FIRST CRITICAL VISITOR (_examining a View of St. James"s Park_). I wonder where that was taken. In Scotland, I expect--there"s two Highlanders there, you see.

SECOND C. V. Shouldn"t wonder--lot o" work in that, all those different colours, and so many dresses. [_Admires, thoughtfully._

A WELL-READ WOMAN. That"s Queen Charlotte, that is. George the Third"s wife, you know--her that was so _domestic_.

HER COMPANION. Wasn"t that the one that was shut up in the Tower, or something?

THE W. W. In the Tower? Lor, my dear, no, _I_ never "eard of it. You"re thinking of the Tudors, or some o" that lot, I expect!

HER COMP. Am I? I dare say. I never _could_ remember "Istry. Why, if you"ll believe me, I always have to stop and think which of the Georges came first!

MORE CRITICAL VISITORS (_before Portraits_). He"s rather pleasant-looking, don"t you think? I _don"t_ like _her_ face at all. So peculiar. And what a hideous dress--like a tea-gown without any upper part--frightful!

A SCEPTICAL V. They all seem to have had such thin lips in those days.

Somehow, I _can"t_ bring myself to believe in such very thin lips--can _you_, dear?

HER FRIEND. I always think it"s a sign of meanness, myself.

THE S. V. No; but I mean--I can"t believe _every one_ had them in the eighteenth century.

HER FRIEND. Oh, I don"t know. If it was the fashion!

ABOUT THE CASES.

VISITOR (_admiring an embroidered waistcoat of the time of_ George the Second--_a highly popular exhibit_). What lovely work! Why, it looks as if it was done yesterday!

HER COMPANION (_who is not in the habit of allowing his enthusiasm to run away with him_). Um--yes, it"s not bad. But, of course, they wouldn"t send a thing like that here without having it washed and done up first!

AN OLD LADY. "Teapot used by the Duke of Wellington during his campaigns." So he drank _tea_, did he? Dear me! Do you know, my dear, I think I must have _my_ old tea-pot engraved. It will make it so much more interesting some day!

IN THE SOUTH GALLERY.

MR. PRATTLER (_before a portrait of Lady Hamilton by Romney_). There!

Isn"t she too charming? I do call her a perfect _duck!_

MISS AMMERSON. Yes, you mustn"t forget her when you bring those biscuits.

AN AMURRCAN GIRL. Father, see up there; there"s Byron. Did you erver see such a purrfectly beautiful face?

HER FATHER (_solemnly_). He was a beautiful _Man_--a beautiful Poet.

THE A. G. I know--but the _expression_, it"s real saint-like!

FATHER (_slowly_). Well, I guess if he"d had any different kind of expression, he wouldn"t have written the things he _did_ write, and that"s a fact!

A MORALISING OLD LADY (_at Case O_). No. 1260. "Ball of Worsted wound by William Cowper, the poet, for Mrs. Unwin." No. 1261. "Netting done by William Cowper, the poet." How very nice, and what a difference in the habit of literary persons _nowadays_, my dear!

IN THE CENTRAL HALL.

MR. WHITEROSE, _a Jacobite fin de siecle, is seated on a Bench beside a_ SEEDY STRANGER.

THE S. S. (_half to himself_). Har, well, there"s one comfort, these "ere Guelphs"ll get notice to quit afore we"re _much_ older!

MR. WHITEROSE (_surprised_). You say so? Then you too are of the Young England Party! I am rejoiced to hear it. You cheer me; it is a sign that the good Cause is advancing.

THE S. S. Advancin"? I believe yer. Why, I know a dozen and more as are workin" "art and soul for it!

MR. W. You do? We are making strides, indeed! Our England has suffered these usurpers too long.

THE S. S. Yer right. But we"ll chuck "em out afore long, and it"ll be "Over goes the Show" with the lot, eh?

MR. W. I had no idea that the--er--intelligent artisan cla.s.ses were so heartily with us. We must talk more of this. Come and see me. Bring your friends--all you can depend upon. Here is my card.

THE S. S. (_putting the card in the lining of his hat_). Right, Guv"nor; we"ll come. I wish there was more gents like yer, I do!

MR. W. We are united by a common bond. We both detest--do we not?--the Hanoverian interlopers. We are both pledged never to rest until we have brought back to the throne of our beloved England, her lawful sovereign lady--(_uncovering_)--our gracious Mary of Austria-Este, the legitimate descendant of Charles the Blessed Martyr!

THE S. S. "Old on, Guv"nor! Me and my friends are with yer so fur as doing away with these "ere hidle Guelphs; but blow yer Mary of Orstria, yer know. Blow _"er_!

MR. W. (_horrified_). Hush--this is rank treason! Remember--she is the lineal descendant of the House of Stuart!

THE S. S. What of it? There won"t be no lineal descendants when we git _hour_ way, "cause there won"t be nothing to descend to n.o.body. The honly suv"rin _we_ mean to "ave is the People--the Democrisy. But there, you"re young, me and my friends"ll soon tork you over to hour way o" thinking. I dessay we "aint fur apart, as it is. I got yer address, and we"ll drop in on yer some night--never fear. No hevenin" dress, o"

course?

MR. W. Of course. I--I"ll look out for you. But I"m seldom in--hardly _ever_, in fact.

THE S. S. Don"t you fret about _that_. Me and my friends ain"t nothing partickler to do just now. We"ll _wait_ for yer. I should like yer to know ole Bill Gabb. You should "ear _that_ feller goin" on agin the Guelphs when he"s "ad a little booze--it "ud do your "art good. Well, I on"y come in "ere as a deligate like, to report, and I seen enough. So "ere"s good-day to yer.

MR W. (_alone_). I shall have to change my rooms--and I _was_ so comfortable! Well, well,--another sacrifice to the Cause!

AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY.

IN THE VESTIBULE.

_Visitors ascending staircase, full of enthusiasm and energetic determination not to miss a single Picture, encounter people descending in various stages of mental and physical exhaustion.

At the turnstiles two Friends meet unexpectedly; both being shy men, who, with timely notice, would have preferred to avoid one another, their greetings are marked by an unnatural effusion and followed by embarra.s.sed silence._

FIRST SHY MAN (_to break the spell_). Odd, our running up against one another like this, eh?

SECOND SHY MAN. Oh, very odd. (_Looks about him irresolutely, and wonders if it would be decent to pa.s.s on. Decides it will hardly do._) Great place for meeting, the Academy, though.

FIRST S. M. Yes; sure to come across _somebody_, sooner or later.