Part 6
It’s showering.
I looked at the sky. It was full of dark clouds, and it was pouring. I put out my hand, and the rain drop was wetting my hand. It was so strong that my hand felt numb. North Empire even have big rain drops…
I was thinking something stupid like that. Looking at those rain, I wanted to see magnolia. I was worried that this rain might ruin the flower pedals. I liked the rain, but I didn’t want the flowers to get ruined. The North Empire was very colder with the rain. It was numbing my tip of my nose, but it felt refresher. Breathing in the cold air made me feel much better, and my mind got clearer. I temporary stopped worrying about the magnolia. I pulled out my body and reached out further away. I put my sleeve up, but it was still getting wet little by little. I didn’t care, and I enjoyed the feeling of getting my hand and arm wet.
“I came just in case. You are really…”
I heard a low voice. I quickly brought my hand back and wiped it on my sleeve.
“…..You came?”
It’s been 11 days since I saw His Majesty’s face. I smiled and welcomed him. He never came at this hour, so I wasn’t prepared for him. His Majesty just scolded me with his stern sulking face.
“I am not going to let it pa.s.s even if you smile. Do you know how cold it gets during the rain?”
I awkwardly hid my cold hand.
He sighed and closed the window. And the loud sound of rain got quieter. His Majesty grabbed my arm. He didn’t pull it that strong, but I couldn’t resist him.
“Look at this. It got really cold. What if you catch a cold again, huh? Yeho.”
His voice was like scolding me, but I just awkwardly smiled.
“Don’t just smile like that.”
He wrapped around my cold wet hand with his warm dry hand to share his warmth. I was surprised to see his shoulder was little wet.
“You didn’t wear umbrella?”
He looked at him questionably, and he noticed my sight was at his shoulder and smiled.
“The eunuch was following me with an umbrella. Even if I push them away, they will not listen. And if I didn’t wear an umbrella, there is no way only my shoulders get wet.”
“That’s true…”
How did that eunuch hold the umbrella so that only his shoulders get wet… Now that I noticed that his black hair was little wet too. It was so cold just by leaving the window opened. His Majesty must be really cold wet like that.
“How did that eunuch hold the umbrella?”
“He was holding it properly. I was in hurry, so he couldn’t catch up with my steps.”
“Why did you even come out in this weather…?”
I quickly took out a dry towel from the closet. I organized the closet and quickly dried his hair and shoulder with worried face.
“It’s this cold…”
“You are saying what I was trying to say. Leaving the window open and wetting your hand. Do you know how you look right now?”
I questioned what His Majesty said. He read my expression and sighed.
“Your face is pale white. And your lips are white too. How long did you leave it opened?”
“…Only I can drink a cup of tea…”
“That’s too long.”
He said it strictly and grabbed my wrist that was holding the towel.
“And you got thinner. Every time I visit, you were always sleeping. I couldn’t even see you well. Are you even eating properly?”
“…I’m eating well.”
I was surprised that he came every day. I replied little late and awkwardly took out my hand.
“How about you? Isn’t it time for you to work right now? The officials will have hard time.”
He frowned.
“There is nothing I can do.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s showering right now. I was sure that you were watching the rain. You won’t care if your body gets cold or fever. I had to come.”
“…Your Majesty.”
I called him, and he was faintly smiling at me. He looked at him, and he saw something behind me. He looked surprised. I turned around to see what it was. There was an opened closet with organized clothes. I probably couldn’t close it when I was taking out the towel. I didn’t know why he looked surprised then I heard his voice.
“That is…”
He walked towards the closet. I was in shock at the clothes that he was touching.
“Your…Your Majesty, that is…”
I quickly went to him and tried to stop him. I couldn’t fold it, so I hung it in the closet. It was the wedding dress. I wore that dress instead of my sister thinking I will die here. I took good care of the white silk and white laces decorated the dress. I hung it exactly how it was hung in my sister’s room. After I confessed that I was a male, I threw away all the women clothing, but I couldn’t throw away that dress. And recently I feel more affection towards that dress because of a hard reason that I can accept.
