SECOND B. (_who not being at home in the language, rather resents his companion"s laughter_). What"s that she"s saying?

FIRST B. (_who laughed because he knew there was a joke about the Exhibition_). Eh?--oh! I"ll tell you afterwards.

[_Hopes his friend will have forgotten all about it by that time._

SECOND B. (_pertinaciously, as the Singer kisses her hand, and rushes precipitately off stage_). Well, what was all _that_ about?

FIRST B. (_who, upon reflection, finds that he hasn"t the faintest idea_). Oh, nothing very much--more the _manner_, you know, than anything else--it"s the _men_ who have all the really funny songs.

[_A Male Artiste appears, bowing and kicking up his left leg behind: the_ FIRST BRITON _bends forward with an anxious frown, determined to let nothing escape him this time. Fortunately, as_ M. CHARLEMAGNE, _the Comic Singer, possesses a powerful voice, the_ FIRST BRITON _is able to follow most of the words, from which, although they reach his ear in a somewhat perverted form, he contrives to extract intense amus.e.m.e.nt. This is how the Chanson reaches him_:--

Seul boulevard silent vous arrete: Quand monde a tout depart n"amas,

[_He can"t quite make out this last word._

Repondez vitement--

[_Something he doesn"t catch._

Le fou l"eau sitot vous crie "un rat!"

[_Here he whispers to his friend that "That last line was rather neat."_

_Refrain_ (_to which_ M. CHARLEMAGNE _dances a gavotte with his hat thrust into the small of his back_).

Il n"a pas depart Dinard.

[_This makes the_ FIRST BRITON--_who once spent a week at Dinard--laugh immoderately_.

Ne Pa, ne Ma! (_bis_) C"etait pas tant, mais sais comme ca-- Il n"a pas depart Dinard, Il non a pas certain-y-mal la!

FIRST BRITON (_to Second Ditto_). _Very_ funny, isn"t he?

SECOND B. (_who--less fortunate than his friend--has not caught a single word_). Um--can"t say I see much in it myself.

FIRST B. (_compa.s.sionately_). Can"t you? Oh, you"ll get into the way of it presently.

SECOND B. But what"s the joke of all that about "Pa"?

FIRST B. (_who has been honestly under the impression that he did see a point somewhere_). Why, he says he"s an orphan--hasn"t any Pa nor Ma.

SECOND B. (_captiously_). Well, there"s nothing so very funny in _that_!

FIRST B. (_giving up the point on consideration, as_ M. CHARLEMAGNE _skips off_). Oh, it"s all nonsense, of course; these fellows only come on to fill up the time till Polusse sings (_feels rather proud of having caught the right p.r.o.nunciation_). Polusse is the only one really worth listening to.

SECOND B. (_watching two n.i.g.g.e.rs in a Knockabout Entertainment_). I can follow _these_ chaps better. [_Complacently._

_One of the n.i.g.g.e.rs_ [_to the other_]. Ha, George Washington, Sar. I"ll warm you fur dat ar conduck!

FIRST B. (_in a superior manner_). Oh, yes; you soon get into the accent.

[_Later_--M. CHARLEMAGNE _has re-appeared, and sung a song about changing his apartments, with spoken pa.s.sages of a p.r.o.nouncedly Parisian character_.

FIRST B. (_who little suspects what he has been roaring with laughter at_). That fellow really _is_ amusing. I must take Nellie to hear him some night before we go back.

SECOND B. (_dubiously_). But aren"t some of the songs--for a girl of her age--eh?

FIRST B. My dear fellow, not a bit! I give you my word I haven"t heard a single line yet that was in the least offensive--not a single line!

_Any_body might go! Look here--it"s Polusse next; now you listen--_he"ll_ make you laugh!

[_The great_ M. PAULUS _appears and sings several Chansons in a confidentially lugubrious tone, and with his forefingers thrust into his waistcoat pockets. Curiously enough, our_ FIRST BRITON _is less successful in following_ M. PAULUS _than he was with the Artistes who preceded him--but this is entirely owing to the big drum and cymbals, which will keep coming in and putting him out--something in this manner_:--

M. PAULUS. Et quand j"rentr", ce n"est pour rien-- Ma belle me dit: "Mon pauv" bonhomme, Tu n"a pas l"air de"--(_The cymbals_: brim-brin-brien!) Ell" m" flanqu" des giffl"s--(_The drum_: pom-pom-pom-pom!)

_Refrain_ (_which both Britons understood_).

"Sur le bi--sur le bo; sur le bo, de bi, de bo.

Sur le bo--sur le bi; sur le bi, de bo, de bi!" &c., &c., &c.

FIRST BRITON (_after twenty minutes of this sort of thing_). That"s the end, I suppose. They"ve let down the curtain. _Capital_, wasn"t he? I could listen to him all night!

SECOND B. (_as they pa.s.s out_). So could I--delightful! Don"t know when I"ve enjoyed anything so much. The other people don"t seem to be moving, though. (_Consults programme._) There"s another Part after this; Paulus is singing again. I suppose you"ll stay?

FIRST B. Well--it"s rather late, isn"t it?

SECOND B. (_much relieved_). Yes. Not worth while going back now (_with a yawn_). We must come here again.

FIRST B. (_making a mental resolution to return no more_). Oh, we must; nothing like it on our side of the Channel, y" know.

SECOND B. (_with secret grat.i.tude_). No, we can"t do it. (_Walk back to their hotel in a state of great mental exhaustion, and finish the evening with a bock on the Boulevards._)

At a Garden Party

SCENE--_A London Lawn. A Band in a costume half-way between the uniforms of a stage hussar and a circus groom, is performing under a tree. Guests discovered slowly pacing the turf, or standing and sitting about in groups._

MRS. MAYNARD GERY (_to her_ _Brother-in-law_--_who is thoroughly aware of her little weaknesses_). Oh, Phil,--you know everybody--_do_ tell me!

Who is that common-looking little man with the scrubby beard, and the very yellow gloves--how does he come to be _here_?

PHIL. Where? Oh, I see him. Well--have you read _Sabrina"s Uncle"s Other Niece_?

MRS. M. G. No--_ought_ I to have? I never even heard of it!

PHIL. Really? I wonder at that--tremendous. .h.i.t--you must order it--though I doubt if you"ll be able to get it.