It only remained for her to go. She could no longer find shelter in this house. She must leave as she had entered.
She left the knife. That key had served its purpose. Through the hallways she returned, in the darkness her bare feet sometimes treading upon rich carpets, sometimes dust and fallen plaster. Her naked flesh tingled with the blood that had freed her soul.
She reached the sitting room and looked upon the storm that lashed the night beyond. For one gleam of lightning the room seemed festooned with torn wallpaper; empty wine bottles littered the floor and dingy furnishings. The flickering mirage pa.s.sed, and she saw that the room was exactly as she remembered. She must leave by the window.
There was a tapping at the window.
She started, then recoiled in horror as another repressed memory escaped into consciousness.
The figure that had pursued her through the darkness on that night she had sought refuge here. It waited for her now at the window. Half-glimpsed before, she saw it now fully revealed in the glare of the lightning.
Moisture glistened darkly upon its rippling and exaggerated musculature. Its uncouth head and shoulders hunched forward bullishly; its face was distorted with insensate l.u.s.t and drooling madness. A grotesque phallus swung between its misshapen legs-serpentine, possessed of its own life and volition. Like an obscene worm, it stretched blindly toward her, blood oozing from its toothless maw.
She raised her hands to ward it off, and the monstrosity pawed at the window, mocking her every terrified movement as it waited there on the other side of the rain-slick gla.s.s.
The horror was beyond enduring. There was another cas.e.m.e.nt window to the corner sitting room, the one that overlooked the waters of the river. She spun about and lunged toward it-noticing from the corner of her eye that the creature outside also whirled about, sensing her intent, flung itself toward the far window to forestall her.
The gla.s.s of the cas.e.m.e.nt shattered, even as its blubbery hands stretched out toward her. There was no pain in that release, only a dreamlike vertigo as she plunged into the greyness and the rain. Then the water and the darkness received her falling body, and she set out again into the night, letting the current carry her, she knew not where.
"A few personal effects remain to be officially disposed of, Dr Archer-since there"s no one to claim them. It"s been long enough now since the bus accident, and we"d like to be able to close the files on this catastrophe."
"Let"s have a look." The psychiatrist opened the box of personal belongings. There wasn"t much; there never was in such cases, and had there been anything worth stealing, it was already unofficially disposed of.
"They still haven"t found a body," the ward superintendent wondered. "Do you suppose..."
"Callous as it sounds, I rather hope not," Dr Archer confided. "This patient was a paranoid schizophrenic-and dangerous."
"Seemed quiet enough on the ward."
"Thanks to a lot of ECT-and to depot phenothiazines. Without regular therapy, the delusional system would quickly regain control, and the patient would become frankly murderous."
There were a few toiletry items and some articles of clothing, a bra.s.siere and pantyhose. "I guess send this over to Social Services. These shouldn"t be allowed on a locked ward- " the psychiatrist pointed to the nylons "-nor these s.m.u.t magazines."
"They always find some way to smuggle the stuff in," the ward superintendent sighed, "and I"ve been working here at Coastal State since back before the War. What about these other books?" Dr Archer considered the stack of dog-eared gothic romance novels. "Just return these to the Patients" Library. What"s this one?" Beneath the paperbacks lay a small hardcover volume, bound in yellow cloth, somewhat soiled from age.
"Out of the Patients" Library too, I suppose. People have donated all sorts of books over the years, and if the patients don"t tear them up, they just stay on the shelves forever."
"The King in Yellow," Dr Archer read from the spine, opening the book. On the flyleaf a name was penned in a graceful script: Constance Castaigne.
"Perhaps the name of a patient who left it here," the superintendent suggested. "Around the turn of the century this was a private sanitarium. Somehow, though, the name seems to ring a distant bell."
"Let"s just be sure this isn"t vintage p.o.r.no."
"I can"t be sure-maybe something the old-timers talked about when I first started here. I seem to remember there was some famous scandal involving one of the wealthy families in the city. A murderess, was it? And something about a suicide, or was it an escape? I can"t recall..."
