"Anything"s possible, Pop," Frank said. "I"ll take care of it."
"Oh, for Christ"s sake, Frank," Franny said. "We"ll all all get him a dog, if you don"t mind." get him a dog, if you don"t mind."
"One thing," Father said. Susie the bear put her paw on my hand, as if even Susie knew what was coming. "Just one thing," Father said. We were very quiet, waiting for this. "It mustn"t look like Sorrow," Father said. "And you"ve got the eyes, so you"ve you"ve got to pick out the dog. Just make sure it in no way resembles Sorrow." got to pick out the dog. Just make sure it in no way resembles Sorrow."
And Lilly wrote the necessary fairy tale, and we each acted our parts. According to the fairy tale that Lilly wrote, we were perfect. On the last working day before Christmas, 1964, Franny took a deep breath and called Chipper Dove at his "firm."
"Hi, it"s me me!" she said to him, brightly. "I absolutely need to have lunch with you, in the worst worst way," Franny said to Chipper Dove. "Yes; it"s Franny Berry - and you can pick me up, anytime," Franny said. "Yes, at the Stanhope - Suite way," Franny said to Chipper Dove. "Yes; it"s Franny Berry - and you can pick me up, anytime," Franny said. "Yes, at the Stanhope - Suite fourteen-oh-one fourteen-oh-one."
Then Lilly grabbed the phone away from Franny and said to Franny in a voice as crabby as any crabby nurse"s voice - and plenty loud enough for Chipper Dove to hear - "Who are you making phone calls to now now? You"re not supposed to make any more phone calls!" Then Lilly hung up the phone and we waited.
Franny went into the bathroom and threw up. She was okay when she came back out. She looked awful, but she was supposed to look awful. The two women from the West Village Workshop had done the makeup job on Franny; those women can work wonders. They took a beautiful woman and they ravaged ravaged her; they gave Franny a face with the lifelessness of chalk; they gave her a mouth like a gash, they gave my sister needles for eyes. And they dressed her all in white, like a bride. We were worried that Lilly"s script might be too theatrical. her; they gave Franny a face with the lifelessness of chalk; they gave her a mouth like a gash, they gave my sister needles for eyes. And they dressed her all in white, like a bride. We were worried that Lilly"s script might be too theatrical.
Frank stood looking out the window in his black leotard and lime-green caftan. He had just a little lipstick on.
"I don"t know," Frank said, worriedly. "What if he doesn"t come?"
Susie"s two friends were there - the wounded women from the West Village Workshop. It had been men men, Susie had told us, who had wounded them. The black one was named Ruthie: she resembled a near-perfect cloning of Junior Jones. Ruthie wore a sleeveless sheepskin vest, over nothing at all, and a pair of bright green bell-bottoms above which her belly wobbled. She had a long silver nail, almost as thick as a railroad spike, jabbed into her crazy hair. She held a long leather leash in one of her big black hands; at the end of the leash was Susie the bear.
It was a bear suit that was a victory of animal imagination. Especially the mouth, as Frank had pointed out; especially the fangs. Their wet look. And the sad insanity of the eyes. (Susie actually "saw" out of the mouth.) The claws were a nice touch, too; they were the real thing, Susie proudly pointed out - the whole paws were the real thing. It somehow enhanced the reality of everything that Susie wore a muzzle. We"d bought the muzzle in an accessory shop for Seeing Eye dogs; it was a real muzzle.
We"d turned the thermostat on the heat register up as high as it would go because Franny complained of being cold. Susie said she liked the heat; she felt more like a bear if she sweated a lot, and inside the bear suit, we could tell, she was hot and dripping. "I"ve never felt so much like a bear," Susie said to us, pacing, down on all fours.
"You"re all bear today, Susie," I said to her.
"The bear in you bear in you gets out today, Susie," Lilly told her. gets out today, Susie," Lilly told her.
Franny sat in the bridal dress on the couch, the candle burning in a sickly way on the table beside her. There were candles lit throughout the suite, and all the window shades were drawn. Frank had lit a little incense, so the whole suite smelled truly terrible.
