"But you must be wise, and not hurt yourself. Will you promise me not to sit up?"

"It is very kind of you to tell me nothing worse," said she, with a sad submissiveness.

He smiled again. "I am very sorry for you," he said, looking very tenderly at her. "To have us both on your hands at once! But it comes straight from Heaven, that is one comfort, and you made up your mind to such things when you took me."

Sadness in his eye, a sweet smile on his lip, and serenity on his brow, joined with the fevered cheek, the air of la.s.situde, and the panting, oppressed breath, there was a strange, melancholy beauty about him; and while Amy felt an impulse of ardent, clinging affection to one so precious to her, there was joined with it a sort of awe and veneration for one who so spoke, looked, and felt. She hung over him, and sprinkled him with Eau-de-Cologne; then as his hair teased him by falling into his eyes, he asked her to cut the front lock off. There was something sad in doing this, for that "tumble-down wave," as Charlotte called it, was rather a favourite of Amy"s; it always seemed to have so much sympathy with his moods, and it was as if parting with it was resigning him to a long illness. However, it was too troublesome not to go, and he looked amused at the care with which she folded up the glossy, brown wave, and treasured it in her dressing-case, then she read to him a few verses of a psalm, and he soon fell into another doze.

There was little more of event, day after day. The fever never ran as high as in Philip"s case, and there was no delirium. There was almost constant torpor, but when for any short s.p.a.ce he was thoroughly awakened, his mind was perfectly clear, though he spoke little, and then only on the subject immediately presented to him. There he lay for one quiet hour after another, while Amy sat by him, with as little consciousness of time as he had himself, looking neither forward nor backward, only to the present, to give him drink, bathe his face and hands, arrange his pillows, or read or repeat some soothing verse. It always was a surprise when meal times summoned her to attend to Philip, when she was asked for the letters for the post, when evening twilight gathered in, or when she had to leave the night-watch to Arnaud, and go to bed in the adjoining room.

This was a great trial, but he would not allow her to sit up; and her own sense showed her that if this was to be a long illness, it would not do to waste her strength. She knew he was quiet at night, and her trustful temper so calmed and supported her, that she was able to sleep, and thus was not as liable to be overworked as might have been feared, and as Philip thought she must be.

She always appeared in his room with her sweet face mournful and anxious, but never ruffled, or with any air of haste or discomfiture, desirous as she was to return to her husband; for, though he frequently sent her to take care of herself or of Philip, she knew that while she was away he always grew more restless and uncomfortable, and his look of relief at her re-entrance said as much to her as a hundred complaints of her absence would have done.

Philip was in the meantime sorely tried by being forced to be entirely inactive and dependent, while he saw Amabel in such need of a.s.sistance; and so far from being able to requite Guy"s care, he could only look on himself as the cause of their distress, and an addition to it--a burthen instead of a help. If he had been told a little while ago what would be the present state of things, he would almost have laughed the speaker to scorn. He would never have thought a child as competent as Amy to the sole management of two sick persons, and he not able either to advise or cheer her. Yet he could not see anything went wrong that depended on her. His comforts were so cared for, that he was often sorry she should have troubled herself about them; and though he could have little of her company, he never was allowed to feel himself deserted. Anne, Arnaud, the old Italian nurse, or Amy herself, were easily summoned, and gave him full care and attention.

He was, however, necessarily a good deal alone; and though his cousin"s books were at his disposal, eyes and head were too weak for reading, and he was left a prey to his own thoughts. His great comfort was, that Guy was less ill than he had been himself, and that there was no present danger; otherwise, he could never have endured the conviction that all had been caused by his own imprudence. Imprudence! Philip was brought very low to own that such a word applied to him, yet it would have been well for him had that been the chief burthen on his mind. Was it only an ordinary service of friendship and kindred that Guy had, at the peril of his own life, rendered him? Was it not a positive return of good for evil? Yes, evil! He now called that evil, or at least harshness and hastiness in judgment, which he had hitherto deemed true friendship and consideration for Guy and Amy. Every feeling of distrust and jealousy had been gradually softening since his recovery began; grat.i.tude had done much, and dismay at Guy"s illness did more. It would have been n.o.ble and generous in Guy to act as he had done, had Philip"s surmises been correct, and this he began to doubt, though it was his only justification, and even to wish to lose it. He had rather believe Guy blameless. He would do so, if possible; and he resolved, on the first opportunity, to beg him to give him one last a.s.surance that all was right, and implicitly believe him. But how was it possible again to a.s.sume to be a ruler and judge over Guy after it was known how egregiously he himself had erred? There was shame, sorrow, self-humiliation, and anxiety wherever he turned, and it was no wonder that depression of spirits r.e.t.a.r.ded his recovery.

It was not till the tenth day after Guy"s illness had begun that Philip was able to be dressed, and to come into the next room, where Amabel had promised to dine with him. As he lay on the sofa, she thought he looked even more ill than in bed, the change from his former appearance being rendered more visible, and his great height making him look the more thin. He was apparently exhausted with the exertion of dressing, for he was very silent all dinner-time, though Amabel could have better talked to-day than for some time past, since Guy had had some refreshing sleep, was decidedly less feverish, seemed better for nourishing food, and said that he wanted nothing but a puff of Redclyffe wind to make him well.