"Harmless nineteenth-century romantic nonsense," Dr Archer concluded. "Send it on back to the library."
The psychiatrist glanced at a last few lines before closing the book: Ca.s.silda: I tell you, I am lost! Utterly lost!
Camilla (terrified herself): You have seen the King...?
Ca.s.silda: And he has taken from me the power to direct or to escape my dreams.
Beyond Any Measure.
*I*
"In the dream I find myself alone in a room, I hear musical chimes-a sort of music-box tune- and I look around to see where the sound is coming from.
"I"m in a bedroom. Heavy curtains close off the windows, and it"s quite dark, but I can sense that the furnishings are entirely antique-late Victorian, I think. There"s a large four-poster bed, with its curtains drawn. Beside the bed is a small night table upon which a candle is burning. It is from here that the music seems to be coming.
"I walk across the room toward the bed, and as I stand beside it I see a gold watch resting on the night table next to the candlestick. The music-box tune is coming from the watch, I realize. It"s one of those old pocket-watch affairs with a case that opens. The case is open now, and I see that the watch"s hands are almost at midnight. I sense that on the inside of the watchcase there will be a picture, and I pick up the watch to see whose picture it is.
"The picture is obscured with a red smear. It"s fresh blood.
"I look up in sudden fear. From the bed, a hand is pulling aside the curtain.
"That"s when I wake up."
"Bravo!" applauded someone.
Lisette frowned momentarily, then realized that the comment was directed toward another of the chattering groups crowded into the gallery. She sipped her champagne; she must be a bit tight, or she"d never have started talking about the dreams.
"What do you think, Dr Magnus?"
It was the gala reopening of Covent Garden. The venerable fruit, flower and vegetable market, preserved from the demolition crew, had been renovated into an airy mall of expensive shops and galleries: "London"s new shopping experience." Lisette thought it an unhappy hybrid of born-again Victorian exhibition hall and trendy "shoppes." Let the dead past bury its dead. She wondered what they might make of the old Billingsgate fish market, should SAVE win its fight to preserve that landmark, as now seemed unlikely.
"Is this dream, then, a recurrent one, Miss Seyrig?"
She tried to read interest or skepticism in Dr Magnus" pale blue eyes. They told her nothing.
"Recurrent enough."
To make me mention it to Danielle, she finished in her thoughts. Danielle Borland shared a flat- she"d stopped terming it an apartment even in her mind-with her in a row of terrace houses in Bloomsbury, within an easy walk of London University. The gallery was Maitland Reddin"s project; Danielle was another. Whether Maitland really thought to make a business of it, or only intended to showcase his many friends" not always evident talents, was not open to discussion. His gallery in Knightsbridge was certainly successful, if that meant anything.
"How often is that?" Dr Magnus touched his gla.s.s to his blonde-bearded lips. He was drinking only Perrier water, and, at that, was using his gla.s.s for little more than to gesture.
"I don"t know. Maybe half a dozen times since I can remember. And then, that many again since I came to London."
"You"re a student at London University, I believe Danielle said?"
"That"s right. In art. I"m over here on fellowship."
Danielle had modelled for an occasional session-Lisette now was certain it was solely from a desire to display her body rather than due to any financial need-and when a muttered profanity at a dropped brush disclosed a common American heritage, the two emigres had rallied at a pub afterward to exchange news and views. Lisette"s bed-sit near the Museum was impossible, and Danielle"s roommate had just skipped to the Continent with two months" owing. By closing time it was settled.
"How"s your gla.s.s?"
Danielle, finding them in a crowd, shook her head in mock dismay and refilled Lisette"s gla.s.s before she could cover it with her hand.
"And you, Dr Magnus?"
"Quite well, thank you."
"Danielle, let me give you a hand?" Maitland had charmed the two of them into acting as hostesses for his opening.
"Nonsense, darling. When you see me starting to pant with the heat, then call up the reserves. Until then, do keep Dr Magnus from straying away to the other parties."
