IT would seem there is a whole dimension to the question "what is a "great" butler?"

I have hitherto not properly considered. It is, I must say, a rather unsettling experience to realize this about a matter so close to my heart, particularly one I have given much thought to over the years. But it strikes me I may have been a little hasty before in dismissing certain aspects of the Hayes Society"s criteria for membership. I have no wish, let me make clear, to retract any of my ideas on "dignity" and its crucial link with "greatness". But I have been thinking a little more about that other p.r.o.nouncement made by the Hayes Society - namely the admission that it was a prerequisite for membership of the Society that "the applicant be attached to a distinguished household". My feeling remains, no less than before, that this represents a piece of unthinking sn.o.bbery on the part of the Society. However, it occurs to me that perhaps what one takes objection to is, specifically, the outmoded understanding of what a "distinguished household" is, rather than to the general principle being expressed. Indeed, now that I think further on the matter, I believe it may well be true to say it is is a prerequisite of greatness that one "be attached to a distinguished household" - so long as one takes a prerequisite of greatness that one "be attached to a distinguished household" - so long as one takes "distinguished" here to have a meaning deeper than that understood by the Hayes Society.

In fact, a comparison of how I might interpret "a distinguished household" with what the Hayes Society understood by that term illuminates sharply, I believe, the fundamental difference between the values of our generation of butlers and those of the previous generation. When I say this, I am not merely drawing attention to the fact that our generation had a less sn.o.bbish att.i.tude as regards which employers were landed gentry and which were "business". What I am trying to say - and I do not think this an unfair comment - is that we were a much more idealistic generation. Where our elders might have been concerned with whether or not an employer was t.i.tled, or otherwise from one of the "old" families, we tended to concern ourselves much more with the moral status of an employer. I do not mean by this that we were preoccupied with our employers" private behaviour. What I mean is that we were ambitious, in a way that would have been unusual a generation before, to serve gentlemen who were, so to speak, furthering the progress of humanity. It would have been seen as a far worthier calling, for instance, to serve a gentleman such as Mr George Ketteridge, who, however humble his beginnings, has made an undeniable contribution to the future well-being of the empire, than any gentleman, however aristocratic his origin, who idled away his time in clubs or on golf courses.

In practice, of course, many gentlemen from the n.o.blest families have tended to devote themselves to alleviating the great problems of the day, and so, at a glance, it may have appeared that the ambitions of our generation differed little from those of our predecessors. But I can vouch there was a crucial distinction in att.i.tude, reflected not only in the sorts of things you would hear fellow professionals express to each other, but in the way many of the most able persons of our generation chose to leave one position for another. Such decisions were no longer a matter simply of wages, the size of staff at one"s disposal or the splendour of a family name; for our generation, I think it fair to say, professional prestige lay most significantly in the moral worth of one"s employer.

I believe I can best highlight the difference between the generations by expressing myself figuratively. Butlers of my father"s generation, I would say, tended to see the world in terms of a ladder - the houses of royalty, dukes and the lords from the oldest families placed at the top, those of "new money" lower down and so on, until one reached a point below which the hierarchy was determined simply by wealth - or the lack of it. Any butler with ambition simply did his best to climb as high up this ladder as possible, and by and large, the higher he went, the greater was his professional prestige. Such are, of course, precisely the values embodied in the Hayes Society"s idea of a "distinguished household", and the fact that it was confidently making such p.r.o.nouncements as late as 1929 shows clearly why the demise of that society was inevitable, if not long overdue. For by that time, such thinking was quite out of step with that of the finest men emerging to the forefront of our profession. For our generation, I believe it is accurate to say, viewed the world not as a ladder, but more as a wheel. wheel. Perhaps I might explain this further. It is my impression that our generation was the first to recognize something which had pa.s.sed the notice of all earlier generations: namely that the great decisions of the world are not, in fact, arrived at simply in the public chambers, or else during a handful of days given over to an international conference under the full gaze of the public and the press. Rather, debates are conducted, and crucial decisions arrived at, in the privacy and calm of the great houses of this country. What occurs under the public gaze with so much pomp and ceremony is often the conclusion, or mere ratification, of what has taken place over weeks or months within the walls of such houses. To us, then, the world was" a wheel, revolving with these great houses at the hub, their mighty decisions emanating out to all else, rich and poor, who revolved around them. It was the aspiration of all those of us with professional ambition to work our way as close to this hub as we were each of us capable. For we were, as I say, an idealistic generation for whom the question was not simply one of how well one practised one"s skills, but to Perhaps I might explain this further. It is my impression that our generation was the first to recognize something which had pa.s.sed the notice of all earlier generations: namely that the great decisions of the world are not, in fact, arrived at simply in the public chambers, or else during a handful of days given over to an international conference under the full gaze of the public and the press. Rather, debates are conducted, and crucial decisions arrived at, in the privacy and calm of the great houses of this country. What occurs under the public gaze with so much pomp and ceremony is often the conclusion, or mere ratification, of what has taken place over weeks or months within the walls of such houses. To us, then, the world was" a wheel, revolving with these great houses at the hub, their mighty decisions emanating out to all else, rich and poor, who revolved around them. It was the aspiration of all those of us with professional ambition to work our way as close to this hub as we were each of us capable. For we were, as I say, an idealistic generation for whom the question was not simply one of how well one practised one"s skills, but to what end what end one did so; each of us harboured the desire to make our own small contribution to the creation of a better world, and saw that, as professionals, the surest means of doing so would be to serve the great gentlemen of our times in whose hands civilization had been entrusted. one did so; each of us harboured the desire to make our own small contribution to the creation of a better world, and saw that, as professionals, the surest means of doing so would be to serve the great gentlemen of our times in whose hands civilization had been entrusted.

