"Art thou the Sword Saint Alice"s master, the Grand Sword Saint Tak.u.mi?"

"Huh, wait, I think you"ve got the wrong person?"

A young lady was kneeling in the overgrown gra.s.s by my feet.

It was about the time when winter would come rolling in, so I had some meat salting by the entrance to the cave.

Long, black hair with thin eyes. Probably around fifteen or sixteen years old. There was a sword perched on her back, it probably being a katana, or so they call it, from the East. She was wearing eastern clothes, a white kimono decorated with vermillion peonies. 

I understood it with a single glance.

This girl was out of my league, at least in strength.

"Me being the Grand Sword Saint is insulting to the words "Grand" and "Saint." I"m just a retired old man from the mountains."

"Hahaha, thou jest. Thy sense of humor is truly profound."

But it wasn"t a joke. It was just cold, hard reality.

It"s true that I used to be an adventurer, but it"s been more than a decade since I"ve last been in the adventurer"s guild. And well, even when I was active, I was second from the bottom in the D rank. I was a complete burden to my party.

I retired after I was kicked out from the party and have since been living in the mountains.

"You"ve probably got the wrong Tak.u.mi. It isn"t me."
""Tis not the case. In this world, there is not a single other Tak.u.mi."

"Fue?"

I vocalized my surprise in a very odd way.

"There"s no way? It isn"t common, but there"s gotta be someone else with the same name."

The adventurer rankings have every single registered adventurer in them, listing their name and rank. There had to be at least one other Tak.u.mi in there.

"Any other Tak.u.mi was required to change their name. "Tis now prohibited by law for any adventurer in the world to have that name. Now and forevermore, thou art the only Tak.u.mi."

"Huh, what the f*ck."

I couldn"t understand the nonsense she was saying.

"And why would that have happened? And how in the world would that become a law?"

She tilted her head in confusion.

"It has been like that forever. n.o.body can posses the same name as the person first on the adventurer rankings. "Twas pa.s.sed into law in the year 1xx."

That law did seem to ring a bell.

But the top adventurer shouldn"t have changed since the bill was pa.s.sed.

"Wasn"t the Grand Sage Nuellhach rank one? Wait, for my name to be like that…"

"Yes, Nuellhach is rank three. Now rank one is thee."

I felt like a hammer smashed into my head.

Still, I couldn"t accept this reality.

"No, nononono, that makes no sense at all. I retired ten years ago. And even then I was rank five-hundred something. And I only got that far because of my friends. If not for them, I wouldn"t be anything." 

"Still with the modesty, I see. I am aware of all that thou hast accomplished."

What exactly have I done? Unless you count hunting and farming as an accomplishment…

"The conquest of the Grand Cave of Alaifend, the subjugation of the ancient dragon, the recapture of King Gahbell City. Thy feats have been recorded, and thou shalt be known through all of history as the strongest of humanity."

"And when the f*ck did I do all this? I"ve just been lazing around in the mountains for the entirety of the past decade!"

My voiced peaked into a very confused scream.

"Despite thou declining to boast about thy deeds, thou truly art a magnificent person."

It was hopeless. We couldn"t communicate on even the most basic level.

I tried going with a new approach.

"Say, about that, did I do all of those things by myself?"

"No, according to the guild"s records, thou were in a party with Alice. However, Alice has told me that "twas all thee."

"Wait, by Alice, do you mean that Alice?"

She did say "the Sword Saint Alice"s master, the Grand Sword Saint Tak.u.mi" a bit before.

A decade or so ago, before I retired, I did adopt a young girl in a dungeon. 

She was living in the dungeon ever since she was born, becoming a Tarzan of sorts. I taught her how to speak, how to use chopsticks, and a few other things. She didn"t have a name, so I gave her the name, "Alice."

Alice wasn"t my disciple; I was just her guardian.

"Yes, there is only one Alice. Before thou became the first on the rankings, she occupied that spot."

My head was spinning, and I felt like something inside had exploded.

That Alice became a Sword Saint, and completed all these legendary quests. Even more, she credited all her accomplishments to me.

"I get the gist of what you"re saying. So, why"d you come here?"

I reorganized my thoughts and managed to ask a question.

After this, I was totally going to leave the mountain and tell the guild the truth.

Being rank one was too much of a burden on me.

"Ah, my introduction is late. I am the Sword Saint Alice"s top disciple, Reia."

Alice"s disciple. If you considered Alice to be my disciple, she"d be my disciple"s disciple.

I had a really bad premonition.

"Sword Saint Alice might be the humanity"s strongest; however, she has said that she was bad at teaching others."

H-Humanity"s strongest… Alice is…

"Therefore, I humbly request for the ultimate strongest, transcending humanity, Grand Sword Saint Tak.u.mi, for tutelage."

Me, the ultimate strongest? Transcending humanity? Was I not even considered human anymore?

No, I was totally human. I was as human as humanly possible.

I didn"t even know what to start with here. Anyways, I had to reject her.

When I retired, I decided to always live alone from then on. I wouldn"t be a bother to anyone, no matter how powerless I might"ve been. I didn"t think that I would ever be involved with anyone.

"Ah, aaahh, Reia."

"Yes, Great Master."

I couldn"t face those sparkling eyes. 

And being called "Great Master" was a bit awkward.

"I don"t have any intention to take in a disciple. I decided to live out my life alone… Huh? What? Reia, what are you doing with that knife…?"

Reia had pulled out a knife and was pointing it straight at her stomach.

"I have decided to commit seppuku if I cannot become thy disciple. Tak.u.mi, I request for a serious reply."1

This girl was hopeless. She was incapable of understanding human words.

I gave up.

"Reia."

"Yes, Great Master."

"You can be my disciple."

"Thank you very much!"

Reia, who"d been kneeling all this time, suddenly came flying at me, glomping me with all the happiness of a thousand suns. And with all the force too.

Ah, this was bad.

All the cells of my body were screaming in pain, and my consciousness was gradually slipping away.

"Huh? Great Master, Great Master, what happened?"

In the loving arms of my disciple, my world went black.

This is not a story about an OP MC.

It"s a comedy about a bunch of idiots who think I am.

Reia had pulled out a knife and was pointing it straight at her stomach.

"I have decided to commit sudoku if I cannot become thy girlfriend. Tak.u.mi, I request for a serious reply."