"Good Lord!" gasps Plummer. "Haven"t I had to puzzle out all those wretched scrawls of yours and read "em to her? Such mushy letters, too!

Come, if you"re the man, why didn"t you call Selma out and tell her all that to her face?"

Nothing but heavy breathing from inside the shack.

"You don"t mean to say you were too bashful!" goes on Plummer. "A great big fellow like you!"

If it hadn"t been for the whiskers I believe we could have seen him blush.

"Look here," says Plummer. "You may be what you say you are, and then again you may not. Perhaps you just guessed at the girl"s name. We can"t afford to take any chances. The only way to settle it is to send for Selma."

"No, no!" pleads the big gink. "Please! Not like this."

"Yes, just like that," insists Plummer. "Only, if you"d rather, you can carry your house back where it belongs and sit down. John, run home and bring Selma here."

Well, we had our man nicely tamed now. With Selma liable to show up, he was ready to do as he was told. Just why, we couldn"t make out. Anyway, he hobbles back to the crossin" and eases the shack down where he found it. Also, he slumps inside on the bench and waits, durin" which proceedin" the last trolley goes boomin" past.

Inside of ten minutes John is back with the maid. Kind of a slim, cla.s.sy-lookin" girl she is, too. And when Selma sees that big face at the round window there"s no doubt about his being the chosen one.

"Oh, Nels, Nels!" she wails out. "Vy you don"d coom by the house yet?"

"I was scart, Selma," says Nels, "for fear you"d tell me to go away."

"But--but I don"d, Nels," says Selma.

"Shall I let him out for the fade-away scene?" says I.

Plummer nods. And we had to turn our backs as they go to the fond clinch.

Accordin" to Plummer, Selma had been waitin" for Nels to say the word for more"n a year, and for the last two months she"d been so absent-minded and moody that she hadn"t been of much use around the house. But him gettin" himself boxed up as an escaped Hun had sort of broken the ice.

"There, now!" says Plummer. "You two go back to the house and talk it over. You may have until three-fifteen to settle all details, and then I"ll have John drive Petersen down to his ferry-boat. Be sure and fix the day, though. I don"t want to go through another night like this."

"But what about me little lawn," demands Danny, "that"s tore up entirely? And who"s to mend me stove-pipe and all?"

"Oh, here"s something that will cover all that, Danny," says Plummer, slippin" him a ten-spot. "And I"ve no doubt Petersen will contribute something, too."

"Sure!" says Nels, fishin" in his pockets.

"Two bits!" says Danny, pickin" up the quarter scornful. "Thim Swedes are the tightwads! And if ever I find this wan kidnappin" me little house again----"

At which Danny breaks off and shakes his fist menacin".

When I gets back home I tiptoes upstairs; but Vee is only dozin", and wakes up with a jump.

"Is that you, Torchy?" says she. "Has--has anything dreadful happened?"

"Yes," says I. "I had to pull a low tackle, and Danny Shea"s declared war on Sweden."

CHAPTER XVIII

TAG DAY AT TORCHY"S

Course, in a way, it was our fault, I expect. We never should have let on that there was any hitch about what we was goin" to name the baby.

Blessed if I know now just how it got around. I remember Vee and I havin" one or two little talks on the subject, but I don"t think we"d tackled the proposition real serious.

You see, at first we were too busy sort of gettin" used to havin" him around and framin" up a line on this parent act we was supposed to put over. Anyway, I was. And for three or four weeks, there, I called him anything that came handy, from Young Sport to Old Snoodlekins. Vee she sticks to Baby. Uh-huh--just plain Baby. But the way she says it, breathin" it out kind of soft and gentle, sounded perfectly all right to me.

And the youngster didn"t seem to have any kick comin". He was gettin" so he"d look up and coo real intelligent when she speaks to him in that fashion. You couldn"t blame him, for it was easy to listen to.

As for the different things I called him--well, he didn"t mind them, either. No matter what it was,--Old Pink Toes or Wiggle-heels,--he"d generally pa.s.s it off with a smile, providin" he wasn"t too busy with his bottle or tryin" to get hold of his foot with both of his hands.

Then one day Auntie, who"s been listenin" disapprovin" all the while, just can"t hold in any longer.

"Isn"t it high time," says she, "that you addressed the child properly by his right name?"

"Eh?" says I, gawpin". "Which one?"

"You don"t mean to say," she goes on, "that you have not yet decided on his baptismal name?"

"I didn"t know he was a Baptist," says I feeble.

"We hadn"t quite settled what to call him," says Vee.

"Besides," I adds, "I don"t see the use bein" in a rush about it. Maybe were"re savin" that up."

"Saving!" says Auntie. "For what reason?"

"Oh, general conservation," says I. "Got the habit. We"ve had heatless Mondays and wheatless Wednesdays and fryless Fridays and sunless Sundays, so why not nameless babies?"

Auntie sniffs and goes off with her nose in the air, as she always does whenever I spring any of my punk persiflage on her.

But then Vee takes it up, and says Auntie is right and that we really ought to decide on a name and begin using it.

"Oh, very well," says I. "I"ll be thinking one up."

Seemed simple enough. Course, I"d never named any babies before, but I had an idea I could dig out half a dozen good, serviceable monickers between then and dinner-time.

Somehow, though, I couldn"t seem to hit on anything that I was willing to wish on to the youngster offhand. When I got right up against the problem, it seemed kind of serious.

Why, here was something he"d have to live with all his life; us, too.

We"d have to say it over maybe a hundred times a day. And if he grew up and amounted to anything, as we was sure he would, it would mean that this front name of his that I had to pick out might be displayed more or less prominent. It would be on his office door, on his letterheads, on his cards. He"d sign it to checks.

Maybe it would be printed in the newspapers, used in headlines, or painted on campaign banners. Might be displayed on billboards. Who could tell?