Of course, I am now speaking in broad generalizations and I would readily admit there were all too many persons of our generation who had no patience for such finer considerations. Conversely, I am sure there were many of my father"s generation who recognized instinctively this "moral" dimension to their work. But by and large, I believe these generalizations to be accurate, and indeed, such "idealistic" motivations as I have described have played a large part in my own career. I myself moved quite rapidly from employer to employer during my early career - being aware that these situations were incapable of bringing me lasting satisfaction before being rewarded at last with the opportunity to serve Lord Darlington.

It is curious that I have never until today thought of the matter in these terms; indeed, that through all those many hours we spent discussing the nature of "greatness" by the fire of our servants" hall, the likes of Mr Graham and I never considered this whole dimension to the question. And while I would not retract anything I have previously stated regarding the quality of "dignity", I must admit there is something to the argument that whatever the degree to which a butler has attained such a quality, if he has failed to find an appropriate outlet for his accomplishments he can hardly expect his fellows to consider him "great" . Certainly, it is observable that figures like Mr Marshall and Mr Lane have served only gentlemen of indisputable moral stature - Lord Wakeling, Lord Camberley, Sir Leonard Gray - and one cannot help get the impression that they simply would not have offered their talents to gentlemen of lesser calibre. Indeed, the more one considers it, the more obvious it seems: a.s.sociation with a truly truly distinguished household distinguished household is is a prerequisite of "greatness". A "great" butler can only be, surely, one who can point to his years of service and say that he has applied his talents to serving a great gentleman - and through the latter, to serving humanity. As I say, I have never in all these years thought of the matter in quite this way; but then it is perhaps in the nature of coming away on a trip such as this that one is prompted towards such surprising new perspectives on topics one imagined one had long ago thought through thoroughly. I have also, no doubt, been prompted to think along such lines by the small event that occurred an hour or 50 ago - which has, I admit, unsettled me somewhat. a prerequisite of "greatness". A "great" butler can only be, surely, one who can point to his years of service and say that he has applied his talents to serving a great gentleman - and through the latter, to serving humanity. As I say, I have never in all these years thought of the matter in quite this way; but then it is perhaps in the nature of coming away on a trip such as this that one is prompted towards such surprising new perspectives on topics one imagined one had long ago thought through thoroughly. I have also, no doubt, been prompted to think along such lines by the small event that occurred an hour or 50 ago - which has, I admit, unsettled me somewhat.

Having enjoyed a good morning"s motoring in splendid weather, and having lunched well at a country inn, I had just crossed the border into Dorset. It was then I had become aware of a heated smell emanating from the car engine. The thought that I had done some damage to my employer"s Ford was, of course, most alarming and I had quickly brought the vehicle to a halt.

I found myself in a narrow lane, hemmed in on either side by foliage so that I could gain little idea of what was around me. Neither could I see far ahead, the lane winding quite sharply twenty yards or so in front. It occurred to me that I could not remain where I was for long without incurring the risk of an oncoming vehicle coming round that same bend and colliding into my employer"s Ford. I thus started the engine again and was partially rea.s.sured to find that the smell seemed not as powerful as before.

My best course, I could see, was to look for a garage, or else a large house of a gentleman where there would be a good chance I might find a chauffeur who could see what the matter was. But the lane continued to wind for some distance, and the high hedges on either side of me also persisted, obscuring my vision so that though I pa.s.sed several gates, some of which clearly yielded on to driveways, I was unable to glimpse the houses themselves. I continued for another half-mile or so, the disturbing smell now growing stronger by the moment, until at last I came out on to a stretch of open road. I could now see some distance before me, and indeed, ahead to my left there loomed a tall Victorian house with a substantial front lawn and what was clearly a driveway converted from an old carriage track. As I drew up to it, I was encouraged further to glimpse a Bentley through the open doors of a garage attached to the main house.

The gate too had been left open and so I steered the Ford a little way up the drive, got out and made my way to the back door of the house. This was opened by a man dressed in his shirt sleeves, wearing no tie, but who, upon my asking for the chauffeur of the house, replied cheerfully that I had "hit the jackpot first time". On hearing of my problem, the man without hesitation came out to the Ford, opened the bonnet and informed me after barely a few seconds" inspection: "Water, guv. You need some water in your radiator." He seemed to be rather amused by the whole situation, but was obliging enough; he returned inside the house and after a few moments emerged again with a jug of water and a funnel. As he filled the radiator, his head bent over the engine, he began to chat amiably, and on ascertaining that I was undertaking a motoring tour of the area, recommended I visit a local beauty spot, a certain pond not half a mile away.

I had had in the meantime more opportunity to observe the house; it was taller than it was broad, comprising four floors, with ivy covering much of the front right up to the gables. I could see from its windows, however, that at least half of it was dust-sheeted. I remarked on this to the man once he had finished with the radiator and closed the bonnet. "

"A shame really," he said. "It"s a lovely old house. Truth is, the Colonel"s trying to sell the place off. He ain"t got much use for a house this size now." I could not help inquiring then how many staff were employed there, and I suppose I was hardly surprised to be told there was only himself and a cook who came in each evening. He was, it seemed, butler, valet, chauffeur and general cleaner. He had been the Colonel"s batman in the war, he explained; they had been in Belgium together when the Germans had invaded and they had been together again for the Allied landing. Then he regarded me carefully and said: "Now I got it. I couldn"t make you out for a while, but now I got it. You"re one of them top-notch butlers. From one of them big posh houses."

