Part 15

            It was hard to believe that this fragile body was a man. Every day I held him, but because my thirst never went away, it was painful. I felt greedy, but if I do as my greed says, I"m scared that I might break him, and that will make me feel more painful. This d.a.m.n feeling. He screamed inside of him. He screamed like a common guy on the street. This d.a.m.n affection.

            I treasure him. I treasure him so much that I can’t even do anything. The Emperor put his face on Yeho’s dark wooden brown hair that was shining due to the clear sky moon. He touched it with his hand. He treasured Yeho’s blackish dark wooden brown hair more than anything. The Emperor looked at Yeho’s smooth jaw line face. His face was white and faint, but his eyes were clean and beautiful. Like the deer that he caught during the hunting, clean brown eyes with pain. But if he was the deer, I wouldn’t get hurt seeing this brown eyes filled with tears. I would be happy to catch the deer and cut his throat.

            Will it be not painful if I break his neck like the deer? The Emperor smiled brutality. Although the Emperor doesn’t have anything to be afraid, he begged him. He always runs away because he is too afraid. What’s the point of sparing his life? He is a mere man. Why is it him among many other women and men? There are men way more beautiful than he is. There are many other younger and more alluring men. Same goes for women. Those many women and men will sit around him and if he gives them a sign, they will crawl and bend down for him. Still why does it have to be this man? It doesn’t have to be him, but why?

            Still… thinking it again. This d.a.m.n affection… Wonder if he knows why he named it love. If you love that person because of look, then that love is actually for someone else. If you love that person because of coquetry, then that love is for countless other people.

            Behind the madness, the sadness was unbearable. He stepped back covering his face. After the anger went away, the feeling of vanity comes out deep inside of him.

            I stepped out of the bed and wore the night gown. I opened the door and saw a maid standing next to the door. She looked surprised and called him. He looked at the maid and closed the door again. If I go out like this, I remembered I don’t have any place to go. If I go to the meeting hall, this complicated feeling won’t go away. I don’t want to go to the Empress’s palace, and if I go to the other concubine’s palace, it will make me feel worst looking at their face and smelling all those make up. I turned my body and went back to the bed, and he was shivering. In the corner of the bed, he crouched and was crying.

            What is this. The pain that was hurting his heart made him touch his chest unconsciously. Why is he crying all alone. Like he was waiting until I leave his side.

            He walked to the bed, and his shivering shoulders froze, and his wet face turned around and saw him.

            “…Why…”

            His hoa.r.s.e voice was wet. I feel like something hit my head looking at his brown eyes asking why are you here. He was crying like this all this time. In a place I don’t see while I don’t know. He couldn’t even make a sound crying until his breath are out. I only knew how to control him with my greed, but I didn’t know he was crying like this. Because I felt desperate, I only took care of my scar not knowing this fragile person is getting hurt. I was angry at this kind of person.

            My knees bent by themselves because of shame.

            He was born as the emperor and raised as the emperor, but he kneeled down to someone for the first time in his life.

            “Your Majesty!”

            He looked at Yeho who was calling him and running to him. Yeho couldn’t even say anything just shaking his head.

            “Don’t… don’t…”

            He grabbed his arm and pulled him hard as he can.

            “…do this. Don’t do this. You can’t do this.”

            His shaking voice felt desperate. The Emperor hardly put his arm up and touched his face.

            “Sorry…”

            After the time when Yeho got sick, he apologized for the first time.

            “Your…”

            “I’m sorry.”

            Yeho was in shock, and the Emperor smiled at his face. He was kneeling and embracing Yeho holding his neck and opened his mouth.

            “Do you know? Still I can’t let you go.”

            The moonlight was shining on his sad smile.