Chapter 1: The unusual daily life of a witch

Translator: prince.pudding

First Published on Ainushi.

She"s a witch.

The impression you might have is, you know, that kind of person who wears a black gown as black as magpies, ragged old broom in her hands, with a curved crooked nose that reaches her chin. She"s a nasty evil woman who"ll wickedly curse other people"s babies and feed people poisoned apples.

The witch had no objections towards this, as this was precisely the specs this setting had granted her.

Thinking of this inevitably made her feel a little dejected.

Actually, when the witch first transmigrated to this world, she was just as surprised to discover she could use magic. Somehow she could mysteriously control trees and vegetation, the broom in the house wouldn"t stop running around everywhere, and the furniture kept talking nonstop.

And then she discovered she had the ability to do countless kinds of violent [#@%?&$!], and her head was constantly flooded with voices of how to s.a.d.i.s.tically curse people with evil magic.

"Who am I?"

"You"re a witch, the particularly evil and ruthless sorceress of the rumors." The furniture all told her in a disorganized clatter.

The chair said: "You know the most evil magic spells."

The magic wand said: "You can make me spit the hottest fireb.a.l.l.s without uttering a word."

The cauldron said: "You can use me to make extremely toxic items."

The bed said: "You don"t like to sleep at night, and you"d rather ride your broom out to play."

The broom said: "Witch, Witch, are you going to take me to dangerous caves to hunt for treasure tonight too?"

Mhm, she"s certainly a witch.

Wait a minute, that"s not the important thing.

Holy c.r.a.p! The furniture can talk!

Well okay, perhaps it wasn"t that big of a deal. After all, the furniture told her that they had been enchanted with anthropomorphization magic, so everything in her house could speak.

Still, the witch couldn"t accept this cruel reality. All she was doing was harmlessly taking a nap in the middle of cla.s.s, yet somehow she had still managed to transmigrate into this strange world?

Above all, the thing she couldn"t stand the most was probably…

Every time she went outside, an annoying voice would rattle on and on inside her head tormenting her.

Hurry up and curse someone.

Hurry up and poison someone.

Hurry up and abduct a baby.

Enough already! Such hogwash! Who the heck is messed up enough to crave doing bad things when they"re bored?!

The witch was very dismayed. Could it be that she looked like antisocial sociopathic loner, and that"s why she got stuck in this G.o.d awful setting?

Contrary to what it might seem, the witch wasn"t one of those ugly old hags with a face full of wrinkles at all. Rather, she was a young, fair-skinned, and cute girl.

It was an unforgivable sin that such a cute girl could be a witch in this setting.

But complaining was useless, as she was already a witch now.

The witch"s neighbor was a useless evil dragon, and every time she took the wine she brewed to trade for living essentials and foodstuffs, the good-for-nothing evil dragon would leisurely lounge on the strange rock in front of his nest with his front legs crossed, picking his teeth with the bones of an animal, as he teased her.

"Witch, Witch, aren"t you supposed to be an evil and malicious woman? Why are you dealing with those kinds of people? Shouldn"t you be doing some bad things already?"

"None of your G.o.dd.a.m.n business."

That"s right, this was her daily response.

Embracing the philosophy, "Since I can"t go home for now, I might as well get used to it," she went on to live her life quietly. When she felt lonely, she could chat with the furniture and talk about her feelings, so it wasn"t a bad way of happily living one"s life (…probably).

She could basically ignore that evil dragon that lived next door. Even though that guy had a bit of a potty mouth and liked mischief, he was actually rather docile.

Even though the witch mostly felt like this, there were inevitably days when completely unpredictable things happened.

Like today, for example.

It was a cloudless and sunny day, perfect weather for going out.

As such the witch filled her wine bottles at the brink of dawn with fruit wine that she brewed herself, and rushed before noon to a small village not far away to exchange for some money.

The villagers inside the settlement never realized that such a sweet girl could possibly be a witch, and treated her very well. Some good-natured people even thought she was a child from an impoverished household in a remote place, and would sometimes give her an extra large tip.

【 Go do something evil! That guy who just bought wine looks rich, so go curse him! 】

Witch: No way! I"m gonna become a fairy, whatchu you think of that, huh? Try me, try me, try me~

Fine. The voice her in head probably decided that it was no use no matter what it said, and it immediately quieted down. It was almost as if it gave up communicating through the mental link.

The witch felt like the voice was definitely mentally insane. And what better way to deal with it than to fight fire with fire? This was something that she had come to understand recently.

Mhm, it was extremely effective.