When I told him he was not so far off the mark, he continued: "Now I got it. Couldn"t make you out for a while, see, cause you talk almost like a gentleman. And what with you driving an old beauty like this" - he gestured to the Ford - "I thought at first, here"s a really posh geezer. And so you are, guv. Really posh, I mean. I never learnt any of that myself, you see. I"m just a plain old batman gone civvy."

He then asked me where it was I was employed, and when I told him he leant his head to one side with a quizzical look.

"Darlington Hall," he said to himself. "Darlington Hall. Must be a really posh place, it rings a bell even to an idiot like yours truly. Darlington Hall. Hang on, you don"t mean Darlington Darlington Hall, Lord Darlington"s place?" Hall, Lord Darlington"s place?"

"It was Lord Darlington"s residence until his death three years ago," I informed him. "The house is now the residence of Mr John Farraday, an American gentleman."

"You really must be top-notch working in a place like that. Can"t be many like you left, eh?" Then his voice changed noticeably as he inquired: "You mean you actually used to work for that Lord Darlington?"

He was eyeing me carefully again. I said: "Oh no, I am employed by Mr John Farraday, the American gentleman who bought the house from the Darlington family."

"Oh, so you wouldn"t have known that Lord Darlington. Just that I wondered what he was like. What sort of bloke he was."

I told the man that I would have to be on my way and thanked him emphatically for his a.s.sistance. He was, after all, an amiable fellow, taking the trouble to guide me in reversing out through the gateway, and before I parted, he bent down and recommended again that I visit the local pond, repeating his instructions on how I would find it.

"It"s a beautiful little spot," he added. "You"ll kick yourself for missing it. In fact, the Colonel"s doing a bit of fishing there this minute."

The Ford seemed to be in fine form again, and since the pond in question was but a small detour off my route, I decided to take up the batman"s suggestion. His directions had seemed clear enough, but once I had turned off the main road in an attempt to follow them, I found myself getting lost down narrow, twisting lanes much like the one in which I had first noticed the alarming smell. At times, the foliage on either side became so thick as practically to blot out the sun altogether, and one found one"s eyes struggling to cope with the sudden contrasts of bright sunlight and deep shade. Eventually, however, after some searching, I found a signpost to "Mortimer"s Pond", and so it was that I arrived here at this spot a little over half an hour ago.

I now find myself much indebted to the batman, for quite aside from a.s.sisting with the Ford, he has allowed me to discover a most charming spot which it is most improbable I would ever have found otherwise. The pond is not a large one - a quarter of a mile around its perimeter perhaps - so that by stepping out to any promontory, one can command a view of its entirety. An atmosphere of great calm pervades here. Trees have been planted all around the water just closely enough to give a pleasant shade to the banks, while here and there cl.u.s.ters of tall reeds and bulrushes break the water"s surface and its still reflection of the sky. My footwear is not such as to permit me easily to walk around the perimeter - I can see even from where I now sit the path disappearing into areas of deep mud - but I will say that such is the charm of this spot that on first arriving, I was sorely tempted to do just that. Only the thought of the possible catastrophes that might befall such an expedition, and of sustaining damage to my travelling suit, persuaded me to content myself with sitting here on this bench. And so I have done for the past half-hour, contemplatin8 the progress of the various figures seated quietly with their fishing rods at various points around the water. At this point, I can see a dozen or so such figures, but the strong lights and shades created by the low-hanging branches prevent me from making any of them out clearly and I have had to forgo the small game I had been antic.i.p.ating of guessing which of these fishermen is the Colonel at whose house I have just received such useful a.s.sistance.

It is no doubt the quiet of these surroundings that has enabled me to ponder all the more thoroughly these thoughts which have entered my mind over this past half-hour or so. Indeed, but for the tranquillity of the present setting, it is possible I would not have thought a great deal further about my behaviour during my encounter with the batman. That is to say, I may not have thought further why it was that I had given the distinct impression I had never been in the employ of Lord Darlington. For surely, there is no real doubt that is what occurred. He had asked: "You mean you actually worked for that Lord Darlington?" and I had given an answer which could mean little other than that I had not. It could simply be that a meaningless whim had suddenly overtaken me at that moment - but that is hardly a convincing way to account for such distinctly odd behaviour. In any case, I have now come to accept that the incident with the batman is not the first of its kind; there is little doubt it has some connection - "though I am not quite clear of the nature of it - with what occurred a few months ago during the visit of the Wakefields.

Mr and Mrs Wakefield are an American couple who have been settled in England - somewhere in Kent, I understand - for some twenty years. Having a number of acquaintances in common with Mr Farraday amidst Boston society, they paid a short visit one day to Darlington Hall, staying for lunch and leaving before tea. I now refer to a time only a few weeks after Mr Farraday had himself arrived at the house, a time when his enthusiasm for his acquisition was at a height; consequently, much of the Wakefields" visit was taken up with my employer leading them on what might have seemed to some an unnecessarily extensive tour of the premises, including all the dust-sheeted areas. Mr and Mrs Wakefield, however, appeared to be as keen on the inspection as Mr Farraday, and as I went about my business, I would often catch various American exclamations of delight coming from whichever part of the house they had arrived at. Mr Farraday had commenced the tour at the top of the house, and by the time he had brought his guests down to inspect the magnificence of the ground-floor rooms, he seemed to be on an elevated plane, pointing out details on corn icings and window frames, and describing with some flourish "what the English lords used to do" in each room. Although of course I made no deliberate attempt to overhear, I could not help but get the gist of what was being said, and was surprised by the extent of my employer"s knowledge, which, despite the occasional infelicity, betrayed a deep enthusiasm for English ways. It was noticeable, moreover, that the Wakefields - Mrs Wakefield in particular - were themselves by no means ignorant of the traditions of our country, and one gathered from the many remarks they made that they too were owners of an English house of some splendour.

