: "Dear Sir,"

he began in a tone of expounding wisdom--"well, that"s straightforward enough--Dear Sir, we have given our best consideration to the--hey!"

(here his face began to grow less confident) "the sweet--what?--ah, sweet bells, sweet bells jangled. What have you been jangling _your_ bells about, eh, Matthew?"

"I think they"re mad," said poor Mr. Ashburn; "the bells in this house are all right, I think, my dear?"

"I"m not aware that any of them are out of order; they rehung the bell in the area the other day--it"s some mistake," said Mrs. Ashburn.

"Which," continued Uncle Solomon, "you "ave been good enough to submit to us (pretty good that for a bell-"anger, hey?) We regret, however, to say that we do not find ourselves in a position to make any overtures to you in the matter. Well," he said, though not very confidently, "you"ve been writing to your landlord about the fixtures, and these are his lawyers writing back--isn"t _that_ it now?"

"What should I write to _him_ for?" said Mr. Ashburn; "that"s not it, Solomon--go on, it gets worse by-and-by!"

"Your one fair daughter also (hullo, Trixie!) we find ourselves compelled to decline, although with more reluctance; but, in spite of some considerable merits, there is a slight roughness (why, her complexion"s clear enough!), together with a certain immaturity and total lack of form and motive (you _are_ giddy, you know, Trixie, I always told you so), which are in our opinion sufficient to prevent us from making any proposals to you in the matter."

Uncle Solomon laid down the letter at this point, and looked around open-mouthed: "I thought I could make out most things," he said; "but this is rather beyond me, I must say."