The other woman from the West Village Workshop was a pale, plain-looking, very girlish type with straw-blond hair. She was dressed in the conventional uniform of a hotel maid, the same uniform worn by all the Stanhope maids, and she had a perfectly bored, expressionless gaze that matched her dull employment. Her name was Elizabeth Something, but in the Village she was called Scurvy. She was the best actress ever to graduate from the West Village Workshop - she was the queen of the Washington Square Park performers. She could have taught scream therapy to a whole backyard full of moles; she could have taught the moles how to scream so loud that the worms would leap right out of the ground. She was what Susie called a number one first-cla.s.s hysteric. "n.o.body can do hysteria better than Scurvy," Susie the bear had told us, and Lilly had written up a number one first-cla.s.s hysteric role for her. Scurvy just sat in the suite, smoking a cigarette and looking as lifeless as a park bench b.u.m.
I played around with the big barbell in the middle of the living room. Frank and Lilly had greased me all over; I was oily from head to toe and I smelled like a salad, but the oil made my muscles stand out in a special way. I was wearing this skimpy little thing called a singlet - it"s that old-fashioned-looking, one-piece-bathing-suit thing that wrestlers and weight lifters wear.
"Keep warm," Lilly coached me, "keep lifting just enough to keep the veins standing out. When he walks in here, I want those veins popping popping right up there on the surface of your skin." right up there on the surface of your skin."
"If he walks in here," Frank fumed. he walks in here," Frank fumed.
"He will," Franny said, softly. "He"s very near," she said, shutting her eyes. "I know he"s very near," she repeated.
When the phone rang, everyone in the room jumped - everyone but Franny and the number one first-cla.s.s hysteric named Scurvy; they didn"t flinch. Franny let the phone ring a little. Lilly came out of the bedroom, all neatly dressed in her nurse"s uniform; she nodded to Franny at about the fourth ring and Franny picked up the phone. She didn"t say anything.
"h.e.l.lo?" Chipper Dove said. "Franny?" we heard him ask. Franny shivered, but Lilly kept nodding to her.
"Come up right away," Franny whispered into the phone. "Come up while my nurse is still out!" she hissed. Then she hung up; she gagged, and for a moment I thought she"d have to go throw up in the bathroom again, but she held it in; she was okay.
Lilly adjusted the tight, gray, mousy little bun of a wig she wore. She looked like an old nurse in a home for dwarfs; the women from the West Village Workshop had made up Lilly"s face like a prune. She stepped into the closet that was nearest the main door to the suite and shut the door. When you were in the living room of the suite, it was easy to confuse the closet with the entrance and exit door.
Scurvy put a stack of clean linen on her arm and went outside the suite into the hall. "Between five and seven minutes after he gets inside," I told her.
"I don"t need reminding," she said, crossly. "I can listen outside the door for my cue," she told me contemptuously. "I"m a f.u.c.king pro pro, you know."
The West Village Workshop women had one thing in common, Susie had confided to me. They had all been raped.
I started lifting the weight. I did some fast lifting to pump the muscles full of blood. Susie the bear curled up at the foot of the couch farthest from Franny and pretended to go to sleep. She hid her paws and her muzzled snout; from the back she looked like a sleeping dog. The black woman named Ruthie - the huge woman who was Junior Jones"s clone - plopped down in the dead center of the couch, right next to Franny. When the hibernating bear began to snore, Frank took off the caftan and hung it on a doork.n.o.b - he now wore just the black leotard - and went into Lilly"s bedroom and put the music on. From the living room, you could see the bed through the bedroom"s open door. When the music started, Frank started dancing on the bed. The music had been Frank"s choice. Frank had no trouble making up his mind: he chose the mad scene from Donizetti"s Lucia Lucia.
I looked at Franny and saw some tears squeeze their way out of the pinholes the makeup women had given her for eyes; the tears made messy tracks through the makeup caked upon her face. Franny knotted her fingers in her lap, and I knocked lightly on the closet door and whispered to Lilly: "A masterpiece, Lilly," I said. "It"s got all the indications of a masterpiece."