I t was at a certain stage during this tour of the premises - I was crossing the hall under the impression that the party had gone out to explore the grounds - when I saw that Mrs Wakefield had remained behind and was closely examining the stone arch that frames the doorway into the dining room. As I went past, muttering a quiet "excuse me, madam," she turned and said: "Oh, Stevens, perhaps you"re the one to tell me.

This arch here looks looks seventeenth century, but isn"t it the case that it was built quite recently? Perhaps during Lord Darlington"s time?" seventeenth century, but isn"t it the case that it was built quite recently? Perhaps during Lord Darlington"s time?"

"It is possible, madam."

"It"s very beautiful. But it is probably a kind of mock period piece done only a few years ago. Isn"t that right?"

"I"m not sure, madam, but that is certainly possible."

Then, lowering her voice, Mrs Wakefield had said: "But tell me, Stevens, what was this Lord Darlington like? Presumably you must have worked for him."

"I didn"t, madam, no."

"Oh, I thought you did. I wonder why I thought that."

Mrs Wakefield turned back to the arch and putting her hand to it, said: "So we don"t know for certain then. Still, it looks to me like it"s mock. Very skilful," but mock."

It is possible I might have quickly forgotten this exchange; however, following the Wakefields" departure, I took in afternoon tea to Mr Farraday in the drawing room and noticed he was in a rather preoccupied mood. After an initial silence, he said: "You know, Stevens, Mrs Wakefield wasn"t as impressed with this house as I believe she ought to have been."

"Is that so, sir?"

"In fact, she seemed to think I was exaggerating the pedigree of this place. That I was making it up about all these features going back centuries."

"She kept a.s.serting everything was "mock" this and "mock" that. She even thought you were "mock", Stevens."

"Indeed, sir?"

"Indeed, Stevens. I"d told her you were the real thing. A real old English butler. That you"d been in this house for over thirty years, serving a real English lord. But Mrs Wakefield contradicted me on this point. In fact, she contradicted me with great confidence."

"Is that so, sir?"

"Mrs Wakefield, Stevens, was convinced you never worked here until I hired you. In fact, she seemed to be under the impression she"d had that from your own lips. Made me look pretty much a fool, as you can imagine."

"It"s most regrettable, sir."

"I mean to say, Stevens, this is a genuine grand old English house, isn"t it? That"s what I paid for. And you"re a genuine old-fashioned English butler, not just some waiter pretending to be one. You"re the real thing, aren"t you? That"s what I wanted, isn"t that what I have?"

"I venture to say you do, sir."

"Then can you explain to me what Mrs Wakefield is saying? It"s a big mystery to me."

"It is possible I may well have given the lady a slightly misleading picture concerning my career, sir. I do apologize if this caused embarra.s.sment."

"I"ll say it caused embarra.s.sment. Those people have now got me down for a braggart and a liar. Anyway, what do you mean, you may have given her a "slightly misleading picture"?"

"I"m very sorry, sir. I had no idea I might cause you such embarra.s.sment."

"But dammit, Stevens, why did you tell her such a tale?" I considered the situation for a moment, then said: "I"m very sorry, sir. But it is to do with the ways of this country."

"What are you talking about, man?"

"I mean to say, sir, that it is not customary in England for an employee to discuss his past employers."

"OK, Stevens, so you don"t wish to divulge past confidences. But does that extend to you actually denying having worked for anyone other than me?"

"It does seem a little extreme when you put it that way, sir. But it has often been considered desirable for employees to give such an impression. If I may put it this way, sir, it is a little akin to the custom as regards marriages. If a divorced lady were present in the company of her second husband, it is often thought desirable not to allude to the original marriage at all. There is a similar custom as regards our profession, sir."

"Well, I only wish I"d known about your custom before, Stevens," my employer said, leaning back in his chair. "It certainly made me look like a chump." I believe I realized even at the time that my explanation to Mr Farraday - though, of course, not entirely devoid of truth - was woefully inadequate. But when one has so much else to think about, it is easy not to give such matters a great deal of attention, and so I did, indeed, put the whole episode out of my mind for some time. But now, recalling it here in the calm that surrounds this pond, there seems little doubt that my conduct towards Mrs Wakefield that day has an obvious relation to what has just taken place this afternoon.

Of course, there are many people these days who have a lot of foolish things to say about Lord Darlington, and it may be that you are under the impression I am somehow embarra.s.sed or ashamed of my a.s.sociation with his lordship, and it is this that lies behind such conduct. Then let me make it clear that nothing could be further from the truth. The great majority of what one hears said about his lordship today is, in any case, utter nonsense, based on an almost complete ignorance of the facts. Indeed, it seems to me that my odd conduct can be very plausibly explained in terms of my wish to avoid any possibility of hearing any further such nonsense concerning his lordship; that is to say, I have chosen to tell white lies in both instances as the simplest means of avoiding unpleasantness. This does seem a very plausible explanation the more I think about it; for it is true, nothing vexes me more these days than to hear this sort of nonsense being repeated. Let me say that Lord Darlington was a gentleman of great moral stature - a stature to dwarf most of these persons you will find talking this sort of nonsense about him - and I will readily vouch that he remained that to the last. Nothing could be less accurate than to suggest that I regret my a.s.sociation with such a gentleman. Indeed, you will appreciate that to have served his lordship at Darlington Hall during those years was to come as close to the hub of this world"s wheel as one such as I could ever have dreamt. I gave thirty-five years" service to Lord Darlington; one would surely not be unjustified in claiming that during those years, one was, in the truest terms, "attached to a distinguished household". In looking back over my career thus far, my chief satisfaction derives from what I achieved during those years, and I am today nothing but proud and grateful to have been given such a privilege.

