Chapter 2: The unusual daily life of a prince

The Prince Has All Kinds Of Strange Hobbies

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Translator: spicy.pudding

First Published on Ainushi.

The witch did not get her wish fulfilled.

Life was often just like this. Things that we hope for often run counter to reality, and choosing to run away from problems in the face of difficulty is just an excuse of the weak.

In short, talking about this k.u.mbaya chicken soup for the soul was useless. Who the heck gave a fudge anyways?

There was a magic barrier behind the witch"s back. It was transparent and colorless, and it shimmered with powerful magic. The expression on her cute face was completely stiff, and the man in the background continued to laugh heartily as before. He seemed to find something so hilarious that he couldn"t keep his waist straight.

In this terrifying, gory scene that reeked of b.l.o.o.d.y miasma everywhere, everyone present expressionlessly tightened their nerves as they stood in this tense confrontation. Only the devilish laughter of the man ruined the perfect picture of this moment.

The witch suddenly had a sudden peculiar thought about this scene—

"You b.a.s.t.a.r.d, are you making fun of me?"

"No, I"m making fun of everyone here, hahahah, bwahaha, hahahaha."

From the youth"s exceptionally clear and vivacious laughter, she once again felt that this world had stacked all kinds of misfortunes on her. Could it be that the word "witch" itself was considered a joke in this setting? No, the other bystanders were awkwardly standing around, and they seemed to be at a loss as well!

The evil voice in her head poked forward at this moment to cause trouble—

【See, he"s insulting you. They should all die, all of them should die! Hurry up and kill them! Chant your black magic and impale all of their feeble bodies.】

The witch"s mouth curled stiffly, and she laughed dryly. Her round and large eyes blinked as she scratched her head and looked towards the sky: "Is it… so funny?"

The youth wiped away the tears that had emerged from his laughter, and his snow-like silver white bangs covered his eyes. All you could see was his bright red thin lips tremble slightly, which looked exceptionally creepy.

He hung his head slightly, and his thin lips parted and closed. He whispered softly: "No, it"s not funny at all. I"m just… too happy."

No, he was ridiculing her? It must have been ridicule. No matter how one looked at it, there was no way that was an expression of happiness!

"I"m just a traveler! I"ll take my leave now! Sorry for interrupting." She knew that all of those people were crazy. After coming to this strange world for so many years, this was her first time encountering such dangerous nutcases. The further she steered clear of them, the better. Even if they tried to stop her, she"d force her way out. If it resulted in a fight, she wouldn"t necessarily lose to a bunch of dangerous men like them.

【Kill them all!】

The witch clutched her forehead painfully. Could that piece of junk not toss around reckless ideas at critical moments?! It was driving her insane.

"My beloved fair lady, you cannot leave." The youth lifted his head, but then immediately dropped his gaze again. He now appeared to be slightly embarra.s.sed. The dignified, slow, and gentle tone of his voice suddenly seemed as if it belonged to an entirely different person than the voice that was boldly cackling from before.

Why did it feel like this young prince had some kind of split personality disorder?

Her tender and beautiful face filled with alarm, and her hazy large pupils brimmed with fear. She had a very bad feeling about this, and he was beginning to frighten her.

"Your majesty, please do not go over!"

"Daniel, shut up."

As the youth advanced forward, the witch stepped back in panic. She backpedaled until her back accidentally touched the magic barrier, and the intense shock of magic caused her to rebound forward. She found herself flying straight ahead in an unfortunate state—

A pair of arms tightly grabbed her shoulders.

His hands squeezed her shoulders so tightly that she felt like her bones would grind to dust. A faint odor of blood immediately filled her nose, and her brow furrowed so deeply that it could have squeezed a housefly to death.

"Let me go." The witch struggled for a few moments unsuccessfully, and she became slightly angry. "Excuse your majesty, but is it really considered polite to grab a maiden like this without letting go?"

The youth"s attractive and mysterious facial features startled in confusion. His fair and handsome white face developed a pale pink blush. But after hearing the witch"s reproach, his reaction was still delayed. However amidst her struggling, she accidentally hit his angular-shaped nose with her hand, and his pale pink flush erupted into a tomato color and spread like a virus all over his face. The witch opened her mouth dumbfounded—

Why the heck was his face blushing red in embarra.s.sment like that?!

This kind of setting was completely unscientific!

Is he broken?! His dementia is on a whole different level! The fact that he"d blush, no, the fact that he"s smiling at her right now, oh f.u.c.k, his face is getting closer!!

The prince"s thick eyelashes shuddered. He closed his eyes and drew close and sniffed once.

"Smells good…"

Holy frick, he"s a pervert?

The witch stared at him in horror.

"Witch, Witch! He"s very dangerous!" The magic wand called with alarm from her hands. "Hurry and kill him!"

The trees around them began to sway frantically, and the sleeping robins that had laid nest there were startled awake. Birds chirped in alarm as they scattered and flew away from the branches. The old tree moved like it had been granted new life, and its thick roots rapidly flew forwards and attacked the youth menacingly. However, he very easily extended his hand and released an enormous magic spell to destroy it all.

Distracting him with an enveloping cage of brambles, the witch struggled free from his grip. However, as soon as she brandished her magic wand and destroyed the magic barrier, her wand was easily s.n.a.t.c.hed away from her.

Magic wand: "Let me go!"

Witch: "Let me go!"

The youth simply stuffed the magic wand into his shirt as he grabbed her arm. He was like a G.o.dd.a.m.n barnacle. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn"t shake him off.