"Just don"t blow your lines," Lilly whispered.
When Chipper Dove knocked on the door, my bicepses were standing right up there - the way Lilly wanted them - and the forearms were looking pretty good. I had a little sweat running over the oil, and in the bedroom Lucia was beginning to scream. Frank was so incredibly awkward, leaping on the bed, that I almost couldn"t look at him.
"Come in!" Franny cried to Chipper Dove. When I saw the doork.n.o.b turn, I grabbed my side of the door and helped Chipper Dove inside - fast. I guess I snapped the door open a little harder than was necessary because Chipper Dove seemed to be propelled inside the room - on all fours. I hung the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the outside k.n.o.b and closed the door behind him.
"Well, look who"s here," Franny said, in her best ice-blue voice.
"Holy cow!" cried Frank, at full height above the bouncing bed.
I rolled the barbell against the door, but Chipper Dove stood up - fairly calmly. He had that smile that wouldn"t die; at least, it hadn"t died yet yet.
"What"s all this, Franny?" he asked her, casually, but Franny had come to the end of her lines. Franny"s part of the script was over with. ("Well, look who"s here." That was all that was necessary for her to say.) "We"re going to rape you," I said to Chipper Dove.
"Hey, look," Dove said. "That was never exactly what I"d call a rape rape," he said. "I mean, you really liked liked me, Franny," he said to her, but Franny wasn"t talking. "I"m sorry about the other guys, Franny," Dove added, but Franny"s pinhole stare gave him nothing. "s.h.i.t!" said Dove, turning to me. " me, Franny," he said to her, but Franny wasn"t talking. "I"m sorry about the other guys, Franny," Dove added, but Franny"s pinhole stare gave him nothing. "s.h.i.t!" said Dove, turning to me. "Who"s going to rape me?" going to rape me?"
"Not me!" Frank screamed from the bedroom, bouncing higher and higher. "I like f.u.c.king mud puddles mud puddles, myself. I do it all the time!"
Chipper Dove still managed a smile. "So it"s the one on the couch?" he asked me, slyly. He stared at big Ruthie; he must have been remembering Junior Jones when he looked at her - she just stared back at him - but Chipper Dove even managed to smirk at her. "I have nothing against black women," Chipper Dove said, dividing his attention between Ruthie and me. "In fact, I like a black woman now and then." Ruthie raised up one cheek of her enormous a.s.s and farted.
"You ain"t f.u.c.king me me," she told Chipper Dove.
Dove directed his full attention to me. Almost all of his smile had left him, because I think he was beginning to suspect that I I was the one appointed to rape him and he wasn"t so fond of this idea. was the one appointed to rape him and he wasn"t so fond of this idea.
"No, it"s not him him, you a.s.shole!" Frank yelled from the bedroom, panting and leaping-higher and higher. "He likes girls girls, like you you do!" Frank yelled at Dove. "Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting do!" Frank yelled at Dove. "Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting girls girls!" Frank hollered. He fell off the bed, but he was right back up and dancing, fiercely. Lucia was really sounding crazy.
"Are you trying to tell me it"s the dog dog?" Chipper Dove asked me. "Do you think I"ll hold still for a f.u.c.king dog dog!" he snapped at me.
"What dog, man?" Ruthie asked Chipper Dove. Ruthie had a smile that was as terrible as Chipper Dove"s.
"That dog right there," Dove said, pointing to Susie the bear. Susie was curled up in a ball, snoring, her hairy back turned to Dove - her paws tucked in, her head tucked down. Ruthie stuck her big bare foot in Susie"s crotch; she started kneading kneading Susie with her foot. Susie started to groan. Susie with her foot. Susie started to groan.
"That ain"t no dog dog, man," Ruthie said, smiling - and obscenely kneading, kneading with her foot. Then Ruthie twisted her foot, sharply, in Susie"s crotch and Susie the bear roared awake; she wheeled viciously on Ruthie, snapping at her. Dove saw the muzzle barely restraining her, he saw Ruthie bound out of the way of the long, striking claws. Ruthie threw the leash in Susie"s face and ran to the far side of the room. Susie looked ready to charge after her, but Franny just reached out her hand. She touched Susie just once and Susie calmed right down. The bear put her head in Franny"s lap. Susie growled softly there.