Day Three - Morning

Taunton, Somerset

I LODGED last night in an inn named the Coach and Horses a little way outside the town of Taunton, Somerset. This being a thatch-roofed cottage by the roadside, it had looked a conspicuously attractive prospect from the Ford as I had approached in the last of the daylight. The landlord led me up a timber stairway to a small room, rather bare, but perfectly decent. When he inquired whether I had dined, I asked him to serve me with a sandwich in my room, which proved a perfectly satisfactory option as far as supper was concerned. But then as the evening drew on, I began to feel a little restless in my room, and in the end decided to descend to the bar below to try a little of the local cider.

There were five or six customers all gathered in a group around the bar - one guessed from their appearance they were agricultural people of one sort or another - but otherwise the room was empty. Acquiring a tankard of cider from the landlord, I seated myself at a table a little way away, intending to relax a little and collect my thoughts concerning the day. It soon became clear, however, that these local people were perturbed by my presence, feeling something of a need to show hospitality. Whenever there was a break in their conversation, one or the other of them would steal a glance in my direction as though trying to find it in himself to approach me. Eventually one raised his voice and said to me: "It seems you"ve let yourself in for a night upstairs here, sir." When I told him this was so, the speaker shook his head doubtfully and remarked: "You won"t get much of a sleep up there, sir. Not unless you"re fond of the sound of old Bob" - he indicated the landlord - "banging away down here right the way into the night. And then you"ll get woken by his missus shouting at him right from the crack of dawn."

Despite the landlord"s protests, this caused loud laughter all round.

"Is that indeed so?" I said. And as I spoke, I was struck by the thought - the same thought as had struck me on numerous occasions of late in Mr Farraday"s presence - that some sort of witty retort was required "of me. Indeed, the local people were now observing a polite silence, awaiting my next remark. I thus searched my imagination and eventually declared: "A local variation on the c.o.c.k crow, no doubt." At first the silence continued, as though the local persons thought I intended to elaborate further. But then noticing the mirthful expression on my face, they broke into a laugh, though in a somewhat bemused fashion. With this, they returned to their previous conversation, and I exchanged no further words with them until exchanging good nights a little while later.

I had been rather pleased with my witticism when it had first come into my head, and I must confess I was slightly disappointed it had not been better received than it was. I was particularly disappointed, I suppose, because I have been devoting some time and effort over recent months to improving my skill in this very area. That is to say, I have been endeavouring to add this skill to my professional armoury so as to fulfil with confidence all Mr Farraday"s expectations with respect to bantering.

For instance, I have of late taken to listening to the wireless in my room whenever I find myself with a few spare moments - on those occasions, say, when Mr Farraday is out for the evening. One programme I listen to is called Twice a Week Twice a Week or More, or More, which is in fact broadcast three times each week, and basically comprises two persons making humorous comments on a variety of topics raised by readers" which is in fact broadcast three times each week, and basically comprises two persons making humorous comments on a variety of topics raised by readers"

letters. I have been studying this programme because the witticisms performed on it are always in the best of taste and, to my mind, of a tone not at all out of keeping with the sort of bantering Mr Farraday might expect on my part. Taking my cue from this programme, I have devised a simple exercise which I try to perform at least once a day; whenever an odd moment presents itself, I attempt to formulate three witticisms based on my immediate surroundings at that moment. Or, as a variation on this same exercise, I may attempt to think of three witticisms based on the events of the past hour.

You will perhaps appreciate then my disappointment concerning my witticism yesterday evening. At first, I had thought it possible its limited success was due to my not having spoken clearly enough. But then the possibility occurred to me, once I had retired, that I might actually have given these people offence. After all, it could easily have been understood that I was suggesting the landlord"s wife resembled a c.o.c.kerel - an intention that had not remotely entered my head at the time. This thought continued to torment me as I tried to sleep, and I had half a mind to make an apology to the landlord this morning. But his mood towards me as he served breakfast seemed perfectly cheerful and in the end I decided to let the matter rest.

But this small episode is as good an ill.u.s.tration as any of the hazards of uttering witticisms. By the very nature of a witticism, one is given very little time to a.s.sess its various possible repercussions before one is called to give voice to it, and one gravely risks uttering all manner of unsuitable things if one has not first acquired the necessary skill and experience. There is no reason to suppose this is not an area in which I will become proficient given time and practice, but, such are the dangers, I have decided it best, for the time being at least, not to attempt to discharge this duty in respect of Mr Farraday until I have practised further. In any case, I am sorry to report that what the local people had themselves offered last night as a witticism of sorts - the prediction that I would not have a good night owing to disturbances from below - proved only too true. The landlord"s wife did not actually shout, but one could hear her talking incessantly both late into the night as she and her husband went about their tasks, and again from very early this morning. I was quite prepared to forgive the couple, however, for it was clear they were of diligent hard-working habits, and the noise, I am sure, was all attributable to this fact. Besides, of course, there had been the matter of my unfortunate remark. I thus gave no indication of having had a disturbed night when I thanked the landlord and took my leave to explore the market town of Taunton. Perhaps I might have done better to have lodged here in this establishment where I now sit enjoying a pleasant mid-morning cup of tea. For indeed, the notice outside advertises not only "teas, snacks and cakes", but also "clean, quiet, comfortable rooms". It is situated on the high street of Taunton, very close to the market square, a somewhat sunken building, its exterior characterized by heavy dark timber beams. I am at present sitting in its s.p.a.cious tea-room, oak-panelled, with enough tables to accommodate, I would guess, two dozen people without a feeling of crowding. Two cheery young girls serve from behind a counter displaying a good selection of cakes and pastries. All in all, this is an excellent place to partake of morning tea, but surprisingly few of the inhabitants of Taunton seem to wish to avail themselves of it. At present, my only companions are two elderly ladies, sitting abreast one another at a table along the opposite wall, and a man - perhaps a retired farmer - at a table beside one of the large bay windows. I am unable to discern him clearly because the bright morning sunlight has for the moment reduced him to a silhouette. But I can see him studying his newspaper, breaking off regularly to look up at the pa.s.sers-by on the pavement outside. From the way he does this, I had thought at first that he was waiting for a companion, but it would seem he wishes merely to greet acquaintances as they pa.s.s by.