He was pleased to hear of Philip"s step in recovery, and altogether, Amy was cheered and happy.

She left her cousin as soon as dinner was over, and did not come to him again for nearly an hour and a half. She was then surprised to find him finishing a letter, resting his head on one hand, and looking wan, weary, and very unhappy.

"Have you come to letter writing?"

"Yes," he answered, in a worn, dejected tone, "I must ask you to direct this, I can"t make it legible,"

No wonder, so much did his hand tremble, as he held out the envelope.

"To your sister?" she asked.

"No; to yours. I never wrote to her before. There"s one enclosed to your father, to tell all."

"I am glad you have done it," answered Amy, in a quiet tone of sincere congratulation. "You will be better now it is off your mind. But how tired you are. You must go back to bed. Shall I call Arnaud?"

"I must rest first"--and his voice failing, he laid back on the sofa, closed his eyes, turned ashy pale, and became so faint that she could not leave him, and was obliged to apply every restorative within reach before she could bring him back to a state of tolerable comfort.

The next minute her work was nearly undone, when Anne came in to ask for the letters for the post. "Shall I send yours?" asked Amy.

He muttered an a.s.sent. But when she looked back to him after speaking to Anne, she saw a tremulous, almost convulsed working of the closed eyes and mouth, while the thin hands were clenched together with a force contrasting with the helpless manner in which they had hung a moment before. She guessed at the intensity of anguish it mast cost a temper so proud, a heart of so strong a mould, and feelings so deep, to take the first irrevocable step in self-humiliation, giving up into the hands of others the engagement that had hitherto been the cherished treasure of his life; and above all, in exposing Laura to bear the brunt of the penalty of the fault into which he had led her. "Oh, for Guy to comfort him," thought she, feeling herself entirely incompetent, dreading to intrude on his feelings, yet thinking it unkind to go away without one sympathizing word when he was in such distress.

"You will be glad, in time," at last she said. He made no answer.

She held the stimulants to him again, and tried to arrange him more comfortably.

"Thank you," at last he said. "How is Guy?"

"He has just had another nice quiet sleep, and is quite refreshed."

"That is a blessing, at least. But does not he want you? I have been keeping you a long time?"

"Thank you, as he is awake, I should like to go back. You are better now."

"Yes, while I don"t move."

"Don"t try. I"ll send Arnaud, and as soon as you can, you had better go to bed again."

Guy was still awake, and able to hear what she had to tell him about Philip.

"Poor fellow!" said he. "We must try to soften it."

"Shall I write?" said Amy. "Mamma will be pleased to hear of his having told you, and they must be sorry for him, when they hear how much the letter cost him."

"Ah! they will not guess at half his sorrow."

"I will write to papa, and send it after the other letters, so that he may read it before he hears of Philip"s."

"Poor Laura!" said Guy. "Could not you write a note to her too? I want her to be told that I am very sorry, if I ever gave her pain by speaking thoughtlessly of him."

"Nay," said Amy, smiling, "you have not much to reproach yourself with in that way. It was I that always abused him."

"You can never do so again."

"No, I don"t think I can, now I have seen his sorrow."

Amabel was quite in spirits, as she brought her writing to his bed-side, and read her sentences to him as she composed the letter to her father, while he suggested and approved. It was a treat indeed to have him able to consult with her once more, and he looked so much relieved and so much better, that she felt as if it was the beginning of real improvement, though still his pulse was fast, and the fever, though lessened, was not gone.

The letter was almost as much his as her own, and he ended his dictation thus: "Say that I am sure that if I get better we may make arrangements for their marriage."

Then, as Amy was finishing the letter with her hopes of his amendment, he added, speaking to her, and not dictating--"If not,"--she shrank and shivered, but did not exclaim, for he looked so calm and happy that she did not like to interrupt him--"If not, you know, it will be very easy to put the money matters to rights, whatever may happen."

CHAPTER 34

Sir, It is your fault I have loved Posthumus; You bred him as my playfellow; and he is A man worth any woman, over-buys me Almost the sum he pays.

--CYMBELINE

The first tidings of Philip"s illness arrived at Hollywell one morning at breakfast, and were thus announced by Charles--

"There! So he has been and gone and done it."

"What? Who? Not Guy?"

"Here has the Captain gone and caught a regular bad fever, in some malaria hole; delirious, and all that sort of thing, and of course our wise brother and sister must needs go and nurse him, by way of a pretty little interlude in their wedding tour!"

Laura"s voice alone was unheard in the chorus of inquiry. She sat cold, stiff, and silent, devouring with her ears each reply, that fell like a death-blow, while she was mechanically continuing the occupations of breakfast. When all was told, she hurried to her own room, but the want of sympathy was becoming intolerable. If Amabel had been at home, she must have told her all. There was no one else; and the misery to be endured in silence was dreadful. Her dearest--her whole joy and hope--suffering, dying, and to hear all round her speaking of him with kindness, indeed, but what to her seemed indifference; blaming him for wilfulness, saying he had drawn it on himself,--it seemed to drive her wild. She conjured up pictures of his sufferings, and dreaded Guy"s inexperience, the want of medical advice, imagining everything that was terrible. Her idol, to whom her whole soul was devoted, was pa.s.sing from her, and no one pitied her; while the latent consciousness of disobedience debarred her from gaining solace from the only true source.