"Earl! Earl!" she moaned.
"That"s a bear bear," Dove said.
"You bet your a.s.s, man," Ruthie said.
And Frank, sailing even higher, singing his way into Lucia"s song - and, seemingly, rising above even her her madness - yelled out, "That"s a bear madness - yelled out, "That"s a bear in heat in heat!"
"That"s a bear that wants wants you," I said to Chipper Dove. you," I said to Chipper Dove.
When Dove looked at the bear again, he saw that Franny had her hand on Susie exactly where a bear"s private parts would be. Franny was rubbing the bear there, and Susie the bear got suddenly playful; she lolled her head around, she made the most disgusting noises. The West Village Workshop had simply worked wonders with Susie the bear; she"d been a smart bear before, but now she was a bear to be reckoned with.
"That bear"s so h.o.r.n.y," Ruthie said, "she"d even f.u.c.k me me."
"Hey, look," said Chipper Dove. He was holding fast to the illusion that I was the only one among them who was sane. That was how he was reading it, now; I was his last hope. We had him right where Lilly wanted him when Scurvy, the maid, knocked on the door. I slung the barbell aside as if it weighed nothing at all. I yanked the door open so hard that Scurvy flew into the room in greater confusion and disarray than had marked Chipper Dove"s entrance. Susie the bear growled - not liking too much sudden movement - and the terrified maid stared up at me.
"It says DO NOT DISTURB, you moron!" I yelled at her. I pulled her to her feet and tore open the front of her little maid"s costume. She started to get hysterical right away. I held her upside down and shook her. Frank howled with delight.
"Black panties, black panties!" Frank shrieked on the bouncing bed.
"You"re" fired," I told the sniveling maid. "You don"t come in when the sign says DO NOT DISTURB. If you can"t learn that, you moron," I told her, "then you"re fired." I pa.s.sed her, still holding her upside down, to Ruthie. Ruthie and Scurvy had been practicing this routine together all year, Susie had told me. It was a kind of apache dance. It was a kind of woman-raping-another-woman dance. Ruthie simply proceeded to maul Scurvy right there in front of Chipper Dove.
"I don"t care if you do do own the hotel!" Scurvy was crying. "You"re terrible disgusting people and I won"t clean up after that bear again, own the hotel!" Scurvy was crying. "You"re terrible disgusting people and I won"t clean up after that bear again, I won"t, I won"t I won"t, I won"t," she moaned. Then she did an absolutely stunning job of convulsing convulsing under Ruthie - she gagged herself, she spewed, she gibbered. Ruthie left her in a ball, shriveled up and whining - with an occasional, absolutely chilling spasm. under Ruthie - she gagged herself, she spewed, she gibbered. Ruthie left her in a ball, shriveled up and whining - with an occasional, absolutely chilling spasm.
Ruthie shrugged, and said to me, "You got to get a tougher crew of maids than this white trash, man. Every time the bear rapes someone, the maids can"t handle it. They just don"t know how to deal deal with it." with it."
And when I looked at Chipper Dove, I saw - at last! - that his ice-blue looks had left him. He was staring at the bear: Susie was more and more responsive, under Franny"s touch. Ruthie went up to the bear and took her muzzle off; Susie gave us a toothy smile. She was more bear than any bear; for this single performance of Lilly"s script, Susie the bear could have convinced a bear bear that she was a bear. A bear in heat. that she was a bear. A bear in heat.
I don"t even know if bears ever get get in heat. "It doesn"t matter," as Frank would say. in heat. "It doesn"t matter," as Frank would say.
All that mattered was that Chipper Dove believed it. Ruthie started scratching Susie, cautiously, behind the ears. "See him? See him - him? See him - that that one, over there?" Ruthie said sweetly. And Susie the bear began to shuffle and sway; she started nosing her way toward Chipper Dove. one, over there?" Ruthie said sweetly. And Susie the bear began to shuffle and sway; she started nosing her way toward Chipper Dove.