I am myself ensconced almost at the back wall, but even across the distance of this room, I can see clearly out into the sunlit street, and am able to make out on the pavement opposite a signpost pointing out several nearby destinations. One of these destinations is the village of Mursden. Perhaps "Mursden" will ring a bell for you, as it did for me upon my first spotting it on the road atlas yesterday. In fact, I must say I was even tempted to make a slight detour from my planned route just to see the village. Mursden, Somerset, was where the firm of Giffen and Co. was once situated, and it was to Mursden one was required to dispatch one"s order for a supply of Giffen"s. dark candles of polish, "to be flaked, mixed into wax and applied by hand". For some time, Giffen"s. was undoubtedly the finest silver polish available, and it was only the appearance of new chemical substances on the market shortly before the war that caused demand for this impressive product to decline.

As I remember, Giffen"s appeared at the beginning of the twenties, and I am sure I am not alone in closely a.s.sociating its emergence with that change of mood within our profession - that change which came to push the polishing of silver to the position of central importance it still by and large maintains today. This shift was, I believe, like so many other major shifts around this period, a generational matter; it was during these years that our generation of butlers "came of age", and figures like Mr Marshall, in particular, played a crucial part in making silver-polishing so central. This is not to suggest, of course, that the polishing of silver - particularly those items that would appear at table - was not always regarded a serious duty. But it would not be unfair to suggest that many butlers of, say, my father"s generation did not consider the matter such a key one, and this is evidenced by the fact that in those days, the butler of a household rarely supervised the polishing of silver directly, being content to leave it to, say, the under-butler"s whims, carrying out inspections only intermittently" It was Mr Marshall, it is generally agreed, who was the first to recognize the Nil significance of silver - namely, that no other objects in the house were likely to come under such intimate scrutiny from outsiders as was silver during a meal, and as such, it served as a public index of a house"s standards. And Mr Marshall it was who first caused stupefaction amongst ladies and gentlemen visiting Charleville House with displays of silver polished to previously unimagined standards. Very soon, naturally, butlers up and down the country, under pressure from their employers, were focusing their minds on the question of silver-polishing. There quickly sprang up, I recall, various butlers, each claiming to have discovered methods by which they could surpa.s.s Mr Marshall - methods they made a great show of keeping secret, as though they were French chefs guarding their recipes. But I am confident - as I was then - that the sorts of elaborate and mysterious processes performed by someone like Mr Jack Neighbours had little or no discernible effect on the end result. As far as I was concerned, it was a simple enough matter: one used good polish, and one supervised closely. Giffen"s was the polish ordered by all discerning butlers of the time, and if this product was used correctly, one had no fear of one"s silver being second best to anybody"s.

I am glad to be able to recall numerous occasions when the silver at Darlington Hall had a pleasing impact upon observers. For instance, I recall Lady Astor remarking, not without a certain bitterness, that our silver "was probably unrivalled". I recall also watching Mr George Bernard Shaw, the renowned playwright, at dinner one evening, examining closely the dessert spoon before him, holding it up to the light and comparing its surface to that of a nearby platter, quite oblivious to the company around him. But perhaps the instance I recall with most satisfaction today concerns the night that a certain distinguished personage - a cabinet minister, shortly afterwards to become foreign secretary - paid a very "off the record" visit to the house~ In fact, now that the subsequent fruits of those visits have become well doc.u.mented, there seems little reason not to reveal that I am talking of Lord Halifax.

As things turned out, that particular visit was simply the first of a whole series of such "unofficial" meetings between Lord Halifax and the German Amba.s.sador of that time, Herr Ribbentrop. But on that first night, Lord Halifax had arrived in a mood of great wariness; virtually his first words on being shown in were: "Really, Darlington, I don"t know what you"ve put me up to here. I know I shall be sorry." Herr Ribbentrop not being expected for a further hour or so, his lordship had suggested to his guest a tour of Darlington Hall - a strategy which had helped many a nervous visitor to relax. However, as I went about my business, all I could hear for some time was Lord Halifax, in various parts of the building, continuing to express his doubts about the evening ahead, and Lord Darlington trying in vain to rea.s.sure him. But then at one point I overheard Lord Halifax exclaiming: "My goodness, Darlington, the silver in this house is a delight." I was of course very pleased to hear this at the time, but what was for me the truly satisfying corollary to this episode came two or three days later, when Lord Darlington remarked to me: "By the way, Stevens, Lord Halifax was jolly impressed with the silver the other night. Put him into a quite different frame of mind altogether." These were - I recollect it clearly - his lordship"s actual words and so it is not simply my fantasy that the state of the silver had made a small, but significant contribution towards the easing of relations between Lord Halifax and Herr Ribbentrop that evening. It is probably apt at this point to say a few words concerning Herr Ribbentrop. It is, of course, generally accepted today that Herr Ribbentrop was a trickster: that it was. .h.i.tler"s plan throughout those years to deceive England for as long as possible concerning his true intentions, and that Herr Ribbentrop"s sole mission in our country was to orchestrate this deception. As I say, this is the commonly held view and I do not wish to differ with it here. It is, however, rather irksome to have to hear people talking today as though they were never for a moment taken in by Herr Ribbentrop - as though Lord Darlington was alone in believing Herr Ribbentrop an honourable gentleman and developing a working relationship with him. The truth is that Herr Ribbentrop was, throughout the thirties, a well-regarded figure, even a glamorous one, in the very best houses. Particularly around 1936 and 1937, I can recall all the talk in the servants" hall from visiting staff revolving around "the German Amba.s.sador", and it was clear from what was said that many of the most distinguished ladies and gentlemen in this country were quite enamoured of him. It is, as I say, irksome to have to hear the way these same people now talk of those times, and in particular, what some have said concerning his lordship. The great hypocrisy of these persons would be instantly obvious to. you were you to see just a few of their own guest lists from those days; you would see then not only the extent to which Herr Ribbentrop dined at these same persons" tables, but that he often did so as guest of honour.

