MRS. M. G. Oh, I shall _insist_ on having it. And _he_ wrote it? Really, Phil, now I come to look at him, there"s something rather striking about his face. Did you say _Sabrina"s Niece"s Other Aunt_--or what?

PHIL. _Sabrina"s Uncle"s Other Niece_ was what I _said_--not that it signifies.

MRS. M. G. Oh, but I always attach the greatest importance to names, myself. And do you know him?

PHIL. What, Tablett? Oh, yes--decent little chap; not much to say for himself, you know.

MRS. M. G. I don"t mind _that_ when a man is _clever_--do you think you could bring him up and introduce him?

PHIL. Oh, I _could_--but I won"t answer for your not being disappointed in him.

MRS. M. G. I have never been disappointed in any genius _yet_--perhaps, because I don"t expect too much--so go, dear boy; he may be surrounded unless you get hold of him soon. [Phil _obeys_.

PHIL (_accosting the Scrubby Man_). Well, Tablett, old fellow, how are things going with you? _Sabrina_ flourishing?

MR. TABLETT (_enthusiastically_). It"s a tremendous. .h.i.t, my boy; orders coming in so fast they don"t know how to execute "em--there"s a fortune in it, as I always told you!

PHIL. Capital!--but you"ve such luck. By the way, my sister-in-law is most anxious to know you.

MR. T. (_flattered_). Very kind of her. I shall be delighted. I was just thinking I felt quite a stranger here.

PHIL. Come along then, and I"ll introduce you. If she asks you to her parties by any chance, mind you go--sure to meet a lot of interesting people.

MR. T. (_pulling up his collar_). Just what I enjoy--meeting interesting people--the only society worth cultivating, to my mind, Sir. Give me _intellect_--it"s of more value than wealth!

[_They go in search of_ Mrs. M. G.

FIRST LADY ON CHAIR. Look at the dear Vicar getting that poor Lady Pawperse an ice. What a very spiritual expression he has, to be sure--really quite apostolic!

SECOND LADY. We are not in his parish, but I have always heard him spoken of as a most excellent man.

FIRST LADY. Excellent! My dear, that man is a perfect _Saint_! I don"t believe he knows what it is to have a single worldly thought! And such trials as he has to bear, too! With that _dreadful_ wife of his!

SECOND LADY. That"s the wife, isn"t it?--the dowdy little woman, all alone, over there? Dear me, what _could_ he have married her for?

FIRST LADY. Oh, for her _money_ of course, my dear!

MRS. PATTALLON (_to_ MRS. ST. MARTIN SOMERVILLE). Why, it really _is_ you! I absolutely didn"t know you at first. I was just thinking "Now who _is_ that young and lovely person coming along the path?" You see--I came out without my gla.s.ses to-day, which accounts for it!

MR. CHUCK (_meeting a youthful Matron and Child_). Ah, Mrs. Sharpe, how de do! _I"m_ all right. Hullo, TOTO, how are _you_, eh, young lady?

TOTO (_primly_). I"m very well indeed, thank you. (_With sudden interest._) How"s the idiot? Have you seen him lately?

MR. C. (_mystified_). The idiot, eh? Why, fact is, I don"t _know_ any idiot!--give you my word!

TOTO (_impatiently_). Yes, you _do_--_you_ know. The one Mummy says you"re next door to--you must see him _sometimes_! You _did_ say Mr.

Chuck was next door to an idiot, didn"t you, Mummy? [_Tableau._

MRS. PRATTLETON. Let me see--_did_ we have a fine Summer in "87? Yes, of course--I always remember the weather by the clothes we wore, and that June and July we wore scarcely anything--some filmy stuff that belonged to one"s ancestress, don"t you know. _Such_ fun! By the way, what has become of Lucy?

MRS. ST. PATTICKER. Oh, I"ve quite lost sight of her lately--you see she"s so perfectly happy now, that she"s ceased to be in the least interesting!

MRS. HUSSIFFE (_to_ MR. DE MURE). Perhaps _you_ can tell me of a good coal merchant? The people who supply me now are perfect _fiends_, and I really must go somewhere else.

MR. DE MURE. Then I"m afraid you must be rather difficult to please.

MR. TABLETT _has been introduced to_ MRS. MAYNARD GERY--_with the following result_.

MRS. M. G. (_enthusiastically_). I"m so delighted to make your acquaintance. When my brother-in-law told me who you were, I positively very nearly shrieked. I am such an admirer of your--(_thinks she won"t commit herself to the whole t.i.tle--and so compounds_)--your delightful _Sabrina_!

MR. T. Most gratified to hear it, I"m sure. I"m told there"s a growing demand for it.

MRS. M. G. Such a hopeful sign--when one was beginning quite to despair of the public taste!

MR. T. Well, I"ve always said--So long as you give the Public a really first-rate article, and are prepared to spend any amount of money on _pushing_ it, you know, you"re sure to see a handsome return for your outlay--in the long run. And of course you must get it carefully a.n.a.lysed by competent judges--

MRS. M. G. Ah, but _you_ can feel independent of criticism now, can"t you?

MR. T. Oh, I defy any one to find anything unwholesome in it--it"s as suitable for the most delicate child as it is for adults--nothing to irritate the most sensitive--

MRS. M. G. Ah, you mean certain critics are so thin-skinned--they are: indeed!

MR. T. (_warming to his subject_). But the beauty of this particular composition is that it causes absolutely no unpleasantness or inconvenience afterwards. In some cases, indeed, it acts like a charm.

I"ve known of two cases of long-standing erysipelas it has completely cured.

MRS. M. G. (_rather at sea_). How gratifying that must be. But that is the magic of all truly great work, it is such an _anodyne_--it takes people so completely out of themselves--doesn"t it?

MR. T. It takes anything of that sort out of _them_, Ma"am. It"s the finest discovery of the age, no household will be without it in a few months--though perhaps I say it who shouldn"t.

MRS. M. G. (_still more astonished_). Oh, but I _like_ to hear you. I"m so tired of hearing people pretending to disparage what they have done, it"s such a _pose_, and I hate posing. Real genius is _never_ modest.

(_If he had been more retiring, she would have, of course, reversed this axiom._) I _wish_ you would come and see me on one of my Tuesdays, MR.

TABLETT, I should feel so honoured, and I think you would meet some congenial spirits--do look in some evening--I will send you a card if I may--let me see--could you come and lunch next Sunday? I"ve got a little man coming who was very nearly eaten up by cannibals. I think _he_ would interest you.

MR. T. I shall be proud to meet him. Er--did they eat _much_ of him?

MRS. M. G. (_who privately thinks this rather vulgar_). How _witty_ you are! That"s quite worthy of--er--_Sabrina_, really! Then you _will_ come? So glad. And now I mustn"t keep you from your other admirers any longer. [_She dismisses him._

LATER.

MRS. M. G. (_to her_ BROTHER-IN-LAW). How _could_ you say that dear Mr.

Tablett was _dull_, Phil? I found him perfectly charming--so original and unconventional! He"s promised to come to me. By the way, _what_ did you say the name of his book was?

PHIL. _I_ never said he had written a book.

MRS. M. G. Phil--you _did_!--_Sabrina"s Other--Something._ Why, I"ve been _praising_ it to him, entirely on your recommendation.

PHIL. No, no--_your_ mistake. I only asked you if you"d read _Sabrina"s Uncle"s Other Niece_, and, as I made up the t.i.tle on the spur of the moment, I should have been rather surprised if you had. _He_ never wrote a line in his life.