Whether it was because the witch had a cute face, or because her wine was especially tasty, it didn"t take long before she was completely sold out. In perfect satisfaction, she counted her money and carefully placed it into her wallet. Then she slung the lightweight and empty wine case over her back and rushed her way home.

Her home was located in the deepest part of the forest. The forest was enchanted with all kinds of magical traps, so ordinary people didn"t dare go exploring carelessly. It was gloomy, dark, quiet, and devoid of any signs of living things.

The witch easily undid one of the magic barriers and then quickened her pace towards her home. Her footsteps tread upon thick dead twigs and withered leaves, making crunching noises as she walked. Afterwards she would soon pa.s.s by the evil dragon"s lair, and that useless dragon was bound to say something annoying as she walked by.

She decided to sneak by quietly in order to avoid disturbing the dragon.

The witch circled around the old j.a.panese paG.o.da tree [1] by the evil dragon"s lair, tip-toeing as she tried to keep the noise down, but she unexpectedly b.u.mped into an impenetrable magic wall that had been set up in front of her.

"Witch, it"s dangerous." The wine case bristled uneasily, and the magic wand that was hidden in the pockets of her dress cautiously poked its head out.

"Witch, hurry and take me out, it seems like someone is watching you."

Even if the magic wand hadn"t said anything, the witch had already felt a presence behind her that was impossible to ignore. It felt like pins and needles, and it made her feel restless.

The reeking smell of blood drifted in the air. At first it was subtle, but then it became strong.

It was impossible to rid of this nauseating odor.

The witch hesitated for a long time, then finally turned around and headed towards the evil dragon"s nest. She swerved to the left of the big tree, and suddenly discovered a couple people standing before the large rock in front of the entrance of the evil dragon"s lair.

There were cold weapons in their hands. The evil dragon"s head had been mercilessly hacked off and was lying casually off to the side in the sand. Bright red blood dyed the ground scarlet.

"Witch, Witch, they killed the evil dragon."

"Witch, we should run, it"s dangerous."

The objects she was carrying cried out to her in alarm, but fear had instantly paralyzed her heart. She looked at this gruesome atrocity in horror, her mind completely blank.

Inadvertently, her eyes met with the leader of those people.

It was a young man. He was wearing an expensive hunting outfit made out of mink fur, a cloak on his shoulders, and wide sash on his waist. A sword dyed red with blood was in his hands.

The evil dragon was probably slain by the owner of this sharp sword. Looking at the dragon"s thorax, near the pit of his stomach, there was a gaping hole dripping with blood.

Blood had flowed onto the dirty sand in such quant.i.ties that it pooled into a sunken swamp, and it was a horrifically appalling sight.

"A witch?" The young man"s deep black pupils stared closely at her, and the expression in those eyes was especially strange.

The witch"s heart abruptly sank.

【 (O_O) 】

She"s just a pa.s.serby! Please don"t randomly kill an innocent person!

She"s a good guy!

"No, you"re mistaken. I"m just an innocent Traveler A, that"s all." She blinked her eyes innocently, desperately hoping that the harmlessness and honesty in her eyes could be conveyed to those group of b.a.s.t.a.r.ds. However, the reaction she received wasn"t quite what she expected, because that young man laughed.

Wait a minute, even if she had no idea why that guy revealed such a blood-curdling laugh, right now would be a really good time to retreat.

Dammit!

If she didn"t leave right now, it would be like waiting to be killed!

Author"s Notes:

This novel is an improper western fantasy x cursed individual setting. It"s a fantasy world that is completely the author"s imagination, and there"s a chance all kinds of strange things will happen. The writing style is childish/stupidly cute~ definitely not messed up at all. _(:з」∠)_

The female lead is a witch, and the male lead is an adorable guy who randomly switches from being cutesy, two-faced, demonic, and sly~ if you can"t stand reading about [genuine molesters], I recommend that you don"t read any further, because this novel is full of precisely that kind of thing.

Translator"s Notes:

[1] j.a.panese PaG.o.da Tree: all and welcome! For those of you who don"t know me (the translator) yet, I"m notorious for translating all kinds of twisted stuff and having really weird tastes. This project is really cute and fun, but trigger warnings are trigger warnings nonetheless. s.e.xually speaking, I"d rate this novel R15 for nonconsent/reluctance, and like the author warns, the ML is basically a shameless perverted molester. Graphically speaking, the author has quite a macabre mind and there"s quite a bit of blood, gore, and morbid humor. You know, the kind where cute fluffy bunnies explode in tomato juice. Some scenes can be actually quite disturbing, but I"ll try to put warnings when it comes. Other than that, if this sounds like your cup of tea, carry on reading! This is just a teaser project, but I"ll try my best translating too!