THE MALE S. (_in a propitiatory tone_). Not a bad-looking girl, is she?

ATALANTA, THE QUEEN OF THE MOON (_to the_ ORIENTAL BEAUTY _in next compartment_). Polly, when these people are gone, I wish you"d fetch me my work!

[_The Sightseers move on, feeling crushed. In the second compartment the upper portion of a female is discovered, calmly knitting in the centre of a small table, the legs of which are distinctly visible._

THE FEMALE S. Why, wherever has the _rest_ of her got to?

THE ORIENTAL BEAUTY (_with conscious superiority_). That"s what you"ve got to find out.

[_They pa.s.s on to interview "Galatea, or Pygmalion"s Dream," whose compartment is as yet enveloped in obscurity._

A Youthful Showman (_apparently on familiar terms with all the Illusions_). Ladies and Gentlemen, I sh.e.l.l now "ave the honour of persentin" to you the wonderful Galatear or Livin" Statue; you will "ave an oppertoonity of "andling the bust for yourselves, which will warm before your eyes into living flesh, and the lovely creecher live and speak. "Ere, look sharp, earn"t yer! (_To_ GALATEA.)

PYGMALION"S DREAM (_from the Mystic gloom_). Wait a bit till I"ve done warming my "ands. Now you can turn the lights up ... there, you"ve bin and turned "em _out_ now, stoopid!

THE Y. S. Don"t you excite yourself. I know what I"m doin". (_Turns the lights up, and reveals a large terra-cotta Bust._) At my request, this young lydy will now perceed to a.s.soom the yew and kimplexion of life itself. Galatear, will you oblige us by kindly coming to life?

[_The Bust vanishes, and is replaced by a decidedly earthly Young Woman in robust health._

THE Y. S. Thenk you. That"s all I wanted of yer. Now, will you kindly return to your former styte?

[_The Young Woman transforms herself into a hideous Skull._

THE Y. S. (_in a tone of remonstrance_). No--no, not that ridiklous fice! We don"t want to see what yer will be--it"s very _loike_ yer, I know but still--(_the skull changes to the Bust._) Ah, that"s more the stoyle! (_Takes the Bust by the neck and hands it round for inspection._) And now, thenking you for your kind attention, and on"y "orskin one little fyvour of you, that is, that you will not reveal "ow it is done, I will now bid you a very good evenin", Lydies and Gentlemen!

THE F. S. (_outside_). It"s wonderful how they can do it all for threepence, isn"t it? We haven"t seen _She_ yet!

HER COMP. What! "aven"t you seen wonders enough? Come on, then. But you _are_ going it you know!

[_They enter a small room, at the further end of which are a barrier and proscenium with drawn hangings._

THE EXHIBITOR (_in a confidential tone, punctuated by bows_). I will not keep you waiting, Ladies and Gentlemen, but at once proceed with a few preliminary remarks. Most of you, no doubt, have read that celebrated story by Mr. Rider "Aggard, about a certain _She-who-must-be-obeyed_, and who dwelt in a place called Kor, and you will also doubtless remember how she was in the "abit of repairing at certain intervals, to a cavern, and renooing her youth in a fiery piller. On one occasion, wishing to indooce her lover to foller her example, she stepped into the flame to encourage him--something went wrong with the works, and she was instantly redooced to a cinder. I fortunately "appened to be near at the time (you will escuse a little wild fib from a showman, I"m sure!) I "appened to be porsin by, and was thus enabled to secure the ashes of the Wonderful SHE, which--(_draws hangings and reveals a shallow metal Urn suspended_ _in the centre of scene_) are now before you enclosed in that little urn. She--where are you?

SHE (_in a full sweet voice from below_). I am "ere!

SHOWMAN. Then appear!

[_The upper portion of an exceedingly comely_ YOUNG PERSON _emerges from the mouth of the Urn_.

THE F. S. (_startled_). Lor, she give me quite a turn!

SHOWMAN. Some people think this is all done by mirrors, but it is not so; it is managed by a simple arrangement of light and shade. She will now turn slowly round, to convince you that she is really inside the urn and not merely beyind it. (_She turns round condescendingly._) She will next pa.s.s her "ands completely round her, thereby demonstrating the utter impossibility of there being any wires to support her. Now she will rap on the walls on each side of her, proving to you that she is no reflection, but a solid reality, after which she will tap the bottom of the urn beneath her so that you may see it really is what it purports to be. (SHE _performs all these actions in the most obliging manner_.) She will now disappear for a moment. (SHE _sinks into the Urn_.) Are you still there, She?