"Hey, look," Dove started to say to me.
"Better not move suddenly," I told him. "Bears don"t like any sudden movement."
Dove froze. Susie, taking all the time in the world, started sniffing him over. Frank lay on the bed in the bedroom, exhausted. "I"ll give you some advice," Frank said to Chipper Dove. "You introduced me to mud puddles, so I"ll give you some advice about bears," Frank said.
"Hey, please," Chipper Dove said softly, to me.
"The main thing," Frank said, "is don"t move don"t move. Don"t resist anything anything. The bear does not appreciate resistance of any kind."
"Just kind of go with it, man," Ruthie said, dreamily.
I stepped up to Dove and unbuckled his belt; he started to stop me, but I said, "No sudden movements." Susie the bear jabbed her snout into Dove"s crotch the instant Dove"s pants. .h.i.t the rug with a soft flop.
"I recommend holding your breath," Frank advised, from the bedroom.
And that was Lilly"s cue. In she came. It looked to Dove as if she just walked in with her own key from the door to the hall.
We all stared at the dwarf nurse; Lilly looked cross.
"I had the feeling you were up to this again, Franny," Lilly said to her patient. Franny curled up on the couch, putting her back to us all.
"You"re her nurse, not her mother," I snapped at Lilly.
"It"s not good good for her - this lunatic raping, raping, for her - this lunatic raping, raping, raping raping everyone!" Lilly shouted at me. "Every time that d.a.m.n bear is in heat, you just pull anyone you want in here and everyone!" Lilly shouted at me. "Every time that d.a.m.n bear is in heat, you just pull anyone you want in here and rape rape him - and I"m telling you it"s not him - and I"m telling you it"s not good good for her." for her."
"But it"s all Franny likes likes," Frank said, peevishly.
"It"s not right right that she likes it," Lilly pointed out, like a stubborn but good nurse, which she was. that she likes it," Lilly pointed out, like a stubborn but good nurse, which she was.
"Aw, come on on," I said. "This one is special. This one raped one is special. This one raped her her!" I cried to Lilly.
"He made me f.u.c.k a mud puddle!" Frank wailed.
"If we can just rape this this one," I pleaded with Lilly, "we won"t rape anybody else." one," I pleaded with Lilly, "we won"t rape anybody else."
"Promises, promises," said Lilly, folding her little arms across her little b.r.e.a.s.t.s.
"We promise!" Frank shouted. "Just one more. Just this this one." one."
"Earl!" Susie snorted, and I thought Dove was going to faint dead away. Susie snorted violently into Dove"s crotch. Susie the bear seemed to be saying that she was especially interested in this this one, too. one, too.
"Please, please!" Dove started to scream. Susie knocked his legs out from under him and laid her weight over his chest. She put a big paw - a real real paw - right on his private parts. "Please!" Dove said. "Please don"t! paw - right on his private parts. "Please!" Dove said. "Please don"t! Please Please!"
And that was all Lilly wrote. That was where we were supposed to stop. n.o.body had any more lines, except Lilly. Lilly was just supposed to say, "There will be no more rapes, no more no more - that"s final." And I was supposed to pick Dove up and dump him out in the hall. - that"s final." And I was supposed to pick Dove up and dump him out in the hall.
But Franny got up off the couch and pushed everyone away; she walked over to Dove. "That"s enough, Susie," Franny said, and Susie got off Dove. "Put your pants back on, Chipper," Franny said to him. He stood up but he fell; he struggled to his feet again and pulled his pants up. "And the next time you take your pants off off, for anybody anybody," Franny told Chipper Dove, "I want you to think of me."
"Think of all all of us," said Frank, coming out of the bedroom. of us," said Frank, coming out of the bedroom.
"Remember us," I said to Chipper Dove.
"If you see us again," big Ruthie told him, "better go the other way. Any one of us might kill you, man," she told him, matter-of-factly.
