The Third Life and Thereafter – 4

“It is a pleasure to meet you. Myname is Iria Il Machisse.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Soleil VanNortis.”

On the dayof our first meeting, Soleil lightly tilted his small head and showed a smile.That greeting that was not directed at me but at my parents standing behind me,watching over the children introduction, was exchanged very easily. Like him, Ialso introduced myself, but I couldn’t help but feel the difference in ourpeerage and my countenance became stiff as I was careful of the moodof the other party. However, I think Soleil’s parents didn’t get a particularlybad impression of me. “Oh, what a lovelyyoung lady” said his mother with a smile, and Soleil too turned his sightstoward me. When his smile was quickly pulled up, and his face that became anelaborate and beautiful mask like a porcelain doll incidentally turned in mydirection, I realized. That person, was wounded. I understood why. I heard thathis fiancé had just pa.s.sed away. That they got along extremely well aschildhood friends. I had never seen the person who died, but I heard therumors. Even though she was young, she was intelligent and very pretty. I alsohad been told by father to become like that person. He said that if I aimed to becomea lady, then that girl who was closed in age was a good model. Although it wasan unreasonable demand to take someone I had not even the face of as a goal, severalpersons who worked as my private tutors had also taught that girl, and each andevery single one said the same thing about her. That girl, was wonderful.

As soon asthat person died, because the position of being Soleil’s fiancé wasunexpectedly dropped on me, it can be said I became her subst.i.tute like myfather told me to be.

The firstmeeting that took place in the Marquis’s garden progress very calmly. Becauseboth our fathers originally had friendly relations and our mothers too wereacquaintances in the high society, the conversations seemed to progress lively.Regarding Soleil and I, after having exchanged our introduction we both keptsilent, but as I was at a loss, Soleil guided me and nonchalantly taught me whatI should do. For example, he showed me at which timing drink tea, eat pastry,how to ask for permission to leave the seat when I felt tired; with his gaze orhis gesture, he demonstrated everything for me. That’s why all I had to do mostof the time was to smile and wait for time to pa.s.s. I didn’t know what Soleilwas thinking, but the time spent meeting each other gazes and watching from thesidelines was not that bad. When our parents allowed us to leave our seat, wetook a stroll in the garden together. I wasn’t accustomed to the dress that hadbeen prepared for today introduction meeting, and it couldn’t be said the dresswas easy to walk with, but each time my feet stopped, a few steps ahead of meSoleil was waiting for me. He never said “hurry up” or “not done yet?” He wassimply waiting. When I chased after him in a hurry, the expression in his eyesthat had a trace of sharpness despite its childish features became just alittle bit softer. Before long, his small fingers grasped my even smallerfingertips and he said,     

“Let’s getalong well”. From there on, let’s always, always get along well.

Soleil wastwo years older than me. He was only seven, but his eyes were always gazing atthe future. I should naturally be there too, and we planned to become aharmonious pair of husband and wife.

… … Iwonder where I went wrong.

*
*

            Iclearly saw my hand letting go of the cup filled with black tea. The crack madewhen it collided with its saucer in a clanking sound, surely, was arepresentation of the relations.h.i.+p between Soleil and me. When I raised myhead, my eyes reflected the face of Soleil who was unusually surprised. Next tohim, having shrugged her shoulder after being frightened by the sound of thecolliding porcelain, stood Silvia.

            Now,the two have accomplished their first meeting.    

            Atthat moment, recalled memoires filled my head to the brim. Along with thefrightening feeling that the blood in my whole body flew backwards, variousscenes flashed pa.s.sed then disappeared. My pa.s.sed life. Its previous life andthe one before that, the one before that too, and the one of even before, theprevious one of that. I wondered at which one I stopped counting.

“Iria, what happened…?”

            Whilelooking at Soleil’s doubtful expression, I remembered the lives I went through untilnow. I am a human who cannot forget anything and everything. It was supposed tobe like that. From which point did a hole start to appear in the memories Ishould be remembering? I remember the previous one, but I can’t clearly recallthe one before that. However, I can recollect the one before it perfectly, andI’m forgetting the one from even further before. It means I have repeated the sametime that much. 

            WhenI unconsciously looked up at the sky, I saw a small bird dancing high above.But it was not black. It was not Crow.

“… No, nothing is wrong. My apology.My hand slipped.”

            Al,who was near me, called the maid and watched her skillfully tidy up the brokencup. While I felt my pulse was echoes loudly like it was violently rousing up,my head cooled down and calmly convey the fact that this development was thebeginning. If I leave my seat, if at that timing I slowly rise while saying“I’m feeling a bit unwell, would it be alright with you if I take my leavefirst?”, then Soleil will frown with an increasingly dubious expression. Ifother people saw it, it’s not a change big enough to deduce this, but for mewho have only been watching him since our childhood, I perfectly understoodevery of Soleil’s emotions. Furthermore, the span of time spent watching himwas not limited to this life only.

“Big sister, are you alright?”