SHE (_from the recess of the Urn_). Yes.

SHOWMAN. Then will you give us some sign of your presence? (_a hand and arm are protruded and waved gracefully_). Thank you. Now you can come up again. (SHE _reappears_.) She will now answer any questions any lady or gentleman may like to put to her, always provided you won"t ask her how it is done--for I"m sure she wouldn"t give me away, _would_ you, She?

SHE(_with a slow bow and gracious smile_). Certingly not.

THE F. S. (_to her_ COMPANION). Ask her something--do.

HER COMP. Go on! _I_ ain"t got anything to ask her--ask her yourself!

A BOLDER SPIRIT (_with interest_). Are your _feet_ warm?

SHE. Quite--thenks.

THE SHOWMAN. HOW old are you, She?

SHE (_impressively_). Two theousand years.

"ARRY. And quite a young thing, too!

A SPECTATOR (_who has read the Novel_). "Ave you "eard from Leo Vincey lately?

SHE (_coldly_). I don"t know the gentleman.

SHOWMAN. If you have no more questions to ask her, She will now retire into her Urn thenking you all for your kind attendance this morning, which will conclude the entertainment.

[_Final disappearance of_ SHE. _The Audience pa.s.s out, feeling--with perfect justice--that they have "had their money"s worth."_

IN THE MALL ON DRAWING-ROOM DAY.

_The line of carriages bound for Buckingham Palace is moving by slow stages down the Drive. A curious but not uncritical crowd, consisting largely of females, peer into the carriages as they pa.s.s, and derive an occult pleasure from a glimpse of a satin train and a bouquet. Other spectators circulate behind them, roving from carriage to carriage, straining and staring in at the occupants with the childlike interest of South Sea Islanders. The coachmen and footmen gaze impa.s.sively before them, ignoring the crowd to the best of their ability. The ladies in the carriages bear the ordeal of popular inspection with either haughty resignation, elaborate unconsciousness, or amused tolerance, and it is difficult to say which demeanour provokes the greatest resentment in the democratic breast._

CHORUS OF FEMALE SPECTATORS. We shall see better here than what we did last Droring-Room. Law, "ow it _did_ come down, too, pouring the "ole day. I was that sorry for the poor "orses!... Oh, that one _was_ nice, Marire! Did you see "er train?--all flame-coloured satting--_lovely!_ Ain"t them flowers beautiful? Oh, Liza, "_ere"s_ a pore skinny-lookin"

thing coming next--look at "er pore dear arms, all bare! But dressed "andsome enough .... That"s a Gineral in there, see? He"s "olding his c.o.c.ked "at on his knee to save the feathers--him and her have been "aving words, apparently.... Oh, I _do_ like this one. I s"pose that"s her Mother with her--well, yes, o" course it _may_ be her Aunt!

A SARDONIC LOAFER. "Ullo, "ere"s a "aughty one! layin" back and puttin"

up "er glorses! Know us agen, Mum, won"t you? You may well look--you ain"t seen so much in yer ole life as what you"re seein" to-day, _I_"ll lay! Ah, you ought to feel honoured, too, all of us comin" out to look at yer. Drored "er blind down, this one "as, yer see--knew she wasn"t wuth looking at!

[Ill.u.s.tration: "OW, "E SMOILED AT ME THROUGH THE BRORNCHES!"]

[_A carriage pa.s.ses; the footman on the box is adorned by an enormous nosegay, over which he can just see._

FIRST COMIC c.o.c.kNEY. Ow, I s"y--you _"ave_ come out in bloom, Johnny!

SECOND C. C. Ah, they"ve bin forcin" _"im_ under glorse, they "ave! "Is Missis"ll never find "im under all them flowers. Ow, "e smoiled at me through the brornches!

[_Another carriage pa.s.ses, the coachman and footmen of which are undecorated._

FIRST C. C. Shime!--they might ha" stood yer a penny bunch of voilets between yer, that they might!

THE SARDONIC L. "Ere"s a swell turn-out and no mistake--with a couple o"

bloomin" beadles standin" be"ind! There"s a full-fed "un inside of it too,--look at the dimonds all over "er bloomin" old nut. _My_ eye! (_The elderly dowager inside produces a cut-gla.s.s scent-bottle of goodly size._) Ah, she"s got a drop o" the right sort in there--see her sniffin at it--it won"t take "er long to mop up that little lot!