Danielle swirled off with her champagne bottle and her smile. The gallery, christened "Such Things May Be" after Richard Burton (not Liz Taylor"s ex, Danielle kept explaining, and got laughs each time), was ajostle with friends and well-wishers-as were most of the shops tonight: private parties with evening dress and champagne, only a scattering of displaced tourists, gaping and photographing. She and Danielle were both wearing slit-to-thigh crepe de Chine evening gowns and could have pa.s.sed for sisters: Lisette blonde, green-eyed, with a dust of freckles; Danielle light brunette, hazel-eyed, acclimated to the extensive facial makeup London women favored: both tall without seeming coltish, and close enough of a size to wear each other"s clothes.
"It must be distressing to have the same nightmare over and again," Dr Magnus prompted her.
"There have been others as well. Some recurrent, some not. Similar in that I wake up feeling like I"ve been through the sets of some old Hammer film."
"I gather you were not actually troubled with such nightmares until recently?"
"Not really. Being in London seems to have triggered them. I suppose it"s repressed anxieties over being in a strange city." It was bad enough that she"d been taking some of Danielle"s pills in order to seek dreamless sleep.
"Is this, then, your first time in London, Miss Seyrig?"
"It is." She added, to seem less the typical American student: "Although my family was English."
"Your parents?"
"My mother"s parents were both from London. They emigrated to the States just after World War I."
"Then this must have been rather a bit like coming home for you."
"Not really I"m the first of our family to go overseas. And I have no memory of Mother"s parents. Grandmother Keswieke died the morning I was born." Something Mother never was able to work through emotionally, Lisette added to herself.
"And have you consulted a physician concerning these nightmares?"
"I"m afraid your National Health Service is a bit more than I can cope with." Lisette grimaced at the memory of the night she had tried to explain to a Pakistani intern why she wanted sleeping medications.
She suddenly hoped her words hadn"t offended Dr Magnus, but then, he scarcely looked the type who would approve of socialized medicine. Urbane, perfectly at ease in formal evening attire, he reminded her somewhat of a blonde-bearded Peter Cushing. Enter Christopher Lee, in black cape, she mused, glancing toward the door. For that matter, she wasn"t at all certain just what sort of doctor Dr Magnus might be. Danielle had insisted she talk with him, very likely had insisted that Maitland invite him to the private opening: "The man has such insight! And he"s written a number of books on dreams and the subconscious-and not just rehashes of Freudian silliness!"
"Are you going to be staying in London for some time, Miss Seyrig?"
"At least until the end of the year."
"Too long a time to wait to see whether these bad dreams will go away once you"re back home in San Francisco, don"t you agree? It can"t be very pleasant for you, and you really should look after yourself."
Lisette made no answer. She hadn"t told Dr Magnus she was from San Francisco. So then, Danielle had already talked to him about her.
Dr Magnus smoothly produced his card, discreetly offered it to her. "I should be most happy to explore this further with you on a professional level, should you so wish."
"I don"t really think it"s worth..."
"Of course it is, my dear. Why otherwise would we be talking? Perhaps next Tuesday afternoon? Is there a convenient time?"
Lisette slipped his card into her handbag. If nothing else, perhaps he could supply her with some barbs or something. "Three?"
"Three it is, then."
*II*
The pa.s.sageway was poorly lighted, and Lisette felt a vague sense of dread as she hurried along it, holding the hem of her nightgown away from the gritty filth beneath her bare feet. Peeling scabs of wallpaper blotched the leprous plaster, and, when she held the candle close, the gouges and scratches that patterned the walls with insane graffiti seemed disquietingly nonrandom. Against the mottled plaster, her figure threw a double shadow: distorted, one crouching forward, the other following.
A full-length mirror panelled one segment of the pa.s.sageway, and Lisette paused to study her reflection. Her face appeared frightened, her blonde hair in disorder. She wondered at her nightgown-pale, silken, billowing, of an antique mode-not remembering how she came to be wearing it. Nor could she think how it was that she had come to this place.