            Inoticed that the cup I dropped when Soleil was exchanging his greetings, hadcut apart the gentle mood that was flowing between them. My little sister hasnot sat down yet. “Soleil-sama, please take care of Silvia.” When I said that,his expression immediately slackened and he turned to face my little sister.“I apology”, he said and, in my stand, he lowered his head and pulled the chairfor her. “No, that, it is I who should apology” replied my little sister whohas become fl.u.s.tered and whose cheeks have been dyed red. While her beauty hass.n.a.t.c.hed away everyone eyes, when I urged Al with my gaze, he took my righthand to escort me. I didn’t think that him, as my escort, would do such aboorish action in front of Soleil who was my fiancé, but in this situation evenSoleil probably wouldn’t rebuke him. Besides, there is no doubts he was nolonger paying me any mind. While keeping Soleil who was fixedly staring at theround cheeks of my little sister at the corner of my eyes, I left my seat. Notknowing how many times I saw that scene that kept being repeated, I dropped mygaze. When Al whispered “My lady” in my ears, I realized my feet had stopped.

            AsI grasped my heart that was a.s.sailed by pain similar to a strong cramp, I feltlike I could have carved out my chest with a knife. Why am I like this? Whydon’t I tire of being hurt again and again?

            WhenI saw the worried face of Al who was looking at me, I suddenly remembered. In oneof my previous lives, I took his hand and eloped. At the beginning I stubbornlyrejected his hand, but, after experiencing lives where I got relentlesslycorned over and over again, I felt into a clear despair and took his hand atlast. If it has been a romance novel like the ones that are flouris.h.i.+ng amongthe commoners, it would have become the kind of love story all young maidenswere reading with captivation. A forbidden love with an escort, it would benarrated under that perspective. However, Al and I were not in love. Al wasjust feeling pity for me. Moreover, he was a person who would carry out hisloyalty. 

            Right,loyalty.

            Iknew that if I run away from my parents’ home before marring Soleil, I couldnever come back. The fact that in each life, we got married after I graduatedfrom the academy was neither out of I nor Soleil’s own volition. Everything wascontrolled by the marquis house. The earl’s daughter called “Iria”, seemed tobe much more capable that what she herself thought, and when she was attendingschool, other families had tried to b.u.t.ted in and prevent her for joining themarquis house. Due to the reason their peerage didn’t match, there had beenhouses trying to tear up the engagement with Soleil and tie a new marriageconnection with him. That why, before things got more troublesome, the marquishouse hastened to take me in and it became a ceremony that had been coercivelyand hastily advanced under their arrangement. However, I didn’t harbor anyparticular dissatisfaction with that. Rather, I was delighted to becomeSoleil’s wife as soon as possible. So, even if I didn’t do anything, thepreparations for my marriage with Soleil favorably moved forward.

            Iwonder why I abruptly thought that if I must flee, it was now or never. Ithink, I just thought that I had to flee. “Mylady, please state your wish. Please, chose to take this hand.” Was it hissincere gaze that moved my stubborn heart, or had that time simply come? BecauseAl told that I was more important than anything else in this world. I may havethought it wouldn’t be bad to believe these words. Or maybe, my heart had beenworn out by those repeating lives and could not make the correct decision. WhenSoleil’s heart started to incline toward Silvia, I chose to get away from them.Even though I thought I could never do such a thing, but after having made upmy mind, all that was left was to polish a plan. It should have been a plancarefully prepared. But an unexpected situation occurred. What Al and I lacked,was probably the ability to ascertain every and any single details with adiscerning eye. We run away together in the middle of the night, borrowing thehelp of several people, we tried to leave the town, and were surrounded. When Ilearned those people were the proteges of the marquis, I was already in asituation where I couldn’t move. They were thoroughly prepared and payed noattention to mine and Al’s resistance. That’s was natural. They were theso-called marquis’s intelligence unit. The dark side of the nation. Such athing as capturing Al and me, for the unit mainly in charge of a.s.sa.s.sination,it was even easier than twisting a baby’s neck. It’s not that Al was weak. Heworked as an escort knight. His real ability was guaranteed simply by the facthe was serving my earl house. But he couldn’t fight equally with humans fromthe dark side whom had been killing people as a living. 

            Asif it was natural, Al stood before me. To protect me. As if to say it was hisduty as an escort. And then, in front of me, he was slashed and died.

            “At this late hour, if you abandon yourobligations, I’ll be troubled.” The marquis’s wife who came to visit meafter I returned home said that with the same calm smile she had the first timewe met. “It’s not like you’ve grown upthis far by yourself, right? It’s not just your parents who have raised you tobecome the next marquis’s wife. For that purpose, our house has also devotedits power, hasn’t it? Most of your education expanses were burdened by ourhouse. Did you know that?” The marquis’s wife who only stated facts in adetached tone leaned her face that looked at lot like Soleil’s toward me andadded, “You have to properly understandthat there is no replacement for you.” Indeed, I never thought that theunit called the marquis’s dog would move simply to search for me. In the end,I, who couldn’t foresee that far ahead, had been too swallow. The bride of amarquis eloping was a big scandal in the high society. The aristocratic societywas most concern about appearances and dignity after all. 

