HIS COMPANION. Ah, but yer see it ain"t so easy fitting on bits that belonged to something different. You"ve got to look at it _that_ way.

THE P. M. _I_ don"t see no difficulty about it. Why, any stonemason could cut down the odd pieces to fit well enough, and they wouldn"t have such a neglected appearance as they do now.

_A Group has collected round a Gigantic Arm in red granite._

FIRST SIGHTSEER. There"s a _arm_ for yer!

SECOND S. (_a humourist_). Yes; "ow would yer like to "ave _that_ come a punching your "ed?

THIRD S. (_thoughtfully_). I expect they"ve put it up "ere as a sarmple like.

THE MORALIZING MATRON. How it makes one realize that there were giants in those days!

HER FRIEND. But surely the size must be a _little_ exaggerated, don"t you think? Oh, is _this_ the G.o.d Ptah?

[_The_ M. M. _says nothing, but clicks her tongue to express a grieved pity, after which she pa.s.ses on_.

THE INTELLIGENT ARTISAN _and his_ FIANCeE _have entered the Nineveh Gallery, and are regarding an immense human-headed, winged bull_.

THE I. A. (_indulgently_). Rum-looking sort o" beast that "ere.

FIANCeE. Ye-es--I wonder if it"s a likeness of some animal they used to "ave then?

THE I. A. I _did_ think you was wider than _that_!--it"s only imaginative. What "ud be the good o" wings to a bull?

FIANCeE (_on her defence_). You think you know so much--but it"s got a man"s "ed, ain"t it? and I know there used to be _"orses_ with "alf a man where the "ed ought to be, because I"ve seen their pictures--so there!

THE I. A. I dunno what you"ve got where _your_ "ed ought to be, torking such rot!

IN THE UPPER GALLERIES; ETHNOGRAPHICAL COLLECTION.

THE GRIM GOVERNESS (_directing a scared small boy"s attention to a particularly hideous mask_). See, Henry, that"s the kind of mask worn by savages!

HENRY. Always--or only on the fifth of November, Miss Goole?

[_He records a mental vow never to visit a Savage Island on Guy Fawkes"s Day, and makes a prolonged study of the mask, with a view to future nightmares._

A KIND, BUT DENSE UNCLE (_to_ NIECE). All these curious things were made by cannibals, ETHEL--savages who eat one another, you know.

ETHEL (_suggestively_). But, I suppose, Uncle, they wouldn"t eat one another if they had any one to give them _buns_, would they?

[_Her_ UNCLE _discusses the suggestion elaborately, but without appreciating the hint_; _the_ GOVERNESS _has caught sight of a huge and hideous Hawaiian Idol, with a furry orange-coloured head, big mother-o"-pearl eyes, with black b.a.l.l.s for the pupils, and a grinning mouth picked out with shark"s teeth, to which she introduces the horrified_ HENRY.

MISS GOOLE. Now, Henry, you see the kind of idol the poor savages say their prayers to.

HARRY (_tremulously_). But n--not just before they go to bed, do they, Miss Goole?

AMONG THE MUMMIES.

THE UNCLE. That"s King Rameses" mummy, Ethel.

ETHEL. And what was _her_ name, Uncle?

THE GOVERNESS (_halting before a case containing a partially unrolled_ _mummy, the spine and thigh of which are exposed to view_). Fancy, Henry, that"s part of an Egyptian who has been dead for thousands of years! Why, you"re not _frightened_, are you?

HARRY (_shaking_). No, I"m not frightened, Miss Goole--only if you don"t mind, I--I"d rather see a gentleman not _quite_ so dead. And there"s one over there with a gold face and gla.s.s eyes, and he looked at me, and--please, I _don"t_ think this is the place to bring such a little boy as me to!

_A Party is examining a Case of Mummied Animals._

THE LEADER. Here you are, you see, mummy cats--don"t they look comical all stuck up in a row there?

FIRST WOMAN. Dear, dear--to think o" going to all that expense when they might have had "em stuffed on a cushion! And monkeys, and dogs too--well, I"m sure, fancy _that_ now!

SECOND WOMAN. And there"s a mummied crocodile down there. I _don"t_ see what they"d want with a mummy _crocodile_, do you?

THE LEADER (_with an air of perfect comprehension of Egyptian customs_).

Well, you see they took whatever they could get "old of, _they_ did.

IN THE PREHISTORIC GALLERY.

OLD LADY (_to_ POLICEMAN) Oh, Policeman, can you tell me if there"s any article here that"s supposed to have belonged to Adam?

POLICEMAN (_a wag in his way_). Well, Mum, we _"ave_ "ad the "andle of his spade, and the brim of his garden "at, but they wore out last year and "ad to be thrown away--things won"t last for ever--even _"ere_, you know.

GOING OUT.

A PEEVISH OLD MAN. I ain"t seen anything to call worth seeing, _I_ ain"t. In our Museum at "ome they"ve a lamb with six legs, and hairy-light stones as big as cannon-b.a.l.l.s; but there ain"t none of that sort "ere, and I"m dog-tired trapesing over these boards, I am!

HIS DAUGHTER (_a candid person_). Ah, I ought to ha" known it warn"t much good taking _you_ out to enjoy yourself--you"re too old, _you_ are!

ETHEL"S UNCLE (_cheerily_). Well, Ethel, I think we"ve seen all there is to be seen, eh?

ETHEL. There"s _one_ room we haven"t been into yet, Uncle, dear.

UNCLE. Ha--and what"s that?

ETHEL (_persuasively_). The _Refreshment_ Room.

[_The hint is accepted at last._

THE TRAVELLING MENAGERIE.