The witch was exceptionally angry. She wanted to pay back this youngster twofold, so she thus began to chant an evil curse: "I bequeath on his majesty before me… mmfph!"

The strange prince had lowered his head and gently silenced her with a kiss right in front of her eyes.

What the heck?

Those warm lips were accompanied with a shuddering breath as it descended on her lips with an ephemeral ghostly touch, almost like it was handling an invaluable precious treasure, or perhaps a master thief gingerly stealing a coveted prize.

Witch: W-Wait a minute, what was with this sudden plot twist? Moments ago he just slew an enormous evil dragon, and now that he was facing an evil witch, shouldn"t he have just raised his sword and simply lopped her head straight off?

Holy f.u.c.k! He. Just. Kissed. Her!

"Please don"t speak such ugly and dangerous things. You"ll hurt my feelings." The prince"s gaze was slightly evasive, and he didn"t dare lift his head to meet her eyes. However, he didn"t seem to have gotten enough. He licked his lips. Her scent was lovely just as her lips were soft, and quite frankly they were more delicious than the sweetest desserts he had ever tasted.

He really wanted to keep kissing her, but he was afraid of scaring her too much.

Or so the rotten prince thought.

"You…" The witch was a pure-hearted young girl, and she refused to accept this kind of unacceptable act.

Ugh, why did this happen?!

Why did this piece of junk have to kiss her? Whywhywhywhywhy?!

Everyone present was struck dumb, right?

Look, all the bystanders to this incredible scene were all stupefied as they watched the folly of their own prince. Philandering women was extremely uncouth behavior, yet how could have these uncultured actions come from the hands of their very own esteemed prince?!

Bystander A rubbed his eyes: "Ai, there"s something fishy about all of this."

Bystander B: "I think I just saw His Majesty force himself on that lady called "Witch". Or um, perhaps I imagined it?"

Bystander C was in a frenzy: "Aghhhhhhh!!!! His Majesty!!! H-H-He… He!"

The atmosphere of this story has clearly already been thoroughly ruined by our prince, so not caring anymore in the slightest, our prince slung the protesting witch over his shoulder and nimbly made his way out of the dragon"s lair.

"Your majesty… where are you going?!"

"Don"t follow me. All of you can return to Engelmod first."

After the youth lightheartedly cast such irresponsible words, he strutted off with the witch on his shoulder, blatantly and clearly committing a crime. Slowly, the figures of the two of them disappeared from the line of sight of the soldiers.

"Let me go, you stupid idiot! You skirt-chasing, pervert, moronic, r.e.t.a.r.d!"

The landscape beside the road continued to change nonstop, and the witch"s mental state was close to crumbling. She lamentably cursed this deplorable man. With the way she hoisted up by her waist, her supple pitch-black hair hung like a waterfall similar to Sadako"s hair from The Ring [1] down the man"s back.

"I bequeath on his majesty before me… mmf! Mmfph! Mwwfhph~" Sorry, her speech was just sealed with magic.

The broken prince looked especially nervous. Err, although it was difficult to tell what he was tensed up about, he gently patted the restlessly struggling girl on the b.u.t.tocks. He lightly coughed twice, and then spoke with a voice as soft as a mosquito: "Don"t move so much, otherwise I"m afraid I might do some bad things."

The witch"s body suddenly turned rocked solid, and her eyes opened wide with alarm.

"W-What were you thinking?!" She wanted to stammer, as her resistance became much weaker.

Because they were flailing about on the road, her delicate and slender hands were constantly touching the prince"s body here and there. The prince"s ears twitched slightly, and they had turned an even lusher shade of red.

Those hands…

Uhh.

They kept touching his b.u.t.t.

"I suddenly felt exceptional longing and wanted to be in intimate contact with you. How to put it?"

He remembered that one of the eldest palace maids had once told him, as a man, he must bravely express his feelings of love towards others. Otherwise, he will lose many precious opportunities.

The prince conscientiously pondered how to formulate this feelings into words, as he stood under the crooked branched of a tree. After about twenty minutes pa.s.sed, he finally said stammeringly: "I-I might just want to throw myself on your body and—"

"Ugh, shut up!"

The wine case that hadn"t said anything until now suddenly spoke up doubtfully: "Witch, he"s saying he wants to go to our house and strip you of your clothes."

Witch (tearfully): You don"t have to tell me! I"m already scared!

But that said, it"s not like that b.a.s.t.a.r.d knows where her house is. Hmph! If she didn"t say, how would he find out, anyways?

"Little magic wand, where do you live?" The youth pulled out the wand from his shirt. "If you don"t say, I"ll snap you if half."

With his fingers squeezing the slender magic wand, he leisurely began a countdown: "One."

"Two."

Magic wand: "Arghhhh, it hurts! Please don"t be so brutal with me! I"ll speak."

The witch crumbled with a facepalm. Was the wand"s willpower really that poor? Why did it have to tell?! Wasn"t it supposed to protect its master"s secrets at all costs, even if it must die?!

"Our home is in the marsh behind two large trees. Please be delicate with me, your majesty, I"ll obediently show the way." The magic wand obtained its desired outcome as it rubbed against the youth"s fingers. Fortunately, the witch was being carried right now, otherwise if she saw its current a.s.s-kissing state, there wouldn"t be a need for the youth to do anything. She"d knash her teeth angrily and throw it back into the cauldron and re-make it from scratch herself.

Translator"s Notes:

[1] Sakado Yamamaru is a freakish-looking character from the famous j.a.panese horror film, Ring (1991).

All I can think of while translating this is Shrek…

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