And then again, you will hear these same persons talking as though Lord Darlington did something unusual in receiving hospitality from the n.a.z.is on the several trips he made to Germany during those years. I do not suppose they would speak quite so readily if, say, The Times The Times were to publish even one of the guest lists of the banquets given by the Germans around the time of the Nuremberg Rally. The fact is, the most established, respected ladies and gentlemen in England were availing themselves of the hospitality of the German leaders, and I can vouch at first hand. that the great majority of these persons were returning with nothing but praise and admiration for their hosts. Anyone who implies that Lord Darlington was liaising covertly with-a known enemy is just conveniently forgetting the true climate of those times. were to publish even one of the guest lists of the banquets given by the Germans around the time of the Nuremberg Rally. The fact is, the most established, respected ladies and gentlemen in England were availing themselves of the hospitality of the German leaders, and I can vouch at first hand. that the great majority of these persons were returning with nothing but praise and admiration for their hosts. Anyone who implies that Lord Darlington was liaising covertly with-a known enemy is just conveniently forgetting the true climate of those times.

It needs to be said too what salacious nonsense it is to claim that Lord Darlington was anti-Semitic, or that he had close a.s.sociation with organizations like the British Union of Fascists. Such claims can only arise from complete ignorance of the sort of gentleman his lordship was. Lord Darlington came to abhor anti-Semitism; I heard him express his disgust on several separate occasions when confronted with anti-Semitic sentiments. And the allegation that his lordship never allowed Jewish people to enter the house or any Jewish staff to be employed is utterly unfounded - except, perhaps, in respect to one very minor episode in the thirties which has been blown up out of all proportion. And as for the British Union of Fascists, I can only say that any talk linking his lordship to such people is quite ridiculous. Sir Oswald Mosley, the gentleman who led the "blackshirts", was a visitor at Darlington Hall on, I would say, three occasions at the most, and these visits all took place during the early days of that organization before it had betrayed its true nature. Once the ugliness of the blackshirts" movement became apparent - and let it be said his lordship was quicker than most in noticing it - Lord Darlington had no further a.s.sociation with such people.

In any case, such organizations were a complete irrelevance to the heart of political life in this country. Lord Darlington, you will understand, was the sort of gentleman who cared to occupy himself only with what was at the true centre of things, and the figures he gathered together in his efforts over those years were as far away from such unpleasant fringe groups as one could imagine. Not only were they eminently respectable, these were figures who held real influence in British life: politicians, diplomats, military men, clergy. Indeed, some of the personages were Jewish, and this fact alone should demonstrate how nonsensical is much of what has been said about his lordship.

But I drift. I was in fact discussing the silver, and how Lord Halifax had been suitably impressed on the evening of his meeting with Herr Ribbentrop at Darlington Hall. Let me make clear, I was not for a moment suggesting that what had initially threatened to be a disappointing evening for my employer had turned into a triumphant one solely on account of the silver. But then, as I indicated, Lord Darlington himself suggested that the silver might have been at least a small factor in the change in his guest"s mood that evening, and it is perhaps not absurd to think back to such instances with a glow of satisfaction.

There are certain members of our profession who would have it that it ultimately makes little difference what sort of employer one serves; who believe that the sort of idealism prevalent amongst our generation - namely the notion that we butlers should aspire to serve those great gentlemen who further the cause of humanity - is just high-flown talk with no grounding in reality. It is of course noticeable that the individuals who express such scepticism invariably turn out to be the most mediocre of our profession - those who know they lack the ability to progress to any position of note and who aspire only to drag as many down to their own level as possible - and one is hardly tempted to take such opinions seriously. But for all that, it is still satisfying to be able to point to instances in one"s career that highlight very clearly how wrong such people are. Of course, one seeks to provide a general, sustained service to one"s employer, the value of which could never be reduced to a number of specific instances - such as that concerning Lord Halifax. But what I am saying is that it is these sorts of instances which over time come to symbolize an irrefutable fact; namely that one has had the privilege of practising one"s profession at the very fulcrum of great affairs. And one has a right, perhaps, to feel a satisfaction those content to serve mediocre employers will never know - the satisfaction of being able to say with some reason that one"s efforts, in however modest a way, comprise a contribution to the course of history.

But perhaps one should not be looking back to the past so much. After all, I still have before me many more years of service I am required to give. And not only is Mr Farraday a most excellent employer, he is an American gentleman to whom, surely, one has a special duty to show all that is best about service in England. It is essential, then, .lto keep one"s attention focused on the present; to guard against any complacency creeping in on account of what one may have achieved in the past. For it has to be admitted, over these last few months, things have not been all they might at Darlington Hall. A number of small errors have surfaced of late, including that incident last April relating to the silver. Most fortunately, it was not an occasion on which Mr Farraday had guests, but even so, it was a moment of genuine embarra.s.sment to me.