Susie the bear took her bear"s head off; she would never need need to wear it again. From now on, the bear suit was just for fun. She looked Chipper Dove right in the eye. The number one first-cla.s.s hysteric named Scurvy got up off the rug and came over to look at Chipper Dove, too. She looked at him as if she was committing him to memory; then she shrugged, and lit a cigarette, and looked away. to wear it again. From now on, the bear suit was just for fun. She looked Chipper Dove right in the eye. The number one first-cla.s.s hysteric named Scurvy got up off the rug and came over to look at Chipper Dove, too. She looked at him as if she was committing him to memory; then she shrugged, and lit a cigarette, and looked away.
"Don"t pa.s.s any open windows!" Frank called down the hall to Dove, as he left us; he walked away holding the wall of the hall for support. We all couldn"t help but notice that he"d wet his pants.
Chipper Dove moved like a man seeking the men"s room in a hospital ward for the disoriented; he moved with the feeble lack of sureness of a man who wasn"t sure what experience awaited him in the men"s room - as if, even, he wouldn"t be sure what to do when he arrived at the urinal.
But there was, in all of us, that initial sense of letdown that should be doc.u.mented in any fair study of revenge. Whatever we had done, it would never be as awful as what he had done to Franny - and if it had had been as awful, it would have been too much. been as awful, it would have been too much.
I would feel, for the rest of my life, as if I were still holding Chipper Dove by his armpits - his feet a few inches off the ground of Seventh Avenue. There was really nothing to do with him except put him down; there never would would be anything to do with him, too - with our Chipper Doves we just go on picking them up and putting them down, forever. be anything to do with him, too - with our Chipper Doves we just go on picking them up and putting them down, forever.
And so, you"d think, that was that. Lilly had proven herself with a real opera, a genuine fairy tale. Susie the bear had played out the part; she had exhausted her bear"s role; she would keep the bear suit only for its sentimental value, and for amusing children - and, of course, for Halloween. Father was about to get a Seeing Eye dog for Christmas. It would be his first of many Seeing Eye dogs. And once he had an animal to talk to, my father would finally figure out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.
"Here comes the rest of our lives," Franny said, with a kind of awed affection. "The rest of our f.u.c.king lives is finally coming up," she said.
That day Chipper Dove wandered out of the Stanhope and back to his "firm," it seemed we all all would be survivors - those of us who were left; it seemed we had made it. Franny was now free to find a life, Lilly and Frank had their chosen careers - or, as they say, their careers had chosen them. Father needed only a little time with the animal side of himself - to help him make up his mind. I knew that an American literature degree from an Austrian university didn"t qualify would be survivors - those of us who were left; it seemed we had made it. Franny was now free to find a life, Lilly and Frank had their chosen careers - or, as they say, their careers had chosen them. Father needed only a little time with the animal side of himself - to help him make up his mind. I knew that an American literature degree from an Austrian university didn"t qualify me me for very much, but what did I for very much, but what did I have have to do but look after my father - but lift what weight I could lift off my brother and my sisters whenever the weight needed lifting? to do but look after my father - but lift what weight I could lift off my brother and my sisters whenever the weight needed lifting?
What we had all forgotten in the pre-Christmas decorations, in our frenzy over dealing with Chipper Dove, was that shape that had haunted us from the beginning. As in any fairy tale, just when you think you"re out of the woods, there is more to the woods than you thought; just when you think you"re out of the woods, it turns out you"re still in in them. them.
How could we so quickly have forgotten the lesson of the King of Mice? How could we have put away that old dog of our childhood, our dear Sorrow, as neatly as Susie folded up her bear suit and said, "That"s it. That"s over. Now it"s a whole new ball game"?
There is a song the Viennese sing - it is one of their so-called Heurigen Heurigen songs, the songs they sing to celebrate the first wine of the season. Typical of those people Freud understood so well, their songs are full of death wishes. The King of Mice himself, no doubt, once sang this little song. songs, the songs they sing to celebrate the first wine of the season. Typical of those people Freud understood so well, their songs are full of death wishes. The King of Mice himself, no doubt, once sang this little song.