Her reflection puzzled her. Her hair seemed longer than it should be, trailing down across her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Her finely chiselled features, prominent jawline, straight nose-her face, except the expression, was not hers: lips fuller, more sensual, redder than her lip-gloss, glinted; teeth fine and white. Her green eyes, intense beneath level brows, cat-cruel, yearning.
Lisette released the hem of her gown, raised her fingers to her reflection in wonder. Her lingers pa.s.sed through the gla.s.s, touched the face beyond.
Not a mirror. A doorway. Of a crypt.
The mirror-image fingers that rose to her face twisted in her hair, pulled her face forward. Gla.s.s-cold lips bruised her own. The dank breath of the tomb flowed into her mouth.
Dragging herself from the embrace, Lisette felt a scream rip from her throat...
... And Danielle was shaking her awake.
*III*
The business card read Dr Ingmar Magnus, followed simply by Consultations and a Kensington address. Not Harley Street, at any rate. Lisette considered it for the hundredth time, watching for street names on the corners of buildings as she walked down Kensington Church Street from the Notting Hill Gate station. No clue as to what type of doctor, nor what sort of consultations; wonderfully vague, and just the thing to circ.u.mvent licensing laws, no doubt.
Danielle had lent her one of his books to read: The Self Reborn, put out by one of those miniscule scholarly publishers cl.u.s.tered about the British Museum. Lisette found it a bewildering melange of occult philosophy and lunatic-fringe theory-all evidently having something to do with reincarnation-and gave it up after the first chapter. She had decided not to keep the appointment, until her nightmare Sunday night had given force to Danielle"s insistence.
Lisette wore a loose silk blouse above French designer jeans and ankle-strap sandal-toe high heels. The early summer heat wave now threatened rain, and she would have to run for it if the grey skies made good. She turned into Holland Street, pa.s.sed the recently closed Equinox bookshop, where Danielle had purchased various works by Aleister Crowley. A series of back streets-she consulted her map of Central London-brought her to a modestly respectable row of nineteenth-century brick houses, now done over into offices and flats. She checked the number on the bra.s.s plaque with her card, sucked in her breath and entered.
Lisette hadn"t known what to expect. She wouldn"t have been surprised, knowing some of Danielle"s friends, to have been greeted with clouds of incense, Eastern music, robed initiates. Instead she found a disappointingly mundane waiting room, rather small but expensively furnished, where a pretty Eurasian receptionist took her name and spoke into an intercom. Lisette noted that there was no one else-patients? clients?-in the waiting room. She glanced at her watch and noticed she was several minutes late.
"Please do come in, Miss Seyrig." Dr Magnus stepped out of his office and ushered her inside. Lisette had seen a psychiatrist briefly a few years before, at her parents" demand, and Dr Magnus"s office suggested the same-from the tasteful, relaxed decor, the shelves of scholarly books, down to the traditional psychoa.n.a.lyst"s couch. She took a chair beside the modern, rather carefully arranged desk, and Dr Magnus seated himself comfortably in the leather swivel chair behind it.
"I almost didn"t come," Lisette began, somewhat aggressively.
"I"m very pleased that you did decide to come." Dr Magnus smiled rea.s.suringly. "It doesn"t require a trained eye to see that something is troubling you. When the unconscious tries to speak to us, it is foolhardy to attempt to ignore its message."
"Meaning that I may be cracking up?"
"I"m sure that must concern you, my dear. However, very often dreams such as yours are evidence of the emergence of a new level of self-awareness-sort of growing pains of the psyche, if you will-and not to be considered a negative experience by any means. They distress you only because you do not understand them-even as a child kept in ignorance through s.e.xual repression is frightened by the changes of p.u.b.erty. With your cooperation, I hope to help you come to understand the changes of your growing self-awareness, for it is only through a complete realization of one"s self that one can achieve personal fulfillment and thereby true inner peace."
"I"m afraid I can"t afford to undergo a.n.a.lysis just now."