His Majesty saw that kind of clothes. My face turned red. I hastily closed the closet. I was leaning my red forehead on the closet, and His Majesty asked with surprised voice.
“Isn’t that a wedding dress? And it’s even women’s. Whose is it?”
I couldn’t answer him. I just leaned against the closet tried hard to think of something to say. I hardly found one and quietly said it to him.
“It’s time for you to go to work, Your Majesty.”
I looked at the door, and the shadow of eunuch was walking around the door. I actually meant it half seeing that eunuch. I was wondering if he actually missed his government affair.
“That eunuch looks very worried. I’m pretty sure the officials are waiting. Even if you are the great Emperor, it’s not good to act like this.”
“…Who told you to worry about that?”
I was surprised because of his cold voice. I always nagged about these, but it was his first time getting this mad. I turned pale and looked at him. His cold eyes like when we first met was staring at me.
“You don’t have to impertinently say how to be a great emperor. I was taught about that ever since I was little.”
He fiercely said it and left the room. I saw the eunuch’s feared expression following His Majesty.
I blankly stared at his back. I unconsciously stepped forward to follow him but got surprised and stopped. Then my hands started to shake, and my heart started to throb. Somehow it felt hard for me to stand. I walked to my bed with faltering steps. I couldn’t breathe well because my heart was in shock.
I’m the one who committed the sin. Like His Majesty said, I did impertinent thing, but why do I feel sad… I was the one who avoiding His Majesty. Why do I feel so empty that he left like that… I repeatedly denied, but it seems like my heart trembled just because of his warm finger touched my unorganized hair. I just looked at him because of his strong and haughty appearance. Not only he came into my eyes, but also he came into my heart. I breathe heavily with my trembling lips. I think I’m having a fever. My vision is getting blurry.
Mother… It is your sin. I quietly whispered to myself. Because of your sin, dull-witted with lung disease son was born, and now I became not a man. I became a man who keeps a man in his heart.
Why… why did you make me come here? Why do I have to cover your sin and commit even bigger sin? Why did you not only make me into my sister’s rain and but also make me into his rain? Why did you make me into a rain that might dirty his strong and haughty stand?
I am really the evil spirit from the Flower Fence Palace… I laughed like crazy while I was crying. The evil spirit that will ruin the great emperor… Struggling to embrace the person that I can’t even hold. I am the evil spirit that will dirty him at the end. Can’t even die and just staying here and making him hear bad things… What if I get discovered…? It’s like putting mud on North Empire’s Emperor’s name. And not only that, I became arrogant just because he pitied me and because of curiosity I made him mad.
I grabbed my shivering hands. My heart ached because I felt like the warmth that was on my hand flew away without hesitant. Because my heart ached, it was harder for me to breathe. I started to cough. Because of strong cough, things I ate for breakfast came up. I tried to cover my mouth with my icy cold hand, but the cough didn’t stop. My ears got hot. I think I’m getting a fever... I thought of wanting to die with the fever… even while I was coughing endlessly. It was a bad thought, but I really wished it to be true. After thinking about that, my cough got even worst. I fell down on the floor and started to retch.
“Your Highness!”
Soa panicked seeing me throwing everything up and coughing. She came in to help me. I faintly heard Soa was holding me and screaming for the other servants. The fever suddenly rose, and in my blurry vision, I saw the closet. If the fever goes down, I will burn the dress. After keeping him in my heart, I couldn’t throw it away. Even though I did the nuptial by myself, I still wore that pure white dress and bow down to the side where His Majesty was, and we exchanged the nuptial cup. I endlessly sneered at myself, but I couldn’t destroy it with my own hands. But I will burn it this time. I can’t look at it anymore…
I was thinking that and frowned because of my chest pain. I could even feel the sweat rolling down on my forehead, but the cough didn’t stop. There was nothing coming out, and only the cough that will rip out my lungs were distressing me. Soa brought the heated stone to rub my back, but it didn’t help. Soon there were some blood showing with my coughs. My clothes and bed sheet got dirtied by my blood.
“..Your Highness….!”
I faintly heard Soa shouting at me, but I couldn’t open my eyes properly. I think because of the fever, my mind went in haze. I just let go of my conscious.