I t had occurred at breakfast one morning, and for his part; Mr Farraday - either through kindness, or because being an American he failed to recognize the extent of the shortcoming - did not utter one word of complaint to me throughout the whole episode. He had, upon seating himself, simply picked up the fork, examined it for a brief second, touching the p.r.o.ngs with a fingertip, then turned his attention to the morning headlines. The whole gesture had been carried out in an absent-minded sort of way, but of course, I had spotted the occurrence and had advanced swiftly to remove the offending item. I may in fact have done so a little too swiftly on account of my disturbance, for Mr Farraday gave a small start, muttering: "Ah, Stevens."

I had continued to proceed swiftly out of the room, returning without undue delay bearing a satisfactory fork. As I advanced again upon the table - and a Mr Farraday now apparently absorbed in his newspaper - it occurred to me I might slip the fork on to the tablecloth quietly without disturbing my employer"s reading. However, the possibility had already occurred to me that Mr Farraday was simply feigning indifference in order to minimize my embarra.s.sment, and such a surrept.i.tious delivery could be interpreted as complacency on my part towards my error - or worse, an attempt to cover it up.

I This was why, then, I decided it appropriate to put the fork down on to the table with a certain emphasis, causing my employer to start a second time, look up and mutter again: "Ah, Stevens."

Errors such as these which have occurred over the last few months have been, naturally enough, injurious to one"s self-respect, but then there is no reason to believe them to be the signs of anything more sinister than a staff shortage. Not that a staff shortage is not significant in itself; but if Miss Kenton were indeed to return to Darlington Hall, such little slips, I am sure, would become a thing of the past. Of course, one has to remember there is nothing stated specifically in Miss Kenton"s letter - which, incidentally, I reread last night up in my room before putting out the light - to indicate unambiguously her desire to return to her former position. In fact, one has to accept the distinct possibility that one may have previously - perhaps through wishful thinking of a professional kind - exaggerated what evidence there was regarding such a desire on her part. For I must say I was a little surprised last night at how difficult it was actually to point to any pa.s.sage which clearly demonstrated her wish to return.

But then again, it seems hardly worthwhile to speculate greatly on such matters now when one knows one will, in all likelihood, be talking face to face with Miss Kenton within forty-eight hours. Still, I must say, I did spend some long minutes turning those pa.s.sages over in my mind last night as I lay there in the darkness, listening to the sounds from below of the landlord and hi- wife clearing up for the night.

Day Three - Evening

Mos...o...b.., near Tavistock, Devon

I FEEL I should perhaps return a moment to the question of his lordship"s att.i.tude to Jewish persons, since this whole issue of anti Semitism, I realize, has become a rather sensitive one these days. In particular, let me clear up this matter of a supposed bar against Jewish persons on the staff at Darlington Hall. Since this allegation falls very directly into my own realm, I am able to refute it with absolute authority. There were many Jewish persons on my staff throughout all my years with his lordship, and let me say furthermore that they were never treated in any way differently on account of their race. One really cannot guess the reason for these absurd allegations - unless, quite ludicrously, they originate from that brief, entirely insignificant few weeks in the early thirties when Mrs Carolyn Barnet came to wield an unusual influence over his lordship.

Mrs Barnet, the widow of Mr Charles Barnet, was at that point in her forties - a very handsome, some might say glamorous lady. She had a reputation for being formidably intelligent, and in those days one often tended to hear of how she had humiliated this or that learned gentleman at dinner over some important contemporary issue. For much of the summer of 1932, she was a regular presence at Darlington Hall, she and his lordship often spending hour after hour deep in conversation, typically of a social or political nature. And it was Mrs Barnet, as I recall, who took his lordship on those "guided inspections" of the poorest areas of London"s East End, during which his lordship visited the actual homes of many of the families suffering the desperate plight) of those years. That is to say, Mrs Barnet, in all likelihood, made some sort of contribution to Lord Darlington"s developing concern for the poor of our country and as such, her influence cannot be said to have been entirely negative. But she was too, of course, a member of Sir Oswald Mosley"s "blackshirts" organization, and the very little contact his lordship ever had with Sir Oswald occurred during those few weeks of that summer. And it was during those same weeks that those entirely untypical incidents took place at Darlington Hall which must, one supposes, have provided what flimsy basis exists for these absurd allegations.

I call them "incidents" but some of these were extremely minor. For instance, I recall overhearing at dinner one evening, when a particular newspaper had been mentioned, his lordship remarking: "Oh, you mean that Jewish propaganda sheet." And then on another occasion around that time, I remember his instructing me to cease giving donations to a particular local charity which regularly came to the door on the grounds that the management committee was "more or less h.o.m.ogeneously Jewish". I have remembered these remarks because they truly surprised me at the time, his lordship never previously having shown" any antagonism whatsoever towards the Jewish race. these remarks because they truly surprised me at the time, his lordship never previously having shown" any antagonism whatsoever towards the Jewish race.

Then, of course, came that afternoon his lordship called me into his study. Initially, he made rather general conversation, inquiring if all was well around the house and so on. Then he said: "I"ve been doing a great deal of thinking, Stevens. A great deal of thinking. And I"ve reached my conclusion. We cannot have Jews on the staff here at Darlington Hall."

"Sir?"

"It"s for the good of this house, Stevens. In the interests of the guests we have staying here. I"ve looked into this carefully, Stevens, and I"m letting you know my conclusion."

"Very well, sir."

"Tell me, Stevens, we have a few on the staff at the moment, don"t we? Jews, I mean."