            Andthen, Al, as the person who had lend his hand for the elopement, was labeled asthe main criminal for instigating the whole affair. In the first place, Al’sdirect employers were my parents. Al, who tried to release me betrayed the earlhouse. That’s why he was mercilessly cut down and sacrified. I was not allowedto express the slightest vindication. It was too late to say that I was the onewho planned everything, that it wasn’t his fault. Because he had already died.

            “Because he died protecting his master, hefulfilled his long-cherished ambition as a knight, right?”

            Themarquis’s wife laughed with an extreme satisfaction. Her words were right in asense. Because, he had wished to live as a knight and die as a knight. Hiswages were indeed paid by the earl house, but he had said that I “was his only master.” He said he had nointention to obey anyone else. In my former life, it had also been the samewhen I requested him to protect my little sister rather than me. Because it wasmy command, he reluctantly protected Silvia while gritting his teeth. Since hedid it while showing a frustration that came from the bottom of his heart, Ithink I ended up misunderstanding Al’s kindness. Before I knew it, I came tobelieve he was existing for my sake. I lost him in my first life, after that Iexerted myself to keep him away. Perhaps it was because I had foreseen I wouldlose him someday. That’s how my former self used to be. And yet, I took himalong with me.  

            “… … I’m Alfred’s fiancé. No, I was hisfiancé.”

            Afew days after that runaway drama, I, who had naturally been restrained, had avisitor. It was a young woman. From her clothes I could tell she wasn’t fromthe aristocracy, but probably the daughter of a merchant. Their design wastrendy and they were decorated with many frills that were all the rage withtown girls recently. However, none of that suited the dark color of the cloththat reminded of a mourning dress. No, it was wrong. That woman was definitivelywearing a mourning dress. The reason why it wasn’t clear whether or not theylooked like mourning clothes, was because that woman was still his fiancé andhad yet to become his legal wife. In other words, she was still a stranger whowas only scheduled to become a family member. It was different from grievingover the death of one’s own family member.    

            “Were you aware of myexistence?”

            Shewas still a young maiden with adorable features. Al is older than me by fiveyears, so she may have been around the same age as I. She should be 17 or 18.Despite it, she was exulting a composed air. It was maybe because of her deepgrief. Her little face scattered with freckles stared at me fixedly. It seemed herpair of eyes which contour was tinged with red was blaming and sentencing me. Eventhough she had asked me if I knew her, she didn’t wait for an answer before shesaid,

            “Alfred and I had planned to get togetheronce your life had settled down. We had such a promise.”

            Shesaid she didn’t know how many years it would take but she intended to wait,then she covered her eyes. Her tears gently felt on her hands that were tightlygrasped on top of her knees. She took in consideration both my situation andAl’s, anything and everything, yet how deep must have been the determination ofthe young girl who still decided to wait? Even if she didn’t have theappearance of n.o.bles, from her clothes I could guess she was from a wealthyfamily. A woman born in such a family bears the duty of connecting two housesthrough marriage. Al and her probably got promised to each other to gain such atie. But Al chose the path of running away with me. Because I wanted to. It wasimpossible for him to reverse the decision of the one and only master he chose.That’s why she also must have made her own decision. She had no other choicesbut to decide. She planned to choose Al, she planned to abandon her family. That’show much thoughts and feelings she put into it.  

            Ah,dear Lord. I, what did I, do? What the earth, did I do?

            Iknew that words such as “I’m sorry” held no meaning. I was always on the sideof those who got things stolen from them. That’s why I knew such words wouldnot provide her the slightest bit of relief. “Can it be that you, you think that you’re the only one unhappy… … ?”At that moment, I remembered Crow’s words.

            “Alfred was pitiful. Because he made you hismaster, he died……”

            Althoughher tears that kept trickling down looked transient, the strong gaze aimed atme pierced my chest. I didn’t know. I didn’t know the slightest thing. I wasnot even aware of the fact Al had a fiancé. No, it’s wrong. I didn’t even tryto know. Because Al knew everything about me, I was under the impression that wordswere not needed between us. And then, I rested on my laurels and took Al’sgentle words for granted, and I relied on the hand that must absolutely neverbe grasped. Because of that, Al died. I stole Al from her.

            Ah,I wonder how foolish I am.

            …… What happened after that, I don’t remember it well. Just that the high societywasn’t particularly kind toward a n.o.ble woman who had attempted to elope once. Eventhough I intended to lay low, before I knew it I was in a bed of thorns, andworse than that, the att.i.tude of Soleil who didn’t hide his disappointed looknever ceased to hurt me. His cold eyes no longer reflected my appearance, andour line of sight never met. I couldn’t reach out for his hand when we werewalking, our fingers didn’t even touch each other’s. 

            Irecall his voice when he said, “Eventhough I’m the one that was abandoned, why are you making such a painedexpression?” I think in this life, Soleil and Silvia didn’t remain marriedfor life. But, as expected, I can’t remember well.

            …… The next one, the next one for sure, I have to carry through by myself. That"s what I thought while thinking back on my previous life.

            Andso, in my life that turned back once again, I planned my elopement.